Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Professor Moony's Explaination of Inappropriate Words To One Sirius Black ❯ Prolouge ( Chapter 1 )

“Remus, Remus, Remus!” Remus Lupin looked up from his book, and sighed. “Remmy! Some bird looked at me and said I was callipygian. Am I? Am I? Huh?” Sirius Black bounced in place as he hovered next to Remus.

“Sirius, do you even know what callipygian means?” Remus asked wearily.

Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment, and then shook his head, “Nope, not a clue. So am I?”   James walked down from the boys dormitory just as Remus was to answer, , “Yeah Remus, what does callipygian mean?” A mischievous smile crossed James' face, and Remus turned red.

The werewolf was saved further embarrassment by the arrival of Peter, who barely glanced around before announcing, “I'm hungry, let's eat.”

Under his breath, Remus muttered, “Saved by the rat... how sardonic.”   James and Peter left the bouncy Sirius alone with the very irritable werewolf, not a recommended course of action. “Remmy, you didn't answer my question... Am I callipygian?”

“Damn Sirius, just leave it be, who said you looked like that anyway?” Remus asked, putting his head in his hands.

Sirius shrugged, and bounced again before suddenly turning around in a circle and asking, “Remus, what's a douche bag?”

Luckily for Remus, Lily Evans came down the stairs at that very moment, or perhaps, not so luckily. “Remus Lupin, what are you teaching Black?! I knew Potter was bad, but I never expected you to encourage them! Why don't you just make him a brassirothesauriast while you're at it? Merlin, Remus, just goalready. I'll explain, good grief...”

Remus high tailed it out of the common room as Sirius wailed, “What do all the long-ish-y words mean?!”

Lily slapped Sirius and yelled, “It's none of your damn business, Black. You stupid douche bag! Get your mind out of the gutter and open a book you lazy son of a bitch!” Lily stormed out of the common room fuming, and Sirius fell onto his knees, clutching his head, and screamed, “What in Merlin's name is a douche bag?!”