Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Snape vs. The Survey ❯ Chapter 4 ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: Rumielf

A/N and disclaimer: Welcome to the next survey that I found to subject our beloved potions master to. I'm sorry it took me so long to get this updated but Sev has asked me to wait in hopes that people would forget about our night of drinking. Personally I think he's a bit embarrassed about that night.

I'd rather put that night out of memory.

Hell, Sev, I don't think you can even remember most of it.

::silence::

Ah ha! That's it! You can't remember and you're afraid of what happened after your brain switched off.

I don't recall being molested but I do know that I woke in a single bed in a muggle hotel next to you.

::grins:: I think I'll hold onto that missing information for another chapter. Oh yes, the usual disclaimer - I own nothing from the HP universe nor do I own professor Snape, no matter how much I wish I did.

And I'm grateful you don't.

::sticks her tongue out at him:: On with the show!

Name:

Must we go through this question every time?

Come on, Sevvie, you have to be in the spirit of things.

Severus Snape, Professor.

Wow, that was the first time I've heard you elaborate on that one.

That was only so you would remember what it is.

2. If you were a skittle, what color would it be?

What is a “skittle”?

It's a muggle candy.

And exactly what does it do?

Nothing. It's just a piece of candy. They come in red, orange, yellow, blue, purple and green. I think those are all the colors.

Since there is no choice of black then my answer to this question would be green.

Slytherin pride, right Sev?
Indeed.

3. Single or taken:

Single.

Well, depending on who you talk to you are taken by probably a dozen different characters.

You still haven't expounded on that since I inquired last.

Well, I'll admit, my favorite ship with you (since I can't keep you all to myself) puts you with Tonks.

Nymphadora?!

That's the one.

You have me rather hesitant to ask which is your least favorite.

Besides the slash? I'd say you and Herminone.

Miss Granger? That know-it-all mudblood?

Hey now, watch your language. She's a good girl, I'm just not fond of pairing you with her.

And why might that be?

You should know by now, I'd much rather have you paired off with myself but I'm not very good at writing self-insertion fics.

4. Hair color:

Black.

Greasy and unwashed black. And that night of our drinking I'd gotten it so nice and clean.

You did what?! ::startled look::

You didn't notice? It smelled so much better the next day.

I don't have a clear memory until 3 days after that.

I'm not sure if I should be happy or upset about that.

What else happened that I'm not aware of?

You mean besides the fact that you are a pretty friendly guy when drunk? Not too much. At least, nothing that I'll expound on at the moment.

5. Eye color:

Black

Nearly everything about you is black.

It's a versatile color.

It is indeed. And sets off that pale skin so well. But if you look closely you do have slight flecks of green in those eyes of yours.

::startled:: And how, exactly, would you know that?

Let's just say you got a bit chummy after all that liquor.

I did what?!

You just got a little close, that's all. ::shakes head:: Calm down, Sev. You just got close enough for me to notice that you actually have really nice eyes when they aren't narrowed in anger and such.

::narrows eyes in anger::

::laughs:: That's my Sevvie.

6. Height:

Is there a point to asking that?

Well, many people have speculated. Nothings been written in stone as far as I'm aware. I do know that you are taller than me. You seem about 6'2” to me.

Please explain how you've come to that conclusion.

You can rest your chin on the top of me head without needing to tilt your head up or down if I'm in flat soled shoes. I've known a couple other people who could do that and they were about that height.

When did you perform this experiment, Miss Elf?

Ah, the joys of you being drunk. ::evil grin::

I shudder to think what else you may have done while I was….indisposed.

Well, if someone asks I might just go into a bit more detail later on.

::slightly worried look:: You wouldn't.

Try me.

7. Favorite Color(s):

::cuts in before he can answer:: Oh, let me answer this one! Black, right?

Excellent guess. Please keep in mind that I' also prefer the colors green and silver.

Ah yes, gotta have that House Pride, right? Even if you aren't a teacher there at the moment?

Quite correct.

8. Glasses, contacts or neither:

I think we can skip this as we did cover it awhile back.

Contacts are what muggles put in their eyes to see better?

You remembered! Yep, and you wear neither, unless you wear glasses when I'm not looking.

How often are you not watching me?

Not all that often. Usually only when you're in your bedroom at night is the only time I can't keep watch over you.

For that I am grateful.

One of these days you'll change your mind. I'm persistent.

I know that from experience.

9. Shoe Size:

Unless you plan on purchasing a pair of boots for me…

Hey, there are plenty of people who have a foot fetish. But that's okay, I'll let this one slide for now.

10. Piercing/tattoos?:

::silence::

No piercings that I'm aware of. And only one tattoo, the one that you don't' like to talk about.

::silence::

Come on, Sevvie, you know I'm not judging you on that. It's part of who you are. And we all love you and adore you for who you are. The whole of you. Damn, we need to build up that self-esteem that you are so lacking in.

11. Birthplace:

I prefer not to reminisce about my childhood.

And yet those are things we are dying to know about.

Things you simply will not learn from me. Not voluntarily.

I can always arrange for another night of drinking.

12. Siblings names:
Please note my reply to the last question.

Ah yes, you don't want to talk about your childhood. If you did maybe we'd stop asking so many questions about it.

I highly doubt that.

Okay, so you are probably right on that count. It might just encourage us to ask more.

******HAVE YOU EVER******

13. Cut your own hair?:

Of course.

I still think you should let me wash it for you more often. I mean, it did wonders for you.

And yet, ::sneering:: according to your details of what my fans think of me they prefer my hair this way.

::silence:: Okay, so you may have me there. ::snaps fingers:: I'm not sure what to say back to that.

A first since this whole mess began. ::smirk::

Wait!

::smirk freezes::

I think they like it that way just so they can think about washing it themselves. That sounds about right.

14. Skipped school?:

Of course not.

That's bull, Sevvie. Technically you're skipping now. After all, you did flee after that night.

Don't remind me. And after that I doubt that I will have a position there again. Nor do I think that my colleagues will have much to do with me.

Yeah, but your fans love and believe in you.

::shakes head:: What have I done that would reason to say that?

::shrugs:: Not much, I'll admit. You are a rather caustic bastard.

::raises eyebrow::

But I think most of us simply love sarcastic men. And there are things that you've done that give us that impression. For instance you had no choice but to kill Dumbledore. He knew that as well. He trusted you no matter what. And we do the same.

I'm not sure what to say to that.

Don't' way anything. Just accept that we believe in you. That ought to be enough.

15. Bungee jumped?:

What on earth is that?

Bungee jumping? That's where you go up onto a really high bridge or something similar, wear a harness, attach an elastic cord to the harness and the other end to the railing of the bridge and jump off.

That sounds stranger than the “contacts” that you mention not long ago.

Yeah, it's something I've never tried myself. I've read too many articles where the cord or harness wasn't' properly attached and ::mimes an explosion:: SPLAT!

An eloquent way to put it. Then I believe my answer to that question is “no”.

16. Went to a concert?:

No.

Actually I think that the Yule ball could be considered a concert. I mean, the Weird Sisters played, right?

I prefer to forget that night.

You're just upset that you didn't have a dance partner.

I doubt I have ever heard something that ridiculous in my life.

Yeah, you don't' want to admit it. We know you have a soft side.

Only in the imaginings of my rather insane fans.

17. Kissed someone of the same sex not related to you?
Never.

Your fans say otherwise.

::sneer:: You are referring to those insipid stories that are written about me.

I tend not to read the pairing I'm not fond of so I can't speak of the quality of those, but I hear that most are quite good. But yes, I am referring to the slash that your fans write about you.

I prefer not to think about such things.

What about the pairings of you with other women?

I prefer not to think about those as well.

Party pooper.

18. Kiss more than two people in one day?:
No.

You are a bit of a prude, aren't you?

I'd rather not discuss my private life with your or the fans you claim I have.

::shakes head:: Sevvie, you should know by now that nothing is private about you with your fans. And after our little drinking escapade I don't' think that you can really say much about not wanting to discuss these things.

Are you implying that I said something to the contrary that night?

Just that you opened up a bit more than usual.

I shall rectify that immediately.

You know, for a guy that's really attractive in strange ways, you still are a git.

19. Stared at the stars for hours?:
No.

For some reason I don't quite believe that.

Oh? ::arches eyebrow:: And why is that?

Because you remind me of someone I know. As they spent so much time alone there was often plenty of time to stare at the night sky.

::silence::

Ha! I hit on something!

You are more perceptive than I originally thought.

::gasps and clutches at chest:: Was that a compliment? I don't' know if I can handle this.

20. TP'd someone's house?:
“Tee pee”?

Toilet Papered. It's a prank that is usually done by kids though I know people older than me that would still do it. You go to an enemy's house in the dead of night with many rolls of toilet paper and proceed to toss and let is unravel over tree, cars, the house and anything else that might be in the yard.

Why would anyone waste energy doing something like that?

It's mainly a muggle sport though I'll bet some of the kids at Hogwarts have done it. It's just fun for them. And it's hell to clean up.

I'll take you word on that. I prefer more…subtle…ways to show my displeasure with people.

Careful now, Sev. Statements like that will give your readers naughty thoughts.

Such as?

Probably things to do with dungeons, whips, blindfolds and sharp objects.

For the record you and the rest of my “fans” are rather disturbed.

Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment.

21. Won something?
Never.

Let me guess, only the popular kinds won awards?

Astute.

::shrugs:: It tends to follow that pattern almost everywhere. And the awards that we, the uncool, win are usually sneered at by the popular crowd.

::long look:: You know this from experience?

::laughs:: Sev, you are talking to a full blooded geek. Marching band, science clubs and awards, chess club, bookwork, mock trial, more arithmetic than people ever want to dream of. Oh yeah, I was a geek.

I had not realized. Did you ever regret that?

Regret what activities and such that I had? No. Regret that I had no hope of joining the “in-crowd”? Of course. Didn't you?

Only a few times during my school years.

Because of a girl?

What makes you suggest such a thing? ::glare::

Sev, that's one of the reasons most of us wanted to be popular. We wanted to have an actual chance with a certain someone who never noticed that we were alive.

::small smile:: I'll leave you to imagine my reasons. But you do hit on some points. I'm surprised. I had not pictured you in the same light as Miss Granger.

Okay, hopefully I wasn't that bad. I actually had a sense of humor. ::laughs:: But I did have my nose in many books.

22. Been rejected?:
No.

Sev, come on, not asking just so you can't be rejected doesn't count.

As we discussed just a few minutes ago there is a large social gap between most people that spans into adulthood.

I'll admit that is true in some cases. But why didn't you ever ask?

Think about it, girl. Were there never time when you would rather live without knowing rather than risk not only rejection but also humiliation?

::squirms:: Okay, yeah, but mostly when I was in high school. After that I learned to try. After all, if they tried to humiliate or embarrass me they weren't worth it in the first place.

::pauses:: Not everyone sees it that way.

So you never tried, even after school?

No.

Your fans would have jumped at the chance. Just keep that in mind.

23. Been to a funeral?:
Far too many.

In your line of work, that's believable. Makes me want to give you a hug. ::evil grin:: Come `ere, Sevvie!

You will have to instigate another night of drinking for that to happen.

Don't tempt me. ::waves a finger warningly:: I think our readers rather enjoyed that one.

And I think that this is long enough for one session. ::glance at the long list of questions to follow:: We can make this one into a two-parter. What do you say,Professor?

If it will end this current nightmare then yes, by all means.

So…since we had drinks last time, how about dinner after we finish the last of this?

Perhaps.

::grins:: Excellent! On that note we'll see the rest of you later. Time for me to let Sev escape the torture of this survey. See you guys next time! ::waves and runs off after Snape who is already 30 feet away and moving:: Sev! Wait up!

::slows imperceptibly:: I will admit, I am becoming used to you and these ridiculous things.

::grins:: That's actually really nice to hear. You are a softie under it all.

::rolls eyes and continues walking::