Hamtaro Fan Fiction ❯ Uki's pleasures and pain ❯ Chapter 10

Something for the readers: If anyone reads my first Hamtaro story, "Love Battles on the Floor", then this next part should be like clockwork to you. Oh and to the ass bastard that said that this is "PG rated hamster porn" (listen to the cheap shots I get from those cowardly secret reviewers) because of how this stuff is written: First off I wanna say, you "Poor, un-fortunate soooooouuuuuullls!" (hey, that song kicked in The Little Mermaid) These are hamsters, you dolts. If two animals fucking disturbs you, then stop watching Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel. We ain't nothin' but mammals... Well, some of us cannibals who cut other people open like cantelopes. Second, I would like to sing this song:

Lick my ba-wa-walls, ba-wa-walls, ba-wa-walls.

Lick my ba-wa-walls, you can lick my balls.

Lick my balls, suck my balls, 'cause to you they're good,

suck 'em up, lick 'em down, do it 'cause you should.

Ba-wa-walls, ba-wa-walls, you can lick my balls,

ba-wa-walls, ba-wa-walls! Suck and lick my balls.

(wipes invisible dirt off shoulders) Finally, I wanna find someone for good ham Panda, gimme some details on how to describe a girl ham for him. Now on with the story.

"Stan, get off that game and let's go already." Boss ordered...

But Stan didn't listen. "Don't hate because I got the moves of a master. Just bow down before my superior skills." he said.

"Superior skills my ass." said Boss and Howdy, folding their arms.

"Figures, I get no justice. Be patient, I'm on the last song... besides, girls love a guy with moves."

"Actually, chicks love a guy with good moves, Stan. Get it right."

The hams turned around to see a familiar face.... "Jam!" they yelled.

"That's me." he said. "How's it going guys?"

"We're having a party next week." Boss answered. "Bring a date, there will be lots of 'couples activity' there."

"Heh, sounds like you're having an-"

"Yes, that's exactly what."

"Well then, there's someone I would like you to meet. Hey Roll, come over here for a minute!"

"Hold on, I'm almost done!" Roll called.

"So I take it you're looking for some lovin', eh..."

"Yeah, we needs some women for next week." said Howdy.

"Hey Stan, I though you and Miri were close the last time I stopped by..."

"She wasn't like that." said Stan.

"Got shot down again."

"Okay Jam, who are these guys?" asked Roll.

The other hams got a good look at Roll. Like Jam, Roll was a Ra's Hamster, only she was differently colored. Where Jam was red, Roll was outrageous orange, here eyes had a mac-n-cheese color to them, the sunspot on her back was a golden yellow and she wore headphones just like her beau, only no visor shades [if anyone wants to know what Jam looks like, read 'Love Battles on the Floor.] were connected to them. "She's a looker." said Stan.

"She's pretty." said Howdy.

"She's real vivid." noted Panda.

"Thank you." said Roll.

"She's also taken." said Boss.

"Anyway Roll," said Jam. "I would like you to meet Howdy, Stan, Panda and Boss. Guys, this... is Roll."

"Hi." greeted Roll.

"W-w-w-what you said." the four managed to say.

*

"So Jam, what have you been up to?" asked Stan.

"Roll and I have pretty much been roaming here and there." Jam answered. "Doing fun things and taking life as it comes."

"It's been great, too." Roll added.

"That's good to know."

"So Panda, what do you like to do?" asked Roll.

Panda answered, "I'm a laid back guy now, but I like to make stuff."

"Really, like what?"

"It depends..."

"On?"

"Resources."

"I see."

"Hey Roll," Howdy cut in, "you don't have any sisters, do you?"

"Yes I have a younger one, but you're not her type."

"Hey, you don't know what I'm like."

"Let's see... Judging by your speech, you're one of those merry kind of guys who ends up making a fool out of himself when he tries to do something brave, has a real competitive streak in which you never win, and judging by the apron... you're one of those neat-freak fellows."

"Man, talk about putting the nail in the board, that's just about accurate." said Panda.

"That, and he's a momma's ham."

"Roll, be nice." said Jam.

"Not my fault I'm right, now is it?"

"Shot down before you even had a chance." said Stan, giving some chuckles.

"You shouldn't laugh, Stan." Roll said. "You make a fool out of yourself trying to act suave and sophisticated, thinking that all female hams live for the purpose of only swooning to your overrated charm. A true egotist who's almost always put in his place."

"Damn, that's Stan's character perfectly." said Panda, "I like you, already."

"Sorry about that guys," Jam said. "Roll doesn't mean to act like this, she's still has a 'sakura girl' complex."

"Heke?" asked the guys, a bit confused.

"Nevermind."

"Well Roll, can you describe me?" asked Boss.

"Too easy," asnwered Roll, "you're a hard working, dependable ham with a good spirit and a warm heart that leads you blindly. That, and you have a slight fear of certain female hams."

"Okay, that last part isn't true."

"So you don't turn to stone when you think about a female you fancy, as well as yourself, especially when it comes to 'certain' situations?"

"That sounds like Boss to me." said Panda. "Except Boss' heart doesn't lead him blindly though."

"Oh realy?"

"Really really." answered Boss.

"And what about the ham that you fancied and longed for, but went on a saddened enraged streak when she told you that you weren't the love of her life and that it was another? Did your heart shatter like glass, or did you-"

"Roll, enough!" Jam scorned.

"He wanted me to describe him..." Roll said while giving a shrug.

"Sorry about that Boss, really I'm the one to blame."

"No, it's okay. I deserved that." Boss said, tears streaming down his eyes. Poor Boss, he gets no love.

"So do you guys want to get a bite to eat? Joney's has a good acorn stew?" Jam asked.

"Why not, we can take a break and talk some more." said Howdy.

And it was settled, the hams went to get some eatables...