Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Until My Dying Day ❯ Insanity ( Chapter 9 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: KentraShinataku02 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.10.2003 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 201 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.10.2003 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 201 | Status: Work In Progress
Until My Dying Day
Part Nine: Insanity
Duo had never experienced such a feeling as that morning where he lay motionless in Wufei's arms, safe and warm, feeling loved for the first time. Wufei had laid down on the bed and pulled Duo with him allowing his chin to rest on the braided boy's shoulder as he held him tight. Duo felt wanted, he felt a purpose to his senseless life. He felt as if time had stopped while he was enclosed by the wings of his angel, and perhaps it did. If life could continue, experiencing this emotion, day by day, he would never have to feel death tugging at the his thin lines of sanity again.
Wufei's smooth hands gently rubbed Duo's arm as the boy shuddered against him in a mass of emotions and long suppressed fear and doubt. He nuzzled his cheek against the delicate mass of chestnut hair that he had longed to touch, and reveled in the feeling of the beautiful forbidden silk that was finally revealed to him. Duo shuddered, feeling the soft breath emitted from Wufei's mouth breeze over his skin. That really was Wufei curled around him, the boy he had loved for what seemed like eternity, and he felt better than Duo could have ever imagined.
What had happened between them? Wufei was uncertain about all of these emotions coursing equally between the two. Duo was a boy... how could he feel this way? He wasn't 'gay'. He couldn't feel this way. But he did, and now he knew that Duo returned his feelings. Was it wrong, to feel sugh deep and intimate emotions towards one of the same gender?
//But gods, it feels so right...//
Their thoughts were one, their minds were one, their bodies melded together into one, all by the act of comforting arms. This feeling could not be wrong.
Wufei ran a hand over Duo's braid, tangled from the negligence it was paid during his time in the hospital.
"Duo," Wufei said softly, sitting up. Duo rolled over to look at him.
"Yeah?"
Wufei touched the band on the beautiful boy's braid, entwining his fingers in his hair.
"May I?"
Duo hesitated. He loved Wufei with all of his heart, but people couldn't just _touch_ his hair.
"I won't if you don't want me to," Wufei added quickly. That settled Duo's mind; he knew now that Wufei really cared, he deserved to see Duo's beauty more than anybody else.
"No, no. Of course you can," he allowed, sitting up and backing in between Wufei's sleek, straddled legs. Wufei smiled at receiving the boy's trust.
He pulled the black rubber band from the thick, silky braid and delved his graceful, lean fingers into it, separating tangled strands from others. Fifteen minutes passed as he returned his hair to a long, smooth curtain beneath his fingertips. He ran his fingers through and through, softening his hair thoroughly. Wufei peered to see Duo's face and marveled at his expression; Duo looked as if he were in pure heaven. Wufei placed his fingers near Duo's scalp and flowed them down to the very end of the strands. Duo's body was seized by shudder after shudder as a small gasp escaped his lips.
Wufei smiled as he began to rebraid Duo's silky hair. Duo was disappointed that the tender treatment had come to an end, and as he turned his head to speak his appreciation, he felt what he least expected; Wufei's mouth melting into his. For a moment, Duo was shocked and didn't realize that the Chinese boy's tongue was pressing between his heated lips, but realization came quick enough as he turned his body around and pressed every inch of himself into Wufei.
Minutes later, the kiss ended as two breathless boys resumed position in each others arms, no words spoken between them.
+
Dinner was of usual silence that night. Nothing much was ever discussed around the table unless they _needed_ to share important news. Heero sat next to Quatre, glaring at Wufei when he thought the other boy didn't see, as he tried not to reveal the deep purple bruise on his cheek by covering it with his hand. Heero broke the silence as he skidded his chair back and picked up his plate.
"Duo, you're a fool," he commented simply, staring at how the boy hadn't taken a single bite of his dinner. Duo tensed, and Wufei placed a protectively calming hand on his knee. Quatre noticed the tension and said softly to Duo,
"You really should eat something."
Duo shrugged off his growling stomach, "I'm not hungry."
Heero gave him a look that seemed not to fit the face of the Perfect Soldier; concern. As though he didn't want to care, he abruptly turned to wash his plate and didn't look to Duo again as he headed into the living room.
Duo settled a bit after Heero had left, but excused himself very soon after. On his way out, he gave Wufei a glance as if to follow him, and Wufei returned to gesture with a short nod as he began helping Quatre with the rest of the dishes.
Duo disappeared up the stairs to the usual dim hallway, but instead of turning left to his room, he turned right and headed down to the end of the hallway where Wufei's bedroom was. Turning the handle, he realized that he had never once been inside the room in the time he had spent here. The room couldn't have belonged to anybody _but_ Wufei, though, Duo noticed as he saw the silk red curtains and bedding and an opened trunk filled with ancient looking Chinese books.
Duo sat down carefully on the silk covered bed and delicately smoothed his fingers over it. It looked old, like almost everything else in the room. Duo's eyes suddenly locked onto the corner of the room to find a very familiar object; his mirror. Why had Wufei brought it into his _own_ room? He could have put it somewhere out of sight, to try to block out the memories, but he hadn't. He didn't believe that memories could be erased so easily. Duo smiled as he walked to the mirror, running a soft finger over a jagged edge of the glass. No blood protruded from the fingertip, it was not intended to. Duo had somebody to love, somebody who would return his feelings. That was all Duo had wanted. Nobody had ever done it before, nobody had felt the burning desire to be with him, to touch him, to run his fingers through his hair. But he needed the truth.
He knew, of course, that Wufei cared, but how far was he planning to go? Would he want him forever, or just let his feelings grow old? Duo needed to know.
"Duo?"
The American boy jumped, caught with fingers against cutting glass.
"I see you brought my mirror in here," he commented casually, as if about the weather.
"I didn't want it to serve as a reminder to you," Wufei said, standing very close to Duo, "but I suppose that is unavoidable."
Duo sighed as he detached his eyes from the seemingly magnetic mirror.
"Hopefully, I won't have to worry about that," he remarked, leaving Wufei to ponder the meaning of the statement, "but I've gotta know, Wufei."
He put his hands on Wufei's shoulders as he briefly pushed his lips to the other boy's, and after a moment of bliss, pulled away and let their eyes melt together, a flame of desperation alight in Duo's.
"You need to know what?" Wufei asked slowly, as if wandering through a dream.
"Wufei... I love you. I have for a long time. I need to know... I need... do you feel the same way?" Duo pleaded, praying to whatever gods existed that he didn't sound _too_ desperate.
"Do I love you?" Wufei repeated, still lost in a daze. So many emotions washed over him at once, fear, denial, need, caring, wanting, feeling,... was there love in that? He wasn't 'gay'; he couldn't be 'that way'. His eyes stared straight into sapphire heaven, feeling vulnerable enough that Duo could see all of his thoughts. " I... I care a lot about you, Duo. I've never felt like this before. But love... I don't know what love is. I don't know if what I feel for you is love."
Duo stared incredulously at Wufei, not knowing how to respond. Wufei didn't love him. What had he been thinking? What an idiot he was, to think that Wufei would ever want him. Wufei didn't love him.
"I... understand..." Duo stuttered as he backed up towards the door.
"Duo," Wufei started awkwardly as Duo slowly backed himself out of the room.
"No..." Duo said allowing a single tear to fall from his angelic eye, "no. I just needed to know."
He shut the door, without slamming it, in front of Wufei's face and leaned against the hallway wall outside. Wufei didn't love him. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. Now he didn't have much time.
+
Wufei stared at the closed door in front of him, too ashamed to go after Duo, and too infuriated for not knowing what he felt. Duo would never understand, and would never forgive him, he knew, and he knew that he didn't deserve it. He never could have imagined such pain in those beautiful eyes, such intensity. And he was the one who caused it. He had hurt Duo. Badly.
+
Duo wasted no time in realizing the current situation. The one person who could ever bring him happiness had left him alone, he was too uncertain to admit to Duo how he felt. Duo let the madness take him, make him its own. It didn't matter now; he didn't have much longer anyways. Wufei didn't love him.
He kneeled by his bed, trembling in a mixture of fear and anger. He reached far beneath the bed until a smooth wooden box became present beneath his grasp. A maniac smile played on his face as he fumbled with the latch and flipped the lid back, revealing a glistening black handgun. Insanity slipped over him, drawing him closer to the inevitable edge as he pocket the lifeline that would take away all life.
+
Wufei pressed a red and gold silk pillow to his cheek, maybe as a means of comfort, maybe to keep the tears in, though they were already falling freely. He didn't want to be the source of Duo's pain. He should have told Duo that he loved him, whether it was true or not. At least that way, Duo would give his pain to him. Wufei could have lessened the pain, made it easier to bear, but instead he had multiplied it, thrown it back in Duo's face like the weak man he was, all because he couldn't handle it. Wufei clenched his eyelids tight.
//Nataku, forgive my weakness...//
+
Duo ripped the drawer out of the nightstand, flinging it to the floor with the force he used. It turned sideways, spilling the contents over the ground. He rummaged through the various items until he found what he needed. Grabbing the pen and notepad, he rapidly began painting words on the blank page, scarring the purity with angry syllables. He figured this time he would give a real farewell; nothing would hinder his plan this time. A cheap goodbye wouldn't settle it, he needed his final words to play throughout their minds until it haunted them.
He couldn't bring himself to write to Wufei, he couldn't scar him too bad, he loved him, even if he would never return the feeling. The final letter was directed to Heero, somebody who could take it, somebody who needed to learn how to care. Wufei didn't need to carry the final burden. Pen flying acorss the paper, he signed his name with self-hatred, for the very last time. He didn't care; Wufei didn't love him. He folded the letter, lining everything perfectly, every line, every crevice. He picked up his old D.M. engraved knife from amidst the pile that had fallen from his nightstand drawer. It was dull, but it still could cut. Dragging it slowly across his fingertip, he watched as the blood slipped forth before smearing it over the front of the letter, knowing that wouldn't be the only blood the others would see tonight.
Checking for the final time that his handgun was loaded, he took the letter and for a last touch, smashed his foot into Wufei's mirror, watching as it shattered into miniscule pieces on the floor.
//Let him feel the brokenness. He doesn't love me.//
Cracking the door open, he peered into the hallway, making sure nobody was there to see his final act, his last stand against the world. Plodding in his natural silence, he entered Heero's empty bedroom, folded the sky blue sheets until they were completely smooth and laid the letter in plain sight. Briefly he wondered which would be more haunting, the blood dripping from the paper or the blood dripping from his words? Leaving the door ajar so that it would draw attention, he slid down the stairs quietly. But upon entering the kitchen, an unexpected obstacle was revealed. Quatre.
"Where are you going?" Quatre asked sternly, attempting to block Duo's path. Quatre didn't like the look in Duo's eyes, there was something cold there, something that glinted of death.
But Duo wouldn't let anybody block him tonight.
"Get outta my way, Winner," he growled, giving the blonde a shove. Quatre stared at him with disbelief as Duo slammed the kitchen door. The moment Duo was released from the captivity of the house, he walked straight into an entering Trowa.
Not wanting to show his insanity to ensure that Trowa wouldn't follow him, he politely excused himself as the emerald eyed boy smiled and walked in the kitchen door. His plan would go on.
Once positive that he was alone in the cold night air, he broke into a run over the empty land around him. He didn't care where he was going, he just had to get far enough away, but not too far. He didn't care. Wufei didn't love him. Wufei didn't love him. Wufei didn't love him.
+
//I can't believe I did this to him. I can't believe I hurt him so badly. I don't know what I was thinking...//
Wufei pulled his face away from the tear stained silk, looking at his own broken reflection, seeing his own brokenness for the first time. His trembling, broken figure, his confused, broken emotions, his unsteady, broken gaze, they all combined inside his reflection, making the brokenness complete to form the obvious.
"I love him," he whispered to himself slowly, the words gliding easily from his lips, "I love him."
What Wufei didn't realize, however, was that a certain braided boy spoke the same words as the gunshot rang outside.
Part Nine: Insanity
Duo had never experienced such a feeling as that morning where he lay motionless in Wufei's arms, safe and warm, feeling loved for the first time. Wufei had laid down on the bed and pulled Duo with him allowing his chin to rest on the braided boy's shoulder as he held him tight. Duo felt wanted, he felt a purpose to his senseless life. He felt as if time had stopped while he was enclosed by the wings of his angel, and perhaps it did. If life could continue, experiencing this emotion, day by day, he would never have to feel death tugging at the his thin lines of sanity again.
Wufei's smooth hands gently rubbed Duo's arm as the boy shuddered against him in a mass of emotions and long suppressed fear and doubt. He nuzzled his cheek against the delicate mass of chestnut hair that he had longed to touch, and reveled in the feeling of the beautiful forbidden silk that was finally revealed to him. Duo shuddered, feeling the soft breath emitted from Wufei's mouth breeze over his skin. That really was Wufei curled around him, the boy he had loved for what seemed like eternity, and he felt better than Duo could have ever imagined.
What had happened between them? Wufei was uncertain about all of these emotions coursing equally between the two. Duo was a boy... how could he feel this way? He wasn't 'gay'. He couldn't feel this way. But he did, and now he knew that Duo returned his feelings. Was it wrong, to feel sugh deep and intimate emotions towards one of the same gender?
//But gods, it feels so right...//
Their thoughts were one, their minds were one, their bodies melded together into one, all by the act of comforting arms. This feeling could not be wrong.
Wufei ran a hand over Duo's braid, tangled from the negligence it was paid during his time in the hospital.
"Duo," Wufei said softly, sitting up. Duo rolled over to look at him.
"Yeah?"
Wufei touched the band on the beautiful boy's braid, entwining his fingers in his hair.
"May I?"
Duo hesitated. He loved Wufei with all of his heart, but people couldn't just _touch_ his hair.
"I won't if you don't want me to," Wufei added quickly. That settled Duo's mind; he knew now that Wufei really cared, he deserved to see Duo's beauty more than anybody else.
"No, no. Of course you can," he allowed, sitting up and backing in between Wufei's sleek, straddled legs. Wufei smiled at receiving the boy's trust.
He pulled the black rubber band from the thick, silky braid and delved his graceful, lean fingers into it, separating tangled strands from others. Fifteen minutes passed as he returned his hair to a long, smooth curtain beneath his fingertips. He ran his fingers through and through, softening his hair thoroughly. Wufei peered to see Duo's face and marveled at his expression; Duo looked as if he were in pure heaven. Wufei placed his fingers near Duo's scalp and flowed them down to the very end of the strands. Duo's body was seized by shudder after shudder as a small gasp escaped his lips.
Wufei smiled as he began to rebraid Duo's silky hair. Duo was disappointed that the tender treatment had come to an end, and as he turned his head to speak his appreciation, he felt what he least expected; Wufei's mouth melting into his. For a moment, Duo was shocked and didn't realize that the Chinese boy's tongue was pressing between his heated lips, but realization came quick enough as he turned his body around and pressed every inch of himself into Wufei.
Minutes later, the kiss ended as two breathless boys resumed position in each others arms, no words spoken between them.
+
Dinner was of usual silence that night. Nothing much was ever discussed around the table unless they _needed_ to share important news. Heero sat next to Quatre, glaring at Wufei when he thought the other boy didn't see, as he tried not to reveal the deep purple bruise on his cheek by covering it with his hand. Heero broke the silence as he skidded his chair back and picked up his plate.
"Duo, you're a fool," he commented simply, staring at how the boy hadn't taken a single bite of his dinner. Duo tensed, and Wufei placed a protectively calming hand on his knee. Quatre noticed the tension and said softly to Duo,
"You really should eat something."
Duo shrugged off his growling stomach, "I'm not hungry."
Heero gave him a look that seemed not to fit the face of the Perfect Soldier; concern. As though he didn't want to care, he abruptly turned to wash his plate and didn't look to Duo again as he headed into the living room.
Duo settled a bit after Heero had left, but excused himself very soon after. On his way out, he gave Wufei a glance as if to follow him, and Wufei returned to gesture with a short nod as he began helping Quatre with the rest of the dishes.
Duo disappeared up the stairs to the usual dim hallway, but instead of turning left to his room, he turned right and headed down to the end of the hallway where Wufei's bedroom was. Turning the handle, he realized that he had never once been inside the room in the time he had spent here. The room couldn't have belonged to anybody _but_ Wufei, though, Duo noticed as he saw the silk red curtains and bedding and an opened trunk filled with ancient looking Chinese books.
Duo sat down carefully on the silk covered bed and delicately smoothed his fingers over it. It looked old, like almost everything else in the room. Duo's eyes suddenly locked onto the corner of the room to find a very familiar object; his mirror. Why had Wufei brought it into his _own_ room? He could have put it somewhere out of sight, to try to block out the memories, but he hadn't. He didn't believe that memories could be erased so easily. Duo smiled as he walked to the mirror, running a soft finger over a jagged edge of the glass. No blood protruded from the fingertip, it was not intended to. Duo had somebody to love, somebody who would return his feelings. That was all Duo had wanted. Nobody had ever done it before, nobody had felt the burning desire to be with him, to touch him, to run his fingers through his hair. But he needed the truth.
He knew, of course, that Wufei cared, but how far was he planning to go? Would he want him forever, or just let his feelings grow old? Duo needed to know.
"Duo?"
The American boy jumped, caught with fingers against cutting glass.
"I see you brought my mirror in here," he commented casually, as if about the weather.
"I didn't want it to serve as a reminder to you," Wufei said, standing very close to Duo, "but I suppose that is unavoidable."
Duo sighed as he detached his eyes from the seemingly magnetic mirror.
"Hopefully, I won't have to worry about that," he remarked, leaving Wufei to ponder the meaning of the statement, "but I've gotta know, Wufei."
He put his hands on Wufei's shoulders as he briefly pushed his lips to the other boy's, and after a moment of bliss, pulled away and let their eyes melt together, a flame of desperation alight in Duo's.
"You need to know what?" Wufei asked slowly, as if wandering through a dream.
"Wufei... I love you. I have for a long time. I need to know... I need... do you feel the same way?" Duo pleaded, praying to whatever gods existed that he didn't sound _too_ desperate.
"Do I love you?" Wufei repeated, still lost in a daze. So many emotions washed over him at once, fear, denial, need, caring, wanting, feeling,... was there love in that? He wasn't 'gay'; he couldn't be 'that way'. His eyes stared straight into sapphire heaven, feeling vulnerable enough that Duo could see all of his thoughts. " I... I care a lot about you, Duo. I've never felt like this before. But love... I don't know what love is. I don't know if what I feel for you is love."
Duo stared incredulously at Wufei, not knowing how to respond. Wufei didn't love him. What had he been thinking? What an idiot he was, to think that Wufei would ever want him. Wufei didn't love him.
"I... understand..." Duo stuttered as he backed up towards the door.
"Duo," Wufei started awkwardly as Duo slowly backed himself out of the room.
"No..." Duo said allowing a single tear to fall from his angelic eye, "no. I just needed to know."
He shut the door, without slamming it, in front of Wufei's face and leaned against the hallway wall outside. Wufei didn't love him. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. Now he didn't have much time.
+
Wufei stared at the closed door in front of him, too ashamed to go after Duo, and too infuriated for not knowing what he felt. Duo would never understand, and would never forgive him, he knew, and he knew that he didn't deserve it. He never could have imagined such pain in those beautiful eyes, such intensity. And he was the one who caused it. He had hurt Duo. Badly.
+
Duo wasted no time in realizing the current situation. The one person who could ever bring him happiness had left him alone, he was too uncertain to admit to Duo how he felt. Duo let the madness take him, make him its own. It didn't matter now; he didn't have much longer anyways. Wufei didn't love him.
He kneeled by his bed, trembling in a mixture of fear and anger. He reached far beneath the bed until a smooth wooden box became present beneath his grasp. A maniac smile played on his face as he fumbled with the latch and flipped the lid back, revealing a glistening black handgun. Insanity slipped over him, drawing him closer to the inevitable edge as he pocket the lifeline that would take away all life.
+
Wufei pressed a red and gold silk pillow to his cheek, maybe as a means of comfort, maybe to keep the tears in, though they were already falling freely. He didn't want to be the source of Duo's pain. He should have told Duo that he loved him, whether it was true or not. At least that way, Duo would give his pain to him. Wufei could have lessened the pain, made it easier to bear, but instead he had multiplied it, thrown it back in Duo's face like the weak man he was, all because he couldn't handle it. Wufei clenched his eyelids tight.
//Nataku, forgive my weakness...//
+
Duo ripped the drawer out of the nightstand, flinging it to the floor with the force he used. It turned sideways, spilling the contents over the ground. He rummaged through the various items until he found what he needed. Grabbing the pen and notepad, he rapidly began painting words on the blank page, scarring the purity with angry syllables. He figured this time he would give a real farewell; nothing would hinder his plan this time. A cheap goodbye wouldn't settle it, he needed his final words to play throughout their minds until it haunted them.
He couldn't bring himself to write to Wufei, he couldn't scar him too bad, he loved him, even if he would never return the feeling. The final letter was directed to Heero, somebody who could take it, somebody who needed to learn how to care. Wufei didn't need to carry the final burden. Pen flying acorss the paper, he signed his name with self-hatred, for the very last time. He didn't care; Wufei didn't love him. He folded the letter, lining everything perfectly, every line, every crevice. He picked up his old D.M. engraved knife from amidst the pile that had fallen from his nightstand drawer. It was dull, but it still could cut. Dragging it slowly across his fingertip, he watched as the blood slipped forth before smearing it over the front of the letter, knowing that wouldn't be the only blood the others would see tonight.
Checking for the final time that his handgun was loaded, he took the letter and for a last touch, smashed his foot into Wufei's mirror, watching as it shattered into miniscule pieces on the floor.
//Let him feel the brokenness. He doesn't love me.//
Cracking the door open, he peered into the hallway, making sure nobody was there to see his final act, his last stand against the world. Plodding in his natural silence, he entered Heero's empty bedroom, folded the sky blue sheets until they were completely smooth and laid the letter in plain sight. Briefly he wondered which would be more haunting, the blood dripping from the paper or the blood dripping from his words? Leaving the door ajar so that it would draw attention, he slid down the stairs quietly. But upon entering the kitchen, an unexpected obstacle was revealed. Quatre.
"Where are you going?" Quatre asked sternly, attempting to block Duo's path. Quatre didn't like the look in Duo's eyes, there was something cold there, something that glinted of death.
But Duo wouldn't let anybody block him tonight.
"Get outta my way, Winner," he growled, giving the blonde a shove. Quatre stared at him with disbelief as Duo slammed the kitchen door. The moment Duo was released from the captivity of the house, he walked straight into an entering Trowa.
Not wanting to show his insanity to ensure that Trowa wouldn't follow him, he politely excused himself as the emerald eyed boy smiled and walked in the kitchen door. His plan would go on.
Once positive that he was alone in the cold night air, he broke into a run over the empty land around him. He didn't care where he was going, he just had to get far enough away, but not too far. He didn't care. Wufei didn't love him. Wufei didn't love him. Wufei didn't love him.
+
//I can't believe I did this to him. I can't believe I hurt him so badly. I don't know what I was thinking...//
Wufei pulled his face away from the tear stained silk, looking at his own broken reflection, seeing his own brokenness for the first time. His trembling, broken figure, his confused, broken emotions, his unsteady, broken gaze, they all combined inside his reflection, making the brokenness complete to form the obvious.
"I love him," he whispered to himself slowly, the words gliding easily from his lips, "I love him."
What Wufei didn't realize, however, was that a certain braided boy spoke the same words as the gunshot rang outside.