Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Three Words ❯ Deeper and Darker ( Chapter 2 )

Standard Disclaimers apply: I don't own anything but this storyline.

 

To ESM- Thanks for the review! I hope you read the rest!

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The first thing Heero was aware of was the tree he was standing under. The next was Duo's

voice coming from the other side of it. He walked around the tree to find the brown haired

American kneeling in front of what looked like a tombstone, but it was the only one present.

 

'Well, I can't be in a graveyard then, but what am I doing outside?' "Duo."

 

The American continue to talk quietly under his breath. Heero's lips twitched, slightly annoyed. He didn't like being ignored and only Duo did it to him.

 

"Duo, what are you doing?"

 

Still nothing. Heero let out a compressed breath and walked over to Duo's side determined to find out what he was doing kneeling in the dirt, or at least who he was talking to. And although he practically walked in front of the American, Duo acted like he never even saw him.

 

"I'm so sorry, Heero."

 

He jumped as Duo finally aknowledged him.

 

"Sorry? For what?"

 

"I'm so sorry. I should have insisted that we stay inside our Gundams until we KNEW they

were all incompacitated. I should've known. Heero, I'm so sorry."

 

With that, Duo buried his head in his hands and began to sob.

 

Heero hated it when Duo got so emotional. He just didn't know how to handle him when he

was like this. What's worse, he didn't even know what was wrong this time.

 

"Duo, what's wrong? Why are you so upset? Duo? Duo, answer m..."

 

Heero's breath caught in his throat as the hand he was laying on Duo's shoulder passed right

through it. Heero looked at his hand and back at Duo. Then finally, the writing on the

tombstone caught his eye:

Here lies Heero Yuy

Not the pacifist, but the peace maker

To this galaxy that gave him nothing,

He gave everything.

1 of 5 Gundam Pilots

Charged with bringing peace to everyone,

Even when no one wanted it.

He is loved.

He is missed.

Now and Forever.

 

And in the background was a beautifully chiseled depiction of Wing Zero Custom.

Heero felt like he had been shot by the Buster Rifle. But even as he reeled internally,

Heero's mind worked with it's usual swiftness, assimilating the situation and putting

everything into perspective. The plain truth was thus: He was dead. Duo wasn't ignoring

him, he just couldn't hear him. Instead, Duo was kneeling at his graveside weeping

uncontrollably. It made something in the region of Heero's heart ache.

 

"I'm s-so sorry, Heero. So s-s-sorry."

 

Heero looked at Duo with uncharacteristic sadness and said simply,

 

"No, Duo. I'm the one that's sorry."

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Present...

 

Duo sat in a chair beside the window in what had been their room, staring out at the gravesite

that was visible from his perch. Heero sat on the bed watching Duo. Heero shook his head and flopped back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. This had become their routine lately. For

the first week after Heero's funeral Duo all but slept at his gravside. Finally, at Quatre's

pleading, Duo limited his time at the grave to an hour or so a day and the rest of the time in

his room staring out his window.

 

Heero, in this time, spent his days figuring out how to cope with being dead. At first, it had been hard to swallow the fact that he was dead. Not that he feared death, then or now. He just didn't figure he would still be hanging around here. Actually, he figured that he'd probably be up to his eyeballs in brimstone and hellfire.

 

'Guess that's one cheerful thought.'

 

Then he spent time trying to figure out WHY he was still here, the whole time tagging along

behind Duo. Now and again, while Duo slept, Heero would find one of the other pilots to tag

after, but he never stayed away long.

 

Eventually Heero started to realize that he was still here because there was something he

hadn't done that needed to be done. But what that was he still wasn't sure, let alone how

to accomplish it while in his current state. Then, one day when Quatre brought Duo lunch...

 

"Duo, come on. Eat Something, PLEASE?"

 

Quatre pleaded. Duo just sat there staring on.

"Duo. Duo, listen to me. I know you're still hurting. We all are, just not like you. But as much as we all miss Heero and wish he were here, the truth is, he's not. And whether we like it or not, life goes on. It sucks, and it's a bitter pill to swallow, I know. But it's true."

 

Quatre brought the tray over to Duo, placing it on a small table that had been put there for

just this purpose. Then he took hold of Duo's hands, kneeling in front of him. Duo jerked

slightly at his touch but didn't pull away.

"Duo," Quatre began again, "Come on, Duo. Eat something for me. If not for me then for yourself. You've barely eaten anything in weeks, You've lost weight. You're starting to look pallid..."

 

Duo just stared. Then,

 

"Duo, no matter how much you miss him orhow much you wish you were dead too, Heero wouldn't want you to suffer like this. Heero wouldn't want you to starve yourself to death just to see him again."

 

THAT made Duo look at the young Arabian. The look in his eyes, pained and haunted, made

Quatre want to sob.

 

"He wouldn't?"

 

Duo's voice came out hoarse and cracked after having no use in weeks.

 

"Of course he wouldn't! You know that! He loved you very much, Duo. He'd never want to

see you hurting like this."

 

Duo looked back out the window but said,

 

"I wonder sometimes if this isn't his way of punishing me."

 

Quatre couldn't have been more shocked if the American had hauled off and decked him.

 

"WHAT? Duo! Heero loved you! Why would he be punishing you?"

 

Duo looked at him again.

"Because I made him feel something. Because I forced him into a relationship he didn't want. Because I took him away from the cold life he was used to and introduced him to a life so alien that half the time he couldn't understand what he was thinking let alone feeling."

 

In a smaller voice Duo continued.

 

"Because I kept telling him I loved him, praying I'd hear him say the words back."

 

Quatre looked at Duo, heart lightening a little. This was the most Duo had said since the day Heero died.

 

"And when he did? How did it feel, hearing the words aloud for the first time?"

 

Duo's expression was heart-wrenching.

 

"That's just it, Quatre. He never did. He never said anything even close, not once."

 

Quatre stared at him agape. He couldn't believe it, but recovered quickly.

 

"Not once?"

 

Duo shook his head.

 

"But, we all knew how bad Heero was with admitting his feelings, let alone saying much about them. Surely you could tell by the way he acted toward you that he loved you. The rest of us could certainly tell by watching that you two were WAY in love."

 

Duo nodded slightly.

 

"I guess you're right Quatre. Sorry. I'm just not thinking straight. Would you hand me that sandwich and pop the top on that can?"

 

Quatre was delighted. He immedeately did as asked and watched approvingly as Duo took a

couple of bites and a swig of pop. After that he promised to come check on him again in a

half hour or so and left Duo to finish eating.

 

Duo sighed chucking the sandwich back onto the plate and resuming his watch out the window.

Heero however, had sat there dumbfounded, never before realizing the truth of those words.

Duo was right. Although Heero HAD TRIED to show Duo that he loved him, he'd never said it. Not once. Not one single time, in response to Duo's own declaration or otherwise. It was

then that Heero realized why he was still here: It wasn't that he should have done something,

he should have said something. And in a definately Un-Heero-like fashion, Heero hung his

head in his hands and cried.

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That was a week ago and things hadn't gotten much better. Duo was eating a little better, but he wasn't gaining any weight back yet. And although he was talking more with Quatre and Trowa whenever they came to visit, he still refused to leave the room.

 

"Heero."

 

The Japanese young man jumped at Duo's voice.

 

"I know you're gone but somehow I feel better talking to you, like you can hear me or something."

 

Duo shook his head ruefully. Heero looked at him.

 

"I'm here, Duo."

 

"Heero.....I miss you. Terribly. I kept thinking that this would all be a very bad dream that I'd wake up from eventually. I kept hoping. And as the days wore on I came to the realization that I wasn't asleep but I was still trapped in a nightmare that I can't escape from. Sometimes, at night, I dream you're there beside me and I hear you breathing in my ear. Then I wake up cold and know that's all it was, a dream."

 

A tear slipped down the American's cheek.

 

"I keep thinking about what I'd do differently if I had the chance to go back and do things over. I keep thinking that I always pushed you too hard, always telling you I loved you, always trying to get you to say the same thing. Even though I knew how much you hated to talk about your feelings. Even though I KNEW how uncomfortable you were about our relationship. I thought you'd come around eventually but I just couldn't wait. I'm sorry, Heero. I love you so much."

 

By now, tears were streaming down his face.

 

"Sometimes, I wish I were the one dead, instead of you. I know you would've handled this far better than I have."

 

Duo brushed his sleeve across his eyes.

 

"I'd hate to know what you'd think of me if you saw me sitting here blubbering like an idiot. You'd probably do what you always did and go find Quatre so he could calm me down."

 

Heero nodded, knowing that that was exactly what he had done before. Then, it had seemed

right, but now, he wasn't so sure. Heero knew he had always sucked when it came to

relationships and feelings and had always went to Quatre when felt that he couldn't help Duo but knew that the young Arabian could.

 

Finally Heero knew what he had to do. He got up, walked over to Duo, and knelt in front of

him much like Quatre had done. He laid one ghostly hand on Duo's and took a breath.

 

"Duo, I know you won't hear this. For being the 'God of Death' you sure as hell can't

HEAR the dead, but there are some things I need to say, and I hope that on some subconscious

level your heart hears me and this helps."

 

Duo adjusted slightly in the chair, leaning his head against the windowsill.

 

"Duo, I know I never said the words, but I tried to show you how I felt. I know I sucked at that too. I knew I had major emotional problems from the beginning. That is why I was so uncomfortable in our relationship. It had nothing to do with you. It was me. Me, the guy who didn't know how to fail had taken on a mission I was sure I couldn't complete. But I couldn't resist you, so I looked at others for examples. I watched Quatra and Trowa mostly, hoping to figure out what I was doing wrong so I could fix it. But when push came to shove I still didn't get it so I'd run to Quatre, all but begging him to calm you down, at least enough for me to fiqure out what to do. But when I'd come back into the room, you'd both just look at me with that look-like you were expecting something from me. And then you'd both look at each other and sigh, and I never got it."

 

By this point Heero was looking down at their hands, oddly interconnected due to his

ghostly nature.

 

"I never knew that the answer was so simple. You knew I wasn't perfect, but you clung to US. You just wanted me to try. Even if I didn't get it right, you just wanted me to try. I never had to look toward anyone else. I just had trust in us and what you meant to me, what you still mean to me. I'm just sorry I didn't learn the lesson until it was too late to do anything about it."

 

Tears were sliding silently down Heero's face.

 

"And Duo, you're wrong about one thing: If you were the one dead, I wouldn't be doing any better. By now I probably would've found a way to kill myself. I probably would've self-detonated Wing Zero while still in the cockpit. You see, Duo, you and Wing Zero were the only stable things in my life. Sure, we had friends, but Wing Zero never let me down. And neither did you. Gods, but I should've said this long ago....I love you, Duo. I love you."

 

"I love you too, Heero."

 

Heero's eyes flew to Duo's face, not daring to hope that the American had actually heard

him. But what he found was Duo sleeping, peacefully for once, a small smile stretched

across his lips.

 

"I love you, Duo," He whispered again.

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Stay tuned for Chapter 3!

 

You've made it this far, you can weather the rest!

 

The end is worth it! Promise!