Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Snape vs. The Survey ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Rumielf 
Non Anime: Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 06.18.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.1K | Visits: 258 | Status: Work In Progress
Non Anime: Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 06.18.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.1K | Visits: 258 | Status: Work In Progress
A/N: With all those surveys floating around livejournal and every other blog I thought I'd see what our favorite potions master might have to say in one. And for the record I don't have the pleasure of owning Severus Snape or anything else belonging to the Harry Potter world. (I wish I did!) The amazing J.K. Rowling has that honor.
Bold indicates Snape's responses
::...:: indicate motions
Italics indicate responses by me
::...:: indicate motions
Italics indicate responses by me
1. What is your full name?
At least it starts out sensibly. Severus Snape.
That wasn't so hard, now was it?
For the moment, no.
At least it starts out sensibly. Severus Snape.
That wasn't so hard, now was it?
For the moment, no.
2. What color pants are you wearing?
Tell me again why I'm doing this?
Because the world wants to know.
::glares at her::
Okay, so it's just me being sadistic. Now answer the question, Professor.
Black. Satisfied?
Not yet.
Tell me again why I'm doing this?
Because the world wants to know.
::glares at her::
Okay, so it's just me being sadistic. Now answer the question, Professor.
Black. Satisfied?
Not yet.
3. What are you listening to right now?
This annoying young woman's constant muttering.
Hey! That was uncalled for!
::sneer:: I thought you wanted me to respond truthfully.
::mutters:: Git.
This annoying young woman's constant muttering.
Hey! That was uncalled for!
::sneer:: I thought you wanted me to respond truthfully.
::mutters:: Git.
4. What's the last thing you ate?
Is that really important?
To some of us, yes it is!
A Chocolate Frog.
You're kidding me.
I don't kid.
Is that really important?
To some of us, yes it is!
A Chocolate Frog.
You're kidding me.
I don't kid.
5. Do you wish on stars?
I do believe this question is more ridiculous than the second one.
I don't think you have to answer this one. You don't have a romantic bone in your body, do you?
I prefer it that way.
I do believe this question is more ridiculous than the second one.
I don't think you have to answer this one. You don't have a romantic bone in your body, do you?
I prefer it that way.
10. How old are you today?
38.
Oh? Hmm. Not sure if that counts.
What in Merlin's name are you talking about?
::smiles sweetly:: Not sure if that's old enough for my "older man" fixation.
::speechless::
Ah, finally something silences the witty retorts.
38.
Oh? Hmm. Not sure if that counts.
What in Merlin's name are you talking about?
::smiles sweetly:: Not sure if that's old enough for my "older man" fixation.
::speechless::
Ah, finally something silences the witty retorts.
11. Favorite drink?
Virgin firewhisky.
Virgin? You mean you don't like to get drunk?
Unlike some ::pointed look at her:: I prefer to keep my mind clear.
Remind me to fix that sometime.
Virgin firewhisky.
Virgin? You mean you don't like to get drunk?
Unlike some ::pointed look at her:: I prefer to keep my mind clear.
Remind me to fix that sometime.
12. Favorite sport?
Quiddtich. That cup will be back in my office this year.
Sure. And Professors Trelawney and McGonagall will become best buds.
Are you doubting the Slytherin team ::glare::
Let me think about that. ::pause:: Why yes, I do believe I am.
Quiddtich. That cup will be back in my office this year.
Sure. And Professors Trelawney and McGonagall will become best buds.
Are you doubting the Slytherin team ::glare::
Let me think about that. ::pause:: Why yes, I do believe I am.
13. Hair color?
Black.
I still say you should let me wash it.
My personal hygiene is none of your business.
Eh, you have to sleep sometime.
Do you want me to continue with this insipid thing or...
Fine! No more comments about your hair. At least not till later.
Black.
I still say you should let me wash it.
My personal hygiene is none of your business.
Eh, you have to sleep sometime.
Do you want me to continue with this insipid thing or...
Fine! No more comments about your hair. At least not till later.
14. Do you wear contacts?
Contacts?
Muggle compensations for glasses. The lenses are set directly onto the eye.
No wonder muggles are, for the most part, blind.
Contacts?
Muggle compensations for glasses. The lenses are set directly onto the eye.
No wonder muggles are, for the most part, blind.
15. Siblings?
No.
Thank goodness for that.
What was that?
Oops. That must have been my outside voice.
No.
Thank goodness for that.
What was that?
Oops. That must have been my outside voice.
16. Favorite month?
July.
::curious:: Why July?
Because then I don't have to deal with imbecilic brats melting cauldrons right and left.
I see you point on that one.
Ah, she does have a bit of intelligence.
July.
::curious:: Why July?
Because then I don't have to deal with imbecilic brats melting cauldrons right and left.
I see you point on that one.
Ah, she does have a bit of intelligence.
17. Favorite food?
::irritated:: Must I answer this as well?
Either that or I hex you.
Very well. Chocolate Frogs.
Do snacks even count?
::irritated:: Must I answer this as well?
Either that or I hex you.
Very well. Chocolate Frogs.
Do snacks even count?
18. Last movie you watched?
Another muggle reference?
Yeah. So I'll take that as you haven't seen one at all.
Correct.
I'll have to fix that as well.
Is that a threat?
Nope. I don't need to threaten. That's a promise.
Another muggle reference?
Yeah. So I'll take that as you haven't seen one at all.
Correct.
I'll have to fix that as well.
Is that a threat?
Nope. I don't need to threaten. That's a promise.
19. Favorite day of year?
The day after term is over and I am left in peace.
Well, were left in peace. Until I decided to bug you.
The day after term is over and I am left in peace.
Well, were left in peace. Until I decided to bug you.
20. What do you do to vent out anger?
Take points from Gryffindor, particularly from Potter.
One would swear you have it in for that boy.
And one would be right.
Don't you get tired of being unfair?
No. I am, however, getting rather tired of your running commentary.
Deal with it.
Take points from Gryffindor, particularly from Potter.
One would swear you have it in for that boy.
And one would be right.
Don't you get tired of being unfair?
No. I am, however, getting rather tired of your running commentary.
Deal with it.
21. What was your favorite toy as a child?
::glower:: I don't talk about my childhood.
And with that look on his face I don't want to press the issue. Next question...
::glower:: I don't talk about my childhood.
And with that look on his face I don't want to press the issue. Next question...
22. Summer or winter?
I prefer the dark of winter.
With that pale skin, no wonder. I can't quite see you getting a tan.
I prefer the dark of winter.
With that pale skin, no wonder. I can't quite see you getting a tan.
23. Hugs or kisses?
Neither.
Oh, come on. Are you saying that cause you really don't like either or because you haven't had either?
::silence::
In that case I take it upon myself to find out later. ::whispers to readers:: Check in for updates on that one.
Neither.
Oh, come on. Are you saying that cause you really don't like either or because you haven't had either?
::silence::
In that case I take it upon myself to find out later. ::whispers to readers:: Check in for updates on that one.
24. Chocolate or vanilla?
I prefer the taste of chocolate if you must know.
After all the food questions does this come as a surprise to anyone?
I prefer the taste of chocolate if you must know.
After all the food questions does this come as a surprise to anyone?
25. Do you want your friends to write/email back?
Friends?
Okay, how about fans? Do we count?
More like stalkers.
Point. But we still count.
Friends?
Okay, how about fans? Do we count?
More like stalkers.
Point. But we still count.
26. Who is most likely to respond?
Is this relevant?
Not in this case.
Is this relevant?
Not in this case.
28. Living arrangements?
I have my chambers at Hogwarts.
And those would be located exactly where in the castle?
::raises eyebrow:: There are certain things that you do not need to know.
::begs:: Please? Are you afraid I'll sneak in and jinx you?
I'm more worried about molestation from the looks you've been giving me.
Damn. ::snaps fingers:: My plan is out in the open.
I have my chambers at Hogwarts.
And those would be located exactly where in the castle?
::raises eyebrow:: There are certain things that you do not need to know.
::begs:: Please? Are you afraid I'll sneak in and jinx you?
I'm more worried about molestation from the looks you've been giving me.
Damn. ::snaps fingers:: My plan is out in the open.
29. When was the last time you cried?
I don't cry.
Maybe tears of relief after we finish this survey and I let him escape.
I don't cry.
Maybe tears of relief after we finish this survey and I let him escape.
30. What is under your bed?
I'll have to check it tonight to make sure that this woman isn't hiding under there.
I would never hide under your bed ::looks indignant:: Behind the door is more my style.
I'll have to check it tonight to make sure that this woman isn't hiding under there.
I would never hide under your bed ::looks indignant:: Behind the door is more my style.
31. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
I've known Dumbledore the longest.
Aw...Sevvie has a fwiend.
Do you want to survive the night?
I've known Dumbledore the longest.
Aw...Sevvie has a fwiend.
Do you want to survive the night?
32. What did you do last night?
I finished another batch of Wolfsbane potion for Lupin.
More exciting than my night.
Oh really?
Yep. I sat down and hunted up these questions.
I finished another batch of Wolfsbane potion for Lupin.
More exciting than my night.
Oh really?
Yep. I sat down and hunted up these questions.
33. Favorite smell?
My lab.
I'm surprised you can smell anything but your hair. Please let me wash it. I really have something that works well.
Remember my words two questions ago.
My lab.
I'm surprised you can smell anything but your hair. Please let me wash it. I really have something that works well.
Remember my words two questions ago.
34.What are you afraid of?
The Dark Lord winning this war.
Once again, I have to agree with you.
The Dark Lord winning this war.
Once again, I have to agree with you.
Is that the end of it?
Yes indeed. See? It didn't kill you.
Pity. Then I wouldn't have had to put up with your sarcasm. ::walks away::
::calls out:: Hey, Professor! Keep an eye out. I'm gonna make good on those threats!
::out of sight::
::shrugs:: It could have been worse. I could have gotten Rita Skeeter in here to ask him the questions.
Yes indeed. See? It didn't kill you.
Pity. Then I wouldn't have had to put up with your sarcasm. ::walks away::
::calls out:: Hey, Professor! Keep an eye out. I'm gonna make good on those threats!
::out of sight::
::shrugs:: It could have been worse. I could have gotten Rita Skeeter in here to ask him the questions.
FIN