Reviewed By: NourGwenn On: July 30, 2008 20:35 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow ! I loved so much reading it ! ^^ It's been such a long time since I read manga-based Kare kano fics. Not that the anime is bad, but it ends before the Arima arc which is, according to me, one of the best moments of the series. And I ESPECIALLY liked this precise moment in the chapter 15, so yeah, I was bound to like your fic. :-) But what's more, you had the good idea to write it through Yukino's eyes. It develops her thoughts and elaborates some parts... Giving us a new light upon some points of her relationship with Arima and keeping in character in the same time. And what doesn't spoil anything...well...let's face it : your elaborated version of the scene in the library was hot... =^^= Just before I finish this review, some (few) points that could be improved : you ignored the small interlude between the sex and Yukino's awakening - I mean the part where Yukino is able to see Souichiro's last memories. It's nothing more than my opinion, but I do think this part is important in their relationship. I see it as a kind of 'connection' between the two, maybe a metaphor with the physical/sexual connection. So yeah, it's too bad you left it out. And FINALLY (I promise, the review ends right after that !), your writing is truly pleasant, highlighting some parts by making short sentences for instance. I think you're able to improve it even more, though. For example, the two paragraphs where Yukino thinks about what the school would or would not do if they were discovered was kind of unnecessary and "break the rhythm of the story" if you see what I mean. Okay, I'm done ! Sorry for the long review... ^^'''' I just had so much to say about this small drabble... lol Hope to read more from you ! NourGwenn
|
