Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Lucid Consequences ❯ Chapter 5: It Was All a Bad Dream ( Chapter 5 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: DeityofDeath 
Non Anime: Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Romance | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 02.28.2008 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.2K | Visits: 683 | Status: Completed
Non Anime: Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Romance | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 02.28.2008 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.2K | Visits: 683 | Status: Completed
Title: Lucid ConsequencesAuthor: DeityOfDeathArchive: Yes please......Pairings: Lucius/Harry/SnapeCategory: Drama, romance, slashrating: NC-17/RSpoilers: Maybe.Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Rape, Non-con, Mpreg SPOILERS!!!!!! If you haven't read HBP then DON'T READ THIS FIC~!!!!!!!Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Harry Potter or its chars. They are property of JK Rowling and major companies.
Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction~! Enjoy and please review~!
SPOILERS AHEAD~~!!!!!!! You have been warned~!!!!
Chapter 5: It Was All a Bad Dream
I felt a small throb of pain hum through my whole body and as it became more persistent I could no longer try to sleep. I opened my eyes and looked around with a small amount fuzziness. I needed my glasses. Come to think of it...where were my glasses? Probably somewhere in that dingy old torture house crushed and beyond repair. I sat up and rubbed my eyes and managed to clear my vision a bit more. I must have been worse off than I thought if I hadn't noticed my lack of glasses and how bad my vision was. Then again, I did have the bullocks beaten out of me and I had my share of shocks in less than a forty eight hour period. Sure Potter, make excuses for yourself! Your nutters so you should just face up to it!
I was still dressed in the flimsy dressing gown from Poppy's examination and it wasn't nearly enough for me to walk around in. I sighed and stood up with only a little pain and managed to make my way to the bathroom to relieve my bladder. I couldn't help but to think of how much I should enjoy this while I could. Merlin knows that in a few months I'll be in the same condition as your every day pregnant woman, overly large and constantly urinating. I finished that thought as I finished emptying my bladder and stepped back out into the room where I saw Severus setting a few potions on the nightstand. I walked over and sat down on the bed.
"I see that you’re awake."
I blinked at the odd tone of voice and could only assume that he was angry at something or someone else and just unknowingly took it out on someone else. I tried not to roll my eyes. This man was something else. He was such an enigma.
"Well I tried to sleep in longer but my whole body feels as though I've let the entire world supply of bludgers use it as a practice target."
He looked up at me and seemed to have a neutral expression on his face. I believe that in his eyes, I was also an enigma, something to pick apart and explore. Maybe in time we would have the chance to do that. Hopefully we could both survive this war and I could kill Voldemort and we could live happily ever after. I cracked a smile and he allowed the confusion to show this time. I shook my head and looked down at my barely covered lap.
"Um...I was wondering if you happened across any clothes I could wear?"
He looked me up and down and the corner of his lips moved upwards in an almost half smile, "I suppose we could find you something more suitable. I believe Lucius had asked Mrs. Weasley if she could find you a change or two of clothing."
I nodded and looked at a potion that he held out to me very briskly. I looked up at him questioningly and rolled his eyes.
"Do you think I would try to poison you?"
"No, it’s not that."
"Then what?"
"What is it for?"
"It’s a simple pain reliever, unless you would prefer some muggle version?"
I did laugh at that. The emotionless tone with which he said muggle version combined with the look of revulsion on his features was simply priceless. Perhaps Severus wasn't so bad after all.
"No, that’s quite alright. I'll take what you've so kindly acquired and made for me Severus."
He raised and an eye in question and I downed the potion and grimaced at the foul taste before shaking my head and answering the unasked question.
"Severus, I can't very well keep calling you Snape or Proffessor Snape or even Proffessor after what we've done together. It just sounds...wrong. Although calling you Severus is a little odd as well."
"Well then what else do you deem worthy of calling me, Mr. Potter?"
I looked into his snarky grin and thought. Sever? No. Ev? No. Verus? No. Sev? Yes! That suited him and it didn't sound odd. I rather think it suits him.
"How about Sev?"
He seemed to mull it over and then nodded his assent and I grinned, "And if you’re Sev do me a favor and call me Harry. Potter sounds like a reprimand."
"Reprimand?"
"Yes, the only time someone hears their last name outside of a school situation means that their usually in trouble and you’re in really big trouble if they say your whole name, beginning, middle and end."
He gave another nod at that statement and handed me another potion bottle. Before I could even ask, "It'll help heal bruises and other small injuries and the one after this contains vitamins."
"Vitamins?"
"For a healthy pregnancy."
Oh...this is going to be an interesting year.......
As I was finishing the other healing potion and just about to begin the vitamin one the door opened and a very flustered looking Lucius came in. His face was set in a scowl and his long platinum blonde hair was in disarray. He carried a small suitcase in his left hand and in his right was his serpent cane which he gripped tightly as he muttered to himself about an annoying woman. I could only hazard a guess that the annoying woman was none other than Mrs. Weasley.
He looked up and saw me sitting on the bed, potion in hand and tried to return to his usual cool demeanor but in my opinion he failed horribly. Part of me wanted to laugh and the rest of me felt sorry for him. Not just him but anyone else who had been on the receiving end of one irritated, worried or angry Mrs. Weasley.
He set the suitcase on the floor next to the bed and let out an irritated and exaggerated breath, "I'm very glad to see that you’re awake. That...that....woman! She is driving me mad! She keeps insisting that we let her see you and when I told her you were asleep and I wouldn't permit her in until I had asked you she began to rant at me and tell me that you were her son and she had a right to see you. The woman is mad!"
I laughed. I laughed so hard that I had tears at the corners of my eyes and running down my face. When I had finally stopped I looked at two very similar looks of disbelief and surprise. I downed my last potion before I grabbed the suitcase and hauled it onto the bed next to me and opened it.
"She is like my mom. She's the only real mom I've ever known. She's been there for me through thick and thin. Her and all the Weasley's. They've given me a place to stay and rescued me from my horrible Aunt and Uncle's house on more than one occasion and she always has a willing ear", I said as I took out a pair of tan khakis, a white long sleeved shirt, a pair of black cotton boxers, a pair of white sox and a emerald green sweater that Mrs. Weasley had knit for me, telling me how much the color matched my eyes.
"I do thank you for thinking of me and not letting her in. I would prefer to be dressed before I have to tell them all an edited version of what happened."
I thought about that. Did I really want to tell them everything now? No. Why? Because I had not only been raped repeatedly but I had also managed to bugger my Potion's Professor and one of the richest and most influential wizards of all time. Oh, the looks on their faces would be priceless. No. I must try to tell the truth as best as I can and leave out the biggest truths without lying. I could do this! I hope....
I stood up and walked a few feet away where I slipped on the boxers underneath the dressing gown. Once my boxers were on I decided that I was okay getting dressed in front of them. It didn't bother me to be naked in front of them; it was just a bit weird. They had had sex with me, what’s the big deal with seeing me naked is the logic but then again...I still had no idea where we were to from here. I had never been one for one night stands. I believed in love. It was one belief I would not give up on. I didn't have to have marriage but I wouldn't be one of those people who would wander from person to person just for physical release. I wanted more. I had wanted a nice house with a big yard and a person to love and hold beside me and a few kids running around. I had this dream with first Cho in mind and then Ginny but with what had happened I had realized that I didn't want to bring Ginny into this. I had told her as much at the end of my sixth year. Even now I knew I was going to break her heart but at least I had a reason other than danger as issues not that having your life hang in the balance aren’t a good reason. I had always found other men attractive to a certain extent and now I had a feeling why. I wasn't gay, I was bi. Love is love, right?
I sat down on the bed and slipped my socks on before I slid on the khakis and then the white long sleeved shirt. I slid the green sweater on over and then a pair of black sneakers before I walked towards the door, "So who else is here?"
Both men were standing now and watching me as if I were an exhibit at the zoo.
"Well most of the Order unsurprisingly", said a still annoyed Lucious.
If I hadn't been starring at the one and only Lucius Malfoy I might think that he was pouting. Come to think of it, Draco has the same exact expression. They both pout! It's laughable to think that this man who had once been a thing of fear for me was now on the verge of making me laugh because he was pouting. I bet if I called him on it he would answer with something like "Malfoy's don't pout".
As I walked out into the hallway I felt a brooding presence at my back and I knew it was Sev. "You really shouldn't be out of bed. If you faint or fall ill again it'll be us you’re causing trouble for."
"I'm not letting everyone see me in bed. They've seen me laid up and injured enough times already; I will not add another to their list. That and I am just plain obstinate. Call it Gryffindor pride if you must."
I found the stairs and made my way down them at a slower pace than usual. The potions helped and I was near healed but the pain was still there, almost nagging like with its small presence. As I made my way down the stairs a familiar face peered from around the banister to look up at me with a small look of surprise and another of almost pity.
The familiar face was none other than the man who had become like a father to me, Remus Lupin. He was looking no worse for wear and his be speckled blonde hair had grown and inch or two longer since I had last seen him. I made it to the bottom and smiled up at him.
"Harry! I am glad to see you alive and well. You gave us all quite a scare."
"Yes, well I do have a bad habit of doing that."
I stepped down off the last step and wondered if Sev had anything a bit more powerful in the pain reliever potion department. I walked around the banister and past the small hallway where I saw Shacklebolt and Tonks standing in almost guard’s positions.
"Ay' Harry! Good to see you up and about."
I smiled at her and noticed she had her hair black and a bit longer than usual with some of her hair done in small braids. Shacklebolt simply nodded my way and gave a muffled, "Good to see ya'". I smiled and made my way into the living room where gathered on the all the different types of furniture were many ginger heads and a few not as noticeable a color.
"Harry dear!"
I was almost knocked off my feet when Mrs. Weasley came over and embraced me in a large hug. She held me close to her bosom and ruffled my always messy black mane before holding me at arms length and examining me. She was as much my mother as my own mine had been. I imagine my mom would have been something like Mrs. Weasley if she were still living.
"Well a bit worse for wear as always but at least you’re alive and that’s all I can hope for dear."
I smiled at her brightly, "Thanks Mrs. Weasley."
Before I knew it I was surrounded by ginger hair in a flurry of questions and happy greetings. As they all backed away to give me room and after a joke or two from Fred and George I found myself plopping down on a sofa next to Hermione and Ron.
Hermione lunged forward embracing me tightly sniffling quietly as she whispered in my ear, "I'm sorry Harry. I thought we'd last you that time."
"Aw...Mione'. You know me. I'm a bit like a roach, hard to kill and all that."
"We were bloody afraid you'd been killed mate! I couldn't calm the other two down when we'd apparated at the burrow."
I talked and socialized as much as possible told them as little of the truth as I could. They would find out eventually but for now I just wanted a bit of peace. I needed it. I did need to settle one thing on this night and there was no avoiding it. Looking across the room I saw Ginny and as our eyes connected she quickly broke eye contact and looked away looking upset and confused and a bit ashamed. I smiled and shrugged it off and when dinner was announced every walked into the kitchen except Ginny, Ron, Hermione and myself.
"You two go ahead, I'll be there in a sec."
Hermione gave me a look that said she would be there later if I needed to talk and Ron just shrugged and walked out as if he couldn't feel the tension building. He probably couldn't, he was a bit daft sometimes.
When it was just Ginny and I, I walked over to where she sat on the loveseat and sat across from her.
"Ginny..."
"Harry. You don't have to say it."
I looked at her surprised and confused.
"Maybe you were right. I don't know if 'this' will work. I know you were worried about me and you only want me to be safe, but every time you go off to fight I always get this feeling that I'll never see you again and I feel as though I can't breath and then I get this pain in my chest like my heart is shattering. I know you can't do anything about who you are and what you must do...but I don't think I'm strong enough Harry....I just don't..."
Tears had begun to trickle down her cheeks and I stood and pulled her into my arms. I held her and smelled her lavender scented hair and felt her tears dampen my shirt and as we both pulled away we knew that it was over. That we would be friends and that was all. I was Harry Potter and my life was always going to be in danger and she was Ginny Weasley and I knew that no matter how strong she is I couldn't make her go through what she had already gone through. I didn't want her to be home with children not knowing if her husband would return and now that I was pregnant I didn't want to bring her into any of that and what came with it either. She deserved better and even as I thought it I knew that better wasn't me.
"We're still friends. I'll always be there if you need to talk."
"Thanks Gin", I smiled at her and watched her walk to the doorway to the kitchen.
"You coming?"
"Nah...you go ahead. I'm going to go rest some more. I believe Professor Snape was right. I wasn't ready to get out of bed just yet."
She looked at me worriedly and I just smile, "If it makes you feel better you can ask them if they could send some dinner upstairs for me later."
She nodded and left the room and I stood and began a torturous journey back up the steps as I let the tears blur my vision and then fall in large rivulets down my cheeks. Just what I needed to impair my vision more!
When I reached the top I walked over to the bed I had been occupying only a few hours ago and slid back under the covers, laying down on my side away from the doorway. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. I had managed to lay there for a few minutes thinking things over when I had finally thought myself into exhaustion and fell asleep clutching at my tear stained pillow.
To Be Continued.....
Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction~! Enjoy and please review~!
SPOILERS AHEAD~~!!!!!!! You have been warned~!!!!
Chapter 5: It Was All a Bad Dream
I felt a small throb of pain hum through my whole body and as it became more persistent I could no longer try to sleep. I opened my eyes and looked around with a small amount fuzziness. I needed my glasses. Come to think of it...where were my glasses? Probably somewhere in that dingy old torture house crushed and beyond repair. I sat up and rubbed my eyes and managed to clear my vision a bit more. I must have been worse off than I thought if I hadn't noticed my lack of glasses and how bad my vision was. Then again, I did have the bullocks beaten out of me and I had my share of shocks in less than a forty eight hour period. Sure Potter, make excuses for yourself! Your nutters so you should just face up to it!
I was still dressed in the flimsy dressing gown from Poppy's examination and it wasn't nearly enough for me to walk around in. I sighed and stood up with only a little pain and managed to make my way to the bathroom to relieve my bladder. I couldn't help but to think of how much I should enjoy this while I could. Merlin knows that in a few months I'll be in the same condition as your every day pregnant woman, overly large and constantly urinating. I finished that thought as I finished emptying my bladder and stepped back out into the room where I saw Severus setting a few potions on the nightstand. I walked over and sat down on the bed.
"I see that you’re awake."
I blinked at the odd tone of voice and could only assume that he was angry at something or someone else and just unknowingly took it out on someone else. I tried not to roll my eyes. This man was something else. He was such an enigma.
"Well I tried to sleep in longer but my whole body feels as though I've let the entire world supply of bludgers use it as a practice target."
He looked up at me and seemed to have a neutral expression on his face. I believe that in his eyes, I was also an enigma, something to pick apart and explore. Maybe in time we would have the chance to do that. Hopefully we could both survive this war and I could kill Voldemort and we could live happily ever after. I cracked a smile and he allowed the confusion to show this time. I shook my head and looked down at my barely covered lap.
"Um...I was wondering if you happened across any clothes I could wear?"
He looked me up and down and the corner of his lips moved upwards in an almost half smile, "I suppose we could find you something more suitable. I believe Lucius had asked Mrs. Weasley if she could find you a change or two of clothing."
I nodded and looked at a potion that he held out to me very briskly. I looked up at him questioningly and rolled his eyes.
"Do you think I would try to poison you?"
"No, it’s not that."
"Then what?"
"What is it for?"
"It’s a simple pain reliever, unless you would prefer some muggle version?"
I did laugh at that. The emotionless tone with which he said muggle version combined with the look of revulsion on his features was simply priceless. Perhaps Severus wasn't so bad after all.
"No, that’s quite alright. I'll take what you've so kindly acquired and made for me Severus."
He raised and an eye in question and I downed the potion and grimaced at the foul taste before shaking my head and answering the unasked question.
"Severus, I can't very well keep calling you Snape or Proffessor Snape or even Proffessor after what we've done together. It just sounds...wrong. Although calling you Severus is a little odd as well."
"Well then what else do you deem worthy of calling me, Mr. Potter?"
I looked into his snarky grin and thought. Sever? No. Ev? No. Verus? No. Sev? Yes! That suited him and it didn't sound odd. I rather think it suits him.
"How about Sev?"
He seemed to mull it over and then nodded his assent and I grinned, "And if you’re Sev do me a favor and call me Harry. Potter sounds like a reprimand."
"Reprimand?"
"Yes, the only time someone hears their last name outside of a school situation means that their usually in trouble and you’re in really big trouble if they say your whole name, beginning, middle and end."
He gave another nod at that statement and handed me another potion bottle. Before I could even ask, "It'll help heal bruises and other small injuries and the one after this contains vitamins."
"Vitamins?"
"For a healthy pregnancy."
Oh...this is going to be an interesting year.......
As I was finishing the other healing potion and just about to begin the vitamin one the door opened and a very flustered looking Lucius came in. His face was set in a scowl and his long platinum blonde hair was in disarray. He carried a small suitcase in his left hand and in his right was his serpent cane which he gripped tightly as he muttered to himself about an annoying woman. I could only hazard a guess that the annoying woman was none other than Mrs. Weasley.
He looked up and saw me sitting on the bed, potion in hand and tried to return to his usual cool demeanor but in my opinion he failed horribly. Part of me wanted to laugh and the rest of me felt sorry for him. Not just him but anyone else who had been on the receiving end of one irritated, worried or angry Mrs. Weasley.
He set the suitcase on the floor next to the bed and let out an irritated and exaggerated breath, "I'm very glad to see that you’re awake. That...that....woman! She is driving me mad! She keeps insisting that we let her see you and when I told her you were asleep and I wouldn't permit her in until I had asked you she began to rant at me and tell me that you were her son and she had a right to see you. The woman is mad!"
I laughed. I laughed so hard that I had tears at the corners of my eyes and running down my face. When I had finally stopped I looked at two very similar looks of disbelief and surprise. I downed my last potion before I grabbed the suitcase and hauled it onto the bed next to me and opened it.
"She is like my mom. She's the only real mom I've ever known. She's been there for me through thick and thin. Her and all the Weasley's. They've given me a place to stay and rescued me from my horrible Aunt and Uncle's house on more than one occasion and she always has a willing ear", I said as I took out a pair of tan khakis, a white long sleeved shirt, a pair of black cotton boxers, a pair of white sox and a emerald green sweater that Mrs. Weasley had knit for me, telling me how much the color matched my eyes.
"I do thank you for thinking of me and not letting her in. I would prefer to be dressed before I have to tell them all an edited version of what happened."
I thought about that. Did I really want to tell them everything now? No. Why? Because I had not only been raped repeatedly but I had also managed to bugger my Potion's Professor and one of the richest and most influential wizards of all time. Oh, the looks on their faces would be priceless. No. I must try to tell the truth as best as I can and leave out the biggest truths without lying. I could do this! I hope....
I stood up and walked a few feet away where I slipped on the boxers underneath the dressing gown. Once my boxers were on I decided that I was okay getting dressed in front of them. It didn't bother me to be naked in front of them; it was just a bit weird. They had had sex with me, what’s the big deal with seeing me naked is the logic but then again...I still had no idea where we were to from here. I had never been one for one night stands. I believed in love. It was one belief I would not give up on. I didn't have to have marriage but I wouldn't be one of those people who would wander from person to person just for physical release. I wanted more. I had wanted a nice house with a big yard and a person to love and hold beside me and a few kids running around. I had this dream with first Cho in mind and then Ginny but with what had happened I had realized that I didn't want to bring Ginny into this. I had told her as much at the end of my sixth year. Even now I knew I was going to break her heart but at least I had a reason other than danger as issues not that having your life hang in the balance aren’t a good reason. I had always found other men attractive to a certain extent and now I had a feeling why. I wasn't gay, I was bi. Love is love, right?
I sat down on the bed and slipped my socks on before I slid on the khakis and then the white long sleeved shirt. I slid the green sweater on over and then a pair of black sneakers before I walked towards the door, "So who else is here?"
Both men were standing now and watching me as if I were an exhibit at the zoo.
"Well most of the Order unsurprisingly", said a still annoyed Lucious.
If I hadn't been starring at the one and only Lucius Malfoy I might think that he was pouting. Come to think of it, Draco has the same exact expression. They both pout! It's laughable to think that this man who had once been a thing of fear for me was now on the verge of making me laugh because he was pouting. I bet if I called him on it he would answer with something like "Malfoy's don't pout".
As I walked out into the hallway I felt a brooding presence at my back and I knew it was Sev. "You really shouldn't be out of bed. If you faint or fall ill again it'll be us you’re causing trouble for."
"I'm not letting everyone see me in bed. They've seen me laid up and injured enough times already; I will not add another to their list. That and I am just plain obstinate. Call it Gryffindor pride if you must."
I found the stairs and made my way down them at a slower pace than usual. The potions helped and I was near healed but the pain was still there, almost nagging like with its small presence. As I made my way down the stairs a familiar face peered from around the banister to look up at me with a small look of surprise and another of almost pity.
The familiar face was none other than the man who had become like a father to me, Remus Lupin. He was looking no worse for wear and his be speckled blonde hair had grown and inch or two longer since I had last seen him. I made it to the bottom and smiled up at him.
"Harry! I am glad to see you alive and well. You gave us all quite a scare."
"Yes, well I do have a bad habit of doing that."
I stepped down off the last step and wondered if Sev had anything a bit more powerful in the pain reliever potion department. I walked around the banister and past the small hallway where I saw Shacklebolt and Tonks standing in almost guard’s positions.
"Ay' Harry! Good to see you up and about."
I smiled at her and noticed she had her hair black and a bit longer than usual with some of her hair done in small braids. Shacklebolt simply nodded my way and gave a muffled, "Good to see ya'". I smiled and made my way into the living room where gathered on the all the different types of furniture were many ginger heads and a few not as noticeable a color.
"Harry dear!"
I was almost knocked off my feet when Mrs. Weasley came over and embraced me in a large hug. She held me close to her bosom and ruffled my always messy black mane before holding me at arms length and examining me. She was as much my mother as my own mine had been. I imagine my mom would have been something like Mrs. Weasley if she were still living.
"Well a bit worse for wear as always but at least you’re alive and that’s all I can hope for dear."
I smiled at her brightly, "Thanks Mrs. Weasley."
Before I knew it I was surrounded by ginger hair in a flurry of questions and happy greetings. As they all backed away to give me room and after a joke or two from Fred and George I found myself plopping down on a sofa next to Hermione and Ron.
Hermione lunged forward embracing me tightly sniffling quietly as she whispered in my ear, "I'm sorry Harry. I thought we'd last you that time."
"Aw...Mione'. You know me. I'm a bit like a roach, hard to kill and all that."
"We were bloody afraid you'd been killed mate! I couldn't calm the other two down when we'd apparated at the burrow."
I talked and socialized as much as possible told them as little of the truth as I could. They would find out eventually but for now I just wanted a bit of peace. I needed it. I did need to settle one thing on this night and there was no avoiding it. Looking across the room I saw Ginny and as our eyes connected she quickly broke eye contact and looked away looking upset and confused and a bit ashamed. I smiled and shrugged it off and when dinner was announced every walked into the kitchen except Ginny, Ron, Hermione and myself.
"You two go ahead, I'll be there in a sec."
Hermione gave me a look that said she would be there later if I needed to talk and Ron just shrugged and walked out as if he couldn't feel the tension building. He probably couldn't, he was a bit daft sometimes.
When it was just Ginny and I, I walked over to where she sat on the loveseat and sat across from her.
"Ginny..."
"Harry. You don't have to say it."
I looked at her surprised and confused.
"Maybe you were right. I don't know if 'this' will work. I know you were worried about me and you only want me to be safe, but every time you go off to fight I always get this feeling that I'll never see you again and I feel as though I can't breath and then I get this pain in my chest like my heart is shattering. I know you can't do anything about who you are and what you must do...but I don't think I'm strong enough Harry....I just don't..."
Tears had begun to trickle down her cheeks and I stood and pulled her into my arms. I held her and smelled her lavender scented hair and felt her tears dampen my shirt and as we both pulled away we knew that it was over. That we would be friends and that was all. I was Harry Potter and my life was always going to be in danger and she was Ginny Weasley and I knew that no matter how strong she is I couldn't make her go through what she had already gone through. I didn't want her to be home with children not knowing if her husband would return and now that I was pregnant I didn't want to bring her into any of that and what came with it either. She deserved better and even as I thought it I knew that better wasn't me.
"We're still friends. I'll always be there if you need to talk."
"Thanks Gin", I smiled at her and watched her walk to the doorway to the kitchen.
"You coming?"
"Nah...you go ahead. I'm going to go rest some more. I believe Professor Snape was right. I wasn't ready to get out of bed just yet."
She looked at me worriedly and I just smile, "If it makes you feel better you can ask them if they could send some dinner upstairs for me later."
She nodded and left the room and I stood and began a torturous journey back up the steps as I let the tears blur my vision and then fall in large rivulets down my cheeks. Just what I needed to impair my vision more!
When I reached the top I walked over to the bed I had been occupying only a few hours ago and slid back under the covers, laying down on my side away from the doorway. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. I had managed to lay there for a few minutes thinking things over when I had finally thought myself into exhaustion and fell asleep clutching at my tear stained pillow.
To Be Continued.....