Hikaru No Go Fan Fiction ❯ Facing the World Alone ❯ Looking for Someone that wasn’t There ( Chapter 8 )

Date posted:
Edited: Sure…. If you are blinded to all my spelling and grammar errors. :D
Chapter Warnings: Angst?
Rated: R to hard R
Disclaimer: I do not own copyrights to Hikaru no Go. I just like to borrow them now and again, make them do neat tricks, then put them back. Like Barbie’s! Facing the World Alone
By: Mira Watanabe :: Chapter Eight ::
Looking for Someone that wasn’t There   Shin looked up from the casket and gasped. Surely he must be seeing things.   “Sai?”   Winter’s wind whirled around the burial grounds. Did death dare stir?   Sai stood tall before him. His purple hair blowing freely in the wind. His presence, regal. But his face was sad, mournful even, as he looked down at corpse of Yamada Ryuu.   Shin stood up, slightly reaching for him, “S-Sai? Sai, is that really you?”   There was a push as someone ran into him, knocking him to the cold, winter ground.   “Oh dear. Sorry young man, plum forgot to look where I was going. Are you okay?” The old women reached to help him up, but Shin beat her to it. Jumping to his feet, Shin looked to where he saw Sai, only to find him gone. Disappeared…   Yet again.   Shin looked around franticly, “Where is he?!”   The old women gave him a confused look, “Who?”   Shin pointed across the casket, “The man that was right there!”   “I saw no man… Are you okay, child?”   “I’m fine!” Shin rush off into the crowd, looking for a man he had not seen in four years. After three hours of desperate searching, Sai was not found, and Shin was left alone in the silent cemetery as the last people left the service. Shin looked around the ancient cemented towers, a million tombstones, when a sense of Déjà vu hit him. He quickly realized how useless it was chasing after a ghost that wasn’t there.   Imagination was a cruel beast stuck on torturing him.   He laughed a little at that, feeling a bit insane. It was same thing his past self, Hikaru, had said.   Shin walked passed a variation of Japanese tombstones, his pace lax. “I am Death!” Shin yelled to all the stones as he passed by, “I am DEATH!”   He looked around with a cruel smile, “Those around me are soon gone, for Death stops for no one!”   He looked up into the clear sky and threw his arms wide open, “Death needs no one, Kami! …I do not need any one!””   “I prayed to Kami… only to get no answer back… I grew angry then. Screaming to the heaves as they ignored me,” Yamada Keiri gave a bitter laugh.   “I HATE YOU!” Shin screamed at Kami.    “I hated him… I hated him with all my might for what he had done… I didn’t know I could hate someone that much…”   “I HATE YOU!” Shin screamed at her.   Keiri sighed, “It was then -- with that thought -- that I knew… It was not him that I hated, but myself...”   “I HATE YOU!” Shin screamed.   “I hate myself for being so weak… For not being able to change a thing…”   “I-I HATE YOU!” he choked.   “I could not change a thing…”   “I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!” he said with renewal determination to drown the voice.   The voice changed into his younger self, his other self. The tone mournful. “I screamed, not in fear but in anger. I screamed for everything and nothing. I screamed at myself, for myself, and at the world. I screamed without words because words failed me and there were no words needed. I screamed for my helplessness and my selfishness. I screamed for and at all the things that abandoned me. I screamed for hate and for love. I screamed long and loud. I screamed until I couldn’t make a sound, and yet even then… I wailed silently.”   Tears fell silently, “I…. hate…. you…” this time it was for Sai, but his voice failed him, only coming out as a soft whisper.   Without realizing it, Shin had stopped in front of a tombstone. The inscription, in neat Hiragana and Kanji, read “YAMADA Ryuu.”   “I hate you,” Shin mouthed a second time but there was no sound. That did not matter. It was at himself anyway.   -()()()-   Shin woke to a killer headache and a warm body. Two things that were very common to him. He had a vague memory of going to The Club and getting pissed. He remembered the looks of both astonishment and concern from Ayumi. He remembered Niki trying to stop him, only to get the shit beaten out of. The rest was lost to the fog.   He groaned, rubbing his puffy, red rimmed eyes. He then looked down to see Karasu sleeping comfortably. The man’s arms were hugging the pillow to his chest, his face sniggled into it, and his legs tangled with his. Shin fixed the blanket, moving it over his friend’s shoulder.   There were times when he wondered if it were all a dream. That he had never seen Sai. That he had never played Go. That he had never became pro. But it was all to real to be brought about by some childish dream. It was too real to be fake.   Shin looked around the dark room, recognizing it as his. On the shelf laid Sai’s fan, the paper turned yellow from age.   It was all too real to be a dream. But, sometimes, he could not help but doubt that. It must have been that funeral that caused such thoughts. Imagine seeing Sai at his teacher’s funeral. It was impossible. Sai was gone, there was no changing that.   Karasu groaned, hiding under the pillow. Shin smiled sadly and caressed his hair. ‘I couldn’t have been a dream,’ Shin thought desperately, ‘Sai was real.’   But, at times, he could not help but believe that Sai was a fragment of a child’s dream. An imaginary friend. A fantasy.   Blue eyes opened, eyes that were almost the exact shade of Sai’s. Karasu yawned, rubbing his eyes, “Shin?”   ‘It wasn’t a dream…’   “You awake?” Karasu sat up and put his forehead to his friend’s, “You okay?”   Shin pushed his friend away, “I am fine.”   Karasu sighed, “Good. You had me worried. Do you remember much?”   “Iie.” Shin laid down, his head spinning from sitting up so long.   Karasu chuckled, lying back down too, “Well… to begin, you sure did punch-out Niki. Then you proceeded to get your ass even more pissed drunk. Nearly gave Ayami a heart attack. She ended up calling me on my cell, sounding as if you were dying on the spot. So after pulling up my pants…”    Shin chuckled, and then winced.   “… I proceed to come to your rescue, and with my hog, drove you off into the sunset.”   “That is bullshit,” Shin smirked.   “I know, but it sure makes a great story,” Karasu laughed passed the pain he felt in his heart. He had left out the fact that before he took Shin home, the boy had puked blood. Not only that, but he had cried, really cried. Karasu cannot remember a day he had ever seen Shin cry, let alone feel anything, show anything, but detachment. It made his heart ache. He also did not mention the night of struggling with the teen, as he tried to take his own life. He did not mention that the teen almost won their match. That he almost died.   Shin got up and went to the bathroom, shaking his head and moaning.   Karasu made an odd comment, but for the life of him did not know what he said, and he smiled as he got the finger in return for whatever comment.   He did not mention that Shin cried in his sleep, saying “It wasn’t a dream… it wasn’t.” He did not mention that Shin beg his dream not to leave him, to not abandon him. Only, he did not get his wish if the wails were anything to go by. It was heart breaking.   And for the life of him, Karasu could not tell Shin that he cried out one name the entire time… Sai.   There was no one Karasu could hate any more, in that moment, than this Sai.   -()()()-   “I feel in love with a broken angel that could not fly. He had flown to close to the sun, now his wings are gone. God knew there was no going back. There is no such angel as an angel without wings. Oooooh, yeah, broken wings of an angel.” Karasu whirled around, humming the rock tune to the song, “They called him the Devil, I called him Love for I saw what others could not. There was still angel left in that man. For you can take an angel from heaven, but you cannot change who they are. Oooooooh, yeah, broken wings of an angel. My lonely demon-angel.”   Karasu held up his spatula, getting into the beat of the song, “Oooooooooh, yeah, broken wings of an angel.”   Karasu twirled, thrusting his spatula in the air, “Oooh lovely angel, yeah, yeah, yeah… God, no matter who you are, I am sure you left this angel to fall. That was your first mistake, for I have high hopes for this angel. You see, this angel made it to the sun… Ooooh yeah, he made it up to the sun and trust me, give him the chance, he’ll go further than that. He just needs your helping hand.”   Karasu wiggled up to the pantry, “Oooooh yeah, he just needs the hand of god, and he’ll get far. Just give him a hand, God.”   He pulled out some noodles and walked back to the stove, “I feel in love with a broken angel that could not fly. He had flown to close to the sun, now his wings are gone. God knew there was no going back. For there is no such angel as an angel without wings. Oooooh, yeah, broken wings of an angel.”   Karasu got out the sauce, “One day those wings will grow back, God, black wings of a fallen angel. Ooooh yeah, raven wings of a fallen angel. My gorgeous fallen angel called Love.”   He used his spatula-mike to stir in the sauce and noodles, “Oooooh, yeah, broken wings of an angel, my lovely demon-angel.”   “What in the world are you singing?” Shin came down to see Karasu bouncing around the kitchen like a flying buffoon.   Karasu looked up and smiled, “It is called ‘Broken Wings’ by Misuteru.”   “Misuteru… Forsaken?”   Karasu smiled happily, “Yes!”   “They suck.”   Karasu pouted, “No so!”   “Those lyric are crap, there is no rhyme or rhythm.”   “It’s not about that. It’s about the feeling behind the song that matters.”   “Sure.”   Karasu stuck his tongue at him, “BLAH! Whatever, you have no taste in music anyway.”   Shin chuckled, “The same can be said for you.”   The Raven ruffled its feathers in distain.   Chapter One End: To Be Continued Annoying Authors Notes:   Ha ha ha, this is a small chapter, I know, but I wanted to leave it here, seeing as things were slowing down. I hope you like “Broken Wings” it was a song that I made up on the spot. I put a lot of double meaning behind the words ((hint hint)). It is not only about Shin.

Please don’t be mad about the whole Sai thing. He will return…. Eventually. He he he he…. I am evil. With Love,
Michi   A Side Note: (To the person that sent me the nasty email and all the others)   Some of you are just plan mean! Ok, so yeah, it took a while to get here. And so yeah Shin is a little OC, BIG DEAL! Each chapter is designed for a specific reason, with a specific point to make. I made this story for the soul reason to show what could happen if Hikaru fell apart. I even changed his name for a reason! Grrrrr…   The begging is long, I know, but there is so much there that is going to be brought up later. I built a beautiful foundation to make a great story out of, you impatient jerks, so that this does NOT become a “Strait to Confession,” one-shot piece of CRAP that I keep reading from others.  I want this story to be long, so there is 7 chapters before Sai is “introduced” BIG F-ING DEAL!   I am not going to be nice to those who have nothing to share but complaints, and I feel dearly sorry for those that where nice are haveing to hear me “piss and moan” at those that weren’t. I do not take well to people criticizing something I put a lot of time and effort into. If you have nothing nice to say, do NOT say it at all.   I do like constructive criticism though, but do so constructively. If something needs to be improved, say so, but also say why and how to go about fixing it. DON’T JUST COMPLAIN! I want to improve and not listen to people say it sucked. It makes me sad.   Also, the story is HARD R! There is hard, graphic sex… big deal, skip it. The sole purpose of that is to show Hikaru’s down fall.   I made this story for adults, not children.
On a Different Note:   For a while, I was really happy with what I had written. I’d like to believe this is my best work. I love the way I had described things. I love the way I have built the plot. I love the way I had planed each and every characters’ growth.  I even love the how certain things turned out, even if they did not fall into my planning. I love my story.   Please do not take that away from me…. if you do, I’ll simply take the story away, for I cannot write a story I cannot love.  

Chapter Notes:   Iie –No   Misuteru - Forsaken   P L E A S E
R E V I E W!