Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Snape vs. The Survey ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

That's right! The amazing Elf has dug up yet another survey to subject our beloved potions master to.
I cannot understand how you convinced me to sit through this a second time.
You just love my company. Admit it.
::silence::
Or maybe it's because I broke out the bondage equipment and have you firmly secured to that chair. Either way, we're in for another round of fun.:::rubs hands together:: Let the interrogation begin. Oh and btw, I don't own anything from the HP universe, Miss Rowling does. Though I do wish I could own Sevvie for a day or two. Now, on to the fun!

Italics indicate I'm speaking.
Bold indicates Sevvie is talking.
::...:: double colons indicate motion or such things.

 

01. Name?
Didn't we answer this one last time?
Yep. But answer again, for the spirit of the thing.
Severus Snape
See? Not a bad start.

02. Named after anyone?
::sneer:: Not anyone that you would know of.
Hey! Be nice ::pause:: Or at least be a little less scathing.
Or?
::points to bag of S&M equipment nearby::
Point taken.

 

03. Do you wish on stars?
No.
Really? Never?
That's correct.

 

04. Which is your favorite?
The one that may one day fall and crush me so that this torture will end.
Fat chance of that happening. I'm determined that you sit this out.
Then perhaps the one that may fall and rid me of your presence.
::sniffle:: I'd almost think that you didn't like me anymore.

05. When did you last cry?
I don't cry.
I don't believe that.
::glower::
But from that look I'll let it pass...

06. Who do you admire?
Dumbledore.
At least you answered that without protest.
And most likely for the last time.

 

07. Are you happy right now?
Frustrated is more like it.
Come on, admit it, you're having a good time.
I'll be happy when this is all over.
Oh that's right! We're having a drink after all this.
I had forgotten that. I'll be happy when I'm back in my chambers...
::hopeful look::
...alone.
Damn.

08. What is the #1 priority in your life?
Seeing the Dark Lord vanquished for good.
And here I thought it was going to be something awful about Harry.
His fate happens to be number 3.
Third? What's the second then?
Getting out of these sessions alive.
Careful, your other fans might not think you like them. Wouldn't want to have them mob you, would you?

 

09. Favorite lunch meal?
I don't usually pay attention to meals.
Maybe you just haven't had any good cookin' lately.
"Cookin'"?
That's right. Anyone want to volunteer to cook dinner for Sevvie?
::glower::

 

10. Any bad habits?
Of course not.
You still haven't washed your hair.
You are mistaken.
Nope. ::sniffs his head:: Still smells like rotten eggs.

 

11. What store would you never be caught dead in?
Zonko's.
What? The joke shop? You don't like the place?
Not particularly.
Why is that, Sevvie? Too many jokes played on you?
Another question like that and I'll have to pass on our drinks after this is over.
For the sake of alcohol and possibly getting you drunk I'll let that one go.

 

12. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
What kind of a question is that?
Just one that your fans would like the answer to.
I don't have friends. So the answer is no.
You do have friends. You have us!
As I said the last time that you forced this upon me, I think "stalkers" is a better fitting word.

 

13. Are you a daredevil?
Anyone who opposes the Dark Lord in any way could be considered such.
I'll agree with that. Also the way you keep provoking Harry could make you one.
What makes you say that?
Because one day he really will snap and curse you.
And on that day I'll happily see him expelled.

 

14. Do looks matter?
In regards to what?
Dating silly! When it comes to women, or boys as some of your fans like to speculate.
That's most definitely none of your or anyone else's concern.
::pause::
Wait a moment. Boys?
That's right. I'm surprised you aren't familiar with one of the most popular ships that your fans like to write about you.
Meaning they pair me off with another man? Tell me, who are they talking about?
Oh, you know...Sirius, Lupin, Lucius...but the one that they seem to like most is Harry.
WHAT!

 

15. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone?
This very moment I would like to attack this woman who has me bound and just told me about what my fans like to do to me.
I thought you already knew! After all, hating someone so much is often a sign of other feelings.
And what other women do I get paired with?
If I tell you will you calm down?
::glare::
Until you change your mind I'm not telling.

 

16. Are you trendy?
Hardly.
True. You do smell as if you only shower when it rains.
Watch your tongue, girl.

 

17. What do you do to prevent anger?
I don't prevent anger.
Okay...so what do you do to make yourself happier?
Fail Potter's work for the day.
One of these days maybe you'll ease off on the boy. Quite a few of your fans are fond of him as well.
Which validates my opinion of my so-called "fans".
::reaches into back of equipment and pulls out a black leather flogger:: Do you really want me to use this?
Not in particular. I think you'd enjoy it too much.
Heh. I think you would too.

 

18. Do you trust others easily?
Of course not. People must earn it.
I do have to agree with you there.
Blind faith is foolishness.
Not always. Sometimes you simply know you can trust someone.
No.
I guess after what you've gone through that makes sense.

 

19. What class during school do you think was a waste of time?
No class is a waste of time unless you are advanced beyond it.
In which case the teachers should be sensitive to your needs and give you more advanced lessons.
Ah, something she understands.
::blinks in surprise:: Was that a joke? A sarcastic one but a joke nonethless?
It appears that way.
Wow. Who knew? Sevvie has a sense of humor.

 

20. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone?
Yes. And, with a few exceptions, I do not wish to discuss the particulars.
Let me guess, James and Sirius are the exceptions?
Quite correct.
I'm not surprised.

 

21. Do you feel understood most of the time?
If that were the case I would be in a different teaching position.
Poor baby. Didn't get the job he wanted. Even if you had you do realize that you would still have to deal with the students.
But as the DADA professor I would have been able to curse them without a disciplinary hearing.
That is a selling point for that position. I wouldn't mind a job like that.

 

22. What is/are your nickname(s)?
::glare::
Oh? Do I get to answer this one for you?
::silence::
Okay, well...you're called Snape usually. I know I'm not your only fan who calls you Sev or Sevvie. I also know that "Git" is popular, at least amongst your students. And by a few special people you were and sometimes still are called Snivellus. Did I miss any?
::ominous silence::

Guess not.

 

23. What are you worried about right now?
I'm rather worried that this young lady is going to try to molest me after we are done.
Not till after I've gotten you drunk, my dear.
Perhaps I should pass on tonights refreshments.
::kicks the bag lightly producing a loud clinking sound much like chains rattling:: Oh you don't want to do that. I'd hate to break out more toys before you're fully prepared.

 

24. What's on the walls of your room?
Nothing.
Ah, like most men, the kind who can fit everything they own into a backpack or dufflebag.
There is no need for the excess that most people go to.
But it provides something nice to look at and conversation starters when you have people over.
I don't have people over.
You just might one of these days. From the reviews I've gotten it seems as though there might be more who would like to join me in an attack on your chambers.
I shall invest in better security measures.

 

25. Where is your favorite place to be and why?
My chambers. Alone.
I could have guessed that from your earlier answers. The same old reason?
Yes. So I can't be bothered by the inane questions.
Yeah, but if you really wanted to you could have hidden or gotten away from me.

 

26. How many scars do you have and do they have any cool stories?
I have many scars.
I think the one with the most history is the Dark Mark on your arm.
Does everyone know about that?
Yep. Sorry, there aren't many secrets about you, Sev. Any other scars of note?
Nothing that stands out.
Could I see them anyway?
That would require me removing clothing which I can promise you is not going to happen.
You have to spoil all my fun, don't you?
It makes this a bit more bearable.

 

27. What was the biggest change for you in the last few months?
Besides the Ministry finally recognizing the fact that the Dark Lord has returned?
Yes, other than that.
Having to find ways to avoid a certain young lady who continues to stalk me with surveys and handcuffs.
::laughs:: And is that such a bad thing?
It could be taken either way. I would prefer to concentrate on other matters of importance.

 

28. Have you ever danced in the rain?
This question seems out of place.
Yeah, but it's a rather tame one.
Indeed. No, I have never danced in the rain.
I do have a hard time picturing that. Do you even dance?
I wasn't aware that you had any need to know that.
I don't. Just curious. Next thunderstorm though, I'm dragging your butt outside.

 

29. What's your favorite sport(s)?
Quidditch.
I think that's just about everyone's favorite sport. Most of us love it. Still, there are other sports that are enjoyable.
Such as?
Well, I like baseball and hockey. Oh! And pro-wrestling.
Pro-wrestling?
Okay, so it's technically not a sport but it's fun to watch large and sexy men in tight clothes get all sweaty and out of breath.
Sounds as though it would appeal to many women.
Not as many as you'd think.

 

30. What do you spend a lot of time doing?
Answering these questions and finding ways to stop the Dark Lord's plans.
But you have to admit that at least these questions are more enjoyable.
Not particularly.
Ouch. You wound me!

 

Look, Sev! You made it. No more questions today.
Since we are done you plan on releasing me from these bonds, correct?
No, I thought I'd take you to the Three Broomsticks just like this. ::rolls eyes:: Of course I'm going to let you go.
Good.
::pulls out the keys to the handcuffs:: Just remember our deal. We have a couple of friendly drinks and then I'll let you go home...
Alone?
I haven't decided that part yet. Guess it all depends on how drunk I can possibly get you. If I recall you prefer virgin firewhisky so I'm hoping your tolerance isn't too high.
I shouldn't have agreed to this.
Maybe. But you did and I'm holding you to it. ::waves to the readers:: Wish me luck! If it works I'll definitely pass on the drinks that work the best on him. ::grins:: See you all next time!