Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Wherever You May Go ❯ Wherever You May Go ( One-Shot )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Xander B 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Drama | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 08.23.2007 | Updated On: 07.10.2008 | Pages: 5 | Words: 9.0K | Visits: 644 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Drama | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 08.23.2007 | Updated On: 07.10.2008 | Pages: 5 | Words: 9.0K | Visits: 644 | Status: Completed
Wherever You Will Go
I do not own GW or the song used which is 'Wherever You Will Go' by The Calling.
Warnings: LEMON, yaoi (maleXmale), character death, and mentions of past suicide attempts, swearing, violence, slight gore, MPREG, OOCNESS, WAFF, etc. If you can't stomach this kind of story or you don't like yaoi please don't read.
Author's notes: I'm sorry for the death, that character is one of my favorite ones and I really don't like when characters die. There is a sequel, so please don't write this off because the character dies. You may be surprised at the outcome.
~Lyrics~
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~So lately, been wondering,
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face.
If a greater wave shall fall
And fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone,
Could you make it on your own?~
(Heero)
I shared a room Duo in yet another broken-down, shack of a safe house. As usual, we had been paired up as partners and apparent bunkmates as well. I watched him from afar, memorizing and trying desperately to analyze his enigmatic and intriguing behavior. It amazed me that someone could be so cheerful and mischievous while in the midst of carnage and war. I didn't fit in with him; I couldn't. How could anyone else pull off his personality? I had become completely enamored with him without even realizing it. I had even begun referring to him as beautiful in my mind. By the time I finally realized what had happened, it was far too late to stop the emotion. I was certain that I was falling in love with him, but I vowed to never allow him to know it. I couldn't risk distracting him or losing him because of my selfish heart.
So I played my role as the emotionless, robotic prick and Duo played his as the ever laughing prankster. He'd never think I could feel the way I did for him; he'd never even guess that I could harbor the emotions. He would never know that I loved him and I would never tell him so. I figured he didn't like guys anyways. If he did, he wouldn't hang out with that girl, what was her name, Hilde? And he wouldn't let her cling to him like she did or at least that's what I told myself daily, trying to harden my resolve to never let him know I cared. I didn't know for sure really. It's not like he'd broad casted his sexual orientation to the world. I couldn't even build up the courage to ask him about it, lest he figure out my ulterior motives. Besides, everyone thought I was heterosexual, or at least I liked to believe they did. I wasn't positive, but I thought that Trowa might have figured me out. I was grateful that he was a quiet boy.
A faint snore from across the room stalled the stubborn train of thoughts spinning through my ever-moving mind. 'Duo', I thought, looking over at him. He was so adorable when he was asleep, what an odd word for someone like me to use when describing my closest comrade, but it was the only word that came to mind when I gazed upon his prone form.
His luxurious hair was down, spread out around him like a shining halo and my calloused fingers itched to feel it slip between them. I could imagine just how soft those chestnut-coloured locks would be. I wondered idly in the depths of my mind, how he possibly kept it looking the way it did in our profession. His bright cobalt blue eyes were closed in the lull of exhausted slumber, the sooty lashes set lazily upon his defined cheekbones, his face peaceful, lying on his back, slightly on his side with his delicately, pale right palm resting up beside his head and the other lost beneath the excess of blankets somewhere. God damn it! Why did he have to be so beautiful? Why did he have to make me want him so much when I knew I would never have him?
I turned away from the frustrating temptation to watch him to face the utterly uninteresting wall next to my own lumpy bed, the elderly mattress groaning with agony as I moved. I forcefully pushed thoughts of my gorgeous best friend sleeping no more than five feet away into the back of my mind, trying to fall into fitful sleep. I wished I could be in his bed with him, not necessarily sexually either, just to hold him close to me and keep him warm and safe in the middle of the night. It sounded so ridiculously cheesy even to me, but that was what I honestly wanted to be doing in the wee hours of the morning. I couldn't stop thinking about him when I was awake; I'd begun dreaming of him too and it was slowly driving me insane.
Images of him with his hair down and twirling in circles danced about playfully in my head, taunting me. There had been a day when I had caught him doing just that. It had been early one morning in the late spring and I had woken up to find Duo missing. I couldn't understand how he had managed to sneak away without my knowledge, so I had gone looking for him, searching the whole house until I found him in the backyard. The sun had been shining through the cerulean grass, catching the new-dawn dew in that certain way, making it sparkle as though the stars had spent the night on it and Duo had told me that it was his favourite part of the morning once. I'd stood stock still on the cracked cement patio, my eyes unable to break from the vision that was him. He had had his eyes closed, arms outstretched, his long fingers wiggling in the air as his hair floated around him as he spun, too slow to catch up with his swift spinning. He'd been wearing nothing more than an over-sized t-shirt I had given him to wear for bed; it was about five times too big for him. I could just barely see the bottom hem of what I assumed to be his black boxer briefs. 'Beautiful' was the only word in my mind.
I was just nearly beginning to doze, Duo's image still dancing around in my mind's eye. I was on the edge of peaceful slumber, when I felt an ice-cold hand on my bare shoulder. I hadn't even heard him moving from his bed behind me. I whirled around abruptly, grabbing the hand before it could escape. I guess you could say my 'soldier instincts' had kicked in finally. I stared at Duo for a second before releasing his seemingly too-slim wrist from my grip. I'd already known that he'd have bruises from it the next day and a small twang of guilt washed through me briefly before being overwhelmed by concern. He was shaking quite violently before me and there were silvery tears glistening on his already damp cheeks. More of the tiny droplets of salty liquid flowing from his shimmering near indigo eyes.
"Duo, what's wrong?" my voice hardly more than a concern concerned whisper. I hadn't even meant for the concern to be evident, but I hadn't exactly been prepared for the situation at hand. I'd never seen Duo that way before, shaken to the point that he had come to me for comfort. He looked so frightened at the demons in his mind, as if it were eating him up inside. I was worried, more so than I should have let on. I loved Duo more than
anything and no matter what my mind screamed, I couldn't shut him out now.
"I-I had a nightmare and I just--" he stuttered slightly, his voice trembling as tears still streamed in wet tendrils down his ivory cheeks. I reached out to touch him, maybe to wipe away his terrified tears, but he backed away too quickly for me to get the the chance to feel his skin against my finger tips. He clutched his arms to his sides, hugging himself fiercely, "Don't touch me! I just, I needed to make sure it wasn't real, that's all,” he concluded, sending a shiver down my spine as his hauntingly eerie whisper traveled through me.
"Duo," I spoke as softly as I could, my voice just barely above a whisper. I fought furiously with the uncontrollable urge to hold him and comfort him as I might to a lover. I felt helpless as he looked down at me with red-rimmed, watery eyes.
He turned to leave, his feet making no more than a wisp of sound on the chilly floor, "Sorry for waking you," he whispered before taking another step away from me. I watched silently as he did, having no idea what I should or shouldn't do. I couldn't let him go like that, but I couldn't exactly grab a hold of him and hug him tightly to my chest. He now thought I was angry with him for waking me up, when really I was worried, wanting to cuddle him close and never let him go again.
"Duo, wait," it was out of my mouth before it. I hadn't even meant to say it really, but it had slipped between my lips anyways. He cocked his head slightly, acknowledging my interference, listening. "Come here," I finished with a heavy sigh. I pulled up the blankets to make room for him. He watched me questioningly as he turned fully to face me, his eyes widening just the slightest bit. I noticed the tears staining his cheeks now that the flow had begun to slow, only a few new drops sluggishly clinging to his lashes. I held back the pressing desire to grab him and pull him to me. "Hurry up, I'm letting all of the heat out," I commanded quietly, smiling, or at least trying to.
Finally, after probably ten minutes of debating with himself inside his head, Duo climbed into the warm haven I'd offered him. It was only a few seconds before, "Heero?" he called out in a voice I've never heard him use before, more than a whisper, but much softer than his normally chipper tone.
"Yeah?" I answered readily, having expected the question I'd known he'd ask.
"Why are you doing this?" he inquired, the words coming from his mouth slowly.
I moved the tiniest bit nearer to him, pressing my body to his. He was shivering obviously, his whole body quivering with cold and his teeth were chattering rapidly. I really mustn't have been thinking clearly at that moment because I blurted clumsily, "Because I love you," without analyzing the repercussions that would take place because of my foolish admission. I had confessed, finally getting the unbearable weight of not knowing, not telling him off of my chest.
"W-What?" he choked out, clearly he hadn't been expecting that kind of answer from someone like me.
"I-I love you," I repeated, a hot blush creeping across my cheeks as the words flew from my mouth once again.
"You do?" he sounded dumbstruck asking in an amazed whisper. His voice quavered a little as he shook against me. What was so hard to believe, that it was a man that loved him or that I, Heero Yuy, the 'Perfect Soldier', loved him?
"Yes, more than anything else I've ever known," I replied boldly, encouraged by the lack of a disgusted outburst or a punch to the jaw. And boy, was I glad it was dark because I was sure that I was a bright scarlet by then. A lot of people didn't think I could blush. Would they be surprised to find out that all it took was being so close to Duo Maxwell.
(Duo)
My stony, frigid best friend had just admitted to me the thing that I had wanted most in the entire known universe, dreamed about since the first time I saw him and all I could do was choke on the reply I'd been praying to say for so long."Heero, I love you too,"I managed to whisper out, finally finding my elusive voice.
"You do? But I thought, I was sure that you and Hilde were--" the surprised answer started, Heero fumbling with his words.
"Hilde and I? No, I could never be with her. She's more like a sister to me Heero, even if she wishes she were more. I'm not particularly attracted to girls anyway," I interrupted, stifling a chuckle in the blankets. Hilde and I; we weren't like that, she knew about my feelings for the angsty, chocolate haired, Wing pilot.
I was still trembling like crazy from the nightmare I'd woken up from. I couldn't believe that it had me so shaken. It was one nightmare I hoped would never come true for Heero's sake and my own. My shaking didn't escape Heero's superior powers of observation.
"Duo, are you alright?" he sounded so concerned, so worried; I'd never thought he could show that kind of emotion; he was always so calm and collected.
"Not really," I whispered truthfully; I never could lie properly. I could feel fresh tears brewing in my already burning eyes. Warm arms encircled me from behind and an entirely too heated body pressed against mine, Heero's toned chest to my lithe back, hardly more than a thin layer of material keeping our skin apart. "Heero,"I started in a soft, scared whisper, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I had no idea what was happening at that moment. I'd never been so close to another person in my entire life and the close proximity was doing things to my body that I wasn't sure I was ready for.
"Shh, it's okay. I won't let you go, not anymore. You're mine now Duo," he soothed comfortingly. The words shot right through my chest, sealing my heart and stealing it from my chest to hold in the palm of his hand for eternity. I sighed shakily, desperately working to subdue my body's reactions to Heero's touch, his words making it even harder to concentrate.
'Oh Heero, why did you do this? You don't understand. Why did you ever fall in love with me? You're going to get hurt if you get involved. Why can't you just stay away? I hate this. Everyone I love, dies. Please Heero, why can't you just hate me? It'd be so much easier, so much less painful. What if my nightmare comes true? What happens when I lose you?' my mind questioned rapidly, but I could change how Heero felt for me no more than I could change color of the moon.
I couldn't stop it, not even if I tried. How could I reject him when I loved him so thoroughly and no I knew he loved me just as well. And now, he'd made a promise to me and probably signed his own death certificate. They didn't nickname me 'Shinigami' for nothing. It was no secret that alll who came in contact wit me, met their untimely death. And I was sorry, so sorry. I was sorry that I wanted him so badly that I couldn't just say goodbye and save him from a curse I didn't know how to break.
I was lost in my own subconscious as Heero shifted behind me. Pulled out of my thoughts abruptly, I glanced back at Heero who was looking right back at me. I stared into the deep Prussian orbs of his eyes, the lines in his irises moving as his pupils dilated in the non-existent light. 'What are you thinking?' I wanted to ask. He spoke instead, not breaking eye-contact with me, " Duo, I love you so much. Could I kiss you?" he asked, blushing in the slanted moonlight that shone dully through the blinds onto his sculpted figure. I wasn't sure how to answer him. I just watched him, giving the barest nod. E blinked, his eyes darkening with an emotion I was completely unfamiliar with. Didn't they call it lust?
Heero waited as I turned to face him, swallowing reflexively as he lent closer to me, his face just inches from mine. I could feel his breath over my lips. What would happen when he kissed me? What happened when people kissed usually? In all the movies I'd even seen with men and women; when they kissed, it always turned into other things. Would Heero want to put his tongue in my mouth? Would he want to see me naked? What would happen if he wanted more than that? What if he wanted me to go down on him or worse, what if he wanted to fuck me? I didn't know what to do if any of those things happened. Hell, I hardly knew how to kiss.
"Heero, I've never done this kind of thing before," I tried to explain, but Heero just nodded a little and came closer. My eyes widened as his lips parted just the slightest and then they were on mine. It was better than I expected it to be. Heero''s lips were soft and he didn't use too much pressure. It was just a chaste joining of lips until he massaged mine just a bit with his. It felt nice and my body started warming up a lot more than it had just moments before. He pulled back for breath and I thought I should maybe say something before he kissed me again, but I was too nervous to do it.
Heero was looking at me so intensely as he moved to slide in between my legs, hovering over me. I let him do it, not exactly sure what was going to happen when he did it. He kissed me again, his lips harder than before, his mouth opening. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the feeling. Then his tongue slipped in between my lips and into my mouth. I wasn't sure what to think as my eyes shot open. Heero didn't pull back again, breathing through his nose instead. His tongue pressed insistently against my own, coaxing it into motion. I slowly slid my own against his, playing with slick muscle and trying to memorize the feeling of it.
Heero seemed to know what he was doing as his hands trailed under my long night shirt and up my sides softly. I shivered impulsively, my own hands itching to move. I worked on instinct as I ran my fingers up Heero's back. He hummed into my mouth in appreciation. I let my hands explore, trailing my finger tips over his skin. Before I knew it, my shirt was being pulled off and Heero's mouth was on my neck, hot tongue sliding against my pulse. I breathed heavily as pleasured tremors ran through me.
As Heero's tongue traveled down my neck, over my collarbone and onto my chest, I moaned, my hands automatically curling into his chocolaty locks. I didn't even know what was happening anymore as he slipped my boxer briefs off and I was nude before him. By the time the fog in my mind had cleared enough to realize just what was taking place, Heero was over me completely naked as well, his larger erection bobbing proudly against his thigh. My own hard-on throbbed between us, the reddened tip leaking pre-cum. I'd never been so hard in my life and certainly not in front of anyone. I knew what was going to happen then. It was obvious. I understood the mechanics of it, but I didn't know what to expect when it came to actually doing it.
Heero was looking around for some kind of lube when I found my voice once more, “Heero, wait, I-I'm a virgin,” I blurted out embarrassedly as he looked down at me expectantly. I may run and hide, but I never lie and if Heero was going to have sex with me, he definitely needed to now I was a virgin. I watched his reaction. He seemed to think it over for a moment, his hair obscuring his lovely eyes as his mind worked over what I'd said. He'd probably already known that I was a virgin since I'd said that I'd never even kissed anyone before. I laid out beneath him, feeling utterly vulnerable and unsure of where to go from there, so I waited.
"Duo, if you want to wait, I won't force you. I'd never force you. It's up to you. I love you and I just want to show you what it's like," he spoke finally, his warm fingertips tracing light patterns over my flat abdomen, dipping into my naval occasionally. I swallowed, aroused goosebumps rising on my skin. He was offering me a way out if I wasn't ready for this. Quite frankly, I wasn't sure if I was or not, but I wanted him, I wanted him terribly. I closed my eyes for a minute, trying desperately to collect my muddled thoughts. Heero shifted again above me. I knew he would be on top; I'd always assumed it when I imagined us together. It would hurt me; I knew that too. So, was I ready for that?
My breath came in breathless pants. I wasn't used to the feelings rolling through me. I was feeling a lot of things, desires, urges I'd never felt before and I didn't know what to do or what Heero was doing to make me feel the way I did. All of the emotion was radiating from the messy, chocolate-haired boy over me. He was driving me insane with pleasure and need. I opened my eyes again to lock with the icy blue crystal of Heero's. "Yes, I want to," came my whispered assent, permission granted.
(Heero)
That's all it took to spur me back into motion. The simple acceptance, exhaled through an innocent mouth. I breathed over the pale skin of the angel beneath me hungrily. If possible he was even more beautiful than with clothes on. I let my hands ghost a light trail of touch over his virgin body as he made small gasps and whimpers when I found his erogenous zones. Beautiful, so very beautiful and innocent. I knew this would be more amazing than anything I'd ever felt before, I just knew it would be. I'd had sex before, but this was different, this was love. Duo was a virgin and I intended to make it perfect for him, nothing like my first time. His first time would be special, I'd make sure of it. I crawled over him, spreading his legs gently, so that I could lay between his parted thighs easily. The position pushed my hard shaft dangerously close to his tight entrance. I wanted him so very badly, but I would not be forceful; I refused to be. I couldn't allow myself to be too rough, not with Duo. He was too precious to me, so I was gentle with Duo.
"Duo, you're sure?" I questioned for assurance. Once I started, I didn't think I'd be able to stop. I reached for a small container of Vaseline I kept for my chapped lips in my bedside drawer. His only reply was a soft sigh and a slight nod as I twisted the blue lid off the container. Duo's breathing became heavier and shook a little nervously. I scooped a healthy amount of the somewhat sticky substance out of the container and smeared it on the fingers of my right hand as I gazed down at the chestnut-haired beauty beneath me.
"Duo, baby, open your eyes," I demanded huskily as I circled a finger around the tightly wrinkled entrance of my soon-to-be lover. His eyes opened, nearly violet depths meeting mine and I remembered what had made me fall in love with him in the first place; his eyes, his beautiful cobalt eyes that seemed to change from blue to almost violet depending on his mood. They were so full of emotion. His eyes had caught me and I had fallen for him, head over heals. I pushed a well-lubed finger through the tight ring of muscle, feeling the smooth walls of his insides.
"Ahh," Duo exclaimed, arching reflexively at the intrusion.
"Shh, it's okay Duo, I'll try to be gentle," I promised in a soothing whisper. I slowly pulled the finger out and then pushed it back in slightly faster. I repeated the motion a few times, trying to get him used to the awkward feeling of being penetrated. Duo was so incredibly tight. I was losing my control quickly, but I held back, vowing to go slow. I added a second finger, scissoring the two back and forth, loosening the muscles before adding a third and final finger, causing Duo to cry out and whimper as I stretched his anus farther. That's when I found that spot. That spot that sent shivers down your spine and your blood to boiling, blasting you with unimaginable pleasure. I rubbed my fingertips over Duo's prostate again, reveling in the way he shuddered and moaned softly.
I couldn't take my own preparation anymore. I pulled my fingers from within Duo's scalding channel quickly and prepped my manhood with the rest of the Vaseline in my left hand. It was too much to handle, with the noises Duo was making and the tight heat that was embracing my fingers. I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep my sluggish pace. I needed him so terribly. My erect shaft was close to painful with arousal as I lubed myself. I stared down at Duo, my eyes burning into him with unrestrained lust. His breathing was coming in ragged pants and he was writhing under me, craving more friction, his erection rubbing against my thigh. He was so innocent, so pure and it turned me on so much that I thought I might ejaculate too soon. I couldn't wait to be inside of him.
"Duo this is the part that will hurt. I'll be careful, I promise," I warned, panting harshly. I was so afraid I'd tear him. He'd never done this before after all and it wasn't uncommon for it to happen your first time. His body would be sensitive and easy to tear if I was too rough. I'd be careful, I'd promised, I just hoped I'd prepared him enough to accept me. I pushed against the still tight hole, warning my angel that I was coming in. Duo just gasped and arched his back a little in anticipation. I pressed a bit harder, breaking through the virgin entrance with just the ruby crown. I slowly moved forward until I was hilt-deep inside his clamping channel.
Duo cried out, "Heero, it hurts," I watched him, his face contorted in pain, his lip between his teeth. He was crying, tears trekking silvery paths down his flushed cheeks.
"Do...You...Want to...Stop?" I panted out through gritted teeth. I would stop if he said yes, I was fully ready to pull out, although my body would give me hell for it.
"No, d-don't stop. It's okay, just don't move yet," he answered breathlessly. My arms shook with the effort as I stilled myself within him. I breathed a slow breath as I tried to force my body to calm down; it would get what it craved if it was just patient.
After what seemed an eternity, but was really no more than just a few minutes, Duo moved his hips experimentally. I groaned at the feel of my shaft slipping in deeper. I took his movement as my cue to continue. I gave a shallow thrust and Duo wrapped his arms around my shoulders and his legs around my waist tightly. I pulled out and thrust completely back in rougher than before, sliding easily. Duo hissed and dug his blunt nails into my flesh. I sighed, sinking into him again.
I thrust faster and Duo whimpered, but pushed back against me. There were still tears trailing on his face. He didn't want to stop, I reminded myself. I picked up the tempo, getting swifter with each sinking thrust as Duo began thrusting his hips back against mine, following in perfect sync with my rhythm. I was slipping, I was sure that I was going to climax. I was about to pull out of Duo, since I hadn't worn a condom. I didn't think it would be right for me to cum inside of him, but he stopped me.
"No," he demanded, holding onto me tighter.
"No what?" I asked confusedly, thrusting slowly and massaging Duo's erection in my unoccupied hand.
"Don't stop. Don't pull away. I love you, make me your's, cum inside me," he clarified huskily as his body shuddered from a barely contained climax.
I pushed harder into him, causing him to lose the last bit of control he had been using to hold back. He shivered as he shot hot seed onto my already burning hand. Damn, he was so beautiful, his face sweaty and flushed with orgasm, hair stuck to his forehead. That was it; that was all I could take before I lost control. I thrust once more, pushing myself deep into Duo before I spilled hot semen into his convulsing body. I knew I had broken a rule by coming inside of Duo, but he had wanted me to. Doctor J had told me never to ejaculate inside anyone without a condom, especially women or one of the other pilots. He explained why except that it would cause big problems. I pushed the nagging worry into the back of my mind, besides Duo and I both seemed fine at the time. Duo was mine, entirely mine.
Our breathing slowed to gentle exhales of warm breath as our heart rates settled back to normal from their elevated beating. I pulled my softening member out of Duo slowly. He winced a little, but didn't make a sound, his body still shivering in the aftermath of our lovemaking. It kind of surprised me that Duo hadn't been extremely vocal during sex, but I just assumed that it was because he was vocal everywhere else.
"Duo, I love you," I said in an exhausted whisper as I turned him over, pressing his back to my chest, ignoring the mess between us. He was smaller than me; I was taller and broader which made it easier for him to mold himself back against me. I smiled, completely sated as he cuddled closer.
"I love you too, Heero," he whispered back tiredly, already on the verge of sleep. As I held my angel we felt the peace of slumber entering us.
My arms wrapped tightly around the beauty that was mine, my angel, my love. I'd never leave him, at least not on purpose. I was slowly becoming human and Duo was my light, my reason for staying. I kissed the nape of his neck as I teetered over the edge of sleep. Duo snuggled up to me he fell into sweet oblivion, sharing the same dreams. And I knew that it was right, that everything would turn out fine, I just knew it.
(Next Morning)
(Heero)
I yawned widely as I opened my blurry eyes to the light of new-dawn gray. I was warm all over and I'd had the best sleep I could ever remember having. My arms were wrapped tightly around something that was equally warm and I smiled drowsily before confusion set in. Then I remembered the events of the night before. Duo. I sighed contentedly. He felt the same. I sighed again heavily this time; I'd have to leave him today. I was going to take his mission for him. Damn it, we'd barely just begun our relationship.
I slipped from the bed stealthily, careful not to wake my slumbering lover. He turned over, curling into the spot I'd just vacated and hummed in his sleep. I shook my head, smiling at him. I wandered into the bathroom and showered all of the now itchy, dried sperm from my chest and and abdomen, washing my hair and humming quietly under the heated spray. I still couldn't forget what Duo had looked like during his climax.
I finished relatively quickly, spending minimal amount of time to rid myself of the erection I'd given myself thinking about the night before. I dressed for the impending mission and scribbled a simple note on a scrap of paper for my lover. 'I your mission. Don't be angry. Sleep in. I'll see you later during the mission. I love you. 'Ro'
I left the note on the bed next to Duo's head, hoping he wouldn't role onto it while he slept. I had to take Duo's mission. The others would come in later as backup for me after I'd infiltrated and placed bombs throughout the base. Duo was the demolition expert, but there was no way he'd be on par after last night. I was sure I could pull it off. There wouldn't be a lot of mobile suits after all. It should have been easy. It was an OZ research base. As I saw it, an in-out operation. Set off some bombs, kill a few Leos and go home happy to see my Duo. I tied my boots quickly and left after giving Duo a butterfly kiss on his forehead.
(Duo)
I did the tie up on the end of my three foot long braid angrily, slipping out the door with the stealth born of the streets I'd grown up on. I tried to stay angry at Heero for taking my part of the mission, but I couldn't. I knew why he'd done it. My lower back ached and I hoped I wasn't walking oddly. Heaven help me if I was. I didn't know if I could deal with the guys' questions. I smirked as I walked silently to the hanger, I was to join the guys for the mission in Heero's place. I walked lightly into the hanger being used to hold our Gundams.
The guys were waiting already and apparently hadn't heard me yet, not to mention, they would be expecting my stoic counterpart instead of me. "Hey guys!" I called out loudly, jogging over. Wufei and Quatre jumped visibly. "A little jumpy are we?"I questioned, smirking, eyes alight with humor.
"Hey Duo, what are you doing here?" Quatre asked, a blush coloring his cheeks.
"Good morning Maxwell," Wufei greeted, pretending he hadn't heard the comment I'd made and obviously waiting for the answer to Quat's question. I was greeted with a pleasant nod from Trowa. What was with that guy, I mean he never and I mean NEVER talked, well not to me at least. I think he talked to Quatre. They were all looking at me intently.
“Heero and I decided to trade places, no big deal,” I explained with a shrug, hoping it was enough of an answer.
"Are we all ready then?" Wu asked, exhaling an annoyed breath. Trowa and Quatre nodded affirmatively.
"Yeah, sure thing Wu-baby," I jabbed cheerily as I watched Wufei try to hold his anger at bay. It's not that I didn't like Chang, it was just fun to piss him off sometimes and so easy too.
"Do not call me that, the name is WUFEI!" he gritted out, storming off toward his Shenlong.
I headed for Deathscythe as well, chuckling along my way. "Hey baby, good morning. Gonna go kick some Ozzie ass today. So be good for me, 'kay?" I greeted the enormous onyx mecha, booting up my Gundam and waiting for the guys
.
"Ready," I got from all three of them.
"Alright then, Let's go!" I exclaimed, feeling the adrenaline already starting to course through my blood as I took off towards the base Heero had left for earlier that morning.
~If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go,
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go.~
(OZ Base)
(Heero)
The bombs had been planted for over twenty minutes and I was being bombarded by mobile suits. It had not been a research facility; it was a fucking hanger full of the bastards. I was being overwhelmed and I couldn't get a beam canon aimed to set off the god damned bombs inside the base. There was no way to set them off otherwise. The only other thing that would set them off was an explosion, a very big explosion.
I had a decision to make. There were way too many Leos for me to take on alone and the others wouldn't be here for at least another five minutes, five minutes I didn't have to wait. I was already injured slightly with broken ribs due to a close encounter with a way too experienced soldier. I was beginning to think that it had been a set up all along. There was no time for the others to get here to set the stupid bombs off and I was already injured. I had only one choice. My last decision and damn it it was the hardest fucking thing I'd ever done. Self-Destruction was the only way. I hated it. I hated the war and the infernal Leos that were pummeling me. I hated Fate and all her cruel games and I hated the soldier in me. Why couldn't I be a coward for once and run away?
I typed a brief message into the computer:
'Duo,
I'm so sorry. We'll meet again someday. It was the only way. I had to set the bombs off. I've ended it when it's just barely begun. I'm so very sorry. I love you always. Goodbye.
Heero'
I hit the send button harder than I needed to, angry at the unjustness of it all. I closed my eyes and reached for the detonator that belonged to Wing. I realized belatedly that my cheeks were damp. Was I crying? I hadn't known it was possible. I started having second thoughts about my decision, delaying the inevitable. I made a quick connection to Deathscythe. I needed to see him just once more, once more just to say a final goodbye. I didn't want to die staring at the cockpit of my cold Gundam.
~And maybe, I'll find out a way to
Make it back someday
To watch you,
To guide you
Through the darkest of your days.
If a greater wave shall fall
And fall upon us all
Well then,
I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you.~
(Duo)
I was flying swiftly, only ten minutes until I saw Heero again, ten minutes. I looked ahead, hearing loud booms, sounding a lot like the rolling of thunder. I knew what it was before I even saw it. Explosions, it had to be, nothing else made the sound of thunder quite like they did. What the hell?! I sped up. What was going on? Heero? How could a research base have taken down Heero, the Perfect Soldier? It wasn't possible, not Heero, not if it was just a simple research facility. It had to have been a trap.
There was beep from my computer. It cut into my thoughts as I was trying to figure out what was going on. What the hell? A message? From who? I opened it quickly, expecting it to be from one of the others, asking about the noise. I was surprised when I saw that it had been sent several minutes before. I waited, sighing in annoyance while the file downloaded. Damn, was I impatient.
The small message popped up and I read it quicker than I thought I ever could. I read it over three times before I could comprehend it. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. It had to be some kind of awful joke. I understood, I understood exactly what it was, but he hadn't done it yet. My thoughts were interrupted again as another bleep sounded from the irritated computer in front of me. I accepted the transmission without hesitation, knowing who it was. Maybe he was calling to say he was kidding. I doubted it, but am guy could hope, couldn't he?
Heero's face suddenly appeared on the screen, looking worn, "Duo? Duo, I'm sorry. I love you. I just had to see you one more time, before I--" he trailed off, eyes cast downwards. He couldn't even finish his sentence. It wasn't a joke.
"No! No, Heero, please, don't do this, please. I need you, I love you. I'm almost there. Please, can't you just hang on? Just a little longer? Don't leave me, not yet," I begged, feeling searing tears pour down my cheeks.
"No, Duo you won't make it in time, just let me go, please Duo? Don't make this harder than it already is. I'll come back to you one day. I promise, just wait for me," he spoke as though he wasn't going to die, choking on the words a little, trying to make me feel better when he knew that he was lying to me.
"B-But, Heero," I stuttered desperately. I was so close now, only two minutes away.
"Duo, I love you. Goodbye, and please don't forget me while I'm gone," he finished, ignoring my pleading as he kissed his bloodied fingers and placed them to the screen, a sorrowful smile on his lips as they trembled. I noticed something right then, I noticed that Heero was weeping, actually crying, tears glistening on his sharp cheekbones. He really hadn't wanted to do it. I placed my shaking hand to the screen as if I'd be able to feel his through the unforgiving glass.
"I'd never forget you, not ever. I love you. Goodbye Heero," my voice wavered, barely more than a broken whisper as I let him go and let myself go as well. I sobbed into my clammy hands, breath hitching.
"Duo," It was the last thing I heard as I looked up from my hands to the video screen and watched Heero push that little red button, the one that would take him away from me forever, "Goodbye, love..."and he was gone in a massive blast of fire, debris, and shrapnel.
'Goodbye...' I thought as I let my Gundam plummet to the ground below. There was no way I could pilot in my condition.
~If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go,
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go.
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love.~
(Heero)
I looked down to the item in my palm. My thumb moved over the filthy red button, smeared with my blood and grease from my machine. I glanced back at Duo one last time. Goodbye Duo, I'm sorry. I crushed the button, still staring into Duo's beautiful blue-violet eyes, shimmering with tears. 'I'm so very sorry, Koi. I hope I'll keep my promise and come back to you someday. Never forget. Never forget me, please.' I thought silently as my mecha fell apart around me.
I closed my eyes as I was engulfed in flames. Goodbye. It was agony. I screamed until my voice cracked and broke as I was burned. It hurt so much, I passed out. I wondered how long it would take before death claimed me. Shinigami, death...Duo...
I fell from the shattered cockpit, into the debris of my destroyed gundam. I wasn't going to wait for death. Pain was horrible and even the 'Perfect Soldier' couldn't take all of it. All I wanted was peace and I closed my eyes for the final time before the tears could even begin to fall.
~I know now just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart,
In your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time.~
(Duo)
I crash landed Deathscythe in a forested area and flung myself carelessly from the cockpit. I vomited three times, heaving up everything I'd eaten that morning and probably a gallon of bile from my abused stomach. I realized belatedly that the others were landing nearby, their mechas rumbling as they came to the ground. 'Only two of them?' I wondered idly.
Quatre came running over as soon as he'd exited Sandrock. Trowa was close behind, zip lining down from Heavyarms to stand next to the little blond. They both looked utterly concerned. Tears streaked my face as I wiped my mouth on my sleeve haphazardly.
"Duo, what happened?" Quatre questioned worriedly.
"He-Heero," I managed to stutter out brokenly, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over again.
Then Trowa was there, wrapping his arms around me like an older brother would, "Shh, Duo, it's okay now. He did it to save us and the civilians around here. He'll never truly be gone. He's always going to be here with you, always," he was soothing me, or at least trying to, his voice so soft and cool that it was actually working. I'd even forgotten, this guy holding me, soothing me, was non-talkative Trowa, himself. I remembered vaguely that Wufei hadn't landed, he'd just yelled down from the open hatch of his Gundam that he'd go back to the safe house and get things prepared for our return.
Quatre collapsed on the ground beside Trowa, a hand coming to rest lightly on my shoulder, "Oh Duo, I'm so sorry, Heero," he began, his own voice quivering with emotion.
"Quatre, leave him be, okay? He needs to let go," Trowa interrupted, stopping Quatre's impending speech. He meant well, but his speech would have been far too much for me to handle at that time. Trowa had known that.
"Okay," the emotional blond agreed in a tiny voice, looking slightly hurt. "Duo, it'll be alright, I promise. Quatre, Wufei and I will take care of you while he's away," Trowa soothed in his soft tenor, stroking my hair as he held me.
I broke down right then, curling up in Trowa's lap like an injured child and I sobbed heart wrenchingly. I clenched my fists in the loose forest green fabric of his shirt until my knuckles were white and my palms ached. I hated crying. Trowa rubbed my back as I wept into his broad chest. He hugged me tightly, holding me close to him. He was talking again, soothing me with comforting whispers that made little sense, but were soothing non-the-less. If I tried hard, I could imagine that Heero was in his place. Their bodies weren't so different from one another.
"I-I loved him," I whispered raspingly, my voice worn from my violent sobbing fit and vomiting.
"I know. Shh, it's going to be fine now. You'll be alright. It'll take some time, but you'll survive, you have to, you're a survivor, Duo," Trowa replied in a quiet tone, his words hanging heavily in the still air.
"Trowa?" a hesitant voice called gently, making itself known.
"Yes, Quatre?" the tall man, whom had hardly said two words to me prior to that day, still holding me tightly answered the platinum-haired boy beside him.
"Well, it's getting dark. We should get him home. We can bring him in one of our Gundams and camouflage his until tomorrow. I don't think he can pilot," Quatre explained softly, gently moving my bangs away from my tear-clouded eyes. Quatre's own aquamarine orbs were shining with sympathy and reflected pain.
"Yes, you're right, Quatre. I'll take him though. I can carry him," Trowa replied, moving to stand, still holding me against his chest like a baby. I didn't even have the energy to be indignant.
I had been too out of it to protest, still in shock, I assumed. Trowa'd picked me up in his arms like I weighed nothing. I imagined that if he were Heero, it would feel the same. Trowa put me in his Gundam before climbing in himself and placing me back in his lap once again. Seconds, minutes, tens of minutes passed; I didn't really know, I was oblivious to everything except for the comforting voices of my caring comrades. Quatre radioed a later, telling us he was ready to go and my Gundam was hidden well. We left for the current safe house quickly, not even glancing back. I was still crying silently, my heart dying along with Heero and I didn't think I wanted to live anymore. Everyone I loved, died. And now that curse, my curse, had killed my lover.
We arrived at the house in record time. I don't even recall being rushed immediately to my room or when Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa all laid with me in my too-small bed. I grieved and they comforted me until I had cried myself to sleep. Sleep was fitful even though I didn't dream at all, no nightmares, nothing. The next day we'd have to find the Gundam debris and the body.
And in all of this, I'd awoken that day to a strange feeling. It hadn't gone away. When I thought about it, it'd been there, in the pit of my stomach since Heero had climaxed inside of me. I hadn't realized it then, but I'd remembered later. I didn't know what it was, but I'd hoped it was nothing.
(Next Day)
(Duo)
I didn't go with them to look for the Gundam and Heero's body. I couldn't. I sat in the windowsill, watching the rain trickle down the pane while depressing music played from my stereo, floating across the plains of my room. Quatre had stayed with me. I assumed they all thought I'd try to kill myself again like I had after that one mission. I'd been ordered to bomb a church full of OZ recruits. They'd just been babies, no more than thirteen. I was just fifteen and I shouldn't have to be in it, let alone slaughtering children only two years my juniors. True, it'd only been a year since then when I'd slit my wrists and I'd never forgive myself for what I did to those kids. Besides, they didn't have to worry I didn't even have the heart even to do that.
Trowa and Chang got back after about two hours. Trowa came into my room silently and I could hear Wufei soothing a sobbing Quatre outside my door. Trowa looked at me, his eyes showing his own grief and I acknowledged him with dead eyes of my own.
"Duo, I have something to tell you," he said in an oddly eerie tone. I watched solemnly, waiting for the news of the body and my dead lover.
"What is it?" I asked, my voice hollow and monotone. I couldn't bring myself to put the joker's mask back in place.
"We didn't find any sign of a body. There was nothing," he elaborated, giving me the best answer I ever could have hoped for. I couldn't believe it. He could be ALIVE! Still out there or kidnapped, but alive. Heero...
~If I could then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go...~
Okay, so this is rewritten and re-vamped, so I hope you all enjoyed it. Please leave a review to let me know
Read the next chapter. It happens to be the sequel, 'Right Behind You'. I thought it would be easier to put the sequel with the prequel, so you won't have to search for it. Nice of me, huh? >.<
Angel
I do not own GW or the song used which is 'Wherever You Will Go' by The Calling.
Warnings: LEMON, yaoi (maleXmale), character death, and mentions of past suicide attempts, swearing, violence, slight gore, MPREG, OOCNESS, WAFF, etc. If you can't stomach this kind of story or you don't like yaoi please don't read.
Author's notes: I'm sorry for the death, that character is one of my favorite ones and I really don't like when characters die. There is a sequel, so please don't write this off because the character dies. You may be surprised at the outcome.
~Lyrics~
********************************** *************************************************************************** ************
~So lately, been wondering,
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face.
If a greater wave shall fall
And fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone,
Could you make it on your own?~
(Heero)
I shared a room Duo in yet another broken-down, shack of a safe house. As usual, we had been paired up as partners and apparent bunkmates as well. I watched him from afar, memorizing and trying desperately to analyze his enigmatic and intriguing behavior. It amazed me that someone could be so cheerful and mischievous while in the midst of carnage and war. I didn't fit in with him; I couldn't. How could anyone else pull off his personality? I had become completely enamored with him without even realizing it. I had even begun referring to him as beautiful in my mind. By the time I finally realized what had happened, it was far too late to stop the emotion. I was certain that I was falling in love with him, but I vowed to never allow him to know it. I couldn't risk distracting him or losing him because of my selfish heart.
So I played my role as the emotionless, robotic prick and Duo played his as the ever laughing prankster. He'd never think I could feel the way I did for him; he'd never even guess that I could harbor the emotions. He would never know that I loved him and I would never tell him so. I figured he didn't like guys anyways. If he did, he wouldn't hang out with that girl, what was her name, Hilde? And he wouldn't let her cling to him like she did or at least that's what I told myself daily, trying to harden my resolve to never let him know I cared. I didn't know for sure really. It's not like he'd broad casted his sexual orientation to the world. I couldn't even build up the courage to ask him about it, lest he figure out my ulterior motives. Besides, everyone thought I was heterosexual, or at least I liked to believe they did. I wasn't positive, but I thought that Trowa might have figured me out. I was grateful that he was a quiet boy.
A faint snore from across the room stalled the stubborn train of thoughts spinning through my ever-moving mind. 'Duo', I thought, looking over at him. He was so adorable when he was asleep, what an odd word for someone like me to use when describing my closest comrade, but it was the only word that came to mind when I gazed upon his prone form.
His luxurious hair was down, spread out around him like a shining halo and my calloused fingers itched to feel it slip between them. I could imagine just how soft those chestnut-coloured locks would be. I wondered idly in the depths of my mind, how he possibly kept it looking the way it did in our profession. His bright cobalt blue eyes were closed in the lull of exhausted slumber, the sooty lashes set lazily upon his defined cheekbones, his face peaceful, lying on his back, slightly on his side with his delicately, pale right palm resting up beside his head and the other lost beneath the excess of blankets somewhere. God damn it! Why did he have to be so beautiful? Why did he have to make me want him so much when I knew I would never have him?
I turned away from the frustrating temptation to watch him to face the utterly uninteresting wall next to my own lumpy bed, the elderly mattress groaning with agony as I moved. I forcefully pushed thoughts of my gorgeous best friend sleeping no more than five feet away into the back of my mind, trying to fall into fitful sleep. I wished I could be in his bed with him, not necessarily sexually either, just to hold him close to me and keep him warm and safe in the middle of the night. It sounded so ridiculously cheesy even to me, but that was what I honestly wanted to be doing in the wee hours of the morning. I couldn't stop thinking about him when I was awake; I'd begun dreaming of him too and it was slowly driving me insane.
Images of him with his hair down and twirling in circles danced about playfully in my head, taunting me. There had been a day when I had caught him doing just that. It had been early one morning in the late spring and I had woken up to find Duo missing. I couldn't understand how he had managed to sneak away without my knowledge, so I had gone looking for him, searching the whole house until I found him in the backyard. The sun had been shining through the cerulean grass, catching the new-dawn dew in that certain way, making it sparkle as though the stars had spent the night on it and Duo had told me that it was his favourite part of the morning once. I'd stood stock still on the cracked cement patio, my eyes unable to break from the vision that was him. He had had his eyes closed, arms outstretched, his long fingers wiggling in the air as his hair floated around him as he spun, too slow to catch up with his swift spinning. He'd been wearing nothing more than an over-sized t-shirt I had given him to wear for bed; it was about five times too big for him. I could just barely see the bottom hem of what I assumed to be his black boxer briefs. 'Beautiful' was the only word in my mind.
I was just nearly beginning to doze, Duo's image still dancing around in my mind's eye. I was on the edge of peaceful slumber, when I felt an ice-cold hand on my bare shoulder. I hadn't even heard him moving from his bed behind me. I whirled around abruptly, grabbing the hand before it could escape. I guess you could say my 'soldier instincts' had kicked in finally. I stared at Duo for a second before releasing his seemingly too-slim wrist from my grip. I'd already known that he'd have bruises from it the next day and a small twang of guilt washed through me briefly before being overwhelmed by concern. He was shaking quite violently before me and there were silvery tears glistening on his already damp cheeks. More of the tiny droplets of salty liquid flowing from his shimmering near indigo eyes.
"Duo, what's wrong?" my voice hardly more than a concern concerned whisper. I hadn't even meant for the concern to be evident, but I hadn't exactly been prepared for the situation at hand. I'd never seen Duo that way before, shaken to the point that he had come to me for comfort. He looked so frightened at the demons in his mind, as if it were eating him up inside. I was worried, more so than I should have let on. I loved Duo more than
anything and no matter what my mind screamed, I couldn't shut him out now.
"I-I had a nightmare and I just--" he stuttered slightly, his voice trembling as tears still streamed in wet tendrils down his ivory cheeks. I reached out to touch him, maybe to wipe away his terrified tears, but he backed away too quickly for me to get the the chance to feel his skin against my finger tips. He clutched his arms to his sides, hugging himself fiercely, "Don't touch me! I just, I needed to make sure it wasn't real, that's all,” he concluded, sending a shiver down my spine as his hauntingly eerie whisper traveled through me.
"Duo," I spoke as softly as I could, my voice just barely above a whisper. I fought furiously with the uncontrollable urge to hold him and comfort him as I might to a lover. I felt helpless as he looked down at me with red-rimmed, watery eyes.
He turned to leave, his feet making no more than a wisp of sound on the chilly floor, "Sorry for waking you," he whispered before taking another step away from me. I watched silently as he did, having no idea what I should or shouldn't do. I couldn't let him go like that, but I couldn't exactly grab a hold of him and hug him tightly to my chest. He now thought I was angry with him for waking me up, when really I was worried, wanting to cuddle him close and never let him go again.
"Duo, wait," it was out of my mouth before it. I hadn't even meant to say it really, but it had slipped between my lips anyways. He cocked his head slightly, acknowledging my interference, listening. "Come here," I finished with a heavy sigh. I pulled up the blankets to make room for him. He watched me questioningly as he turned fully to face me, his eyes widening just the slightest bit. I noticed the tears staining his cheeks now that the flow had begun to slow, only a few new drops sluggishly clinging to his lashes. I held back the pressing desire to grab him and pull him to me. "Hurry up, I'm letting all of the heat out," I commanded quietly, smiling, or at least trying to.
Finally, after probably ten minutes of debating with himself inside his head, Duo climbed into the warm haven I'd offered him. It was only a few seconds before, "Heero?" he called out in a voice I've never heard him use before, more than a whisper, but much softer than his normally chipper tone.
"Yeah?" I answered readily, having expected the question I'd known he'd ask.
"Why are you doing this?" he inquired, the words coming from his mouth slowly.
I moved the tiniest bit nearer to him, pressing my body to his. He was shivering obviously, his whole body quivering with cold and his teeth were chattering rapidly. I really mustn't have been thinking clearly at that moment because I blurted clumsily, "Because I love you," without analyzing the repercussions that would take place because of my foolish admission. I had confessed, finally getting the unbearable weight of not knowing, not telling him off of my chest.
"W-What?" he choked out, clearly he hadn't been expecting that kind of answer from someone like me.
"I-I love you," I repeated, a hot blush creeping across my cheeks as the words flew from my mouth once again.
"You do?" he sounded dumbstruck asking in an amazed whisper. His voice quavered a little as he shook against me. What was so hard to believe, that it was a man that loved him or that I, Heero Yuy, the 'Perfect Soldier', loved him?
"Yes, more than anything else I've ever known," I replied boldly, encouraged by the lack of a disgusted outburst or a punch to the jaw. And boy, was I glad it was dark because I was sure that I was a bright scarlet by then. A lot of people didn't think I could blush. Would they be surprised to find out that all it took was being so close to Duo Maxwell.
(Duo)
My stony, frigid best friend had just admitted to me the thing that I had wanted most in the entire known universe, dreamed about since the first time I saw him and all I could do was choke on the reply I'd been praying to say for so long."Heero, I love you too,"I managed to whisper out, finally finding my elusive voice.
"You do? But I thought, I was sure that you and Hilde were--" the surprised answer started, Heero fumbling with his words.
"Hilde and I? No, I could never be with her. She's more like a sister to me Heero, even if she wishes she were more. I'm not particularly attracted to girls anyway," I interrupted, stifling a chuckle in the blankets. Hilde and I; we weren't like that, she knew about my feelings for the angsty, chocolate haired, Wing pilot.
I was still trembling like crazy from the nightmare I'd woken up from. I couldn't believe that it had me so shaken. It was one nightmare I hoped would never come true for Heero's sake and my own. My shaking didn't escape Heero's superior powers of observation.
"Duo, are you alright?" he sounded so concerned, so worried; I'd never thought he could show that kind of emotion; he was always so calm and collected.
"Not really," I whispered truthfully; I never could lie properly. I could feel fresh tears brewing in my already burning eyes. Warm arms encircled me from behind and an entirely too heated body pressed against mine, Heero's toned chest to my lithe back, hardly more than a thin layer of material keeping our skin apart. "Heero,"I started in a soft, scared whisper, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I had no idea what was happening at that moment. I'd never been so close to another person in my entire life and the close proximity was doing things to my body that I wasn't sure I was ready for.
"Shh, it's okay. I won't let you go, not anymore. You're mine now Duo," he soothed comfortingly. The words shot right through my chest, sealing my heart and stealing it from my chest to hold in the palm of his hand for eternity. I sighed shakily, desperately working to subdue my body's reactions to Heero's touch, his words making it even harder to concentrate.
'Oh Heero, why did you do this? You don't understand. Why did you ever fall in love with me? You're going to get hurt if you get involved. Why can't you just stay away? I hate this. Everyone I love, dies. Please Heero, why can't you just hate me? It'd be so much easier, so much less painful. What if my nightmare comes true? What happens when I lose you?' my mind questioned rapidly, but I could change how Heero felt for me no more than I could change color of the moon.
I couldn't stop it, not even if I tried. How could I reject him when I loved him so thoroughly and no I knew he loved me just as well. And now, he'd made a promise to me and probably signed his own death certificate. They didn't nickname me 'Shinigami' for nothing. It was no secret that alll who came in contact wit me, met their untimely death. And I was sorry, so sorry. I was sorry that I wanted him so badly that I couldn't just say goodbye and save him from a curse I didn't know how to break.
I was lost in my own subconscious as Heero shifted behind me. Pulled out of my thoughts abruptly, I glanced back at Heero who was looking right back at me. I stared into the deep Prussian orbs of his eyes, the lines in his irises moving as his pupils dilated in the non-existent light. 'What are you thinking?' I wanted to ask. He spoke instead, not breaking eye-contact with me, " Duo, I love you so much. Could I kiss you?" he asked, blushing in the slanted moonlight that shone dully through the blinds onto his sculpted figure. I wasn't sure how to answer him. I just watched him, giving the barest nod. E blinked, his eyes darkening with an emotion I was completely unfamiliar with. Didn't they call it lust?
Heero waited as I turned to face him, swallowing reflexively as he lent closer to me, his face just inches from mine. I could feel his breath over my lips. What would happen when he kissed me? What happened when people kissed usually? In all the movies I'd even seen with men and women; when they kissed, it always turned into other things. Would Heero want to put his tongue in my mouth? Would he want to see me naked? What would happen if he wanted more than that? What if he wanted me to go down on him or worse, what if he wanted to fuck me? I didn't know what to do if any of those things happened. Hell, I hardly knew how to kiss.
"Heero, I've never done this kind of thing before," I tried to explain, but Heero just nodded a little and came closer. My eyes widened as his lips parted just the slightest and then they were on mine. It was better than I expected it to be. Heero''s lips were soft and he didn't use too much pressure. It was just a chaste joining of lips until he massaged mine just a bit with his. It felt nice and my body started warming up a lot more than it had just moments before. He pulled back for breath and I thought I should maybe say something before he kissed me again, but I was too nervous to do it.
Heero was looking at me so intensely as he moved to slide in between my legs, hovering over me. I let him do it, not exactly sure what was going to happen when he did it. He kissed me again, his lips harder than before, his mouth opening. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the feeling. Then his tongue slipped in between my lips and into my mouth. I wasn't sure what to think as my eyes shot open. Heero didn't pull back again, breathing through his nose instead. His tongue pressed insistently against my own, coaxing it into motion. I slowly slid my own against his, playing with slick muscle and trying to memorize the feeling of it.
Heero seemed to know what he was doing as his hands trailed under my long night shirt and up my sides softly. I shivered impulsively, my own hands itching to move. I worked on instinct as I ran my fingers up Heero's back. He hummed into my mouth in appreciation. I let my hands explore, trailing my finger tips over his skin. Before I knew it, my shirt was being pulled off and Heero's mouth was on my neck, hot tongue sliding against my pulse. I breathed heavily as pleasured tremors ran through me.
As Heero's tongue traveled down my neck, over my collarbone and onto my chest, I moaned, my hands automatically curling into his chocolaty locks. I didn't even know what was happening anymore as he slipped my boxer briefs off and I was nude before him. By the time the fog in my mind had cleared enough to realize just what was taking place, Heero was over me completely naked as well, his larger erection bobbing proudly against his thigh. My own hard-on throbbed between us, the reddened tip leaking pre-cum. I'd never been so hard in my life and certainly not in front of anyone. I knew what was going to happen then. It was obvious. I understood the mechanics of it, but I didn't know what to expect when it came to actually doing it.
Heero was looking around for some kind of lube when I found my voice once more, “Heero, wait, I-I'm a virgin,” I blurted out embarrassedly as he looked down at me expectantly. I may run and hide, but I never lie and if Heero was going to have sex with me, he definitely needed to now I was a virgin. I watched his reaction. He seemed to think it over for a moment, his hair obscuring his lovely eyes as his mind worked over what I'd said. He'd probably already known that I was a virgin since I'd said that I'd never even kissed anyone before. I laid out beneath him, feeling utterly vulnerable and unsure of where to go from there, so I waited.
"Duo, if you want to wait, I won't force you. I'd never force you. It's up to you. I love you and I just want to show you what it's like," he spoke finally, his warm fingertips tracing light patterns over my flat abdomen, dipping into my naval occasionally. I swallowed, aroused goosebumps rising on my skin. He was offering me a way out if I wasn't ready for this. Quite frankly, I wasn't sure if I was or not, but I wanted him, I wanted him terribly. I closed my eyes for a minute, trying desperately to collect my muddled thoughts. Heero shifted again above me. I knew he would be on top; I'd always assumed it when I imagined us together. It would hurt me; I knew that too. So, was I ready for that?
My breath came in breathless pants. I wasn't used to the feelings rolling through me. I was feeling a lot of things, desires, urges I'd never felt before and I didn't know what to do or what Heero was doing to make me feel the way I did. All of the emotion was radiating from the messy, chocolate-haired boy over me. He was driving me insane with pleasure and need. I opened my eyes again to lock with the icy blue crystal of Heero's. "Yes, I want to," came my whispered assent, permission granted.
(Heero)
That's all it took to spur me back into motion. The simple acceptance, exhaled through an innocent mouth. I breathed over the pale skin of the angel beneath me hungrily. If possible he was even more beautiful than with clothes on. I let my hands ghost a light trail of touch over his virgin body as he made small gasps and whimpers when I found his erogenous zones. Beautiful, so very beautiful and innocent. I knew this would be more amazing than anything I'd ever felt before, I just knew it would be. I'd had sex before, but this was different, this was love. Duo was a virgin and I intended to make it perfect for him, nothing like my first time. His first time would be special, I'd make sure of it. I crawled over him, spreading his legs gently, so that I could lay between his parted thighs easily. The position pushed my hard shaft dangerously close to his tight entrance. I wanted him so very badly, but I would not be forceful; I refused to be. I couldn't allow myself to be too rough, not with Duo. He was too precious to me, so I was gentle with Duo.
"Duo, you're sure?" I questioned for assurance. Once I started, I didn't think I'd be able to stop. I reached for a small container of Vaseline I kept for my chapped lips in my bedside drawer. His only reply was a soft sigh and a slight nod as I twisted the blue lid off the container. Duo's breathing became heavier and shook a little nervously. I scooped a healthy amount of the somewhat sticky substance out of the container and smeared it on the fingers of my right hand as I gazed down at the chestnut-haired beauty beneath me.
"Duo, baby, open your eyes," I demanded huskily as I circled a finger around the tightly wrinkled entrance of my soon-to-be lover. His eyes opened, nearly violet depths meeting mine and I remembered what had made me fall in love with him in the first place; his eyes, his beautiful cobalt eyes that seemed to change from blue to almost violet depending on his mood. They were so full of emotion. His eyes had caught me and I had fallen for him, head over heals. I pushed a well-lubed finger through the tight ring of muscle, feeling the smooth walls of his insides.
"Ahh," Duo exclaimed, arching reflexively at the intrusion.
"Shh, it's okay Duo, I'll try to be gentle," I promised in a soothing whisper. I slowly pulled the finger out and then pushed it back in slightly faster. I repeated the motion a few times, trying to get him used to the awkward feeling of being penetrated. Duo was so incredibly tight. I was losing my control quickly, but I held back, vowing to go slow. I added a second finger, scissoring the two back and forth, loosening the muscles before adding a third and final finger, causing Duo to cry out and whimper as I stretched his anus farther. That's when I found that spot. That spot that sent shivers down your spine and your blood to boiling, blasting you with unimaginable pleasure. I rubbed my fingertips over Duo's prostate again, reveling in the way he shuddered and moaned softly.
I couldn't take my own preparation anymore. I pulled my fingers from within Duo's scalding channel quickly and prepped my manhood with the rest of the Vaseline in my left hand. It was too much to handle, with the noises Duo was making and the tight heat that was embracing my fingers. I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep my sluggish pace. I needed him so terribly. My erect shaft was close to painful with arousal as I lubed myself. I stared down at Duo, my eyes burning into him with unrestrained lust. His breathing was coming in ragged pants and he was writhing under me, craving more friction, his erection rubbing against my thigh. He was so innocent, so pure and it turned me on so much that I thought I might ejaculate too soon. I couldn't wait to be inside of him.
"Duo this is the part that will hurt. I'll be careful, I promise," I warned, panting harshly. I was so afraid I'd tear him. He'd never done this before after all and it wasn't uncommon for it to happen your first time. His body would be sensitive and easy to tear if I was too rough. I'd be careful, I'd promised, I just hoped I'd prepared him enough to accept me. I pushed against the still tight hole, warning my angel that I was coming in. Duo just gasped and arched his back a little in anticipation. I pressed a bit harder, breaking through the virgin entrance with just the ruby crown. I slowly moved forward until I was hilt-deep inside his clamping channel.
Duo cried out, "Heero, it hurts," I watched him, his face contorted in pain, his lip between his teeth. He was crying, tears trekking silvery paths down his flushed cheeks.
"Do...You...Want to...Stop?" I panted out through gritted teeth. I would stop if he said yes, I was fully ready to pull out, although my body would give me hell for it.
"No, d-don't stop. It's okay, just don't move yet," he answered breathlessly. My arms shook with the effort as I stilled myself within him. I breathed a slow breath as I tried to force my body to calm down; it would get what it craved if it was just patient.
After what seemed an eternity, but was really no more than just a few minutes, Duo moved his hips experimentally. I groaned at the feel of my shaft slipping in deeper. I took his movement as my cue to continue. I gave a shallow thrust and Duo wrapped his arms around my shoulders and his legs around my waist tightly. I pulled out and thrust completely back in rougher than before, sliding easily. Duo hissed and dug his blunt nails into my flesh. I sighed, sinking into him again.
I thrust faster and Duo whimpered, but pushed back against me. There were still tears trailing on his face. He didn't want to stop, I reminded myself. I picked up the tempo, getting swifter with each sinking thrust as Duo began thrusting his hips back against mine, following in perfect sync with my rhythm. I was slipping, I was sure that I was going to climax. I was about to pull out of Duo, since I hadn't worn a condom. I didn't think it would be right for me to cum inside of him, but he stopped me.
"No," he demanded, holding onto me tighter.
"No what?" I asked confusedly, thrusting slowly and massaging Duo's erection in my unoccupied hand.
"Don't stop. Don't pull away. I love you, make me your's, cum inside me," he clarified huskily as his body shuddered from a barely contained climax.
I pushed harder into him, causing him to lose the last bit of control he had been using to hold back. He shivered as he shot hot seed onto my already burning hand. Damn, he was so beautiful, his face sweaty and flushed with orgasm, hair stuck to his forehead. That was it; that was all I could take before I lost control. I thrust once more, pushing myself deep into Duo before I spilled hot semen into his convulsing body. I knew I had broken a rule by coming inside of Duo, but he had wanted me to. Doctor J had told me never to ejaculate inside anyone without a condom, especially women or one of the other pilots. He explained why except that it would cause big problems. I pushed the nagging worry into the back of my mind, besides Duo and I both seemed fine at the time. Duo was mine, entirely mine.
Our breathing slowed to gentle exhales of warm breath as our heart rates settled back to normal from their elevated beating. I pulled my softening member out of Duo slowly. He winced a little, but didn't make a sound, his body still shivering in the aftermath of our lovemaking. It kind of surprised me that Duo hadn't been extremely vocal during sex, but I just assumed that it was because he was vocal everywhere else.
"Duo, I love you," I said in an exhausted whisper as I turned him over, pressing his back to my chest, ignoring the mess between us. He was smaller than me; I was taller and broader which made it easier for him to mold himself back against me. I smiled, completely sated as he cuddled closer.
"I love you too, Heero," he whispered back tiredly, already on the verge of sleep. As I held my angel we felt the peace of slumber entering us.
My arms wrapped tightly around the beauty that was mine, my angel, my love. I'd never leave him, at least not on purpose. I was slowly becoming human and Duo was my light, my reason for staying. I kissed the nape of his neck as I teetered over the edge of sleep. Duo snuggled up to me he fell into sweet oblivion, sharing the same dreams. And I knew that it was right, that everything would turn out fine, I just knew it.
(Next Morning)
(Heero)
I yawned widely as I opened my blurry eyes to the light of new-dawn gray. I was warm all over and I'd had the best sleep I could ever remember having. My arms were wrapped tightly around something that was equally warm and I smiled drowsily before confusion set in. Then I remembered the events of the night before. Duo. I sighed contentedly. He felt the same. I sighed again heavily this time; I'd have to leave him today. I was going to take his mission for him. Damn it, we'd barely just begun our relationship.
I slipped from the bed stealthily, careful not to wake my slumbering lover. He turned over, curling into the spot I'd just vacated and hummed in his sleep. I shook my head, smiling at him. I wandered into the bathroom and showered all of the now itchy, dried sperm from my chest and and abdomen, washing my hair and humming quietly under the heated spray. I still couldn't forget what Duo had looked like during his climax.
I finished relatively quickly, spending minimal amount of time to rid myself of the erection I'd given myself thinking about the night before. I dressed for the impending mission and scribbled a simple note on a scrap of paper for my lover. 'I your mission. Don't be angry. Sleep in. I'll see you later during the mission. I love you. 'Ro'
I left the note on the bed next to Duo's head, hoping he wouldn't role onto it while he slept. I had to take Duo's mission. The others would come in later as backup for me after I'd infiltrated and placed bombs throughout the base. Duo was the demolition expert, but there was no way he'd be on par after last night. I was sure I could pull it off. There wouldn't be a lot of mobile suits after all. It should have been easy. It was an OZ research base. As I saw it, an in-out operation. Set off some bombs, kill a few Leos and go home happy to see my Duo. I tied my boots quickly and left after giving Duo a butterfly kiss on his forehead.
(Duo)
I did the tie up on the end of my three foot long braid angrily, slipping out the door with the stealth born of the streets I'd grown up on. I tried to stay angry at Heero for taking my part of the mission, but I couldn't. I knew why he'd done it. My lower back ached and I hoped I wasn't walking oddly. Heaven help me if I was. I didn't know if I could deal with the guys' questions. I smirked as I walked silently to the hanger, I was to join the guys for the mission in Heero's place. I walked lightly into the hanger being used to hold our Gundams.
The guys were waiting already and apparently hadn't heard me yet, not to mention, they would be expecting my stoic counterpart instead of me. "Hey guys!" I called out loudly, jogging over. Wufei and Quatre jumped visibly. "A little jumpy are we?"I questioned, smirking, eyes alight with humor.
"Hey Duo, what are you doing here?" Quatre asked, a blush coloring his cheeks.
"Good morning Maxwell," Wufei greeted, pretending he hadn't heard the comment I'd made and obviously waiting for the answer to Quat's question. I was greeted with a pleasant nod from Trowa. What was with that guy, I mean he never and I mean NEVER talked, well not to me at least. I think he talked to Quatre. They were all looking at me intently.
“Heero and I decided to trade places, no big deal,” I explained with a shrug, hoping it was enough of an answer.
"Are we all ready then?" Wu asked, exhaling an annoyed breath. Trowa and Quatre nodded affirmatively.
"Yeah, sure thing Wu-baby," I jabbed cheerily as I watched Wufei try to hold his anger at bay. It's not that I didn't like Chang, it was just fun to piss him off sometimes and so easy too.
"Do not call me that, the name is WUFEI!" he gritted out, storming off toward his Shenlong.
I headed for Deathscythe as well, chuckling along my way. "Hey baby, good morning. Gonna go kick some Ozzie ass today. So be good for me, 'kay?" I greeted the enormous onyx mecha, booting up my Gundam and waiting for the guys
.
"Ready," I got from all three of them.
"Alright then, Let's go!" I exclaimed, feeling the adrenaline already starting to course through my blood as I took off towards the base Heero had left for earlier that morning.
~If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go,
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go.~
(OZ Base)
(Heero)
The bombs had been planted for over twenty minutes and I was being bombarded by mobile suits. It had not been a research facility; it was a fucking hanger full of the bastards. I was being overwhelmed and I couldn't get a beam canon aimed to set off the god damned bombs inside the base. There was no way to set them off otherwise. The only other thing that would set them off was an explosion, a very big explosion.
I had a decision to make. There were way too many Leos for me to take on alone and the others wouldn't be here for at least another five minutes, five minutes I didn't have to wait. I was already injured slightly with broken ribs due to a close encounter with a way too experienced soldier. I was beginning to think that it had been a set up all along. There was no time for the others to get here to set the stupid bombs off and I was already injured. I had only one choice. My last decision and damn it it was the hardest fucking thing I'd ever done. Self-Destruction was the only way. I hated it. I hated the war and the infernal Leos that were pummeling me. I hated Fate and all her cruel games and I hated the soldier in me. Why couldn't I be a coward for once and run away?
I typed a brief message into the computer:
'Duo,
I'm so sorry. We'll meet again someday. It was the only way. I had to set the bombs off. I've ended it when it's just barely begun. I'm so very sorry. I love you always. Goodbye.
Heero'
I hit the send button harder than I needed to, angry at the unjustness of it all. I closed my eyes and reached for the detonator that belonged to Wing. I realized belatedly that my cheeks were damp. Was I crying? I hadn't known it was possible. I started having second thoughts about my decision, delaying the inevitable. I made a quick connection to Deathscythe. I needed to see him just once more, once more just to say a final goodbye. I didn't want to die staring at the cockpit of my cold Gundam.
~And maybe, I'll find out a way to
Make it back someday
To watch you,
To guide you
Through the darkest of your days.
If a greater wave shall fall
And fall upon us all
Well then,
I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you.~
(Duo)
I was flying swiftly, only ten minutes until I saw Heero again, ten minutes. I looked ahead, hearing loud booms, sounding a lot like the rolling of thunder. I knew what it was before I even saw it. Explosions, it had to be, nothing else made the sound of thunder quite like they did. What the hell?! I sped up. What was going on? Heero? How could a research base have taken down Heero, the Perfect Soldier? It wasn't possible, not Heero, not if it was just a simple research facility. It had to have been a trap.
There was beep from my computer. It cut into my thoughts as I was trying to figure out what was going on. What the hell? A message? From who? I opened it quickly, expecting it to be from one of the others, asking about the noise. I was surprised when I saw that it had been sent several minutes before. I waited, sighing in annoyance while the file downloaded. Damn, was I impatient.
The small message popped up and I read it quicker than I thought I ever could. I read it over three times before I could comprehend it. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. It had to be some kind of awful joke. I understood, I understood exactly what it was, but he hadn't done it yet. My thoughts were interrupted again as another bleep sounded from the irritated computer in front of me. I accepted the transmission without hesitation, knowing who it was. Maybe he was calling to say he was kidding. I doubted it, but am guy could hope, couldn't he?
Heero's face suddenly appeared on the screen, looking worn, "Duo? Duo, I'm sorry. I love you. I just had to see you one more time, before I--" he trailed off, eyes cast downwards. He couldn't even finish his sentence. It wasn't a joke.
"No! No, Heero, please, don't do this, please. I need you, I love you. I'm almost there. Please, can't you just hang on? Just a little longer? Don't leave me, not yet," I begged, feeling searing tears pour down my cheeks.
"No, Duo you won't make it in time, just let me go, please Duo? Don't make this harder than it already is. I'll come back to you one day. I promise, just wait for me," he spoke as though he wasn't going to die, choking on the words a little, trying to make me feel better when he knew that he was lying to me.
"B-But, Heero," I stuttered desperately. I was so close now, only two minutes away.
"Duo, I love you. Goodbye, and please don't forget me while I'm gone," he finished, ignoring my pleading as he kissed his bloodied fingers and placed them to the screen, a sorrowful smile on his lips as they trembled. I noticed something right then, I noticed that Heero was weeping, actually crying, tears glistening on his sharp cheekbones. He really hadn't wanted to do it. I placed my shaking hand to the screen as if I'd be able to feel his through the unforgiving glass.
"I'd never forget you, not ever. I love you. Goodbye Heero," my voice wavered, barely more than a broken whisper as I let him go and let myself go as well. I sobbed into my clammy hands, breath hitching.
"Duo," It was the last thing I heard as I looked up from my hands to the video screen and watched Heero push that little red button, the one that would take him away from me forever, "Goodbye, love..."and he was gone in a massive blast of fire, debris, and shrapnel.
'Goodbye...' I thought as I let my Gundam plummet to the ground below. There was no way I could pilot in my condition.
~If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go,
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go.
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love.~
(Heero)
I looked down to the item in my palm. My thumb moved over the filthy red button, smeared with my blood and grease from my machine. I glanced back at Duo one last time. Goodbye Duo, I'm sorry. I crushed the button, still staring into Duo's beautiful blue-violet eyes, shimmering with tears. 'I'm so very sorry, Koi. I hope I'll keep my promise and come back to you someday. Never forget. Never forget me, please.' I thought silently as my mecha fell apart around me.
I closed my eyes as I was engulfed in flames. Goodbye. It was agony. I screamed until my voice cracked and broke as I was burned. It hurt so much, I passed out. I wondered how long it would take before death claimed me. Shinigami, death...Duo...
I fell from the shattered cockpit, into the debris of my destroyed gundam. I wasn't going to wait for death. Pain was horrible and even the 'Perfect Soldier' couldn't take all of it. All I wanted was peace and I closed my eyes for the final time before the tears could even begin to fall.
~I know now just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart,
In your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time.~
(Duo)
I crash landed Deathscythe in a forested area and flung myself carelessly from the cockpit. I vomited three times, heaving up everything I'd eaten that morning and probably a gallon of bile from my abused stomach. I realized belatedly that the others were landing nearby, their mechas rumbling as they came to the ground. 'Only two of them?' I wondered idly.
Quatre came running over as soon as he'd exited Sandrock. Trowa was close behind, zip lining down from Heavyarms to stand next to the little blond. They both looked utterly concerned. Tears streaked my face as I wiped my mouth on my sleeve haphazardly.
"Duo, what happened?" Quatre questioned worriedly.
"He-Heero," I managed to stutter out brokenly, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over again.
Then Trowa was there, wrapping his arms around me like an older brother would, "Shh, Duo, it's okay now. He did it to save us and the civilians around here. He'll never truly be gone. He's always going to be here with you, always," he was soothing me, or at least trying to, his voice so soft and cool that it was actually working. I'd even forgotten, this guy holding me, soothing me, was non-talkative Trowa, himself. I remembered vaguely that Wufei hadn't landed, he'd just yelled down from the open hatch of his Gundam that he'd go back to the safe house and get things prepared for our return.
Quatre collapsed on the ground beside Trowa, a hand coming to rest lightly on my shoulder, "Oh Duo, I'm so sorry, Heero," he began, his own voice quivering with emotion.
"Quatre, leave him be, okay? He needs to let go," Trowa interrupted, stopping Quatre's impending speech. He meant well, but his speech would have been far too much for me to handle at that time. Trowa had known that.
"Okay," the emotional blond agreed in a tiny voice, looking slightly hurt. "Duo, it'll be alright, I promise. Quatre, Wufei and I will take care of you while he's away," Trowa soothed in his soft tenor, stroking my hair as he held me.
I broke down right then, curling up in Trowa's lap like an injured child and I sobbed heart wrenchingly. I clenched my fists in the loose forest green fabric of his shirt until my knuckles were white and my palms ached. I hated crying. Trowa rubbed my back as I wept into his broad chest. He hugged me tightly, holding me close to him. He was talking again, soothing me with comforting whispers that made little sense, but were soothing non-the-less. If I tried hard, I could imagine that Heero was in his place. Their bodies weren't so different from one another.
"I-I loved him," I whispered raspingly, my voice worn from my violent sobbing fit and vomiting.
"I know. Shh, it's going to be fine now. You'll be alright. It'll take some time, but you'll survive, you have to, you're a survivor, Duo," Trowa replied in a quiet tone, his words hanging heavily in the still air.
"Trowa?" a hesitant voice called gently, making itself known.
"Yes, Quatre?" the tall man, whom had hardly said two words to me prior to that day, still holding me tightly answered the platinum-haired boy beside him.
"Well, it's getting dark. We should get him home. We can bring him in one of our Gundams and camouflage his until tomorrow. I don't think he can pilot," Quatre explained softly, gently moving my bangs away from my tear-clouded eyes. Quatre's own aquamarine orbs were shining with sympathy and reflected pain.
"Yes, you're right, Quatre. I'll take him though. I can carry him," Trowa replied, moving to stand, still holding me against his chest like a baby. I didn't even have the energy to be indignant.
I had been too out of it to protest, still in shock, I assumed. Trowa'd picked me up in his arms like I weighed nothing. I imagined that if he were Heero, it would feel the same. Trowa put me in his Gundam before climbing in himself and placing me back in his lap once again. Seconds, minutes, tens of minutes passed; I didn't really know, I was oblivious to everything except for the comforting voices of my caring comrades. Quatre radioed a later, telling us he was ready to go and my Gundam was hidden well. We left for the current safe house quickly, not even glancing back. I was still crying silently, my heart dying along with Heero and I didn't think I wanted to live anymore. Everyone I loved, died. And now that curse, my curse, had killed my lover.
We arrived at the house in record time. I don't even recall being rushed immediately to my room or when Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa all laid with me in my too-small bed. I grieved and they comforted me until I had cried myself to sleep. Sleep was fitful even though I didn't dream at all, no nightmares, nothing. The next day we'd have to find the Gundam debris and the body.
And in all of this, I'd awoken that day to a strange feeling. It hadn't gone away. When I thought about it, it'd been there, in the pit of my stomach since Heero had climaxed inside of me. I hadn't realized it then, but I'd remembered later. I didn't know what it was, but I'd hoped it was nothing.
(Next Day)
(Duo)
I didn't go with them to look for the Gundam and Heero's body. I couldn't. I sat in the windowsill, watching the rain trickle down the pane while depressing music played from my stereo, floating across the plains of my room. Quatre had stayed with me. I assumed they all thought I'd try to kill myself again like I had after that one mission. I'd been ordered to bomb a church full of OZ recruits. They'd just been babies, no more than thirteen. I was just fifteen and I shouldn't have to be in it, let alone slaughtering children only two years my juniors. True, it'd only been a year since then when I'd slit my wrists and I'd never forgive myself for what I did to those kids. Besides, they didn't have to worry I didn't even have the heart even to do that.
Trowa and Chang got back after about two hours. Trowa came into my room silently and I could hear Wufei soothing a sobbing Quatre outside my door. Trowa looked at me, his eyes showing his own grief and I acknowledged him with dead eyes of my own.
"Duo, I have something to tell you," he said in an oddly eerie tone. I watched solemnly, waiting for the news of the body and my dead lover.
"What is it?" I asked, my voice hollow and monotone. I couldn't bring myself to put the joker's mask back in place.
"We didn't find any sign of a body. There was nothing," he elaborated, giving me the best answer I ever could have hoped for. I couldn't believe it. He could be ALIVE! Still out there or kidnapped, but alive. Heero...
~If I could then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go...~
Okay, so this is rewritten and re-vamped, so I hope you all enjoyed it. Please leave a review to let me know
Read the next chapter. It happens to be the sequel, 'Right Behind You'. I thought it would be easier to put the sequel with the prequel, so you won't have to search for it. Nice of me, huh? >.<
Angel