Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Three Children of Fortune ❯ Part THREE! ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

*cowering in the corner*

Duo: *whispers to Quatre* What's wrong with her?

Quatre: *whispers* No one replied to the previous part. She's a bit down.

Duo: *audibly* Well that's not a big surprise! Who in their right mind would read something like this?

Quatre: *waving hands frantically* Not so loud, Du-

Mika: WAHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~! *buries head deeper in arms*

Trowa: . . . *pats her lightly on the back*

Quatre: Duo . . .

Duo: *throws hands up in the air* Okay, okay! *walks over to sadden ficcy writer* *mumbles* Sorry.

Mika: Puuuurrrrrrrr~~ *leans into Trowa's hand*

Trowa: //_^;

Quatre: . . . *eye twitch*

Duo: *blink-blink* *mutters* Why do I even bother . . .

Mika: Puuuuuurrrrrrrr~~ *nuzzle-nuzzle*

Trowa: //_^;;

Quatre: *twitch-twitch*

Duo: . . . Cut the act, Mika! *grumbles*

Mika: *eye wobbles* *sniffs* But-but no one replied *bawls* . . . Trowa, could you rub a little lower - Mmm, that's the spot =^_^=

Trowa: *blows bang out of face* ^_\\;;

Quatre: MIKA!!!!

Mika: Eep! *hides behind Trowa*

Ahem.

*all turn to see Wufei holding a piece of paper in his hand*

Wufei: It's here.

Mika: O_O *pushes past Trowa, who falls into Quatre's arms (^_~) and grabs paper out of Fei's hand* *reads page* ^_____^

Duo: *head falls* And the insanity continues . . . -_-

Quatre: *goofy grin on face* Torowa . . .

Trowa: *small grin* Katoru . . .

Quatre: *holds Torowa closer* Torowa . . .

Trowa: *snuggles deeper in Katoru's hold* Katoru . . .

Quatre: Torowa . . .

Trowa: Katoru . . .

Quatre: Torowa . . .

Trowa: Kat -

Du&Wu: URUSAI YO! *looks at each other* Hmph!

Mika: On with the show! ^_____^V

Duo: *mutters* Gets one lousy feedback and she continues . . . where's the justice . . .

Wufei: *perks* Justice! Now let me tell you something about justice! I -

Mika: *bops Fei on head* There's no time for ranting, Fei-chan ^_^ *claps hands* Okay! Everyone get into costume!

Wufei: *hands clench and unclench* *opens mouth*

Mika: *smirks* Dragon~

Wufei: *closes mouth and stalks off*

Duo: Whipped.

Quatre: Trained.

Trowa: And leashed.

Wufei: *pauses in step, shaking*

Mika: There's no time for fighting now. *looks at watch* We're already behind schedule. You should all take after Heero. *points backstage* He's already in costume AND on stage! *grins*

Heero: *still gagged and tied up* MMMMMMM!!!

Duo: So THERE you are, Heero! I was looking everywhere for you! *wiggles eyebrows* I missed you in bed last night . . .

Heero: *whimpers* mmmm . . .

Mika: All right! Enough chitchat!

All: Hai . . . *all move to change*

Warnings: Yaoi, the g-boys' stereotypes being stretched waaa~y out of proportion, and my lousy attempt at humor ^_^V

Disclaimers: Nope, not mine ;_;

"The Three Children of Fortune" Part Three!

A parody by Mika-chan ^_^

. . .

*whispers* We now join Trowa as he makes his journey for his fortune.

. . .

*random bird chirp*

. . .

*BOINK!* *sound of bird getting pelt with a pebble*

. . .

*SPLAT* *sound of bird falling to ground*

. . .

Trowa stands, cat in hand, looking down sadly at the bird. He gives a moment of silence in respect to the brave little birdie.

. . .

*whispers* And Trowa continues along his way.

. . .

Duo: ALL RIGHT! THAT'S IT!! What the *BEEP-BEEP-BEEPITY-BEEP-BEEP* are you trying to pull here?!! HOW the *BEEP-BEEP-BEEEEEP* STORY supposed to end if this keeps going on???!!!

. . .

Duo: Ohhh no! No more of that ". . ." Just get ON with it! Have Trowa land miraculously on an island and be done with it!

. . .

. . . Actually, I had something else planned. . .

Trowa: *nods while stroking his kitty*

Duo: So what the *beep* is keeping you?!

Mika: *dryly* A very foul-mouthed, braided baka.

Duo: HEY! Only Heero can call me that!

Heero: Baka.

Duo: See--HEY!

Wufei: *pops head from backstage* This is getting way out of hand. May we please continue?

Duo: *gives Fei an odd look* And why is _he_ actually going along with this?

Mika: *shrugs* He gets to be king.

All: Ohhhh~

Wufei: *flips his cape over his shoulder and proceeds to ignore them all*

Mika: Now as I was saying, before I was so RUDELY interrupted *looks pointedly at a certain teen with braided brown hair*

Duo: *pulls down eyelid* Biiii~da! *disappears in a poof of smoke*

Mika: Yes, well then. Trowa traveled and traveled and traveled and traveled until at last he passed over to an island where as it chanced most fortunately for him that nobody had ever seen a cat.

Duo: *pops head in from trapdoor* What the--how was this any different than how Heero and I landed on an island?!

Mika: *frowns* Well, clearly you haven't been paying attention at all to this story. *pulls out remote* Let's backtrack for a bit.

zzzzzwiiiiiiiiip~

Without even realizing it, Heero now stood on an island. Taking a look at the expanse of water behind him, he shrugged and walked on.

zzzzzwiiiiiiiiip~

Duo: *mumbles* Garsh darn it, dang it all to heck! *wipes a hand over his face* WHAT are you making me SAY??!!!

Mika AKA Narrator: That happens to be one of my favorite lines. Made it up myself ^_^v

Duo: *dryly* You should be very proud. . .*mutters* There goes my reputation. . .

Mika: Maa, maa! If you lift your head, I promise you'll be verrry happy!

Duo: *looks up* Hey! I'm on an island!!

Mika: *nod nod*

zzzzzwiiiiiiiiip~

Mika: Ahem, so as you can see, you all got onto the islands differently though Trowa definitely did more work than the two of you. *dreamy sigh* What a man . . .

Duo: . . . This was just some ploy for you to make me say that line again, wasn't it?

Mika: Why whatever are you talking about? *blinks innocently*

Duo: . . .

And so as it happened, Trowa came to an island where nobody had ever seen a cat. And as if he weren't such a lucky son of a gun already hundreds upon hundreds of mice also overrode the entire island.

*Duo refrains from commenting on the "son of a gun" line as he's grateful that he wasn't the one to say it*

Yes, the kingdom was in quite a fix and not even the overly adorable, golden-skinned king . . . could . . . think of a . . . plan of action . . . *stares at script* I didn't write this.

Treize: *takes a sip of his wine*

Enter Lady Une.

Lady Une: Treize-sama, the necessary changes you requested have been made to the script.

Treize: *takes another sip of wine* Thank you, Lady Une. That will be all.

Exit Lady Une.

Treize: *leans back into the water smirking* If I'm to be killed off so early I must ensure that my dragon is properly dealt with.

Cast Members: . . .

Wufei: *eyebrow twitch*

Mika: Uh. Yea. *begins crossing out lines from script* Moving on . . .

Yes, the kingdom was in quite a fix and not even the overly ador-er and not even the usually very bright king could devise a plan of action.

Enter King Wufei.

King Wufei: *mutters softly* . . . And thus my acting career begins. Watch as I amaze them all and save this pitiful excuse of a play! *inhales* Alas, alas! For what shall I ever do?! *begins running frantically around stage* How must I rid the kingdom of these cutey wutey micey wiceys?! Alas, alas, ala--What the--ONNA! What in Nataku's name are you making me say?!

Mika: *sips tea* I'm so glad you were able to help me with Wufei's lines. I've always had trouble writing his character.

Meiran: *smiling* It was no trouble at all. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my dear, WEAK husband.

Mika: *nod nod* *sips tea*

Wufei: O_O Mei-Meiran?

Meiran: *raises eyebrow*

Wufei: *passes out* @_@

Mika: Oh dear. *claps hands once*

Enter Maganacs.

They (yes all of them) proceed to drag Wufei off stage.

Mika: *sighs* King Wufei is gone. What to do, what to do . . .

A-Hem.

*Dorothy enters decked out in Queen attire*

Mika: *hits fist into other palm* Queen Dorothy! Why didn't I think of that?

Dorothy: *tosses hair over her shoulder* Because apparently you are very dimwitted.

Mika: . . .

Duo: *ROTFL*

Dorothy: *continues* As is a certain American who clearly has a deranged fixation with death.

Duo: . . .

Mika: *not so dimwitted as to comment in the obviously tense room* . . .

Duo dives for Dorothy's neck, mad glint in eyes. He's stopped short as Heero snags onto his collar and proceeds to drag him off stage.

Duo: *struggling* Omae o korosu! Let me go, Heero! I'll get you later you *BEEEP!* Itai! Heero, I only want you to touch me gently. *cherry blossoms float across the stage (1)*

Heero: *snorts* Baka.

Mika: Ano . . . could we please continue now?

Silence.

Mika: Good ^_^

Yes, the kingdom was in quite a fix and not even the usually very brilliant queen could devise a plan of action.

Enter Queen Dorothy.

Queen Dorothy: As I've always said, never send in a man to do a woman's job. *smirks* So what must we do about this rodent problem?

Her question is answered with silence as there's no one in the room . . . This doesn't phase her one bit.

Queen Dorothy: *whips out fencing sword* I opt to skewer them all. What do you say?

Trowa, who had entered the castle a while ago though made no move to make his presence known when he noticed no other person in the castle save for the seemingly psychotic Queen *inhales a few breaths* ran forward and protested loudly.

Trowa: !

Queen Dorothy: *looks at Trowa* What's this?

Trowa: . . . . . . . .

Queen Dorothy: Cruelty to animals?? *scoffs and begins swinging sword in random wide arcs* We'd all be better off without the germ-infested pests.

Trowa: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Queen Dorothy: A . . .cat . . . you say? What is this . . . cat?

Trowa indicates the animal with his hand.

Queen Dorothy: *bends down until she's nose to nose with cat* Do you really think this mere . . . cat is it, can rid my kingdom of these mice? *pokes cat on the side*

Trowa: *nods and pulls back as cat makes a slash for Queen Dorothy's nose*

Queen Dorothy: *smiles, eyeing the cat* Fine. You may try, but if in an hour it isn't done then I'm skewering them. *swings sword; Trowa ducks* HA!

And so Trowa released his cat into the kingdom and as promised, within an hour (fifty nine minutes and fifty-nine seconds to be precise) the island was rodent free.

Trowa: *gasping for breath* It's . . . done . . .

Queen Dorothy: *fingering her blade* So it is. Damn. *sheathes sword* Well then, I suppose a reward is in order, though did you really need to build an arc to ship those filthy rats off the land?

Trowa: *wipes brow and throws tools off to the side* *nod nod*

Queen Dorothy: So in exchange for this *looks down at fur ball in her arms* . . . what is it again?

Trowa: A cat. *looks sadly at said animal as it tries to wiggle out of Queen Dorothy's vice-like grip*

Queen Dorothy: *tightens hold on cat* Yes, in exchange for this cat what would you like?

Trowa: As much as a cow can carry.

Queen Dorothy: *stroking kitty* Done. *snaps fingers*

Enter Cow.

. . .

I said, enter Cow.

. . .

Queen Dorothy: *yawns*

Trowa: *does a back flip*

. . .

*sounds of struggle back stage*

<You're on!>

<MIKA!>

<Heh-heh. You know I'm only kidding ^_^;>

<*sniffs indignantly*>

<HEY!>

<*sighs* You're right, Duo. I'm sorry.>

<Don't worry about it. Everyone's on edge because of this stupid play. If any of you out there missed the italics, I emphasized that stupid.>

<Again--HEY!>

<Well, at least I get to see Trowa.>

<That's the spirit. Wish I got my Heero . . . Hmm . . .>=) *runs off*>

<Mika, I'm ready.>

<*sniffs indignantly*>

*monotone* Enter Cow.

Quatre dressed as a cow enters the room and-if-one-looks-close-enough-one-can-see-that-he's-gained-more-than-a-few- pounds. *laughs and points at Cow Quatre*

Cow Quatre: *too busy staring at Trowa to listen to comment*

Mika AKA Narrator: *stops laughing* *mutters* Inappreciative anime characters . . .

Queen Dorothy: *still holding cat* So, there's your cow. Go on take the vile thing.

And Trowa did, wholeheartedly and quickly left the kingdom. He returned home with his "cow" about two months later, seven weeks longer than was needed. (In those two months he got to know his "cow" very well *wink-wink-nudge-nudge*).

Door to H&D&T's shack swings open and Trowa enters. He blinks as there's a scramble before Heero and Duo are standing on opposite sides of the room, clothes very rumpled.

Duo: *flushed* Hey Trowa! Glad to see you back.

Heero: *straightens his clothes and sets his face to its usual impassive expression* . . .

Duo: *tying hair into braid* So, what took you so long?

Trowa: . . . . *points to Cow Quatre*

Cow Quatre: *waves* ^_^

Duo: I . . . see . . . *mutters* Lucky son of a gun.

. . .

Duo: *wipes hand over face*

Mika: *flashes V sign*

And without much argument the three brothers agreed that after this entire ordeal Trowa came out to be the richest of them all.

Oh, and of course they all lived happily ever after.

Trowa: //_^

Cow Quatre: ^_^

Heero: . . .

Duo: *grumbles*

. . . Well, more for some than others ^_~

The End

*All Cast Members rejoice*

Duo: IT'S OVER! It's OVER! *begins throwing confetti in all directions*

Heero: Ninmu kanryou. *quickly exits building*

Trowa: *holding hands with Quatre* //__^

Quatre: ^__^

Wufei: INJUSTICE! I only had one pathetic line in this ridiculous excuse of a play! I, who am obviously the most brilliant, DESERVE proper recognition! What-- *continues to ramble*

Duo: *dryly* I don't know why you're so upset about that.

Sally: I didn't even appear in this story. Oh wait. Now I have.

Mika: Yes, you have. And now I'm done ^_^v Thank you all for reading ^__^ *waves*

*screen blacks out*

INJUUUU~STICE!

Notes:

(1) Reference to Sailor Moon Stars. Haruka: Itai, Michiru. I only want you to touch me gently.

Or it was something like that ^_~

Additional Note:

"The Three Children of Fortune" had a different ending, but in my opinion it was a bit . . . terrible ^^; Well, the third brother was deemed the richest of the three, but they didn't stop the story there. The story went back to the castle with the cat and it seemed that there was quite a panic as the cat was meowing and the people had no idea what the cat wanted or was doing -_-; And while everyone was running around panicking the cat slipped out of the window and left. And then it ended there. Uh huh. Yea.

Okie . . . Bye! =D

Mika-chan

September 22, 2001