Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Winning Duo ❯ Chapter 21
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Calic0cat 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.05.2003 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.3K | Visits: 1.4K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.05.2003 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.3K | Visits: 1.4K | Status: Completed
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Title: Winning Duo
Chapter: 21/?
Author: Calic0cat <calic0cat@fastmail.fm>
Story Started: Jan. 2003
Genre: Yaoi, Romance, Humour, Angst
Pairings: Working towards 1x2x5; 3x4; 6x9; others may be implied
Rated: NC-17
Warnings: OOC, Swearing, Shifting POV, Threesome
Archives: At Mediaminer.org under Calic0cat. Anyone with archive permission for my other fics can help themselves; anyone else, please ask.
Disclaimer: Duo and Heero and the rest of the GW gang aren't mine. This story is. Nuff said.
Notes: Starts one year after Endless Waltz. POV changes frequently.
'Thinking'
"Speaking"
*** Time passing or scene change
Author's Notes: I usually write 1x2x1, so a 1x2x5 is a first for me (well, writing one is - I've been reading them for quite a while now, that's the *only* threesome I actually *like*). Feedback is appreciated.
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Wufei woke with an unfamiliar warm weight across his chest. At first his sleep-muddled mind couldn't make sense of the odd sensation. Then a rush of memory had him forcing his eyes open to gaze in wonder at the chestnut head pillowed on his chest. He half lifted one hand, wanting to smooth the wisps of hair that had escaped from their confining braid, then forced himself to set it down again. Duo needed the sleep. And he... he needed to just enjoy a moment he had been afraid he would never get to experience.
'So many mistakes,' Wufei thought sorrowfully. 'So damn many fucking mistakes...' His chest tightened painfully at the memory of seeing Duo's distraught, cold, and wet form huddled in the dark the night before. Of the decision that he would stay back rather than risk sending Duo fleeing them both. The agonizing wait while Heero carefully approached Duo. Duo cringing away from Heero's touch, only to fling himself into Heero's arms moments later. His own simultaneous relief that Duo had accepted Heero and fear that the same acceptance would not extend to him.
'When Duo flinched from me and hid his face against Heero, I thought it was truly over. That I had hurt him too badly for him to ever forgive me. I feared that even trying to explain would only hurt him more. Thought that perhaps I should simply let him go. But Heero...' Heero had not let him give up. And Duo *had* forgiven him, had even let Wufei kiss him. Kiss him in Heero's arms, with Heero's full understanding and cooperation.
Wufei turned his head to look across the bed. Heero's back was pressed against Duo's and his even breathing suggested that, like Duo, he was still asleep.
Wufei let his eyes rest on Heero's broad shoulders for a few moments. 'There is so much more to him than I had ever guessed. Had someone told me a few days ago that I would be sharing a bed and sharing *Duo* with Heero Yuy, I would have thought them insane. I always knew that there had to be more to Heero than "the Perfect Soldier" - but I never made the effort to find out how *much* more.' Heero had been incredibly understanding and supportive, explaining his mistake and helping fix it rather than decking him for hurting Duo so badly. Wufei did not know if *he* would have kept as cool a head had the situation been reversed. He had a regrettable tendency towards impulsive action when his emotions were strong.
'And that may present a problem when Duo tells us about his past,' Wufei realized. 'Heero's brief explanation of L2 leaves me with the distinct feeling that I am going to be angry at a great many people by the time Duo's story has been told. If Duo thinks that I'm angry with *him*...' That would be a *very* bad thing. Very, *very* bad. Wufei resolved to try extremely hard to keep his temper under control.
Duo shifted, snuggling a bit closer to Wufei with an indistinct murmur. Wufei reached out and tugged the blanket up over Duo's shoulder, suspecting that he was perhaps a bit cold. Which brought a new worry to mind. They had all been thoroughly damp and chilled by the time they left the beach last night; but Duo had been soaking wet, cold, and exhausted. 'I hope he does not end up getting sick. More than enough things have gone wrong already, we do not need that added to the list!'
Heero woke much more gradually than usual, slowly becoming aware of the warmth against his back. He puzzled over that oddity for a few moments before the events of the previous evening returned to him. He could scarcely believe that he had made it through all of that without adding any new mistakes of his own to the mess. If he hadn't had that little tutorial on comforting from Wufei earlier in the afternoon, he doubted that things would have turned out quite so well. He would have frozen when Duo clung to him; Duo would have thought he was being rejected again; and... Heero shuddered and firmly put an end to that line of thought. It hadn't happened like that; best to not think too closely about all the things that could have gone wrong. There were enough things that could *still* go wrong to worry about.
Carefully rolling over without disturbing Duo, Heero discovered that Wufei was also awake and gazing a bit disbelievingly at the head pillowed on his chest. He didn't bother resisting the tiny smirk that tugged at the corners of his mouth. He knew that he had probably had a similar look on his face last night - or rather, earlier this morning to be more accurate - when Duo had barely let him get in the bed before curling against him and resting his head on Heero's shoulder. After all the regrets and wishes and dreams, having the reality right there was a little hard to believe.
'Odd. Instead of feeling jealous that Duo is curled up against Wufei this morning, I am - almost content?' Heero wondered silently. Almost content because although Duo was curled up against Wufei this morning, he had curled up against Heero last night? Or because he was tucked snugly against Duo's back? Or because...
Heero shied away from that last thought, then forced himself to face it. 'Or am I almost content because, while I don't feel as deeply about Wufei as I do about Duo, I *do* care about and respect him and seeing him happy as well takes most of the sting out of knowing that Duo's affections are not solely mine?' He considered the possible implications of that thought and discovered that they weren't *quite* as disturbing as they had seemed when they first occurred to him last night.
Checking his watch, Heero was shocked to discover that it was nearly noon already. Evidently Duo hadn't been the only tired one. Part of him wanted to get up, get dressed, and go buy some groceries so that they could fix their own meal. He would prefer that they be able to stay here in their suite until it was time to go out for the evening. They had a lot of talking to get through and he would really prefer that it *not* end up happening in a public place this time.
But at the same time, Heero thought it would be best if they were both still there when Duo woke up. 'If he wanted us here with him badly enough to come right out and *ask*, I think he would be very hurt to waken with one or both of us gone.' And Duo *must* have wanted it very badly indeed to have actually requested that they all share a bed. After all, he had not been making *any* requests up till now. Heero couldn't help but think that it was almost a bit of a test. Maybe not a conscious one, but...
With that thought in mind, Heero discarded any notion of getting up. And he knew Wufei wasn't going anywhere either. Trying to would almost certainly wake Duo up; something that was *not* an option after how exhausted he had been last night.
Wufei was relieved to see Heero settle down and tuck himself a bit more snugly against Duo's back. For a moment, he had feared Heero intended to get up and that would *not* have been a wise choice. 'Duo needs the reassurance of us both being here when he wakes. We've damaged his faith in a relationship with either of us so badly; it will take time for him to learn to trust our love.' And they were going to have to be careful not to move too fast. To make sure that Duo didn't end up believing that they were more interested in sex than in building a life together. His comments that day at the amusement park had made it clear that that was one of his fears. 'The wait will only make it all the sweeter when we *do* reach that stage. And merely being *with* Duo, holding him or having him cuddled against me like this feels pretty damn wonderful after all this time.'
Duo didn't want to wake up. *Wouldn't* wake up. If he did, he was very much afraid that he would wake to find himself cold, wet, miserable, and alone, laying on a rock after crying himself to sleep. That he would wake to find that everything else that had happened had been just a dream. 'It can't have been real. I *never* get what I want. Why would I start doing so when it's something so important to me?' But... The surface under his cheek was warm and rose and fell evenly. And the steady beat of a heart was clearly audible. And the warmth against his back felt very much like a living, breathing body too.
Hardly daring to hope, Duo slowly opened one eye a crack to confirm that he was in his bed at the hotel, not on a rock jutting out into the ocean. Then maybe... "It's real?" he breathed softly.
Wufei and Heero exchanged pained glances at the hesitant question. "Yes, Duo, it's real," Wufei said gently. "I'm here and I love you." He stroked his hand over the mussed head still resting on his chest.
"And I love you too," Heero added softly.
"I'm so very, very sorry for all the mistakes I've made. All the hurt I've caused you," Wufei said. "I want to spend the rest of my life making up for that."
Heero contributed, "I just want to make you happy."
Duo's breath caught sharply and he fought a brief battle with tears. This time, unlike last night, he emerged victorious. He boosted himself up on his knees and twisted around to see both Heero's and Wufei's faces. He tried to tell them that he loved them too - but the words wouldn't come. "I... I..." He just couldn't get them out. Not right now. "I can hardly believe this is real. It seems too good to be true," Duo finally substituted, summoning up a grin.
"Believe it," Wufei said softly but firmly. He stroked his fingers gently over Duo's cheek in a caress that was rapidly becoming a habit.
Duo leaned into the touch willingly, his grin softening into a more genuine smile. "I'll try..." he answered honestly. That was the best he could do for now. He'd been disappointed too many times to simply accept that everything had changed; that everything was going to be okay.
Heero watched and wished that he could make those little gestures that seemed to mean so much to Duo. That he knew *how* to make those little gestures. And a part of him wished as well that Duo would touch *him* like that. The way that Duo responded to it made him think it must feel pretty nice. 'You had your chance during the war and ruined it, Yuy. You will be lucky if you can *ever* convince Duo to take the initiative in touching you again. It isn't *his* fault that you now crave the very thing you fought so hard against accepting back then.' Heero firmly pushed away that wish to be on the receiving end of a little comfort - he'd lived his whole life without it, it wouldn't kill him to continue to do so - and made a mental note to talk to Wufei about how to figure out when and how to try touching Duo like that as right now he was uncertain of a million little details such as how much pressure to apply. Had Wufei not given him an example of how to rub Duo's back, he would have done so more quickly and firmly like a brisk massage, and he did not think that would have had the appropriate comforting effect after feeling the difference. He firmly squashed the traitorous little thought that maybe Wufei would demonstrate some other gentle touches for him the same way that he had shown him how to rub Duo's back comfortingly.
"Heero? What's wrong?" Duo asked. Heero had looked distinctly wistful as he watched Wufei stroke Duo's cheek. He hoped that Heero wasn't changing his mind about him not having to choose.
Heero forced a small smile and answered, "Nothing. Just thinking about what our options are for lunch."
Quickly following Duo's concerned look, Wufei caught a glimpse of the look on Heero's face too before the other youth managed to banish it. "Weren't you the one who said we needed to talk things out?" he said pointedly.
"It's nothing," Heero insisted.
"Yuy..." Wufei growled.
Heero flinched. Wufei reverting to calling him by his last name *hurt*. He swung himself out of bed in one smooth motion and said evenly, "I don't know about either of you, but I would like to get dressed and get something to eat. I believe that the hotel restaurant offers breakfast items all day; I will be going down in about fifteen minutes if you would like to join me."
Heero walked quickly off to the other bedroom, not wanting to give away too much of what he was feeling. He needed to get his emotions back under control. Maybe not as much as what J had always insisted on, but he would have to put a partial wall back up. He had to at least be able to control the hurt at Wufei's resumed distance and the yearning for touch. 'I *want* it, yes. I want to know what that feeling is that makes Duo lean into a caress like that. I want to know what makes it a "caress", not just a touch. I want to be able to give that to Duo. And I would like to have it given to me. But while I *need* to know how to give that to Duo, I don't *have* to have it for myself. I've lived without it up till now, I can continue to do so.' It would, however, be difficult, he admitted, now that he had at least a vague idea what he was missing.
He finished changing and was ready to go down to the restaurant in well under the fifteen minutes he had specified. Was there any point in waiting? The low murmur of voices from the other room and the fact that Wufei had not come to their room to get dressed led to the conclusion that neither of them was even beginning to get ready. He might as well go down alone now as wait five minutes for people who obviously weren't planning to come with him.
Heero closed his eyes and tried to set the hurt and loneliness aside again. He had deliberately broken down his defences, allowed his emotions free rein, tried to be more open, knowing that he would need to do so in order to have any chance of making Duo happy. And he had, for the most part, succeeded. Had found that there were benefits beyond simply making Duo happy. That he could have fun and enjoy himself too. But the price was that he had left himself vulnerable. Open to hurt and loneliness, things that he had always been able to set aside with at least reasonable success before. Now - he couldn't seem to do it.
***
"Fei?" Duo said as Heero left the room. "What..." His voice trailed off uncertainly.
Wufei blinked in astonishment. Heero had - flinched? - when he called him Yuy? 'But I call him that all the time...' No, he realized suddenly. No, he *used* to call him that all the time. And Heero *used* to call him "Chang". But over the past few days, they had both almost entirely dropped that habit, using each other's first names instead. 'I don't think Heero has called me "Chang" since we were at the amusement park that first day. And the only two occasions yesterday that *I* called him "Yuy" were when I was - unhappy - with him.'
Remembering the first of those occasions, at the aquarium while Heero was at a loss as to how to comfort Duo, Wufei also realized what that wistful look just now might have been about. "Duo, I know that you've been upset and maybe you haven't had a chance to really *think* about what Heero said the other day. Do you realize that he doesn't touch you and comfort you because he doesn't know *how*? Because no one has ever done that for *him*?"
Duo's eyes went wide with shock. He *hadn't* realized that. 'I've been too busy feeling sorry for myself and jumping to conclusions to really and truly *think* about what *either* Heero or Wufei said,' he thought disgustedly. "But... at the aquarium, he *did* hug me and rub my back... And again last night..."
Wufei admitted, "He was completely lost at the aquarium and asked me what to do. It's not that he's unwilling, Duo, he honestly doesn't know what to do and is afraid of making a mistake if he simply tries to guess."
That explained the aquarium, then. And Heero had really just done the same thing again later that night, come to think of it. "So, just now, he wasn't really reconsidering what he said about me not having to choose? He was just maybe feeling a bit left out?"
Wufei nodded and added, "And I may have hurt his feelings by calling him 'Yuy'. We have been..." He hesitated, searching for the best way to express this. Somehow, "becoming friends" seemed - inadequate. "We have been becoming much closer over the past few days and my return to a more distant form of address was - thoughtless."
If Heero and Wufei had become that much closer this quickly, then maybe Quatre *had* read them correctly, Duo thought. Maybe they *would* learn to love each other too and they could have a real three-way relationship, not just "share" him.
And if Heero really hadn't had *any* experience with touch as a form of comfort... 'God, that's *awful*. But then, who *would* have hugged and comforted him? *J*? Hah! As if! And J got hold of him pretty young... No wonder he said he'd missed me touching him after I quit! He'd probably just started to get used to it by then,' Duo realized.
Hearing steps heading towards the hall door, Duo hurtled out of bed. He didn't want Heero to have to go down and eat all by himself, especially not if he was feeling hurt and left out already.
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Title: Winning Duo
Chapter: 21/?
Author: Calic0cat <calic0cat@fastmail.fm>
Story Started: Jan. 2003
Genre: Yaoi, Romance, Humour, Angst
Pairings: Working towards 1x2x5; 3x4; 6x9; others may be implied
Rated: NC-17
Warnings: OOC, Swearing, Shifting POV, Threesome
Archives: At Mediaminer.org under Calic0cat. Anyone with archive permission for my other fics can help themselves; anyone else, please ask.
Disclaimer: Duo and Heero and the rest of the GW gang aren't mine. This story is. Nuff said.
Notes: Starts one year after Endless Waltz. POV changes frequently.
'Thinking'
"Speaking"
*** Time passing or scene change
Author's Notes: I usually write 1x2x1, so a 1x2x5 is a first for me (well, writing one is - I've been reading them for quite a while now, that's the *only* threesome I actually *like*). Feedback is appreciated.
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Wufei woke with an unfamiliar warm weight across his chest. At first his sleep-muddled mind couldn't make sense of the odd sensation. Then a rush of memory had him forcing his eyes open to gaze in wonder at the chestnut head pillowed on his chest. He half lifted one hand, wanting to smooth the wisps of hair that had escaped from their confining braid, then forced himself to set it down again. Duo needed the sleep. And he... he needed to just enjoy a moment he had been afraid he would never get to experience.
'So many mistakes,' Wufei thought sorrowfully. 'So damn many fucking mistakes...' His chest tightened painfully at the memory of seeing Duo's distraught, cold, and wet form huddled in the dark the night before. Of the decision that he would stay back rather than risk sending Duo fleeing them both. The agonizing wait while Heero carefully approached Duo. Duo cringing away from Heero's touch, only to fling himself into Heero's arms moments later. His own simultaneous relief that Duo had accepted Heero and fear that the same acceptance would not extend to him.
'When Duo flinched from me and hid his face against Heero, I thought it was truly over. That I had hurt him too badly for him to ever forgive me. I feared that even trying to explain would only hurt him more. Thought that perhaps I should simply let him go. But Heero...' Heero had not let him give up. And Duo *had* forgiven him, had even let Wufei kiss him. Kiss him in Heero's arms, with Heero's full understanding and cooperation.
Wufei turned his head to look across the bed. Heero's back was pressed against Duo's and his even breathing suggested that, like Duo, he was still asleep.
Wufei let his eyes rest on Heero's broad shoulders for a few moments. 'There is so much more to him than I had ever guessed. Had someone told me a few days ago that I would be sharing a bed and sharing *Duo* with Heero Yuy, I would have thought them insane. I always knew that there had to be more to Heero than "the Perfect Soldier" - but I never made the effort to find out how *much* more.' Heero had been incredibly understanding and supportive, explaining his mistake and helping fix it rather than decking him for hurting Duo so badly. Wufei did not know if *he* would have kept as cool a head had the situation been reversed. He had a regrettable tendency towards impulsive action when his emotions were strong.
'And that may present a problem when Duo tells us about his past,' Wufei realized. 'Heero's brief explanation of L2 leaves me with the distinct feeling that I am going to be angry at a great many people by the time Duo's story has been told. If Duo thinks that I'm angry with *him*...' That would be a *very* bad thing. Very, *very* bad. Wufei resolved to try extremely hard to keep his temper under control.
Duo shifted, snuggling a bit closer to Wufei with an indistinct murmur. Wufei reached out and tugged the blanket up over Duo's shoulder, suspecting that he was perhaps a bit cold. Which brought a new worry to mind. They had all been thoroughly damp and chilled by the time they left the beach last night; but Duo had been soaking wet, cold, and exhausted. 'I hope he does not end up getting sick. More than enough things have gone wrong already, we do not need that added to the list!'
Heero woke much more gradually than usual, slowly becoming aware of the warmth against his back. He puzzled over that oddity for a few moments before the events of the previous evening returned to him. He could scarcely believe that he had made it through all of that without adding any new mistakes of his own to the mess. If he hadn't had that little tutorial on comforting from Wufei earlier in the afternoon, he doubted that things would have turned out quite so well. He would have frozen when Duo clung to him; Duo would have thought he was being rejected again; and... Heero shuddered and firmly put an end to that line of thought. It hadn't happened like that; best to not think too closely about all the things that could have gone wrong. There were enough things that could *still* go wrong to worry about.
Carefully rolling over without disturbing Duo, Heero discovered that Wufei was also awake and gazing a bit disbelievingly at the head pillowed on his chest. He didn't bother resisting the tiny smirk that tugged at the corners of his mouth. He knew that he had probably had a similar look on his face last night - or rather, earlier this morning to be more accurate - when Duo had barely let him get in the bed before curling against him and resting his head on Heero's shoulder. After all the regrets and wishes and dreams, having the reality right there was a little hard to believe.
'Odd. Instead of feeling jealous that Duo is curled up against Wufei this morning, I am - almost content?' Heero wondered silently. Almost content because although Duo was curled up against Wufei this morning, he had curled up against Heero last night? Or because he was tucked snugly against Duo's back? Or because...
Heero shied away from that last thought, then forced himself to face it. 'Or am I almost content because, while I don't feel as deeply about Wufei as I do about Duo, I *do* care about and respect him and seeing him happy as well takes most of the sting out of knowing that Duo's affections are not solely mine?' He considered the possible implications of that thought and discovered that they weren't *quite* as disturbing as they had seemed when they first occurred to him last night.
Checking his watch, Heero was shocked to discover that it was nearly noon already. Evidently Duo hadn't been the only tired one. Part of him wanted to get up, get dressed, and go buy some groceries so that they could fix their own meal. He would prefer that they be able to stay here in their suite until it was time to go out for the evening. They had a lot of talking to get through and he would really prefer that it *not* end up happening in a public place this time.
But at the same time, Heero thought it would be best if they were both still there when Duo woke up. 'If he wanted us here with him badly enough to come right out and *ask*, I think he would be very hurt to waken with one or both of us gone.' And Duo *must* have wanted it very badly indeed to have actually requested that they all share a bed. After all, he had not been making *any* requests up till now. Heero couldn't help but think that it was almost a bit of a test. Maybe not a conscious one, but...
With that thought in mind, Heero discarded any notion of getting up. And he knew Wufei wasn't going anywhere either. Trying to would almost certainly wake Duo up; something that was *not* an option after how exhausted he had been last night.
Wufei was relieved to see Heero settle down and tuck himself a bit more snugly against Duo's back. For a moment, he had feared Heero intended to get up and that would *not* have been a wise choice. 'Duo needs the reassurance of us both being here when he wakes. We've damaged his faith in a relationship with either of us so badly; it will take time for him to learn to trust our love.' And they were going to have to be careful not to move too fast. To make sure that Duo didn't end up believing that they were more interested in sex than in building a life together. His comments that day at the amusement park had made it clear that that was one of his fears. 'The wait will only make it all the sweeter when we *do* reach that stage. And merely being *with* Duo, holding him or having him cuddled against me like this feels pretty damn wonderful after all this time.'
Duo didn't want to wake up. *Wouldn't* wake up. If he did, he was very much afraid that he would wake to find himself cold, wet, miserable, and alone, laying on a rock after crying himself to sleep. That he would wake to find that everything else that had happened had been just a dream. 'It can't have been real. I *never* get what I want. Why would I start doing so when it's something so important to me?' But... The surface under his cheek was warm and rose and fell evenly. And the steady beat of a heart was clearly audible. And the warmth against his back felt very much like a living, breathing body too.
Hardly daring to hope, Duo slowly opened one eye a crack to confirm that he was in his bed at the hotel, not on a rock jutting out into the ocean. Then maybe... "It's real?" he breathed softly.
Wufei and Heero exchanged pained glances at the hesitant question. "Yes, Duo, it's real," Wufei said gently. "I'm here and I love you." He stroked his hand over the mussed head still resting on his chest.
"And I love you too," Heero added softly.
"I'm so very, very sorry for all the mistakes I've made. All the hurt I've caused you," Wufei said. "I want to spend the rest of my life making up for that."
Heero contributed, "I just want to make you happy."
Duo's breath caught sharply and he fought a brief battle with tears. This time, unlike last night, he emerged victorious. He boosted himself up on his knees and twisted around to see both Heero's and Wufei's faces. He tried to tell them that he loved them too - but the words wouldn't come. "I... I..." He just couldn't get them out. Not right now. "I can hardly believe this is real. It seems too good to be true," Duo finally substituted, summoning up a grin.
"Believe it," Wufei said softly but firmly. He stroked his fingers gently over Duo's cheek in a caress that was rapidly becoming a habit.
Duo leaned into the touch willingly, his grin softening into a more genuine smile. "I'll try..." he answered honestly. That was the best he could do for now. He'd been disappointed too many times to simply accept that everything had changed; that everything was going to be okay.
Heero watched and wished that he could make those little gestures that seemed to mean so much to Duo. That he knew *how* to make those little gestures. And a part of him wished as well that Duo would touch *him* like that. The way that Duo responded to it made him think it must feel pretty nice. 'You had your chance during the war and ruined it, Yuy. You will be lucky if you can *ever* convince Duo to take the initiative in touching you again. It isn't *his* fault that you now crave the very thing you fought so hard against accepting back then.' Heero firmly pushed away that wish to be on the receiving end of a little comfort - he'd lived his whole life without it, it wouldn't kill him to continue to do so - and made a mental note to talk to Wufei about how to figure out when and how to try touching Duo like that as right now he was uncertain of a million little details such as how much pressure to apply. Had Wufei not given him an example of how to rub Duo's back, he would have done so more quickly and firmly like a brisk massage, and he did not think that would have had the appropriate comforting effect after feeling the difference. He firmly squashed the traitorous little thought that maybe Wufei would demonstrate some other gentle touches for him the same way that he had shown him how to rub Duo's back comfortingly.
"Heero? What's wrong?" Duo asked. Heero had looked distinctly wistful as he watched Wufei stroke Duo's cheek. He hoped that Heero wasn't changing his mind about him not having to choose.
Heero forced a small smile and answered, "Nothing. Just thinking about what our options are for lunch."
Quickly following Duo's concerned look, Wufei caught a glimpse of the look on Heero's face too before the other youth managed to banish it. "Weren't you the one who said we needed to talk things out?" he said pointedly.
"It's nothing," Heero insisted.
"Yuy..." Wufei growled.
Heero flinched. Wufei reverting to calling him by his last name *hurt*. He swung himself out of bed in one smooth motion and said evenly, "I don't know about either of you, but I would like to get dressed and get something to eat. I believe that the hotel restaurant offers breakfast items all day; I will be going down in about fifteen minutes if you would like to join me."
Heero walked quickly off to the other bedroom, not wanting to give away too much of what he was feeling. He needed to get his emotions back under control. Maybe not as much as what J had always insisted on, but he would have to put a partial wall back up. He had to at least be able to control the hurt at Wufei's resumed distance and the yearning for touch. 'I *want* it, yes. I want to know what that feeling is that makes Duo lean into a caress like that. I want to know what makes it a "caress", not just a touch. I want to be able to give that to Duo. And I would like to have it given to me. But while I *need* to know how to give that to Duo, I don't *have* to have it for myself. I've lived without it up till now, I can continue to do so.' It would, however, be difficult, he admitted, now that he had at least a vague idea what he was missing.
He finished changing and was ready to go down to the restaurant in well under the fifteen minutes he had specified. Was there any point in waiting? The low murmur of voices from the other room and the fact that Wufei had not come to their room to get dressed led to the conclusion that neither of them was even beginning to get ready. He might as well go down alone now as wait five minutes for people who obviously weren't planning to come with him.
Heero closed his eyes and tried to set the hurt and loneliness aside again. He had deliberately broken down his defences, allowed his emotions free rein, tried to be more open, knowing that he would need to do so in order to have any chance of making Duo happy. And he had, for the most part, succeeded. Had found that there were benefits beyond simply making Duo happy. That he could have fun and enjoy himself too. But the price was that he had left himself vulnerable. Open to hurt and loneliness, things that he had always been able to set aside with at least reasonable success before. Now - he couldn't seem to do it.
***
"Fei?" Duo said as Heero left the room. "What..." His voice trailed off uncertainly.
Wufei blinked in astonishment. Heero had - flinched? - when he called him Yuy? 'But I call him that all the time...' No, he realized suddenly. No, he *used* to call him that all the time. And Heero *used* to call him "Chang". But over the past few days, they had both almost entirely dropped that habit, using each other's first names instead. 'I don't think Heero has called me "Chang" since we were at the amusement park that first day. And the only two occasions yesterday that *I* called him "Yuy" were when I was - unhappy - with him.'
Remembering the first of those occasions, at the aquarium while Heero was at a loss as to how to comfort Duo, Wufei also realized what that wistful look just now might have been about. "Duo, I know that you've been upset and maybe you haven't had a chance to really *think* about what Heero said the other day. Do you realize that he doesn't touch you and comfort you because he doesn't know *how*? Because no one has ever done that for *him*?"
Duo's eyes went wide with shock. He *hadn't* realized that. 'I've been too busy feeling sorry for myself and jumping to conclusions to really and truly *think* about what *either* Heero or Wufei said,' he thought disgustedly. "But... at the aquarium, he *did* hug me and rub my back... And again last night..."
Wufei admitted, "He was completely lost at the aquarium and asked me what to do. It's not that he's unwilling, Duo, he honestly doesn't know what to do and is afraid of making a mistake if he simply tries to guess."
That explained the aquarium, then. And Heero had really just done the same thing again later that night, come to think of it. "So, just now, he wasn't really reconsidering what he said about me not having to choose? He was just maybe feeling a bit left out?"
Wufei nodded and added, "And I may have hurt his feelings by calling him 'Yuy'. We have been..." He hesitated, searching for the best way to express this. Somehow, "becoming friends" seemed - inadequate. "We have been becoming much closer over the past few days and my return to a more distant form of address was - thoughtless."
If Heero and Wufei had become that much closer this quickly, then maybe Quatre *had* read them correctly, Duo thought. Maybe they *would* learn to love each other too and they could have a real three-way relationship, not just "share" him.
And if Heero really hadn't had *any* experience with touch as a form of comfort... 'God, that's *awful*. But then, who *would* have hugged and comforted him? *J*? Hah! As if! And J got hold of him pretty young... No wonder he said he'd missed me touching him after I quit! He'd probably just started to get used to it by then,' Duo realized.
Hearing steps heading towards the hall door, Duo hurtled out of bed. He didn't want Heero to have to go down and eat all by himself, especially not if he was feeling hurt and left out already.
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