Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Piss me off and Die ❯ Chapter 19 ( Chapter 21 )

Chapter: 19

Alucard was sitting in his chair with his usual glass of wine and bottle next to him. He was sitting in candlelight. He hated electric light, so human. He was sitting is his …room if you could call it that. His coffin on the bed and drapes fully closed as dark as the room could become and still could he feel the light, the sun during the day. True he could walk in it during the day if he wished but it was so exhausting and irritable. Even in his coffin could he feel it. He had not had a decent days sleep in weeks! Lillian still had not cleaned out the basement and his room. She always came up with some excuse not to get around to it. The police girl was happy though. Watching that infernal box, playing games and lying on the bed like she was in heaven. Alucard saw nothing wrong with a coffin. He could go down to the basement right now to his room and blow up the blasted mess that dared to be in his room, in his basement. He could remember suggesting such a thing to Lillian, her response,

Blast them and I blast you. Got it vampire. How someone could look so deadly, so threatening with nothing but a lollypop pointing at you never ceases to amaze him. Alucard did not want to get shot again, he was still recovering for the last shoot up. And there was that particular area Lillian did love to shoot him at. Alucard winces in remembrance of the last time she shot him there. Thankfully he had huge regenerative powers, a lesser vampire would have had to kiss his balls goodbye. Now he knew what that doctor meant when you try to help her and all you get is your life threatened. He just got a knife pointed at him, Alucard got shot up, repeatedly and his manhood threatened. Though payback is a bitch and a heavy payment at that and Alucard always made sure payment was collected in full. Lillian's memory was still fuzzy about that night but he was more than helpful and happy to help her remember. Alucard looked around the room and was fed up. He was going to get his basement back whether Lillian liked it or not. He would regenerate and live to survive another onslaught by her, no matter how much it would hurt, which it does. Nothing ever changes, it was Integra's favorite pastime as well. Let's shoot the vampire. Just as Alucard was about to leave he heard a voice singing,

“Avast, belay the English Brig

We took and quickly sank

And for a warning to the crew

We made them walk the plank

Yo-ho, Yo-ho, the frisky plank

He walks along it so…

Till it goes down

And yous go down

To toora, loora, lo…”

It was Lillian singing on her office balcony. What was she singing, Alucard thought to himself? Either way this should be interesting and Lillian was due for another…appointment. Alucard smiled to himself. Grabbing the gel. Chic ching. (Money sound.)

 

Lillian was standing on her balcony starring out into the night sky. She was still stiff from the many bruises and sore muscles in and on her body. She had been practicing some training to loosen up her body but Vincent always seemed to know when she was doing it and come rushing to her to stop her. `You should be resting Lady Lillian. You've been given a week of full rest and I suggest you take it.' Bloody butler. She had also been suffering Alucard's `relaxation techniques'. Oh how she knew he enjoyed torturing her. Rubbing that gel onto her body and the `massage' she would receive afterwards. A shiver ran through her body and she still really didn't remember the night where Alucard and Vincent, Vincent of all people attacked her and stuck that needle in her. Oh how they would pay for it and Lillian always made sure her prices were very high and costly. She smiled to herself, she would wait and be patient and then strike at the opportune moment. Hey she wasn't known to be vindictive for nothing. She sighed to herself again and her thoughts traveled to the book she had just finished reading. In now days everything was on disk but she was very fortunate to have a extremely huge book collection, real books like the ones the people used to use in the 21st century and earlier. She enjoyed reading books instead of disk on the computer network. Simpler the better to her. Her and technology just didn't work well. Lillian had lost count of the number of computers she had destroyed in past years, as they wouldn't work properly, she remembered this one time when the computer wouldn't shut off properly so she shut it off in a different way, permanently. Lets just say her father was not pleased. That was the last time he let her use his computer, she never really understood why though. She enjoyed the book she just finished. She had started it much earlier but had been too busy to continue it however during her little `respite', which included not doing any paper, work, yippee! She had finished the book. It was Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up. Kind of reminds you of a certain someone doesn't it? She had liked the pirates the best, Smee and her favorite Captain Hook, who would gut you from head to toe with his iron hook. Oh how she had loved him, shame he didn't win though. Peter was such a soiled brat who thought himself so good. Yep defiantly reminded her of someone. Captain hook was the best she especially liked his song `Toora, Loora, Lo' and started singing it herself.

“Avast, belay the English Brig

We took and quickly sank

And for a warning to the crew

We made them walk the plank

Yo-ho, Yo-ho, the frisky plank

He walks along it so…

Till it goes down

And yous go down

To toora, loora, lo…”

 

“What are you singing master?” Alucard asked her right behind her.

“What the hell Alucard! What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack for Christ's sake!? Don't I get a moment of peace, is it to much to ask?” Lillian yelled at him as she recovered from her slight shock. His reply, a smile. She glared at him.

“Feel lucky vampire I don't have my shotgun on me. Now what the hell do you want?”

“No hello Alucard, how are you or simple nice pleasantries. How rude master. However I am feeling lucky tonight master, quite lucky indeed.” He said thinking of the fun he would have with her tonight and her appointment. He didn't know helping people could be so much fun.

“So sorry. How are you Alucard I see your still dead, how's that going for you?” Lillian said dripping with sarcasm and insincerity

“Quite well thank you master.” He said practically beaming, grin form ear-to-ear, fangs out and all. He was up to something she thought and narrowed her eyes. And knowing him she was not going to like it one bit at all.

“What do you want Alucard, you're supposed to be helping me with my `respite' not raising my blood pressure. No wonder most of my ancestors died young, putting up with you is a major health hazard.” Lillian replied.

“Ah yes I have been known as a curse of some sort to your family.”

“Curse vampire, curse? More like a fatal disease or a plague even to me.” She scoffed at him.

“Oh master you wound me.” Alucard said clutching his heart. Lillian rolled her eyes.

“If only vampire, if only. Now Alucard for the third and last time, what the hell do you want? Annoy me enough and I will retrieve my shotgun.” Lillian said slightly pissed off. He just simply smiled at her again.

“What were you singing master?”

“Singing?” Lillian said confused and hoping to drop the subject.

“Don't be coy master, it does not become you. I do have supernatural hearing you know.” Alucard said looking down at her while she was fidgeting from foot to foot, looking in the other direction. Damn, she thought to herself, bloody vampire and his bloody hearing. Last time I sing outside.

“If you must know Alucard I was singing a song from a book I just finished reading. The song was Toora Loora lo, by Captain Hook.” Lillian said to him rolling her eyes at him.

“Captain Hook?” He replied slightly confused.

“He was a pirate.” Lillian answered annoyed and was starting to get irritated, no not starting, was irritated.

“ A pirate hey? I was a pirate you know that master.” Alucard responded making sword movements with his arm.

“Ha! Don't make me laugh Alucard. You were so not a pirate.” Lillian said laughing.

“Oh really master and why is that, what makes you so sure.” He replied looking down at her.

“Well for one, if you are over 800 years old and have been serving my family for the last 700 years of them, which you seem to like to preach about, mind you. Pirates came and gone a long time ago during that 700-year period and I don't think my ancestors would allow you to go rampaging the oceans now would they?” she said smiling up at him.

“Well done master, you know your history. True I was not a pirate back then, but I still I think I would make an excellent pirate no doubt master? Arr me hearties.” Lillian started laughed out loud.

“That you would Alucard, that you would.” Lillian looked down enjoying the moment when she noticed something sticking out of Alucard's jacket pocket and her expression changed immediately. She knew what it was.

“Ah well it's a nice night, go and enjoy yourself Alucard, I've got places to go, people to see and all that. Ah, yeah…bye.” She said timidly and extremely anxiously and bee lined it straight out of there. She got to the door before Alucard said,

“Oh Lillian, aren't you forgetting something?” Lillian did not like his tone of voice. Her shoulders hunched she slowly turned and said smiling through gritted teeth.

“Ah no Alucard I don't think so.” Alucard was holding the gel in his hand waving it at her.

“You wouldn't dare vampire.” She said venomously.

“Oh but I would Lillian.” He replied maliciously, smile wide. Lillian bolted. She got as far as the inside of her office before the next thing she knew she was lifted up off the ground and was slung over Alucard's shoulder walking through her office. When she had realised what had happened she started yelling at Alucard, screaming even, belting her fists on his back, to no avail mind you.

“Alucard you bloody bastard put me down now! I'm ordering you to put me down right now! I'll have your head for this you beast! You vile demon from hell! Put me down now!”

“Now, now master, more compliments like that and I'm going to blush.” He said and started to whistle.

“That won't be the only thing that rushes to your head in a minute. I swear vampire, the minute I get down I'm going to shoot you until you don't grow back no more!” They were walking through the manor now and surprising they met no one along the way. Lillian wondered about that. Well someone was going to be fired tomorrow. Finally in defeat Lillian just laid down there on Alucard's back in the fireman's hold and said out loud into his back.

“This is so degrading.” Alucard laughed and whistled again. Helping Lillian was so much fun.