Hamtaro Fan Fiction ❯ Primal Urges ❯ When Romance Games Become Riotous ( Chapter 4 )

Author’s Note: I must apologize for the incredibly long wait for this chapter. Having fun in the first few weeks of summer vacation always tends to slow things down for awhile. But, summer reading aside, I should now have plenty of free time to ensure that my work comes out in smaller intervals. Let me know what you think of the story so far, and feel free to speculate on how the story will conclude, for this story will be ending soon.

Chapter Four

Humans, being the usually sophisticated mammals that they are, have very creative qualities when it comes to courtship. Though they are still heavily influenced by bulging biceps and seductive pheromones, the bi-pedal spin-off of monkeys, gorillas, etc. has utilized music, poetry, candy, and even “body performance enhancers” in order to win the ideal companion to raise a family (or to just get laid, depending on who you ask.) However, not everything is just peaches and cream in the world of romance.

Younger generations are typically denied of this pleasure by the elderly. This is because jumping into the hibbity-jibbity too early can cause a whole smorgasbord of complications. But the “kiddies” always find ways to sidestep these regulations. How, one may ask? By taking well-recognized children’s games and discreetly inserting a little more “naughtiness” in the rules. Some games, such as “Dirty Dice,” have yet to catch on. Others, such as “Doctor,” have spread throughout the youthful underground like wildfire. It is without a doubt, however, that the absolute, most popular romance game in the known world is the infamous “Spin-The-Bottle.” It is the bane of parents everywhere, who go to extreme lengths to break up any session of this frisky activity.

The author is now risking life and limb to dispel all the delicious details of this risqué game. Those who are newly enlightened: Use this knowledge at your own risk!

All of the players sit arranged in a circle. At the center of this circle is the all-important bottle, or some other spin-able object with some bare representation of a point. One lucky player gets to set the bottle on its dizzying way. Once that bottle ends its series of rotations, whoever it is pointing to is the one the spinner gets to kiss! Then, when the embrace is over and done with, the prize becomes the spinner, and the procedure repeats itself ad infinitum.

The game is popular not just because of its simplicity; it is also the social Quaker. Sparks fly, mouths are violated, and embarrassment spreads like the plague in just one session! So it makes sense that “Spin-The-Bottle” is the embraced not only by young humans but by their domesticated pets as well. Not that anyone would be expected to believe that.

“Round and round and round it goes; when it will stop, nobody knows!”

So went the playful chanting of Stan, who bore a devilish smile when he spun the sunflower seed in the middle. Being the one who suggested the romance game, the tiger-striped flirt earned first dibs on the spinning role. This, of course, sent pangs of fear through more than a few of the other hamster males. Boss, in particular, kept grabbing his chest, fearful of a heart attack upon seeing Stan laying his sweet love on the French hottie, Bijou. She and the other females –save for Penelope- certainly couldn’t escape the guy’s aura of anxiety, so they quietly prayed that Sandy’s twin brother would behave himself. Out of all the hamsters, only Hamtaro showed actual signs of relaxation, due to his ever-present optimism and cutesy innocence.

In the meantime, poor Maxwell was dealing with his own unique problem. The tape that enveloped his organ began to severely irritate the skin, invoking the most inconvenient of itches. He could not scratch it, lest he wanted to be labeled as a dirty, indecent hamster, so for the moment he had to resort to squeezing the side of his torso like a rubber stress reliever, thereby nullifying the itch with considerable pain. He tried to keep his mind off his inevitable fate, hoping that he’d at least be paired up with his girlham first.

The sunflower seed slowed its rotation until it finally pointed to the lucky winner…

“Pashmina, baby! Today’s your lucky day!” Stan proclaimed.

The scarf-bearer’s stomach twisted into knots. Having never played a romance game before, this would be her first time to kiss the lips of a male. The fact that Dexter and Howdy’s glares screamed bloody murder certainly didn’t help to make this minor loss of innocence just minor.

Stan suavely stepped up to his prize, stopping mere inches before her face. “Don’t worry, gorgeous,” he said to Pashmina, “I don’t bite.”

The female hamster forced a small laugh, gulping right afterwards as her body shook with anxiety. “I’m ready,” She peeped.

Like a natural smoothie, Stan slightly tilted his head as his lips gently pressed against those of the scarf-bearer. They froze in position for only a moment, absorbing each other’s taste, until an overwhelmed Pashmina pushed the seductor away. Stan was perplexed at this reaction, at first, but then he smirked when he caught sight of the kiss-ee’s bright red cheeks.

“Pretty intense, eh Pashmina?” The flirt said, pleased that he still had awesome Mojo.

The scarf-bearer could only blush further, for she couldn’t find that words that describe the sensation that had electrified her entire body.

“Are you ok, Pashmina?” Sandy asked, “You look awfully shocked.”

“I…I hadn’t done that before,” Pashmina softly confessed.

The majority of the hamster group glared at the self-proclaimed chick magnet, raining upon him hails of guilt one would normally receive for “rocking the cradle,” and rightly so.

“Hey, don’t take it so hard,” Stan said to Pashmina, attempting to soothe her awkward emotions, “It’s only a game. Just think of it as a chance to get some lip practice. Now, how about spinning that sunflower seed?”

The romance rookie reluctantly agreed to this, rising from her spot in the circle as Stan claimed it as his own. And thus began a typical game of spin-the-bottle.

Besides that initial moment of “Innocence Lost,” things proved uneventful for awhile. Pashmina locked lips with Hamtaro, who smooched with Sandy, who pressed her mouth against Boss’ mouth. Up to this point, no one had any objections to these momentary pairings since none of them showed significant advances to each other. However, the heat in the clubhouse significantly turned up when the field hamster’s spin of the bottle yielded Bijou as his reward.

Damn, Stan thought, Looks like Boss’ dream is gonna become a reality…assuming he doesn’t faint first.

Boss’ emotions tumbled head-over-heels, unable to decide on whether he should be ecstatic or petrified. In mere minutes, he was going to physically embrace the deepest crush he ever had in his life. How was he going to make this memorable? He had no idea on how he was supposed to kiss her. If he didn’t put his passion in it, the French rodent would never know his feelings. Then again, too much passion may elicit his second bitch-slap of the day, an act of rejection that would surely bring thoughts of diving into a vat of battery acid.

“What is wrong, Boss?” Bijou asked, noticing the tremendous stress in the field hamster’s eyes, “Are you not comfortable with this?”

Boss barely sputtered his answer: “Um…well…I’ve not really gone through the motions before…you know?”

“What do you mean? You just kissed Sandy, no?”

“Well…um…”

“Do not worry, Boss,” Bijou replied in return, glowing with her cute little smile, “I have not been kissed before, so I wouldn’t know how it should be done. You should not be so hard on yourself.”

Boss nearly keeled over upon hearing this little morsel of information. Holy crap! She’s a VIRGIN?! Ma-hah-ba-hah-ba-ma…

“Boss, you’re starting to look sick,” Hamtaro pointed out, expressing his concerns for others as he usually does, “Maybe you should take a breather or something.”

“Oh, no, no, no, Hamtaro,” Boss insisted, “I’m perfectly fine!”

“Then why haven’t you kissed Bijou yet?”

“I’m getting to it, ok?!”

The field hamster, now a nervous wreck, inched towards the awaiting white-coat Frenchie. Tensions mounted as all eyes focused on the pair that would soon lock lips. Dexter and Howdy secretly placed bets on whether Boss would faint before or after the embrace. The others prayed that the match-up would go without incident. And young Penelope had no freakin’ idea what all the hub-bub was about.

“Hey, Boss, get it over with while we’re young!” Howdy said, who grew tired of the field hamster’s sluggish steps.

Boss, under normal circumstances, would’ve pinned Howdy in a headlock for that outburst. However, at the moment he was too damn scared to care. The only things in his mind now were three important words: Don’t screw up.

At last, Boss managed to approach Bijou as close as he could possibly get. He looked down at the Frenchie before him (his height is nearly double the height of Bijou’s) and gulped. She looked up to the field hamster, saw how nervous the male rodent was, and smiled empathetically at his silliness.

“It is only a kiss, Boss,” Bijou reminded him.

“Right,” He replied weakly.

The moment had arrived. Bijou tilted her head slightly upwards, preparing herself to receive Boss’ tender kiss. The tension stole away everyone’s breaths, reducing the clubhouse to a dead silence. The field hamster, gently holding Bijou by the sides, began to close the gap. Inches became centimeters, centimeters, and then…

THUD!

“Darn,” Dexter cursed, as he signed away the rights for tomorrow’s stash of Sunflower seeds to Howdy.

Yes, it is true. Just when the participants of the romance game were about to see the initial phases of some red-hot, Boss-on-Bijou action, the poor bloke lost all consciousness, destroying yet another chance for the field hamster to reveal his true feelings to Bijou. Now the poor female is starting to feel unwanted. Well, that is soon to be remedied, due to the fast pace that “Spin-the-Bottle” possesses.

“Well, despite that Boss has dropped like a sack of potatoes,” Stan said to Bijou, “You still get a chance to spin the sunflower seed. Give it a whirl, eh?”

Bijou got up, walked around the unconscious field hamster, and approached the seed in the center. With one paw she set off the seed into its countless rotations. Spun well it did, until it finally rested upon the next lucky male to be romantically embraced…

Maxwell.

The intellectual’s eyes popped wide open as the grip on his stomach quadrupled. Sandy and Stan watched this reaction with much anticipation. Being fortunate enough to sit next to each other in the circle, the tiger-striped twins whispered to each other these words:

“This is it, Sandy. If he can do this without losing control, he’ll stop worrying so much about his problem.”

“Maxy doesn’t look very confident.”

“He hasn’t been confident all morning.”

“Yeah, but if he’s not confident he won’t have the willpower to stay at first base.”

“We’ll see. If it gets out of hand, we’ll have to break it up.”

Bijou walked up to the bookworm. “You aren’t going to faint too, are you, Maxwell? I was hoping that someone could kiss me today.”

“Um, er…are you sure it’s pointing to me?” Maxwell responded, “It doesn’t look like it’s pointing to me. I think it’s pointing more towards…um…Hamtaro! Yeah, that’s right!”

“Hamtaro is on the other side of the circle.”

Maxwell’s heart began to palpitate. “Oh, right! Heh.”

Bijou advanced even closer. “Please try to relax. It is only a game, no?”

The tape hidden beneath Maxwell’s apron began to tear as his arousal meter reached critical mass.

“Well, I won’t make the same mistake as before,” Bijou said, as she thrust her mouth forward to embrace Maxwell’s lips, catching the intellectual completely off-guard.

 For the briefest of moments, Maxwell’s thoughts declared war between reason and instinct, debating on how he should proceed. Civil discourse fought with the sensation of merging flesh. And then, his decision was finally reached when the following words passed through his conscience:

Ah, the hell with it!

Before Bijou had a chance to pull away, Maxwell obtained a strong grasp upon her sides. The Frenchie gasped as the bookworm rolled on top of her, pressing against her feminine attributes as Bijou’s mouth was explored by the intellectual’s tongue. The feeling of the ominously large bulge below the waist made Maxwell’s intentions as clear as vodka, causing the white-coated hamster to panic as she started to squirm underneath his weight.

A loud, collective gasp was heard from the whole of the clubhouse, before Sandy and Stan finally came to their senses and rushed to pry Maxwell off the horrified Frenchie.

“Maxwell, get a hold of yourself! Don’t you know you have a girlfriend?!” Sandy exclaimed, as the bookworm wrapped himself tighter around Bijou, resisting the twins’ pull.

Soon enough, just about everyone (except for the unconscious Boss) pitched in the rescue attempt, one half pulling the horrified Bijou and the other half pulling the sex-crazed Maxwell. After many minutes of agony, the Frenchie was finally freed from the bookworm’s grasp; but it did not make her any happier.

“You…you fiend!” Bijou cried, glaring at the hamster who attempted to get jiggy with her, “Out of all I know, I would never expect you to…to…How could you do that to me?!”

Maxwell, who finally realized what he had nearly done, felt the contents of his stomach churn like butter. “Please…please let me expl-”

“What is there to explain about? I thought you were a nice hamster, but now I see you’re nothing more than a pervert! I can’t believe I had ever considered you as a friend!”

Maxwell’s legs began to shake as he was overwhelmed with the sudden rush of guilt. Sandy and Stan watched the spectacle with much dismay, knowing that all of their hard work had just been blown out of the water. This was all confirmed when Bijou made the following proclamation:

“Now I consider you my loverboy!”

Déjà vu occurred as the whole of the clubhouse was once again enveloped in a shocking gasp. The twins’ jaws dropped like stones. Pashmina fainted. Hamtaro and Penelope were left utterly confused. Dexter and Howdy grabbed their throbbing hearts. And Boss was blissfully unaware of everything so far, due to the fact that he was still unconscious.

Maxwell, however, was just plain shocked. “Bijou, what’re you saying?! I had nearly engaged in non-consensual intercourse with you!”

“But Maxy,” Bijou said, using the pet name that was supposed to be for Sandy’s usage only, “It…it felt so good! I was a bit surprised at first, yes, but now I see what your girlham saw in you! Now I want more!”

The Frenchie suddenly dived right at Maxwell, a move that elicited a high-pitched yelp as he dodged the incoming pounce. Unfortunately, he could not avoid the desperate female hamster entirely, which resulted in the hasty removal of his apron and the tape suppressing his organ, thereby revealing his hard-on for the whole of the clubhouse to see. For the third time that day the whole of the clubhouse gasped. Now it was Dexter and Howdy’s turn to fall to the ground like sacks of oats, while Bijou became absolutely ecstatic.

“Oh, Maxwell! I never knew how much you wanted me! Give it to me NOW!” the Frenchie cried happily as she once again pounced.

Maxwell barely avoided the “advance” as he opted to run out of the clubhouse while screaming like a ninny, while the insane hamster de femme, driven mad by the hormonal rush, hurried after him in hot pursuit. Sandy, Stan, Hamtaro, Penelope, and four unconscious hamsters were inevitably left behind in the process.

“I don’t know whether I should pummel you, or Bijou.” Sandy said threateningly to Stan as her eyes began to spark with flame.

Stan, not wishing to be the recipient of a devastating smack-down, quickly turned to Hamtaro. “Say, could you keep an eye on Penelope while Sandy and I try to stop Bijou and Maxwell from mating? Things are going to get seriously messed up if those two get their freak on.”

“Uh…sure,” Hamtaro managed to peep.

“Thanks! Gotta jet!” Stan burst out, as he and her sister rushed after the sex-crazed maniacs.

Hamtaro walked over to Penelope. “You have any idea what’s going on?” He said to the toddler.

“Ookwee,” Penelope responded sadly.

“Neither do I…Oh, look! I think Boss is coming to! Maybe he can explain it to us!”