Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Coven of the Rose ❯ Chapter 12 ( Chapter 12 )

DO NOT IN ANY WAY TAKE THIS STORY SERIOUSLY, IT’LL GIVE YOU A HEADACHE AND CAUSE SQUIRRELS TO SPONTIANIOUSLY CUMBUST. THE SQUIRRLES ARE REBELLING…RUN RUN FOR YOUR LIVES…

AGHAAAAAAAAA! IT’S SQUIRREL GIRL AND THE SQUIRREL SWARM OF DOOM! THEY MARCH FROM THE DARKNESS BURNING TAILS HELD HIGH! They SEARCH FOR YOUR NUTS! QUICK HIDE THEM!

This is my version of a Harry Potter revenge fic, but after a couple of years in Azkaban he’s not quite sane anymore. He has some sanity left, but it doesn’t really affect him anymore.

(This isn’t spell checked yet – wanted to get it out ASAP)

oooooooooo
Coven of the Rose
Chapter 12
By CRose
© 2007
oooooooooo

With a simple push of his finger, Harry opened the door to the hidden forest area. As usual, getting past all the wards was rather simple. He still marveled at how two dimensional most magic was. The more he read from the Book the more he was convinced that Magic was in a bit of a decline right now. A thousand years ago magic spells were being created on a daily basis. Families specialized in specific types, warding, combat, even sex magic.

Then came the four founders of Hogwarts and all that creationism went down the privy, they didn’t have toilets back then. Tossed away as it was useless. He shook his head as he closed the gate behind him. The Book told him about this place and that it used to be one of the five great magical centers on the planet. Now it was an old forest that the Ministry was trying to pawn off to the Centaurs as useless land.

Typical morons.

He checked the notes again, didn’t want another mistake like last time. All the trees around him felt as if they absorbed quite a bit of magic over the years. The pink one that had vines hanging off it was weird enough, but the thing had about a thousand eyeballs watching his every step. He ignored it as the thing blinked at him and opened a trunk like mouth to say something.

“Hey Mack, you got a fag? I need a hit.”

Nope, he didn’t see any thing like that.

“Hey, up yours pal!” Echoed after him.

The trail wound through the trees for about an hour. Every now and then he would lose the trail completely, but it would start up again after several yards. He figured the magic maintaining the place was absorbed by the trees. Those evil trees that wouldn’t stop looking at him! Pink trees asking for fags just wasn’t right in his book.

He glared at them and they looked away. Yep, he would have to come back here with an axe. No tree would get away with staring at him like that.

Eventually the trail came to and end and he found himself looking down into a small valley. A rather nice place, though he could feel the magic moving in the air around him. It was so thick that casting a spell might just be harder than usual. This much magic would turn a simple light spell into a flare so bright it could be seen on the moon.

After a few seconds of temptation he decided not to play with the muggle satellites watching the planet. Though throwing up a giant an image of Godzilla was so tempting.

The trail turned into a set of steps that wound down the hill until they vanished into the forest below. Sighing, he pulled his broom out and used it to fly to the forest below. He’d already walked enough for today and a thousand steps was just to much to ask. Within seconds he was flying down hill, the wind in his hair, a grin...

CRASH!

“Ow.” Harry moaned as he slid down the invisible wall. Then he looked up and screamed, rolled into a ball, and prayed. His broom came down like a javelin and embedded itself into the dirt next to his head. He registered the ‘towowingoing’ sound the broom made.

“Um, yeah.”

Crawling to his feet, took a second to dust himself off, and kicked wall. Grumbling, he put the broom away, walked back over to the steps, and descended down to the forest. Low and behold, the wall didn’t stop him this time. He stomped the rest of the way down grinding his teeth.

“Hey Mack, you got a...”

“FIREBALL!” Harry screamed. He ignored the tree’s screams as it burned.

This wasn’t starting out as well as he thought it would. Just a few hours ago the Book told him about an item in the middle of the valley that would allow him to take down Voldemort.

He was skeptical, but two of his snakes told him that the book was right. Snake lore went back millennia. They knew of places that humans hadn’t been to in so long that the ocean absorbed them long ago. Of course they didn’t use human names for anything, looking for the large building with weird statues, green roof tiles, with trash out back wasn’t exactly easy to find.

This made the information useless unless a snake could lead you there. “Psst, hey Mack.”

Stopping, Harry glanced around and found a rather large snake hanging in front of his face. “What?” He hissed.

It winked at him and looked around, as if looking for the authorities, then glanced back, grinning. “Haven’t seen you around these parts before.”

“Never been here before.”

“I got some special apples available if you’re interested. They taste really good and can teach you a lot.” It winked.

Harry’s eyes went big. “Um.”

“The worlds most perfect food.” It started laughing and hissing at the same time. “Had some girls here a while back that really liked them. Follow me, I’ll lead you there.”

“Ah, I don’t thi...”

“Everyone comes here for the apples. Their gold and juicy.” It laugh/hissed again.

For some reason Harry thought this story was starting to sound familiar. “No thanks. I’m just going to head on ahead.”

“To temple?” The snake asked.

“Yep.”

“There isn’t much left after all this time. It hasn’t seen any upkeep over the centuries.”

Harry shrugged. “I can feel a lot of magic radiation from something up ahead.”

There wasn’t a response and he noticed that the snake was moving away through the bushes. By this time Harry was used to how snakes would say only what was on their minds and nothing more, so he left and continued his trek through the trees. After several minutes the path opened up into an open glen full of rubble and stone.

Was that a giant fifteen foot phallus? Maybe he should have brought Hermione along after all.

oooooooooo

Fudge shuddered as he downed his seventh glass of fire whisky. He wasn’t even paying attention the flames as they burst out of his nose and burned the bar top. As far as he could tell, the world was falling apart and it was all Harry Potter’s fault. The Ministry could barely function. Over half the Aurors were missing in action or had quit over the last several weeks.

Farting fire, sneezing fits that eventually had everyone producing music and dancing, to the beat of the sneezes, everyday it was something new. Everyone knew that James Potter was a practical joker and now the man’s son was doing it on a scale never before seen. The Weasley twins worshiped Potter like the second coming of a joke pulling Merlin. Or whoever came up with the first prank. He drank some more and used the burning bar top to heat his drink.

Sightings of Potter’s prank mark hovered over every house on the continent, or just about. The purebloods were out for blood while house elves abandoned their masters and went to serve Potter. The dratted things could go anywhere, through any ward, shield, or obstacle set in their path. Then they would ‘prank’ the family hiding behind the things.

Pranks were common in the wizarding world. Potter was on a completely different level! In the last week dozens of frightened Aurors came home from work to find their families turned into penguins, platypuses, even those weird hairy things with the flat tails that gnawed on things. There were eighteen species of penguin and he’d been forced to learn each and every one of the blasted things on sight. If that wasn’t bad enough, the things danced and squawked show tunes at all hours.

It was driving him insane!

Potter couldn’t pick just one. No, he had to choose them all! The names tumbled through his head as Aurors rattled off the names of the affected family and what Potter turned them into. Adelie, African, Chinstrap, Emperor, Erect Crested, Fairy, Fjordland, Galapagos, Gentoo, Humboldt, King, Macaroni, Magellanic, Rockhopper, Royal, Snares Island and Yellow Eyed penguins! Evil disgusting creatures!

He wanted to scream. Then if that wasn’t bad enough, things began to get worse with every passing minute. An image of Azkaban island floated through his head. His once dark and dangerous prison, the fear of every criminal in the world, the envy of all the other magical communities. He had to chug another glass of whisky just to complete the thought.

He shuddered in rage.

On a side note, just so you know when you drink to much fire whisky, it not only makes you very drunk, but it also starts to seep out the pores. Fudge didn’t notice as his clothing burst into flame. Hard drinkers learned early on not to abuse fire whisky. It didn’t burn the body, but clothing, stools, bars, and anything flammable had to watch out.

The people around Fudge started to scoot away as the man burst into flame and continued to mutter under his breath. Tossing away his glass, he grabbed the bottle and started chugging it down. He was to far gone to feel the effect on his throat, his stomach, or his poor abused liver which was considering quitting it’s job. Than it said, what the hell, screamed, rolled over, and gave out completely. As the last of his clothing finally vanished, a very naked Fudge lurched to his feet.

“HARRY POTTER PREPARE TO DIE!!!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, arms raised high. “OOP.”

Then in a graceful arc that only the drunk can accomplish, he fell backwards, slammed into a table, and crushed it into pieces as he hit the floor. The whole bar blinked, clapped at the great show, and a whole slew of reporters started taking pictures of a naked Minister Fudge. The man then grabbed some poor girl’s leg and hugged it.

For some unknown reason, wink wink, a tiny little floating letter ‘P’ appeared over his body. It started sniggering.

The barman made a tisking noise as he pulled his wand out, pointed it at the fallen politician. A few seconds later Fudge flew through the air and crash into a half dozen trash cans out behind the bar. Overall, it was probably one of Fudge’s better days. Well, he did prove he was a bigger man than what most people thought. Though you might have to think about that one for a second.

oO

Who would have thought? Now that picture turned up in a completely different publication.

oooooooooo

Charlie looked at the Dragon enclosure and blinked a few times. Someone had spray painted some graffiti on Norbert’s side.

“What the heck?”

He peered a little closer. “Potter Advertising, good rates, anywhere anything.”

His eye started to twitch.

oooooooooo

Harry slowly moved past the giant thing, he wanted to make sure he didn’t touch it, who knew where it had been. Or used for who knows what. Once pas that he managed to find his way through the rubble. Most of the buildings had collapsed, but he could still make out their basic forms. Big, green tiles, and still intact trash cans in back. Now where had he seen that before?

Shrugging, he made his way to the center of the ruins. This was easy enough to find once he found the marble version of Stonehenge surrounding a large wading pool covered in moss. A very pretty scene, except that three foot long killer mosquito that was eying him like a mid morning snack.

He flicked his wand. “Explodria.”

Bug guts rained down around the pool as he started looking around. He stepped over a sun bleached skeleton next to the pool. For some reason it was wearing a pair of rusty six guns, jeans, and a ratty cowboy hat. He cast a quick reveling spell and found the entrance several yards away. It was covered in hanging vines.

He had to stare at the cigarettes piled next to the entrance. Fags. Now he was started to get a little creeped out. A flick of his wand revealed a simple door. Fifteen hundred years ago this door led to a magical shopping district that anyone could enter. Supposedly the shops were gone, abandoned long ago, but several of the shops were still standing.

He would just have to go down, into an underground cavern. He nodded, it would be perfectly safe. After all, nothing would go down there, set up a home, and start using it for themselves. Now why was he thinking about Florida swamp land? He blinked a few times and shrugged.

The door opened with a simple tap of his wand. He could feel a very powerful ward activating. A part of his mind noticed that the ward absorbed a burst of his magic to help repower itself. Another part wondered why a Penthouse College Girls magazine was tossed on the floor a few feet in.

“I’ve read that one.” He said as he stepped inside. The door closed before he was three steps inside.

A hallway made its way downward. Somewhere up ahead he could see some torches lighting up on their own. The hallway quickly opened up into an overhang looking over the cavern. Centaurs, goblins, and several other sentient beings all turned to look up at him. They stared.

He stared.

They blinked.

He blinked. “Ohlah!” Harry yelled. Spotting a series of stairs leading downward, he skipped down to the main floor. Silence still reigned.

There wasn’t a human in sight. Harry ignored them as he started exploring the first booths. Overall, the first thing he noticed about the place was that it was basically another Diagon alley filled with non humans. “So cool.”

Then the shock turned to anger as all the centaurs pulled their bows from their backs and knocked and arrow. One of the older ones sauntered forward. “Leave, filth or die.” He snarled. “Your kind isn’t wanted here.”

Harry didn’t even acknowledge his existence as he continued window shopping. Leaving the centaur standing there with his mouth open. Harry had other things to worry about, like finding a device that was supposed to be hidden here. Of course someone may have found it and sold it. As moved through the crowd he waved at a goblin absently. “Hello Griphook.”

It gaped at him.

Lifting his wand, Harry cast a couple of detection spells and angled across the cavern to where a couple of really old booths stood. He passed by the vampire booth, and resisted the urge to toss a dog toy at the werewolf as it cringed away from him. It remembered the ‘Letter’.

As he reached the last booth Harry found that the cavern wall continued on for several yards. His wand was pointing towards a portion of the wall that appeared to be a little unstable. He cocked his head to the side and squinted. Instead of looking at the wall he focused on the space just in front of the wall and quickly spotted a rather strong ward.

He smirked. It was an Old ward, not one of the rather iffy new ones used by everyone these days. He wondered what Bill Weasley would make of it if he was allowed to examine it. Stepping up to the wall, Harry pushed through with a little effort. He actually had to use a bit of magic to get to the other side. He didn’t see the astonished looks he got as he walked through a portion of the cavern that none one knew about.

On the other side was a room full of half naked girls getting ready to throw tiny little pickles at him. Harry shook himself out of his daydream and examined what was actually a store room. He could feel a massive amount of magic coming off a number of the objects. According to the Book, he was looking for a small jade box.

Centuries ago Merlin himself sealed something in the box. The Book was deliberately vague to make sure that it didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Only after someone found the box, and the item used, would the Book rewrite that portion of its history. The thing was slightly sentient after all. Didn’t know that did ya? Heh.

And of course, there would be three small jade boxes sitting around within easy reach. Grabbing the first one, he opened it, and pulled a pair of...brass knuckles, glowing brass knuckles. Yeah right. The second one had a scroll inside about making pickled cucumbers. The ancients were weird. He tried not to notice that rather crude drawing done at the bottom of the scroll showing a girl with very large boobs.

That meant it had to be the final box. Opening it revealed a simple note. “I.O.U. One Eldar Wand, A. Peverell.”

Harry sighed. All he wanted to do was get rid of Voldemort and have a little fun. Why did wizards have to be such sticks in the mud? Why him? Why was there a large pile of fags filling the back corner of a hidden storage room? A root reached down from the ceiling, grabbed a fag, and rose up into the darkness above him.

“Oh, that’s the stuff right there.” Something groaned in pleasure. “Oh yeaaaaaaaaah.”

He twitched.

“Don’t need this anymore.”

A jade box fell from the darkness above and landed on his head. Staggered, he nearly collapsed, but managed to regain his footing. This trip just wasn’t working out. He looked down at the box and used his foot to tip it over onto its feet. The lid popped open with a little tap from his wand. He took a second to transfigure a nearby rock into a bag of ice to hold to his head.

He gazed down at the strange item in the box and grinned. “What the hell is this thing? Looks like a small white rubber doughnut.”

oooooooooo

Trellaway sat up, stiffened, and gave off a fart that pushed her a foot into the air. Surprisingly enough, this was a prophesy. It was just a little hard to interpret. Her groaning in pain was also prophetic. It meant she would be heading to the bathroom to grab some of that ‘special’ cream that nice muggle gave her. Yes, all was right in Trellaway World.

oooooooooo

Harry glanced around as he headed deeper into the cave and found older and older shelves. A few minutes earlier he decided that keeping the brass knuckles would be a good idea. He kept the doughnut as well, but would have to take a closer look later. Right now he had more useless shelves to explore. Oh the excitement.

He could barely, yawn, control himself.

“Mogwi.”

He glanced at the small furry thing in its cage giving him puppy dog eyes. “Ah…”

“Mogwi! Wi!”

“EVIL THING!”

After stomping the cage flat and blasting it with a couple of Reducto curses, and he wiped his shoe on the edge of a nearly shelf.

“Yuck, disgusting things.”

Cute and furry always meant dangerous and deadly. Hagrid had taught him that. He stopped ranting under his breath and looked around. He could sense something subtle happening at the edge of his senses. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he figured it might lead to another jade box. The ancients sure used a lot of jade for useless things.

“Oh look, a jade trash can, yay.” He tossed in an old burger wrapper he found in his pocket, wondered how it got there, then shrugged and moved on.

Leaving the mess in the middle of the floor, he continued down the narrow walkway between the shelves. The further he moved the stronger whatever he was sensing grew. It was magical, he could tell that without much effort. It also appeared to be calling to him. Almost hidden between a couple of shelves was a thin door. It was to dark to make out clearly.

He could tell that it didn’t have a handle of any kind. Giving it a little push didn’t open the thing. Focusing his magic, he looked a little closer. Wards, all kinds of wards, layered the door like a blanket. At a guess he figured that there had be at least a hundred different spells on the door. A lot of them were rather nasty if he read them correctly.

The Penis Explosion Hex seemed to be giving him the evil eye as he read it. He would have to stay away from that one. He nodded to himself. Whatever was in there had to be worth a look if that one was put on there as an afterthought. Kind of scribbled into the margin between a Notice Me Not charm and a Electrocution Hex. The wards were anchored into the very stone around the door, above and below as well.

They were a little better designed than what he usually came across too. He would have to be careful here. Pulling out his wand, he gently touched the center of the wards, focused, and watched as they slowly changed. Once that was done he lifted the wards clear off the door, sat it to the side like a panel of glass, and opened the door with no problems.

No matter how old, most magic was two dimensional at best. Inside the room a couple of torches lit up. They were in front of a couple of mirrors. Light quickly filled the room. He was in what looked like a small office. A small desk sat against the wall off to the side. Two candles were standing right next to a small jade box.

“If this is another white rubber doughnut someone will pay.” He stated to no one.

Just as he took a step towards the box, he heard something strange and turned around. A ghost, a rather familiar one, glided up to him. “Mr. Potter.”

“Mr. Flamel.” He said.

“I’ve moved on, but after six hundred and fifty years I didn’t think I’d stick around as a ghost. Danmed if I can figure out what I need to do.”

Harry nodded. “You became a Real Old Fart. You’re gas and everything.” He giggled.

“Oh very funny.” He muttered.

“So, what’s in the box?”

Flamel glanced at the desk. “I’m not to sure, but I know it’s been here for a while.”

Harry wandered over to the desk. “So why did you chose now to come to me? It’s been over a year.”

“It took me this long to learn to manifest.”

He couldn’t find any traps on the box or around it, so he carefully opened the box. Inside was a glowing ball of energy. It sat there slowly swirling in a rather mesmerizing way. Flamel floated over and nodded. “I figured you would be the one that could open that box.”

“What is this?”

“Merlin’s magical core.” Flamel said after several seconds thought.

“How the hell do you know that?” Harry growled.

Flamel pointed at the lid to the box. “Says right there in old English.”

Sure enough, a small grouping of swirling letters barely recognizable as English covered the lid. “That explains everything.”

“Take your wand and touch the Core with it.”

Harry nodded and gently touched the ball. He frowned as nothing happened, but when he went to pull his wand back it wouldn’t budge. “Hey, give me that!”

Getting hit by a bolt of lightning from the sky hurt, but getting hit by one from chest level at point blank range hurt even more. The whole room rumbled with thunder and filled with light. By the time it went away Harry was covered in soot and sparks were dancing in his hair. As he fell over he barely noticed Flamel smirking in satisfaction as he faded away.

“Old…Fart…tricked me.” Harry said.

oooooooooo

Meanwhile, a little pink haired girl growled, brought her hand back, and punched the death eater right between the legs. He screamed, fell over, and curled into a whimpering ball pain.

“Pervert!”

Then the kicking and stomping started. Draco really wondered how a muggle girl could have such accurate aim. The next generation of Malfoy’s was in jeopardy. He tried to figure out why there was a line of ten year old girls waiting for the chance to hit him. Or why they were all playing with all manor of hand held weapons? A bat, club, and even a whip.

Was one of them smoking? He could really use a fag right then.

oooooooooo

Harry opened his eyes and blinked. Blinked again and realized something. He could save hundreds of galleons by switching to Gringotts Insurance. When they said an arm and a leg, they really meant it.

No, that wasn’t it.


He wasn’t in the little room anymore. He was back in the forest. Just outside the gate where he entered. He wasn’t sure how he got there, but didn’t feel like going back. A quick check confirmed that all his stuff was there. Even his wand was there.

For a second he wondered why, then shrugged. Who could figure out how goblins and centaurs thought? Staggering to his feet took several minutes. His whole body felt like it was made of lead. It barely responded to his commands. He glared at a nearby squirrel. It would have to pay for mooning him when he was feeling better.

It would pay.

After an hour of staggering he remembered that he had a broom. Making sure no on was around to see his lapse in judgment, he climbed on, and rose into the air. He was a little worried though. Instead of feeling better, he was feeling worse by the second. Even his vision was graying a little.

He would have to find a place to sleep for a little longer. If Madam Pompfrey heard about this, she would tell him ‘I told you to stay in bed’ again. He would have to avoid that.

Oh yeah!

He landed and stumbled off his broom. “Scar.”

Pop! “Master?”

“You wouldn’t mind giving me a hand home would you?”

“Of course Master.” The scared up little elf said. A few seconds later Harry was standing in the entrance to his house. “Thanks.

Scar nodded and popped away. Since it was only early afternoon he made his way to the dinning room and sat down. He started reviewing what happened to him and filed everything away. He would have to visit that place again, but for now he would move on to other things.

He was getting tired of running around in the dark. Perhaps he should pay another visit to Fudge. He shook his head and decided against it. According to Scar the House Elves were spreading his plan across the wizarding world. For the first time ever they had the freedom to do what they wanted, under Harry’s orders, and they loved it.

Now all he had to do was hope the Twins managed to get their part of the plan done. They were fascinated with his take on magical theory. By the time he had finished explaining his plan they were laughing evilly. There was nothing like The Prank to get people to realize you are serious.

“Hello Harry.” Hermione said as she stepped into the room. She looked a little pale. Her hair was as bushy as normal.

“Hey.”

“Um...”

& #8220;I told you those books were dangerous.”

She blushed.

“You get everything out of your system?”

“I tried to...to...shag Ron!” She pounded her head on the table.

Harry just nodded. “And it was quite a site.”

“I’m usually better than that.”

“The Ultimate Book of Pleasure is intelligent.”

“Still.”

“Remember that books like that are in the Hogwarts Off Limits section. They aren’t restricted, but chained to the shelves and guarded by powerful wards. There is a reason we aren’t supposed to read those types.”

“True.”

“But you should wear that outfit more often.” Harry added. “It was very becoming.”

“Eeep! Wawawawawa...”

Harry sat several items out on the table and changed the subject. “I found these today. Any idea what they can be used for?” He sat out the brass knuckles, the white doughnut thing, the I.O.U., and the jade boxes.

“This was all you found?”

Harry shrugged. “Came across a glowing blue ball of light, but it electrocuted me.”

“That’s all?”

“So far.”

“Well the knuckles are pretty straight forward.” She said. “I can detect quite a bit of magic on them though.”

“True, but I can’t figure out the spells.”

“This white thing seems to be a Skill Enhancer of some kind.”

“Ah.”

“What’s and Eldar Wand?”

“No clue.”

“I wonder what Dumbledore would say.”

He glowered at her.

“It’s just a thought.”

“Bad form.”

Hermione shrugged. A few seconds later the whole house rumbled as three people apperated into the house. The Twins, decked out in their robes strutted into the room giggling. Harry noted that they had adjusted the hood shadowing effect to give them eyes of fire. And W.W.W. across their backs with their flue address.

“You aren’t supposed to advertise you’re working for me.”

“We didn’t.” They said.

“Oh?”

“What do you call that then?”

“Potter advertising, anywhere.” They chorused and giggled. “We’ve been placing adds on practically everything for the last twenty four hours. The galleons are rolling in.”

Harry nodded. “Fair enough.”

Luna finally managed to enter the room and she swept forward to take a seat beside Hermione. She reached into her robe and pulled out a book. It was wrapped in a ribbon of some kind and struggling to free itself. “Here you go Harry.”

He grinned as he took the book. “Where did you find it?”

“The Library.”

“With a capital ‘L’?”

She nodded. “On a book shelf advertising Fudge Biscuits.”

The Twins started giggling.

“Fudge hired you?”

“Nope, along with the real ones, we have thousands of things like that spreading across the city. They just appear for a few hours, along with a way to order something, and then vanish after four hours.”

“Ah, cool.”

“What’s the book Harry?” Hermione asked. Her eyes were gleaming.

“I’ve been thinking that it’s time to put an end to Voldemort once and for all.”

“I thought you weren’t worrying about him.”

“Oh he’s always on my mind.”

“So what do you have planned?” Luna asked.

Harry held up the book. “One thousand and one ways to prank your enemies, or friends, their pets. Wizarding culture has to find a better way to come up with names for books.”

They all nodded.

“Now...”

A few minutes later someone started cackling. Hermione had to shoo Scar from the room a few minutes after that. House Elf laughter was right annoying. Half an hour after that all the elves were laughing.

oooooooooo

In a burst of green fire, Fudge’s head appeared in Dumbledore’s fire place. “Old man.”

“Minister?” Albus acknowledged.

“It’s the middle of summer and it’s snowing over the Ministry.”

Albus was beyond being worried. “So?”

“It’s been snowing since midnight and the nearby shops are refusing to open. Except that burger joint that just opened up, there isn’t a sign of snow around the place.”

“Get the curse breakers to take care of it Minister.”

“I tried, they’re baffled. One of them set off something and half the team ran home to visit their wives or girlfriends.”

“And you’re sure Harry is behind this?”

“Prank Lord Potter’s symbol is hanging over the whole plaza outside the building.”

“I still don’t see the problem.”

“It’s the penguins.”

“Are you still having them show up?”

“About twenty wizards or witches a day. There are close to three thousand of the things roaming around here or over in Diagon Alley.” Fudge shuddered. “My secretary is blasted penguin and it still can’t take memos or answer the blasted flue!”

Albus chuckled. “I think...”

“I don’t give a crap what you think! I want this business over with! Potter is bringing down the whole government.”

“I think that is the idea Minister.”

“I’ll have him Kissed for this!” The man snarled.

“I’ve washed my hands of the whole situation. Bring your problem before the Wizingmont and we can come up with a solution, but right now Harry has the upper hand.”

“How?!” Fudge screamed.

“You’re the one that refused to hire more Aurors, cut funding for the DMLE, and all sorts of other cuts and bribes to turn the Ministry into what its become Cornelius.”

The man started to sputter.

“I can’t even begin to explain what Harry is doing these days. His action are baffling and impossible to understand. I think he may have lost his mind while in Azkaban.” Dumbledore nodded.

“You helped to place him there Albus!” Fudge yelled. “It was your plan!”

“But you interfered by informing Voldemort about the plan.”

“I did no such thing, He is Dead!”

Albus arched and eyebrow. “You’ve seen him with your own eyes.”

“I did no such thing.”

“Then you went and told Lucius all about our plan. He in turn told Voldemort.”

“Lucius has the Ministry’s best interests at heart.” Fudge said, a glint in his eye as he talked about his friend. “Now back to the problem at hand! Get over here and help stop this snow!”

“I’m not sure...”

“Some of the snow just formed into snow men. Now there’s a giant snow ball fight going out side against the penguins, who are building slides and sking. Ooof!”

It took a second for Dumbledore to figure out what was happening. Fudge was being pelted by large snow balls, through his office window. There were spells on the window to prevent anything from entering too. Within seconds there was a small green groaning snow drift poking out of the fire place, then the fire flashed back to normal and it vanished.

Albus pulled some fire whiskey out of a cabinet and took a long pull. “Ah, that’s the stuff.”

An owl flew into the delivery room at the back of the office and dropped a letter. An elf picked it up, scanned it for sneaky spells, and brought it over to the desk. “Your mail sir.”

“Thank you.” He said and waved the elf off. His eyes widened a little at the little laughing letter ‘p’ in the corner. He cast several revealing spells, but they all came back negative. Little beads of sweat popped up on his forehead as he opened the letter.

The paper inside was of fine velum and only had three words written in bright red ink.

“IT HAS BEGUN.”

Then the Sorting Hat turned into a cloth penguin plushy, grinned, and farted.

oooooooooo

Voldemort wasn’t in a very evil mood. He didn’t have many followers let after Potter tracked them all down and turned them over to the Ministry. Sure he managed get several of them back, but they weren’t the same dedicated followers they used to be.

Bellatrix was a bitch, literally, fur, running around on all fours, trying to hump his leg. He’d Crucioed her, but it actually seemed to make her more excited. Lucius was there as always, but he seemed a bit twitchy these days, but he would rather be tortured than admit that something odd happened to him. For some reason the man was starting to actually like the Crucio curse as well.

His inner circle of leaders was gone. All that was left was some low level idiots that couldn’t even remember which end of a wand was the dangerous bit. He shifted on his throne. Everyone of his plans of late seemed to involve Potter. No matter what he did, the boy managed to escape or cause problems. It was bad enough that the boy’s elves had started mugging anyone in death eater garb.

Mugging them. Taking all their money, possessions, and even clothing, and leaving them bound and gagged in the middle of the Ministry holding area. The cherry sauce couldn’t be explained either. The more he thought about it he angrier he got, but then that would just fizzle out.

He would not accept defeat, beaten by a boy that hadn’t even taken his NEWTS yet. That just wasn’t going to happen. Snape was around, but lately all he wore were skirts and with weird coloring. The man didn’t seem to be aware of it either.

That left the children. He glanced at the pile of bodies in the far corner. The boys weren’t in the best of shape at the moment. Draco was still trying to hump everything in sight. The others seemed to be covered in slime that would spread to whoever they touched. Lucius was rather angry at Pansy for touching his ankle.

“Lucius.”

The man hurried over and knelt. “Master.”

“Prepare the men, we need to go out and have a little fun.”

“And Potter?”

It was a risky question, but Lucius wanted to know. “We’re hitting the Library.”

“Eh?” The blonde blinked in surprise.

“The Library.”

“Um, yes sir.”

“Get everyone ready. I want to find out once and for all how Potter has been pulling these attacks. He’s moving through our wards and homes as if they were simple muggle houses.”

“Yes sir.”

“And take Snape with you.” He snapped.

Snape was staring at the ceiling, wearing his red and back uniform, with a weird glint in his eye. Lucius shuddered. He could take being attacked, mocked, even tortured, but Potter’s attacks took on aspects that turned good men into a poof. He felt pity for his old friend. Even worse, there didn’t seem to be an end in sight.

oooooooooo

To Be Continued...

Notes: Well $#&% I had hoped to get this finished with this chapter, but I seem to have lost all will to write lately. No matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get much done. I’ve been going days just sitting in front of the computer staring at the screen and not writing a word.

Feh.

Been a while since I was this bad and I’m not sure how to pull myself out of this funk. Ah well, I’ll get something done even if it does take me a long time. Story wise, you’ll notice I touched on a couple of ideas from Deathly Hollows. I used information from the HP Lexicon and Wiki to double check the information so I’m pretty sure it’s correct.