Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Piss me off and Die ❯ Chapter 13-14 ( Chapter 8 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter 13:

The night's activities had somewhat been eventful. Hellsing had a few freak attacks where Alucard and Captain Victoria and her squad had been dispatched, all a complete success with no casualties. Lillian to her disappointment had not been able to attend due to the paperwork and those bloody reports. By 2:00am Lillian had done almost half and decided it was time for a break and headed for the kitchen.

“Ok Lillian you don't need Vincent to help you around the kitchen. We want ice cream so therefore the most logical place where ice cream should be kept would be in the freezer thingy,” said Lillian thinking out loud. After a few minutes of looking through the huge freezer they had she found her mission objective, the ice cream.

“Ah hah! Success!” she said climbing out of the freezer.

“Now all I have to do is find the chocolate sauce and sprinkles.” She said sounding truly happy. Now this required rifling through her enormous pantry, which for most people this would have taken no more than a few minutes but for Lillian it took about ten before she noticed it was right in front of her face. Glad no one else was here to see her moment of dumbness she headed for her next task, retrieval of the spoon and bowl. After a few minutes of searching through cupboards and drawers and getting truly annoyed Lillian had found not one bowl or spoon. The only spoon she did find were teaspoons in the dishwasher.

“Why do we have such a big bloody kitchen that I can't find anything I want! I don't know how Vincent does this!” yelled Lillian in frustration to no one in particular.

“Stuff it! I don't need no bowl, I'll use the ice cream container itself and grab a teaspoon from the dishwasher thingy.” Lillian said to herself and headed to complete the task. A few minutes later of smothering the vanilla ice cream in chocolate sauce and colourful sprinkles, Lillian sat down to reap in the benefits and the success of her mission, the ice cream. She sat down on one of the kitchen stools eating ice cream with a teaspoon in the container now covered in chocolate sauce and sprinkles with a gleeful look on her face feeling proud. Hey she had never done this before it had always been done for her, she had mastered, well sort of the kitchen! Alucard feeling uttermost delight from his master decided to investigate.

“What are you doing master?” Alucard asked her smiling while he surveyed the scene, pantry a mess, drawers and cupboards open, things scattered everywhere and Lillian sitting down eating some thing with sure and utter delight. Lillian jumped at the voice of Alucard, as she had not known he was there and gave her a fright. She turned around and glared at him with a mouth full of ice cream.

“Could you scuff your feet or something when you do that?” Lillian asked him swallowing what was left in her mouth. Alucard laughed.

“When I do what master?” he asked smiling knowing what she meant.

“When you sneak up on me like that. It's annoying.” She said to him still glaring.

“But I'm a hunter master, a predator I should be silent. It wouldn't make me a good hunter if I wasn't now would it?” he said to her laughing at what she had asked. She huffed at him,

“Bloody vampire.” She said before turning back to finishing her hard worked ice cream. Not even Alucard could dampen her mood about her accomplishment. Alucard appeared before her sitting in the stool across from her.

“You still haven't answered my question master. What are you doing?” He said to her wanting to know what made her feel so happy.

“What does it look like I'm doing? I'm eating the fruits of my labor, the ice cream I made.” She said with a feeling of pride gushing through her.

“Ice cream?” Alucard asked still not understanding.

“Yes ice cream. I was depressed and needed a break from all that bloody paperwork. So I decided to make myself some ice cream to cheer myself up. Does that answer your curiosity Alucard? Anyway how did tonight's missions go?” Lillian asked changing the subject.

“The freaks are still easy to defeat. They still pose no threat or challenge though the new bullets and modifications Vincent done to my guns are magnificent. They both are now as silent as a lover's breathe on your skin. But what is ice cream?” Alucard said to her. Lillian full of ice cream got up to put the rest, which was not much back in to the freezer again, not truly understanding Alucard's sentence and not sure she really wanted to know, Lillian answered,

“Interesting analogy. Wait, you don't know what ice cream is?” Alucard just looked at her.

“Are you telling me you've lived for at least 700 years and you don't know what ice cream is?” Lillian stared at him dumbfounded.

“I have no need for eating human food master, so why would I have an interest in what humans eat?” Alucard stated to her. Lillian answered

“Good point but ice cream is one of mankind's greatest achievements in food. It is one of the yummiest thing ever created, (huge breath) it's nice and cold, smooth and creamy and just melts in your mouth and just glides down your throat and it just makes all your problems float away for a little while. (Sigh) And you can also add sprinkles, candy and chocolate sauce to it to make it even more yummy!” Lillian stated this with hand actions and all. Alucard just stared at his master with a mixture of amusement, bewilderment and confusion. In the end he just laughed at her, long and full, a true belly laugh. Lillian snapped out of her daydream at the laughter knowing she was the butt of the joke and glared at Alucard.

“Oh shut up you. You would never understand anyway. Bloody vampire.” She retorted. When Alucard could speak he said to her,

“You are most amusing master. However I said I have no need for eating human food though I could eat it if I wished.”

“Right, anyway getting back on topic, the important thing here was that more undead scum is off London's streets. How is Captain Victoria handling her new position and squad anyway?” she asked him leaning on the huge fridge door.

“Police girl? She's fine, she is a vampire.” Alucard said non-differently.

“Ahuh. Well I'm going now, the paperwork doesn't finish it's self. If there are any more missions tonight Vincent will inform you. Enjoy the rest of your evening Alucard.” She said walking to the exit of the room. She turned back only to see Alucard had disappeared again.

“Show off.” She said and walked out of the room. Alucard just laughed in her head. He may have won this round but she'd be back, the bitch always comes back. Every dog has its day and hers was no exception. Lillian smiled as she walked up to her office, her mood lightened by ice cream and very wicked thoughts.

Chapter 14:

“Report Vincent.” Lillian said sitting at her desk drinking her morning tea. Vincent informed her of last night's activities and events that took place.

“Nothing out of the ordinary Lady Lillian though it is now easier with the vampires and there were no causalities nor injuries acquired.” Vincent said finishing up his report.

“Good, that's good news and less paperwork.” Lillian said with a lit in her voice.

“And what about the debugging of the house?” Lillian asked.

“We have done a full in and out of the house and compound search and have turned up with nothing Lady Lillian.” Vincent reported.

“Damn, we must have an internal problem. Even better. Well I will leave it in your most capable hands Vincent. However if you do find out it is one of our people report it to me first and I will handle the rest.” Lillian said. If it was an internal problem she was not going to be very happy. Yes she would deal with and no doubt Alucard would be hungry.

“Very well Lady Lillian.” Vincent replied.

“Is there anything else Vincent?” Lillian asked sipping her tea.

“Well yes lady Lillian. It seems we have midnight snacker. When I got up this morning I found the kitchen a mess and it seems the kitchen has been raided you could say. The kitchen was in such disarray that the cook refused to cook in it and it took us three quarters of an hour to clean up the mess. We did however find an ice cream container full of chocolate sauce and sprinkles. Interesting no?” Vincent reported to her smiling. Lillian nearly choked on her tea. When she was able to speak again she replied,

“Yes interesting indeed.” Not able to lift her head up. Vincent just smiled now knowing it was her.

“Well enjoy your morning Lady Lillian.” He said in his usual tone.

“Yes same to you Vincent.” She replied. She felt a sigh of relief when he started for the door. Yes she had not been caught! Vincent stopped at the door.

“By the way lady Lillian the cutlery is in the left hand side of the kitchen in the first drawer and the dishes in the top cupboard above the stove, just to let you know.” He said now walking out the door. Damn she thought he knew it was me. She now reached for her stash of lollypops to properly pout. Bloody butler.