Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Shots in the Dark ❯ Star 5 ( Chapter 16 )

Disclaimer: I make no claims at ownership of any copyrighted characters, places or events used herein. The only thing I make a claim to is this fic, which originated in my head and any original characters created by me herein. The following was made for public consumption at zero profit, and is not for sale except to the owning companies. Yes, I dream big.

Special Notes: Nope, not much of anything new to report here. Carry on.

Star Sage, Part Five

By: (Driver) Jim Ohki

Stargate Command; Earth; Sixteen Months Since Disappearance; March 23, 2004; 1400 Local

“OOF!” Lieutenant-Colonel Samantha Carter hated life right now, as was evidenced by the air being forced out of her lungs before her face was introduced yet again to the mat.

“Come on Sam, you can do better than this,” the current hand-to-hand instructor, Naruto Uzumaki took a moment to admire her currently in the air rear before frowning. “I'm not doing any enhancements here and you've been one of my better students.”

“Ow,” she rubbed her left cheek -which had been on the matting- as she stood, giving him a deadpan glare. “It's just we've been at this for three months -three months!- and I barely feel like we've gotten anywhere!”

“Patience, young Padawan,” he had been itching to use that line since Jack O'Neill, on one of his many visits, had shown him Star Wars. “In truth, while it has been three months by the calendar due to everybody's schedules this is only the eighth time we've sparred.”

“Oh,” she was at a loss with that.

“Yeah, it's just a matter of scheduling and convenience,” he shrugged, before resuming the stolen `not-stance' of an anime character he had seen. Really, that Ranma fellow knew how to fight hand-to-hand. “The first rule of Taijutsu is to not think about what you're actually doing. You read the body language, you react to my movements and when the openings present themselves you launch an attack that can penetrate my defenses. Don't worry about trying to put the opponent down in five seconds. Most battles that go into hand-to-hand are about attrition, endurance and stamina.”

The rest of SG-One, sitting off to the right of the mat, followed along with the lesson being taught.

Cameron Mitchell already had his ego deflated the hour previous when he got cocky thinking taking on a sixteen year old would be a cake-walk. The bruises on his face told a completely different tale of him getting knocked around the mat with contemptuous ease.

Daniel Jackson was nodding sagely, hoping that by agreeing with the blond he would delay his turn. Physical things had never really been his forte beyond hiking endless miles to dig sites or wherever he was needed. By no stretch of the imagination was he weak, he was just not a front-line fighter and he knew it. The admission had earned him some points with their instructor for knowing one's limits.

Teal'c looked as stoic as ever, although there was a gleam in his eyes that spoke volumes to those that knew the resident Jaffa. He was fired up after having his turn, having found a partner worthy of sparring with that could take just as much -if not more- punishment and deal it out threefold.

Vala Mal Doran had been trying to hide in plain sight, something she was rather terrible at. She did not want a hair on her head out of place, nor did she want any bruising from hits in areas that were sensitive. To her, that meant her entire body forget anywhere else. To everybody else, they wondered if Naruto wasn't taking a slight advantage of his teaching role for wandering hands.

“Ah, stop your whining,” he growled to the protests coming from his student/opponent. The blond had Sam pinned over his left leg, which was stuck to the floor via chakra. His had folded himself over her back, smothering her left arm. His left arm reached down her front, pinning her right arm to her side as he locked the hold with his right arm going between her legs. “Where I come from dirty fighting is the word of the day. Kunoichi are known for flashing whatever's convenient as a distraction and confusion tactic. I personally know one that wears a battle kimono, tapered upwards from the outside in and goes commando so that every time she aims a kick at her enemy's head he pauses wondering if he really saw what he thought he saw. The results are predictable once that happens.”

He ignored what he could feel on both of his arms as he tightened his grip before dropping backwards tossing the blond woman across the mats. Watching with the dispassionate nature of a Sensei and not a friend he prepared for her inevitable charge.

“RARGH!” her bellow of frustration made him frown as she came at him full speed ahead. Taking a step backwards he prepared for a left-sidestep-twirl-right foot to the ass to get her to realize the tactic was a bad idea when she proved that she was listening. From about five feet away she suddenly went into a cartwheel, aiming to scissor his head and use her body weight to topple him over backwards.

“Good!” Naruto ducked at the last second, letting Sam sail by overhead harmlessly. That was until her right hand snagged a fistful of hair and pulled him over regardless. “Excellent!”

“How did his roots not come out of his skin?” Vala questioned the other observers.

“More to the point, how can he ignore a buck-twenty-something weight with momentum trying to literally take his head off?” Mitchell rubbed his chin with his right hand in a thinker's pose.

“This is nothing!” the subject of their confusion sprung back onto his feet, relatively unharmed. “Baa-chan's finger-flick does far more damage than this!” He held his left hand up in the stop gesture. “That was good Sam. Against enemies that haven't trained for a close -even if clothed- encounter they would debate, even if for a moment, if it would be worth it to take the blow. That moment is all you need to change the flow of battle in your favor.” He turned to the others. “The opposite is also true. I know it seems sexist, but if the positions were reversed the female would have had the same thought processes. It's even more effective against those that have some degree of homophobia. The enemy would completely lose track of the fight in disgust, instead of dodging as I did or even countering the attack.”

Cam and Daniel nodded along, neither having the desire of a man-crotch shot to the face. They had nothing against the homosexual community at large; it was more of a personal preference. Teal'c just raised an eyebrow, having heard similar teachings from Master Bra'tac in his younger years. Vala proved his point by appearing as if she had just stepped in something rather nasty and it got in her boots.

“At the same time,” Naruto continued to impart some of the wisdom of his father, who was the originator of this lesson. “If one engages in such tactics they have to be aware of the dangers. Everybody I've ever encountered could and would tell you that exposing sensitive areas can backfire in your face -quite literally, in most cases. Using a knife-hand counter on Sam's move, for example has a wide range of effects. Not only would it generate pain -depending on the person's tolerance- but her emotional balance would be lost from being touched there. Even if for her the pain was a minor annoyance the outrage of a `wandering hand' could override her thinking, thus making her sloppier and sloppier as the battle dragged on.”

General Landry had been right in his thoughts. While in teaching mode, as the residents of the mountain had come to call it, the blond was the most hated person during his sessions. If his actions were for any other reason he would have been shot many times over in the few months he had been teaching.

Naruto let the results of his lessons speak for themselves in the field. While he made it a point to explain everything as well as he could, he was well aware that some only believed what he imparted by experience.

He should know, being such a `hands-on learner'.

“Right; Vala you're up!” he chirped, punctuated with a clap as if facing him during training was the best thing ever.

The look on her face said otherwise as she stepped into the `ring'. Moving with uncertain, cautious steps she appeared to be about as nervous as a bomb-tech trying to disarm a nuke with only a minute to go on the timer. Once she was in the starting position for the spar, a scant two meters away from the blond, she steeled her nerves.

“Hajime!”

Nobody could believe what happened as soon as the signal left Naruto's mouth. As quickly as she could Vala had grabbed the hem of her shirt before yanking it upwards, revealing that she was without any support. Peeking over the bottom of her shirt now near her face, she could see that he was stunned by the maneuver which bolstered her confidence to step forward on her left foot to deliver a right kick straight to his crotch.

“Huh,” she was surprised that it had worked. Her shirt dropped back down so as not to give the others a show.

“Ah . . . good,” his voice had risen several octaves as he crumpled to his left, hands firmly holding his throbbing junk. “Break time . . . everybody!” he managed to squeak, even as he fought the tears of pain from leaving his eyes.

Not surprisingly the men had fled at a brisk pace in what they would later call a tactical withdrawal. Sam, feeling vindicated, simply smirked at the young man groaning in pain before walking off with a rather smug air about her. Vala felt the worst, having inflicted the pain, for all of a moment before shrugging and following the blond woman to who knew where.

“Assholes,” Naruto whimpered, completely mortified that he had fallen for such a trap in his own lesson and that they had left him like this. Oh, was he going to pound them into the ground for this later.

“Be careful out there!” Kurama made her presence known in his mind. “Those are rather important for the future and damned hard to fix if they pop like a pair of grapes!”

“Gee, thanks for the support,” he sulked, having flopped onto his back. “Now it'll be thrice as hard for them to take me seriously. Damn it.”

“Here comes the infamous Namikaze brood,” Kushina chimed in, having seen this before. She completely ignored that it was her own fault the last time she had witnessed it, started in the exact same manner.

“Give the boy a break,” Minato's scowl could be felt as he defended his son. “First off, for all the `teaching' the Academy `did' they somehow `managed' to `miss' this lesson,” his sarcasm was thick enough to shore up a wall. “Secondly, that was the entire point of the lesson as Jiraiya-sensei taught it to me. Thirdly that was probably the first genuine, uncovered set of breasts he had seen.”

“Tsunade's are better,” weakly drifted through the mindscape. “So are Ino's, Hinata's, Tenten's, Temari's, Koyuki's . . . I could go on and on with my list. Vala just caught me completely unawares is all.”

“So how do you plan to handle this?” his mother was wondering if her temper would be the driving force or her husband's. It would be better if it was hers' since a simple prank as revenge and all would be forgiven. If his father's temper took the wheel though . . . Bad Things were going to happen.

Stargate Command Cafeteria; Same Time

“You do understand that you're going to die,” Mitchell had regrouped with the rest of his team in the best place to distract Naruto. A place filled with food, such that he wouldn't want to break anything in here.

“I highly doubt that,” Vala put on her bravado face, trying to hide the fact that she was scared out of her mind. “He's a big softy, kinda like Muscles over here.”

Teal'c grunted in disagreement but said nothing, instead focusing on scanning the room for the blond visitor.

“Well, at least the entire point of that exercise is easy to grasp,” Daniel looked ready to bolt like a scared rabbit. As usual though he had grabbed his courage by the neck and was ready to charge head-first into the Gates of Hell for his team.

“Must you phrase it that way?” Carter gave a gimlet eye as her smugness crashed. She had seen first-hand what her hand-to-hand instructor was capable of and was now waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“What did you do?” the sudden appearance of General Landry spelled certain doom for SG-One. “There's a very unhappy Naruto Uzumaki stomping about the mountain looking for you five.”

“He has found us,” Teal'c stood from his seat, ready for combat. All eyes fell on the doors to the hallway as a feeling of death came closer. They parted with an ominous squeak, revealing the blond teen to the suddenly silent commons.

“Oh dear,” Vala whimpered, shivering where she sat as she took in his expression.

“At least his eyes are blue,” Daniel reassured himself that the young man wasn't angered to the point of a rampage. Maybe; it was that or he had better control of his power which would be a bad thing.

For his part, Naruto had to hand it to his quasi-students. They had fled to the one place in the entire complex where his wrath would be toned down. That took some serious smarts as far as he was concerned. He kept the Hokage Face of Seriousness courtesy of his father going full blast as he ghosted into the room. The Killing Intent he toned down the closer he got to his target, wanting them as coherent as possible. He stopped moving next to General Landry, directly across the table from Vala and had his revenge.

“I've seen better tits on a fifty-eight year old woman; better curves on a washboard and a two-by-four.”

Silence accompanied by owlish blinking. What was that supposed to be-? Oh hell no, he went for the jugular with a woman of vanity: her looks.

Vala spluttered in impotent rage, her face going from a pale-white to a deep crimson in anger as his shots were direct impacts.

“You, Miss Smug Princess,” he turned his attention to Sam completely ignoring the first he had a petty revenge on. The rest of the people in the cafeteria were paying attention now as a dressing-down was taking place live for all to see. “I'll figure out what to do with you later. Perhaps I can convince the good General here that your caffeine intake is detrimental to staying in military shape?”

“No, not the precious!” the Lieutenant-Colonel wailed, having her coffee threatened. Her previous smug attitude had quite literally been washed away by the blond who continued to give her a deadpan look.

“We'll just have to see about that, won't we?” Landry gave one of his better `annoyed General' looks, which was enough to subdue the entire team. “I have a mission for the six of you to handle; briefing in twenty.”

There was not an unraised eyebrow in surprise as the General walked away, stifling a smirk. The antics of SG-One were well known in the Mountain, but nothing beat experiencing them first hand. Toss in the blond teenager -who was like a barnacle, growing on the base personnel and clinging to the base itself- the environment was ripe for mayhem, chaos, some more mayhem and some havoc for the hell of it.

No wonder a man like George Hammond had mellowed out from a hardliner to one who could just go with the flow.

SGC Briefing Room; Twenty minutes later

“What have you got for us, sir?” Cam Mitchell didn't waste time in getting this little shindig going. With the way his morning had started, this was entirely understandable.

“The Ori,” was the succinct response delivered about as flat as could be. Those two words were enough to get the rest of those gathered to pay attention. “Our friendly neighborhood Jaffa have taken the fight to our extragalactic guests across fifteen sectors of space and are, quite frankly, getting spanked. Those mother-ships of theirs are proving to be quite a tough nut to crack.”

“And what, exactly can we do sir?” Carter was being practical over pragmatic. “Our own cruisers, such as they are, stand about a good of chance killing an Ori warship as the vast amount of Ha'taks the Jaffa have.”

“That's not all,” Landry grimaced. “The ground troops of the Ancient's cousins are getting entrenched. We have learned, from the few Tok'ra that will talk to us, that they are in the process of building a bunch of ground-based shipyards and factories on the converted planets.”

“I see,” Teal'c was never one for formalities or many words to express his opinion.

“So that's where we come in, sir?” Daniel was ready to take the fight to the enemy, being that it was partially his fault they were even in the Milky Way.

“Yes,” Landry nodded, before pointing at Naruto. “Word from our on-again off-again allies is that they are quite interested in your world. The last thing we need is for an entire planet's worth of ninja working for the Ori.”

“Knew I shoulda killed the fucker when I had the chance,” the sunny blond groaned. He didn't need to be told that the fact he had brought the interest of an intergalactic conquering to his home's front door was his own fault.

“What's done is done,” the General kept the briefing on track. “Your mission is to go behind enemy lines, cause some destruction and general chaos in the Ori ranks. If you have the chance to off a Prior or several feel free to take it. Load out for a full frontal assault, as resupply is going to be a bit of an issue.”

“Ah,” Mitchell understood what was being said. While they'd take enough supplies for a platoon, they were to engage in guerilla-style warfare so as not to have to hold a `gate for a restock. “Yes sir.”

“You leave in the morning. Dismissed.”

Next Day; P7T-916; 0900 MDT Earth Time-2230 Local

“Well, this makes for a decent staging ground for now,” Colonel Mitchell observed their home-away-from-home. For being as far behind enemy lines as they were, this particular planet had been overlooked as it was unpopulated. Barren was too strong a word as there was plenty of plant life and this place was also a resource score of epic proportions.

“There's Naquada sitting on the surface!” Sam Carter looked downright giddy. “This is almost like Mother-lode. If we could get a ship out here and scan beneath the surface we'll probably find Trinium by the mile!”

“Perhaps we should move, Colonel Mitchell,” Teal'c liked the sound of finding a goldmine such as this. There was no way the Tau'ri would want the Ori war machine to find it themselves.

“Indeed,” the Colonel gave the standard Jaffa response, taking delight at seeing the big man pause as his own phrase was thrown right back at him. “Daniel, dial home; tell them we need a new staging area and why. See if we can't get the Odyssey out here to pluck the `gate off of the surface for now.”

“Don't mind if I do,” Naruto had produced a sealing scroll from somewhere and had amassed a small mountain of the heavy element before making it disappear with a puff of smoke. “Excellent, now I can make lots more things go `poof' with a pretty light show. All I need is my paint supplies and . . . oh yeah, it's gonna be fun making pretty pictures!”

“Who mixed him and high explosives?” Vala deadpanned, not moving a muscle as Mitchell was watching her like a hawk.

“Who let him watch Kelly's Heroes?” the Colonel countered without taking his eyes off of the known thief. “Just be thankful he's on our side. And that he apparently likes Oddball.”

“Inbound!” Daniel barked as he retreated from the Stargate at a full run.

“Take cover!” Mitchell was on the ball, bringing his PN-90 to bear.