Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ voodoo kiss ❯ voodoo kiss 8/? ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
title:: voodoo kiss 8/?

author:: Psyence

rating:: NC-17

pairings:: 1x2, 3x4, mentions of 2x5

disclaimer:: go on, sue me. I dare you.

summary:: in which Heero is socio-phobic, Duo is annoyingly persistent, Quatre meddles, Trowa helps, Wufei hinders and Relena gets in the way.

warnings:: yaoi, AU, strong language, lemons, humour, strange plot, major UST.

Notes: Gigantic thanks to K Witchwolf, the best friend, beta and person in the whole wide world.

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Quatre, in his refusal to see logic, had press-ganged Heero into a dark blue suit and was literally forcing a pair of smart black lace ups onto Heero's feet.

"They don't fit, Quatre," Heero cried, for what must have been the fourth time. He winced in pain as Quatre squashed Heero's toes into the shoe.

"I was sure you're a size eight!" Quatre grumbled, absolutely ignorant to Heero's pain. Quatre obviously thought it was natural for someone's feet to bend that way. He pressed the shoe against Heero's left foot one last time, finally making the abused body part squeeze into the two sizes too small shoe. Heero felt like a warped version of one of Cinderella's ugly sisters. Quatre laughed triumphantly and grabbed the other shoe while checking his watch.

"Twenty minutes," he mumbled, gripping Heero's ankle with surprising strength. The second foot took just as long as the first to squash into its counterpart. By the end of if Heero felt like his feet were about to drop off. He stood up and immediately sat back down. His feet were arched uncomfortably, with his toes scrunched up against the expensive leather.

"Quatre, this isn't going to work," Heero said, although he wasn't just talking about the shoes. Heero wasn't an idiot; he could smell a rat from a mile away. Quatre had something up his sleeve. Something involving Relena and himself. He had attempted an interrogation, but it had been weak and feeble hearted. Quatre had bashed it aside with a simple 'Oh, do shut up Heero.'

Quatre had ignored Heero's comment/plea, and was gathering the suit that Heero had rejected (or rather, Heero had rejected both of them, and Quatre had chosen for him) and putting it back in the 'Quality Menswear for Grooms to be' bags. Heero stood up again and hobbled forwards. The shoes made him feel slightly bow legged, and he was having to put all of his weight on the outsides of his feet, because it hurt too much to walk normally. Heero caught sight of himself in the full-length bedroom mirror that was fitted into the wardrobe door. Heero had wanted to remove it ever since he had moved in, because it made him feel overly exposed, but having seen himself in a dark blue suit that actually made him look quite attractive, in Heero's opinion, he was more of the opinion that it should stay. And then he took in his hunched and bow legged appearance and decided that he would rip it out at the first chance available.

"What do you think?" Quatre asked, having tidied up his mess. Quatre was such a good cleaner you would never have known he was ever there.

"I look like an idiot," Heero moaned, turning away from the mirror and frowning as deeply as he could, just to express his displeasure to Quatre.

"Nonsense, you look very shaggable," Quatre said.

"Quatre!" Heero flushed bright red and hunched himself over even more so, as if to reduce his shaggability.

"Don't be such an old woman," Quatre admonished. "We need to leave," he added. He walked out of the bedroom and into the living room, waiting by the front door for Heero to catch up, since the shoes made him noticeably slower.

"Quatre, I'm not doing this," Heero said once he was by the door. Quatre gave him a pointed stare.

"Oh yes you are. Besides, there's nothing happening," Quatre tried. Heero rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

"No, I'm not moving from this spot." He squared his shoulders in what he hoped was a dominant stance and lifted his chin a little higher, but he was unable to meet Quatre's eye for fear of capital punishment.

"Move it. Now. Out the door. Go!" Quatre shouted, opening the door, getting behind Heero and forcibly shunting him out of the apartment. Heero flapped his arms and was forced to hobble forwards unless he wanted to be pushed right over.

Quatre managed to get Heero out onto the street, where more than a few people gave Heero odd glances at his hunched appearance. Quatre thwaped him in the lower back, making Heero let out a startled cry.

"Stand up straight!" Quatre ordered. Heero thought about arguing, but then decided it wasn't worth it, so he straightened his back slightly, but only until Quatre had moved to walk in front of him.

"We'll take a taxi since it's quite a long walk," Quatre said over his shoulder. Heero was glad to hear that Quatre wasn't even bothered by the agony in Heero's feet. Quatre hailed a passing black cab and ushered Heero inside. They both sat down and Quatre told the taxi driver to take them to 'Saint Gabriel House'.


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The taxi screeched to a halt, mounting the pavement slightly. Heero was gripping the door handle so tight the plastic was creaking, and as soon as the taxi was still he opened the door and jumped out. Quatre had shouted at the taxi driver throughout the entire journey, telling him to drive faster. Eventually the poor man had simply put his foot down on the accelerator so hard Quatre started telling him to slow down, but the driver had ignored him.

"Well, I never!" Quatre was saying. "No, I absolutely refuse to pay for this. I'm reporting you!" Quatre was rummaging in his bag, obviously looking for something to write the taxi driver's details down on. Heero grabbed and handful of his own hair and resisted the urge to tug it out.

"Quatre," he hissed. "Just pay the man!" Quatre shot him a threatening look before writing the taxi number down.

"What's your name?" Quatre asked, but the driver didn't answer.

"Fine, I don't need your name to get you fired!" Quatre bustled, getting out of the cab. The driver pulled away from the curb before Quatre even had a chance to close the door. Heero slapped and hand to his forehead and grit his teeth.

"Please, Quatre, can we just go home?" he begged, not even disguising the pleading tone in his voice.

"Don't be ridiculous Heero, we're here now. I'm not risking another insane taxi driver." Quatre grabbed Heero's elbow and physically persuaded him towards the large building they had ended up outside.

"It's you who's insane," Heero muttered.

"Pardon?" Quatre shot him another dangerous look. Heero just shook his head and focused on walking, which required his full attention.

Saint Gabriel House was a four storey building, with a grey exterior and large steps leading up to the front door. A doorman dressed in a red uniform stood outside, which surprised Heero as there were hardly any real apartment buildings in the area. Most of the apartments were made of old houses that had been split into flats. It was obvious to Heero that you had to be rich to live at Saint Gabriel House, which simply reinforced the fact that it was Relena who was waiting for him inside.

Heero tried to walk as slowly as possible, but Quatre simply tugged him along with the same strength he had used on Heero's feet. He eventually managed to drag him into the lobby and over to the lift.

"Now, isn't this fun? A little blind date?" Quatre said, finally admitting that something /was/ going on. He pressed the 4 button on the lift's panel.

"It isn't a blind date if I've already met her," Heero grumbled.

"Nonsense, this is going to be your first real date with her. You two are going to get on wonderfully this time. Who could resist you in this outfit!" Quatre held Heero at arms length and admired his own handiwork. Heero died a little inside as he realised that it really was going to happen. He was going to have another useless, mind-numbingly frightening date with Relena. Heero began to feel very apathetic. He wondered absently what was going to happen this time. Maybe she would rape him. He was pretty certain that she was going to rape him.

The lift pinged as the doors opened on the fourth floor. Quatre elbowed Heero out of the lift and down the corridor, nearly tripping Heero up at one point because he was having to push Heero forward so much. Heero was digging his heels in as much as possible without stopping fully, because he knew that to cease movement would be like waving a red flag at a bull when it came to Quatre. Heero was about to snap at Quatre for his bullying when Quatre stopped in front of one of the doors lining the hallway.

"This is it!" he said excitedly, rubbing his hands together with glee.

"Qua-" Heero started, ready to make one final complaining plea, but Quatre had already pressed the plastic pink doorbell fixed to the outside of the door. Quatre tugged Heero over the stand right in front of the door and started fussing with Heero's cuff. No one had answered the door yet, so Heero's mind began to frantically hope that Relena was out. Maybe she hadn't heard the bell. Heero turned to Quatre, about to tell him that Relena wasn't in, when the door opened.

"Heero!" Relena screeched. "Oh, I'm so glad to see you!"

Relena grabbed Heero's wrist and dragged him inside the apartment, with Quatre hanging onto the other wrist.

"I told you he'd come!" Quatre said, making it sound like Heero had willingly accepted an invitation. Relena stopped to giggle girlishly and then slid her hand down to grip Heero's hand. Heero looked down and stared dumbly at their hands. He had never held hands with anyone before. Relena had stolen his hand virginity. Heero's eyes were drawn away from their hands and towards the plush dusted pink carpet, and then to the paisley pink wallpaper in the room. He looked around and realised that he was in an open plan room, consisting of living room, kitchen and dining room. The living and dining room section were both decorated with the paisley and plush carpet, but the kitchen segment had light red (almost pink, Heero noted) half-wall tiling and cream wallpaper, with cream floor tiles to match. There was a large painting of a fluffy dog framed in somewhat tasteful light wood facing Heero on the opposite wall. The painting itself was definitely distasteful for Heero. The couch in the living room looked comfy, but the tassels and bows attached to the dark pink velour-look cushions worried Heero somewhat. There were matching armchairs in one corner, with bookcases made of the same tasteful wood as the picture frame, but the books on the shelves left Heero feeling queasy. 'How to Make Him Fall in Love With You', 'Catch That Dream Man!', 'What Men Want', 'How to be the Perfect Housewife'. Heero gagged silently

"Heero! Do you like my apartment?" Relena asked suddenly, having finished her natter with Quatre. She squeezed Heero's hand and stared at him intently.

"I ... Like what you've done with the place," Heero replied dryly. Quatre frowned slightly and shook his head imperceptibly.

"Be classy!" he mouthed at Heero. And then, to Relena, "Well! I'll be off then. I hope you two have a /wonderful/ time together." He threw a cheeky wink at Heero from behind Relena’s back and went to the front door.

Panic rose up in Heero. He had thought that Quatre would stay at least, and even though both Quatre and Relena were insane, Quatre wasn't yet at the same stage as Relena. If Dante had created a special 10th level of hell for insanity, Relena would have had a seat waiting for her.

Relena was gushing her thanks to Quatre at the door, still holding onto Heero's hand. Heero was getting a bad case of sweaty hand, and for the first time ever Heero began to hope that it would put her off him. Usually he worried himself to death about obstacles such as sweaty hands or stuttering or his bad hair, because they were potentially life threatening on dates. This time, however, Heero silently willed his hands to begin pouring sweat.

Once Relena had closed the door on Quatre she turned towards Heero and stood staring at him for a few moments. She took him in completely, and Heero felt as if he was being eaten alive. He could feel her undressing him with her eyes. He began to feel hot under the collar, but not because he liked being looked at in that way - it was making him nervous. He was worried that Relena was going to pounce on him. So he cleared his throat loudly and tried to wriggle his hand out of hers.

"What are we, er, going to, I mean, do?" he asked, and then instantly berated himself for it because of all the possible answers that Relena could give him.

"I thought we could have a nice, romantic dinner," Relena answered, totally oblivious to the sexual answers that she could have replied with.

"O-oh," Heero said, because he couldn't think of anything else. Relena led Heero over to the living room by the hand, since he hadn't managed to free himself yet.

"You just make yourself comfortable, and I'll go and start cooking - okay?" she giggled and gave Heero a little push, sending him down onto the squashy sofa. A jab of cold fear sliced through his stomach when he realised that she hadn't even started the dinner yet. He frantically ripped his cuff back to look at his watch. It was quarter past seven. If he somehow managed to excuse himself within the next quater of an hour, there was a very, very slim chance that he would be able to make it to Duo's in time. And that was with the aid of a taxi.

Heero's hands instantly went to his pockets. He had no money with him. Maybe if he ran to Duo's? But he didn't know the route. He glanced around the room with wide eyes and spotted a computer tucked away in the corner next to the bookshelves. If he could get onto the PC and look at an online map of the area then /maybe/ he could familiarise himself with the route, but in fifteen minutes? With an excuse for leaving? No. There was no way.

Heero began to breathe heavily again. He leaned back against the couch, but then he simply felt sick, so he leaned forwards against his knees. He couldn't breathe that way, so then Heero began to panic. 'I'm going to have a panic attack,' he thought. Heero felt as if his stomach had dropped out, and he was getting the unpleasant sensation of having too much saliva in his mouth. He was swallowing continuously and breathing heavily, trying to get rid of the nauseous feeling.

"Heero? Are you alright?" Relena asked. She came over to the sofa and stood in front of Heero. Heero squeezed his eyes shut as he felt his stomach lurch. Relena placed one hand on Heero's shoulder, and suddenly his stomach erupted. All over Relena's shoes.