His And Her Circumstances Fan Fiction ❯ Musings of Yukino at the End of Vol.15 ❯ musings of yukino ( Chapter 1 )

Musings of Yukino at the end of Volume 15.

Warning: I'm guessing at what Masami Tsuda seems to be hinting at in volume 15. But I really do think I'm right.

 

DISC: I do not own Kare Kano or it's characters. They belong to Masami Tsuda. If she wants me to pull this story, I will. I make no money from it.

 

 

 

At the time it happened, it was… unexpected.

 

He'd been lying to me for so long. But I missed him. God, I missed him so much.

 

And there was guilt, too. I had abandoned him and I didn't even realize it at the time. I had abandoned him to loneliness and the pain of his past. Yes, that's because I didn't know about the pain of his past, I didn't know how lonely he was. That is true. But still… It's not like he hadn't given me signs. That first time he turned away from me - way back in our past - right after I'd first admitted who I really was to him.

 

And now, he was breaking down. I feared it was too late - that I wouldn't be able to help him. I couldn't even honestly say that I loved him. Because you can't love someone really and truly when you don't really know them.

 

But I did love him. I loved him even so. And he was so lost. I just wanted to help him. Then he started yelling at me. Telling me that everything was my fault - that he could have remained hidden from himself if only he hadn't fallen in love with me. He told me he wanted me to leave.

 

So I asked him, “If you leave me now, when will you be with me?” I hugged him. I touched his face.

 

The look in his eyes just then. So full of longing. So sad. So desperate. And filled with love. I knew he loved me. I watched as the look turned to one of anger and hunger. He kissed me then.

 

So fierce, was his kiss, it took my breath away. He pushed me to the wall. He pushed me to the floor. Right there in the library. Right there in the library, during school hours. When anyone could walk in.

 

He held both my wrists in one hand and kissed me fiercely. His other hand roaming my body. Grasping my breast.

 

I asked him what he was doing, tried to get him to realize: ANYONE could walk in on this, and then what would happen. I had already given up on trying for the number one spot, but I still was in the top 10 students in the school. He was still number one. Even this close to graduation, I don't think this would have been forgiven.

 

Although, thinking about it now, I bet they wouldn't have done anything unless there were a LOT of people who witnessed it. This is the kind of thing that causes schools to lose prestige, and even though this was a public school, I don't think they'd want this kind of scandal - students having sex in the library.

 

With his lips sucking on the juncture between neck and shoulder, one hand holding my hands still above my head, he placed his knees on my thighs - as if he thought I'd try to fight him.

 

He had no way of knowing - I didn't tell him, I was too enthralled, too scared, and simultaneously too excited - that I wanted this as much as he did. I had never understood how fear could be an aphrodisiac before this. But now I know. I wasn't sure I knew who this person was. I wasn't sure what he'd do to me. This wasn't like any time before.

 

Anyone could walk in and see us. We could be expelled. The Arima he'd never let be seen was taking me.

 

God I wanted him.

 

His free hand lowered his zipper, freed himself. He didn't even drop his pants. He just took his length out.

 

That same free hand grabbed my panties and ripped them off me.

 

And then he was in me.

 

We'd never made love like that before. I love the way we'd made love before - all gentle and sweet. But the exhilaration of being *fucked* by the man I love like this… the danger of finally being bared while he, too, was being bared… I've never known anything like this.

 

If he hadn't moved his mouth to ravage mine, plundering me below and above at the same time, my screams of pleasure really WOULD have brought the whole school to witness us.

 

I've never reached an orgasm like this before. I actually passed out.

 

When I came to, he was gone. He'd laid his jacket over me, covering me from any eyes. No one would know what had happened.

 

He'd left me there. But that wasn't all he'd left. I hugged his jacket to me, smelling him on it.

 

I finally knew. Yes. I did love him. Even with all his hidden chambers inside him. And I would never give up.

 

I went home. I went to sleep.

 

In the middle of the night, I woke. I knew. I knew something was wrong with him. I felt it. Inside me. A part of him inside me was crying out his pain.

 

So I knew he was hurting. And I knew. I had to reach him. I had to find a way. And soon. Or the two of us would not be the only ones to pay.

 

The next day, I confronted him at school.

 

He'd been hiding his hand all day. I knew before I pulled his hand out of his pocket. I knew. Still, seeing his hand dripping with blood from what he'd done to himself, it hurt.

 

My poor Arima.

 

I'd do whatever I had to do. I would get through to him. Cutting my own hand, seemed the simplest course. I had to prove to him. I would never, EVER leave him. Couldn't he see that I was tied to him?

 

And then, again, I knew. I knew I'd succeeded. And the relief, the love, the joy of helping him to know how much I love him made it all worthwhile. And I do love him.

 

After he passed out in my arms, I called for help - and we got him to the hospital to have his hand stitched up. He was going to be alright. His parents could see it too. They let me sit by his side at the hospital all night.

 

Just before I laid my head down on the bed next to him to catch a quick nap, I looked at his finally peaceful sleeping face.

 

I just wonder how long I have before I'm forced to share the news that I discovered last night. No matter what his mother may have done to him in the past, he'll have the chance to make it all right. And he won't make the same mistakes his parents did. After all, I'll be right there with him, so he'll never feel alone while raising our child.