Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Theories of Revolution and Affairs of the Heart ❯ The Grieving Process ( Chapter 17 )

He didn't know where he was going. All he knew was that his feet were taking him away, somewhere far away from nowhere. The people... his people... they had died so dishonorably. 'Who will remember their names? What have they accomplished?'

Rage? Sorrow? Grievance? Revenge? Jealousy? Whatever it was, it drove him on to wherever his feet were taking him.

He arrived at a door, and his hand rose to the doorknob. He stared at his hand blankly, a multitude of emotions bubbling over in an exhausted mind. Pushing the door open, he stepped in, glaring at nothing in particular. "Shit!" he yelled suddenly, slamming his fist into an unfortunately convenient wall.

Quatre jumped at the sudden sound. He heard the curse and recognized the voice as Wufei's. He also felt the pain and grief and confusion welling up inside him. What had happened? He rushed out and took in Wufei and froze. The bloody fist, the pale, pinched face, and started toward him. "Wufei?"

A voice. He didn't know whose. But it was there. "Go away," he growled, his unwounded fist trembling slightly. "Go away!"

Quatre blinked, fighting off the immediate flash of hurt. "No, I won't go away. Wufei, what's wrong?"

His mind placed the voice. Quatre. "My colony," he muttered. "My colony... my people, they died in dishonor!" he ended in a shout. "They took the cowardly way out, as they told me NEVER to do! THAT'S what's WRONG!"

Wufei's colony? Dead? Quatre immediately rejected the obvious meaning, not wanting to consider that Wufei's colony could have suffered that fate. And because the thought reminded him of the colony he'd-- he shook his head. "Your colony? What happened?"

"Self-destructed," Wufei spat out bitterly, not knowing what to think anymore.

Quatre paled. "Oh, Allah. Wufei, I'm so sorry." He crossed to him, intending to offer a comforting embrace.

"I don't need your PITY!" Wufei stepped back quickly, a part of him flying into the embrace without his body following.

Quatre froze, unable to completely swallow the hurt this time and snapped, "It's not pity, Wufei, it's comfort. There's a difference, at least outside of uptight oriental cultures." Realizing what he'd just said, Quatre clapped a hand over his mouth. "I didn't mean to say that," he mumbled through the hand.

"How would you know?" Wufei retorted, ignoring the half-apology. "You're not... how did you put it?... ORIENTAL."

"Maybe I don't know, maybe I can't. But I do know that it's just stupid to push away comfort from the people who love you when you're hurting." Quatre paled again as he realized what he'd said. His mouth was definitely not under his control tonight.

Wufei blinked, and when his eyes opened again, the rage and whatever else had been there was gone, replaced with confusion. "Love...?" he repeated warily.

Quatre gulped and looked at the floor, mumbling. "Yeah."

An incredulous stare. Then, hesitantly... "You do...?" A pause. "Why?"

"Because... well... you're you." Quatre shrugged, still staring at the floor. "It's not one thing, it's everything together."

Wufei snorted. "Yes. I'm me, who comes in here complaining and breaking defenseless walls, then refusing to accept a simple hug, casting it away as pity. Lovable, I'm sure."

"You are! Whether you want to accept it or not!" Quatre looked up, stamping a foot in aggravation. "Unless you're trying to say my emotions are wrong..."

"You love EVERYONE, Quatre!" Wufei retorted sharply. "Well, maybe not everyone, but at least us! You love Duo, you love Trowa certainly, you love Heero, and you love me. You love us all in deep friendship! How can I know if and when there's a difference?!"

Quatre blinked in confusion. "Of course I love my friends, anyone would. How does that make loving you less real?"

Wufei sighed. "No, no. No! It's not less real. I just can't tell the difference between you loving someone as a friend and loving someone romantically. I don't know what you mean when you say you love me!"

Recognition of the problem dawned on Quatre's face and he crossed over to Wufei. He cradled Wufei's face in his hands and met his eyes as he spoke. "When I say I love you, I am saying that I love you as a friend, but there's more Wufei, so much more. You bring a balance to my heart and soul that I didn't realize was lacking until the day you took up residence there. I crave your touch because it brings comfort and security and contentment." Quatre blushed at the part he didn't add, that Wufei's touch also stirred passion.

Wufei looked startled, then sighed again. "Remind me when I ever did anything to deserve you?" He leaned forward, resting his forehead on Quatre's shoulder.

Quatre wrapped him up in a hug. "You were there."

"Good for me." Wufei returned the hug, only a little grudgingly. "I don't know what to think or do, Quatre. Of all the things they could have done, this was the last on my to-be-expected list."

Quatre held him, and tried to figure out what to say. Despite his reputation of being the counselor type, he never did know what to say or do. Then he decided that maybe it was smarter to just say nothing and hugged Wufei again.

"I can say that I love you as a friend," Wufei said after a while of letting himself be held, "but I don't know if I can say..." He stopped, letting his emotions about his colony wash away. He would deal with those later, alone. Now was his time for Quatre. "I don't know if I can say what you said, at least not yet."

Quatre smiled gently. "You don't have to. I'm content to know that you care." 'Which is true, really. I don't know what I'd do if he suddenly proclaimed undying love for me. Probably faint or something.' He resisted the urge to giggle.

"It's really that easy?" Wufei asked dubiously, doubting the sincerity behind Quatre's words. "Just like that?"

Quatre sighed. "Lord, Wufei, am I always going to have to worry about you doubting me?" He shook his head, then tapped his chest over his heart. "Remember, I can feel some of what you're feeling. The actual words said matter less because of that. You care, and I KNOW that in a way most people wouldn't. I'd be just as worried about your sincerity if you'd claimed to love me right when I told you."

Wufei smiled. "There's a difference between doubt and clarification."

"I'll try to remember that." Quatre laughed.

A brush of his hand against Quatre's shirt suddenly reminded Wufei's brain that his hand's skin was broken and bleeding. The message hit suddenly, having been trying to get through to his clogged mind for some time, and it came out vocally with a small grunt and an almost inaudible moan.

"Oh, your hand!" Quatre caught Wufei's undamaged hand and pulled him toward the bathroom, where they stored a first aid kit. "Let me clean it up and bandage it for you."

"Don't worry about it," Wufei protested, glaring and resisting the inevitable tow. "I can take care of it."

"You don't have to because I'm here to do it for you." Quatre kept his look even, but a faint tinge of his command voice came through. "Now, we're going to get this taken care of."

Giving Quatre a very, very surprised look, Wufei's confusion was enough to still his protests, allowing Quatre to pull him into the bathroom and keep him there.

Quatre took advantage of Wufei's momentary acquiescence, not realizing what had caused it. He cleaned the wounds with brisk, yet gentle efficiency, carefully examining the hand to make sure nothing was broken. As he pulled out the gauze, he muttered, "You should try hitting something a little softer next time."

"Duo's stomach?" Wufei suggested wryly with a fond grin.

Quatre chuckled as he wrapped the hand. "So long as you're prepared for a prank in return."

"Always have been, always will be." Wufei sighed. "Thanks."

"No problem." Quatre stood up and stretched. "I suppose you'll need some time alone. Come find me when you're ready."

Wufei nodded. "Yeah, I will." He walked out of the room, heading up the stairs silently, inspecting his bandaged hand.

With a soft sigh, Quatre watched him leave. He hoped that Wufei would realize he didn't have to go through all of this alone.

Settling down in the center of his and Quatre's room, Wufei rested his hands on his lap and sighed. He was going to do his best to resolve this, and keeping Quatre out of it was top priority. Hopefully, he'd be able to. Quatre had proved to be more than he seemed. Closing his eyes, he set his mind free.

~OWARI~