Hikaru No Go Fan Fiction ❯ Riding the Wave ❯ Bedtime Story ( Chapter 6 )

Riding the Wave

Bedtime Story

Hikaru felt trapped. This wasn't how he wanted to explain things to anyone. He hated the thought of letting her down though, and there was still a part of him that burned with an excuse to just get it all out. She was right. He really wanted to share the good memories he'd had.

More than that though, he wanted to be believed. So far, that hadn't happened the one time he'd gotten the courage up to share the story. But, how could anybody believe--?

"Bedtime stories always start with 'Once upon a time...' don't they?"

Saya shook her head cutely. "They don't have to. Especially if they're about something that really happened."

He nodded, still trying to think of how to put this into words. "Sai is the one who taught me go," he began slowly. That was a nice, safe statement. He waited for some sort of reaction from Touya, but the other pro still stood in the doorway with his arms crossed expectantly. That made this so much harder.

Saya wouldn't put up with his hesitation tough, and prompted him. "Was he your sensei?"

Hikaru blinked. How could he not have thought of Sai like that, even after all these years? "Yeah, but I never called him that," he admitted slowly. He grinned as he remembered though, "I always just called him Sai, or that annoying pest, or the rude person who forced me to learn a game I thought was boring and only for old men!"

"You were forced?" Saya sounded shocked.

Hikaru laughed, enjoying her surprise. "Yeah. It was either that or be sick all the time because he couldn't play." He knew what he said wouldn't make sense to her, but that was okay. This was about sharing the happy memories, right?

"That's silly. And impossible." She crossed her arms and pouted about being teased. A moment later her pout changed to a concerned look. "But, you love go now, right?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. I can't think of anything I'd rather do." He ruffled her hair fondly.

"Good," she smiled happily, looking relieved. "But, what happened to him?"

Hikaru again glanced toward Touya and hesitated. Well, it couldn't be helped. He had already agreed to tell the story. He looked downward, talking to the blankets of Saya's bed rather than to anyone in the room. "I already told you. He died a thousand years ago."

"Then, how could he have been your sensei?"

"Well, once upon a time..."

~~~~~@~~~~~

Hikaru opened the beer gratefully, still not looking far enough up to meet Touya's eyes. He didn't drink usually, he'd been turned off of it that night he'd let Sai play Ogata. Tonight though, he really needed a drink. He felt completely and utterly drained after the day's activity, and by reliving his time with Sai. He'd told the story as if it were a fairy tale for Saya's sake, but every word had been the truth.

She'd stayed awake, enraptured by the tale. She loved it when he'd said Sai's hair had been much like hers, and she was full of questions that left Hikaru no wiggle room to omit certain things he wasn't sure he wanted Touya to hear. For some reason, Saya had believed him explicitly.

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" Hikaru asked heavily, taking a deep swallow of beer.

"I don't know," came the soft reply.

The two continued drinking in silence. He knew it was a big mistake. He knew there was a reason he'd never been able to bring himself to say it. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Touya, only to see him staring thoughtfully back at him. Hikaru immediately cast his eyes downward again, taking a deep breath.

Touya spoke before Hikaru could though. "No, I don't think you're crazy. I should think you are. I mean, things like that just don't happen. Or, maybe they do, and there are too many people in the world who think they don't, so no one will admit that they do."

"I thought I was, at first. I didn't want to think about that too much, and Sai would have been able to tell, so I just didn't worry about it. But, then, how else could I play go so well that everyone else was impressed? --That you were impressed? And then, when I doubted after he was gone, I found the kifu from Torajiro--from Shusaku I mean--and I realized for the first time what I'd had, and what I'd lost. I knew I couldn't have dreamed it all up. I can't prove it to anyone else, but I know." Hikaru's voice the whole time was flat, matter-of-fact. He was still wary, but he was also weary.

"It makes too much sense," Touya finally said. "I don't want to believe you, but I have no choice."

Hikaru sighed, setting his beer aside, no longer in the mood to finish it. The taste had never been a favorite; just an occasional craving that had now passed again. "Of course you have a choice. You can kick me out right now, and tell yourself it was just a story I told for Saya to get her to go to sleep. You can tell yourself I'm crazy, or that I'm making it up. You can ignore it and humor me and--" He broke off, clenching his hands into fists over his lap. This was much harder than he'd expected. Much harder than when he'd first "tested the waters" and told his story the first time.

But, Touya was shaking his head. "No. I thought I was the crazy one because I wondered if the spirit of Shusaku had somehow possessed you. I can't tell you how many times over the years that I came to that conclusion and told myself that I had to be crazy. Every time I heard some little story from someone else about you, some rumor about an incident in the past or some idle comment, it lead me to the same conclusion. Why did I see Shusaku in your game? Why did I see it in every kifu I could find from Sai's games? The two were similar, but not the same...except when I thought of the first two times we played. Those were Sai, before you learned how to play at all." It wasn't a question. Touya's voice had grown more animated and excited as he spoke, and now his eyes were glowing intently with discovery.

That enthusiasm didn't transfer to Hikaru at all though. "Yes," he said, nodding slowly.

"And when you yelled at me that one day, when you told me to stop chasing your ghost--you meant that literally."

Hikaru looked stunned. It took him a second to remember exactly when that was...oh yeah, the last time he'd let Sai play on the computer that summer...he'd been lucky that he hadn't been in the middle of a game that time. It was one of the rare occasions that Sai had been satisfied enough to let him just poke around at whatever else he could find online. "You really do remember everything about me, don't you?"

Touya's face went bright red. "It's been a long day, and I have to wake up early to make sure Saya-chan gets ready for school in time. I--"

"Touya!" Hikaru was suddenly frustrated, and he wasn't sure why. He just felt that he was on the verge of something important, and Touya wasn't saying something that he really wanted to hear.

"I'll see you at the seminar next weekend," he said, standing up. His face was still bright red, as if he were--blushing? "I wanted to ask you to help me keep an eye on Saya, since she'll be so out of place there. Please."

Hikaru felt out of sorts. He'd planned on skipping out on it. He didn't want to go at all--didn't Touya realize? Ten years ago, this same month. This same weekend, the first weekend of May. The same place even! He couldn't go. He just couldn't. He didn't know how he'd managed to forget long enough to have agreed to it in the first place, but as soon as he'd realized, he knew he just couldn't do it.

But, he found himself nodding listlessly. "I'll be there. I'd be more than happy to help you watch Saya."

"Shindou--I--" Touya paused, frowning, face serious again and without a trace of the blush he'd worn before. He shook his head and started again. "This isn't how you wanted to tell me, is it?"

"No."

"Would you have, ever?"

"Of course! I said I would, didn't I?"

Touya was giving him the look though. "After ten years?"

Hikaru looked back down miserably. "A lot happened. For a while I just wasn't ready to talk about it at all. Then I moved in with Yoshitaka and it was like I didn't have time for anyone else, or anything else. When we started dating, I just stopped thinking about the rest of the world. If I wasn't playing go, I was too wrapped up in him to care about anything else. I didn't care about my reputation, or any prior commitments, or anything at all, okay?"

"And then you told him, while you two were a couple?"

"Yes. That's what couples do. They don't keep secrets, and they believe in each other. At least, that's what I thought," he said bitterly. "He humored me. He said he believed me, but he lied. He threw it back in my face, when--"

He didn't need to say it. They both knew when. Everyone who followed go three years ago knew the "when" Hikaru referred to.

After a pause, he went on. "I've been trying to think of a way to say it better. To tell you so that you would understand, since you're so much a part of everything that happened. It wouldn't be fair not to tell you. I just didn't want you thinking I was crazy too."

"I don't think you're crazy," Touya said softly again. "I really am tired though," he admitted, stifling a yawn. "Good night, Hikaru."

He nodded wearily, heading toward the door. "Good night."

He'd made it all the way out to the street before he stopped to turn around and stare. He was half tempted to run back up the walk and-- No, it really was late.

But....

"Did he really just call me--?"

No, he had to be imagining it. Touya? Calling him by his given name? No, they'd been set in their ways too long to change now, weren't they?

"Yeah, great," Hikaru grumbled to himself as he walked. "He's heading off to get a good night's sleep even now, and I'm going to be awake all night now. That's just not fair!"

Then, a few steps later he said, "And I'm still too used to talking to myself. This is all your fault, Sai! I hope you know that, wherever you are now."

Amazing how things set aside so long can come back so easily at times like this. He walked quickly to the nearest subway location, still lost in memories. Ten years later it still hurt, but it was okay. He had regrets, but he'd had something no one else did. He drew on the happy memories as he rode home, refusing to let the evening's recollection bring him down.

"I was lucky to have known him," he murmured to himself, smiling and disturbing a girl seated nearby. He grinned apologetically, and the girl only backed away slightly. "Well, this is a night full of nostalgia." He turned away and looked out the window at nothing. He wasn't surprised when the girl got off at the next stop.

Everything from there was uneventful. He came home to an empty and darkened apartment. From there he turned on a solitary light, illuminating just enough to function by. He yawned hugely, worn out by the full day but still wired. The little red light on his phone flashed repeatedly, and he sat down next to it to dial the number for his phone mail.

"You have one new message. To listen to your message pre--"

He interrupted by pressing the correct button from memory.

"One saved message, sent today at eight-thirty-seven am. 'Hikaru, this is Akari. You're gone already? Well, the invitations you pointed to would take to long, so I'm going with my favorite instead. I know, you told me to do that in the first place, but I've wanted to make you feel more involved in all this. I feel guilty for doing everything I want all the time.

"'Anyway, have fun today. It was nice to talk to Touya-san on the phone finally! He sounds cuter than his pictures make him out to be, and that's really cute! No wonder you used to have a crush on him. Okay, okay, I'll stop teasing you about it. Don't take it out on your phone! I'll call you back tomorrow.' To delete this message p--"

He pressed the button quickly and hung up, rolling his eyes. "Used to have. Yeah. Thanks for reminding me, Akari."

Hikaru went through the motions of getting ready for bed. With those few words he stopped thinking of Sai almost entirely. He turned off the light and lay down in bed quietly, but he stared into the darkness blindly. It was a long time before he got any sleep at all.