Hunter X Hunter Fan Fiction ❯ Homecoming ❯ Homecoming ( Chapter 10 )

Illumi wanders down the corridors of Zaoldycks' mansion aimlessly, purposefully avoiding Killua's room. It has been a little over half an hour and probably the boy has returned to his room. Meeting Killua is the last thing Illumi wants.

 

How could he be so stupid kissing Killua like that! Now years of frustration ends just because he got carried away. Illumi seriously thinks about asking Milluki to torture him in training chamber. He deserves it.

 

Illumi stops suddenly. A thick presence of a frighteningly familiar aura moves slowly but surely to him. K'so, this doesn't look good. Illumi would've gulped if not to maintain his cool persona but his hands shake nonetheless.

 

The man of his nightmare is only a few good feet away and he can't help but to feel at least a bit uncomfortable. He forces his face to remain neutral, for once thanking God for giving him dark, seemingly emotionless orbs. His voice is steady when he acknowledges the presence of the older man. "Grandfather Zeno."

 

The formerly silver haired assassin nods his assent. Eyeing his eldest grandson, he curiously notes that the young assassin's complexion is paler and his lips are -to is confusion- a little swollen. Not wanting to assume anything though he has an idea of the cause, Zeno decides to have a grandfather-grandson conversation. "Do you have something you want to talk about?"

 

The young assassin looks a bit taken aback by Zeno's question. He obviously tries to cover something. Zeno notes grimly that this probably has something to do with Killua. Since his arrival to Zaoldyeck's mansion a week ago he has noticed several changes in the two's relation. He tries to ignore them especially because they both seem to still have the same tension between them, but after a few days he can't ignore them anymore.

 

During any activity he catches some glances thrown by both party to each other. Though not in the way he should worry about, he must admit that these glances have gotten into his nerves. Every time he watches Killua and Sillva sparing session he quietly observes Illumi who usually stands a little further away from him. Though nothing much shows on the raven-haired man's face he still can see the emotion plays on his eyes. Every time Killua gets a punch his sensitive ears can catch Illumi's soft gasp. In every break he knows Illumi keeps his eyes on the younger boy very intensely. He always catches something weird about the gaze. It seems almost... longing? Zeno has seen in more than one occasion the way Illumi glues his eyes on the silver haired boy. The look is as intense as the ones he throws in sparing sessions but these ones are stronger. He can tell from the way Illumi stops doing whatever he happens to do just to watch the boy moves, the way Illumi carelessly always tries to touch Killua in which the boy usually just looks at him confusedly, the way the careless brushes of hands or shoulder bring a quiet sigh from Illumi.... These just aren't normal.

 

And Killua! Zeno knows the boy never tries that hard to hide his emotion, but now.... Zeno can see that Killua is a little quieter than before he left those two together. He notices how Killua's face brightens every time he hears Illumi's voice, the side way glances he throws every now and then to his brother, the light blush that creeps his cheek when Zeno catches the two meet in the hallway alone, how a hand brush with Illumi nearly makes him burst by all emotions he can't keep off of his face.

 

"I think we should talk." Zeno says when Illumi doesn't answer his question.

 

If Illumi's shocked, he hides it well. The young man simply nods and follows him to a semi private place. Training chamber. He knows no one but Milluki's there but the fat boy is easy to rid. Zeno smiles grimly. He has a feeling this conversation will be a very long one. Not to mention complex, too.

 

Zeno pushes the door open to see that Milluki's nowhere in sight, probably in his room, hacking some sites. Good, the sooner it ends, the better. He walks into the room, not once looking at his grandson behind. He knows Illumi's still there. The young man wants to say something whether he himself realizes it or not. He hears the door slammed shut behind him and after checking his surrounding for any sign of meddler and finding none, Zeno starts to speak.

 

"Do you have something you want to talk about?" he voices his earlier question.

 

The raven-haired assassin shakes his head negatively. "No."

 

Zeno nods. "Then I want to talk about something to you." he waits for any reaction from the younger assassin but the latter doesn't show any indication to talk nor do anything. "Killua. Tell me about Killua."

 

The name rings something in Illumi's head and he can't help to avoid his grandfather's gaze despite himself. He knows he has made a mistake by doing so but he also knows if he keeps their gaze he truth will maybe spills out of his mouth. Zeno never gives any tolerance to mistakes except for Killua, his favorite grandchild. If Zeno knows what he has done to Killua, death will be like a present instead of punishment.

 

Suddenly Illumi feels a hand pats his shoulder. If he is capable of expression maybe his eyes will widen. Zeno has never shown any kind of affectionate gesture to anyone, save for Killua. Does the old man actually care?

 

"Tell me, Illumi." The command is gentle but firm. "What had happened when I and your father left you and Killua?"

 

Illumi tries to plan an escape from the question but he finds himself not really wanting to. Maybe it's the guilt, he doesn't know. But he wants to say it, the sin, to someone, anyone! Yet he can't for he knows the consequences if someone else ever finds out. He will never ever meet Killua again. The sentence is much worse than to be skinned alive or electrocuted.

 

"Illumi." Zeno's voice raises him from his stupor. Say it now or never. Both Zeno's voice and the voice in his head say.

 

"I have undone myself." Illumi states firmly. "I must be punished."

 

"That's not what I asked. What has happened between you and Killua?"

 

"Nothing has. I have made a terrible mistake. This has nothing to do with Killua"

 

Zeno sighs. Illumi can be so stubborn at times and he hates to admit he can't do anything to it. But he must know somehow because this has to do with Zaoldyecks' heir. "Does this have to do with that... misfortune eight years ago?"

 

For what seems to be the hundredths time the day, Illumi must conceal his feeling. He doesn't answer the question for it is very obvious. Both of them know what has started this. And now to think of what it has led to....

 

Zeno falls silent this time. He still doesn't know what has happened but this bit of information proves it to be... an entirely different case. He must say that perhaps this time Illumi has a good reason to unrestraint his urges. "What happened?" he asks more softly this time.

 

There is silence before the much younger man answers. ".... I sort of... reminded him."

 

Reminded Killua. Zeno winces internally. That doesn't sound good. "And?"

 

Illumi locks their eyes together for the first time in the conversation. "I did what I had to do but should've never done."

 

Zeno thinks of this answer for a long time. That can mean many things. "Which is...."

 

Illumi thinks of his answer for some times. "I let my emotions controlled me." he pauses. Wondering if he should tell the details of his emotions. Zeno keeps looking at him, waiting for his explanation. "I ignored your command and...." There he trails off. What should he say?

 

"What have you done to him?" Zeno's question is fast to come.

 

Illumi must fight hard to keep their gazes lock. "I... treat him like a brother would." But I got carried away. He keeps that to himself, not wanting Zeno to kill him just yet.

 

Zeno just looks at Illumi. As a trained assassin Illumi can keep emotion off of his face and eyes. But Zeno has also been trained to see right through facades. He knows Illumi still hides something. "What have you done?" He asks again. He must know what has happened. If it means he has to skin Illumi alive to get him talking, he will. "Illumi." he warns.

 

"I...."

 

Before Illumi can say anything or Zeno can ask any further, the door suddenly bursts open. It bursts open to reveal... Killua.

 

The heir of Zaoldyeck is unusually silent as he watches the two elder assassins below. His mind quickly scans the situation. Zeno and... aniki. Having a who-knows-what conversation. In further examination he can see aniki's complexion has paled a bit. Can't be something good.

 

Killua suddenly finds himself torn between antagonizing Illumi's live and helping him. The decision would've been easy for him to make if not for the fact that he just kissed Illumi. He looks at his older brother again. Two sets of equally blank eyes meet and Killua is once again torn. His eyes unconsciously trail to Illumi's still swollen lips. He gulps.

 

Illumi stares speechlessly at Killua. He can't help but notice reddish marks on the young boy's neck. His marks, he notes smugly, placed in the most convenient place for the world to see but hidden enough so only a few will truly realize what they really are. The boy's eyes drifts to his side for a blink of eye then he suddenly remembers the presence of the other person and the problem they're currently working on. The boy can be either his savior or his tormentor. Silently wishing for Killua to pity him, Illumi fights hard to maintain the blank face.

 

"Killua." Zeno acknowledge his presence. "I thought you're taking a rest."

 

Killua doesn't reply, as he's too busy staring at Illumi. Just when he realizes the object of his attention has his own attention to someone else, the statement registers to his brain. "Were." He shrugs. "Got bored. So I had this sudden inspiration to ask Milluki to... torture me, as he'd like to call It." he snickers despite his confusion.

 

"I think Milluki is in his room. Why don't you look for him there." Zeno suggests.

 

After considering the suggestion for a while, the silver haired boy shakes his head. "I don't want to ask him anything. I'd rather die than plead him to do anything for me."

 

Not sure to glom the boy or curse his luck, Illumi settles for a carefully neutral expression. Zeno doesn't look pleased though. It's very clear that the old man wants to talk to Illumi as far away as possible from the subject of the conversation.

 

"What is it that you talk about, anyway?" Killua asks. No answer replies his question though. Both men avoid his curious gaze. "Is it about me, then?" he guesses.

 

"Killua," Zeno starts. He has decided that maybe involving Killua into this won't do any harm. "I want you to tell me what has happened when me and your father left."

 

Killua is stunned by the question. What has happened in the past week…. Flashes of the feel of brief kisses on his lips, light caresses on his skin, soft whispers on his ear, tight hugs at night flood his mind. In those short expand of time a person named Illumi has meant so much more for him than just... aniki. Than just a scary big brother or anything he has thought about Illumi. He is... Illumi. Someone who has helped him through nightmares and madness, someone who has filled the hollow inside him, someone he has trusted...

 

And today, when Illumi kissed him. As Illumi kissed him. There's an emotion suddenly flared inside him that made him kissed back. Moaned when Illumi's lips touch his neck and sucked the skin there where he knows will leave marks. Marks that... that he is... owned. Claimed.

 

A quick glance to Illumi tells him that the latter has his attention to him. Realizing that Illumi's fate is all depends on him doesn't make things easier at all. The humiliation when Illumi kissed him then left him in the forest is still too fresh, but the realization of his feelings when it happened confuse him.

 

"What has happened?" Killua echoes the question. "What do you mean?"

 

"What has you done with Illumi during those moments?"

 

"With him?" Killua echoes again. His mind once again filled by thoughts of Illumi.

 

"Trained, of course. What else?"

 

To say that Illumi is stunned would've been the understatement of the century. Has his ears deceived him or did Killua just saved his neck from being slashed? He looks at Zeno for confirmation. The old man looks shocked. It was true, then. The boy looks positively clueless to the whole situation. If it weren't for the fact that he has done everything Zeno assumed he did, he would think Killua told the truth.

 

Killua's gaze flickers to him for a brief second. A silent request of something. Then the boy turns his attention back to Zeno, an expression of indifference firmly in place.

 

"Why did you ask that, by the way?"

 

Zeno starts at the question. For the first time in their lives Zeno seems to loose his ground. Killua can't miss the opportunity to leave the disturbing topic.

 

"If there's nothing more, I'll go to my room." Killua says in dismissive tone. He stares at Illumi and Zeno for a while before shrugging and leaves the room.

 

Staring at the young assassin's back, Illumi finally realizes his chance to escape. A quick en tells him that Killua has slowed down on his way and stops at a save distance. Finally gathering his courage to leave the room and Zeno, Illumi quickly dismiss himself with a 'would you excuse me" and leaves the room.

 

His gaze glues to a certain corner where he knows Killua stands. Walking slowly so he won't make any unnerving move to the younger boy, Illumi prepares himself for anything Killua has in store for him. When he finds the quiet figure, he stands impassively, waiting or any sign of acknowledgement.

 

Killua just walks before his elder brother without saying a word, leading him to nowhere. He feels the older assassin follows him and somehow his presence comforts him despite everything he has done to him. He must restrain himself from touching the tingling skin of his neck where Illumi has kissed him earlier. A mark is how people call it. He has been marked, claimed, by someone. He remembers how Illumi looked at it earlier. Was that smugness that crossed his face?

 

"Thank you." Illumi says softly.

 

Killua finally turns to face him. His eyes adorably confused and Illumi is forced to hold his breath. The boy is simply gorgeous, he muses for the millionth time, it's a wonder he still doesn't have a girlfriend. He must admit Zeno had a point when he said boys at Killua's age has tried many things but he still can't help thinking that despite everything, Killua is still a virgin.

 

"I thought you're angry to me and going to tell grandfather about... everything."

 

"I never say I'm not." Killua says defensively. "I just... thought it wouldn't do to put you into... whatever he's going to put you through."

 

Killua can hardly fight the blush creeping to his face. He turns his face away to hide his shame. He hopes Illumi will stop looking at him so intently; he hates it when someone does. A light touch on his cheek makes him starts. He jerks his head away even as his body relaxes at the familiarity of the touch.

 

Illumi smiles grimly inside. So Killua does hate him. Judging from the boy reaction, a touch is the least thing he needs. Especially if it's from him. His hand drops to his side as the boy turns his head away again. Another mistake. He has made another mistake.

 

Killua lets the air grow thick with dreads and anticipation. He can't do this. No matter how much he tries to despise the older of them, his body and mind reacts otherwise. And facing the options of leaving everything behind for good or keep doing... this, his consciousness and body run opposite direction.

 

If Illumi thought there's nothing worse compare to Zeno's wrath, he changes his mind. Waiting for Killua's decision is by far worse than facing the possibility of chopped into pieces. He notices the boy's confusion and it gives him a sense of hope. If Killua really hates him that much denial and rejection has been thrown at him by now.

 

"About the whole thing..." Killua says finally. "I need to know about the whole thing. Why... why did you kiss me?"

 

Illumi is stunned beyond believe. Why did he kiss Killua? He remembers his state before their conversation even started, before Killua was in his arms. Was it momentary urge? Was it just because their close proximity, the intimacy? Then he remembers having Killua sleeping in his arms for the first time. That kiss was not because of lust. As much as he wanted to take things all the way, he couldn't. Those nights he spent with Killua were the first nights he hadn't thought about his younger brother sexually. Those were the night he could be someone he should've, could've and will be. These were the nights he wasn't a Zaoldyeck or an assassin, just Illumi. A guy who's madly in love with the most beautiful person he had ever laid his eyes on. At those nights it wasn't lust he felt. It was something more. Something an assassin couldn't feel had he been one. And at that time when he watched Killua's sleeping face, he realized there was more than he knew about his feeling to Killua...

 

Killua still has his face turns away from him. Obviously unaware of Illumi's confusion. A quick sideway glance at him makes Illumi's heart wrenches. He wants to have that lithe body in his arms again, to tell him sweet nothing to scare the evil thoughts away. But will Killua assent now that he thinks Illumi is just like the men who tried to rape him years ago? Will he take the chance to be Killua's happiness? Will he truly be like those men if Killua reject him? But back to Killua's question. Why did he do that? Lust, hatred... or love? He's not even sure what love is. How can he know what it was, then?

 

He tries to look deep inside of him. There must have been something, anything. A pattern of feelings he always feels every time he gets near Killua. He closes his eyes, concentrating in looking for the answer that will change his life forever. What does he truly feel about Killua?

 

He feels a sudden rush of emotion as he searches deeper into his heart. Guilt, longing, uncertainty, lust, compassion, comfort, possessiveness….

 

Love.

 

It takes him a moment before he understands but time doesn't matter anymore. Suddenly he takes a step closer to Killua. Then another, and another...

 

Killua senses his motions and takes few steps back. His eyes confused and scared as they lock onto Illumi. He stops when his back hit the wall. Illumi's only a few steps away looking like anything but Illumi for Killua.

 

"What do you think was that, Killua?" his sultry voice brings chills run down Killua's spine as he steps closer.

 

"...Dame... yamero...." Killua sees something unusually predatory in Illumi's eyes. Killua shudders. It's that look he gave earlier before he kissed him.

 

Standing close to Killua, Illumi lets his face hovers a few inches above Killua's. Kami-sama. But Killua is nothing if not beautiful. Illumi can clearly read fear and anticipation on Killua's face. "I want you, Killua. All of you."

 

"What does that mean?" Killua says breathlessly. Illumi can't... want him. They're brothers and are both male! Isn't that supposed to be illegal? But Illumi.... His eyes widen when Illumi lowers his face even more. "Dame...." he whispers. "No...."

 

Illumi brushes his lips with Killua's tenderly. Killua's hot breath gushes against his closed lips and he groans as pure lust sweeps past him. He wants Killua. Badly. He soon plunders Killua's mouth mercilessly, tasting more of the boy and finding yet another spice. His tongue touch Killua's in silent coaxing before claiming even more of what the boy can offer. His hands grip Killua's buttocks in earnest, squeezing them, as the kiss grows more intense.

 

Kami-sama. He can never get tired of this. The feeling of Killua's taste on his tongue, Killua's gradually growing erection against his, Killua's pert bottom under his hands.... If he wants Killua more than this, he'll die. He groans softly into Killua's mouth as his hand lifts Killua's thigh to his waist, giving more leverage for him to rub his hardness against Killua's crotch. Illumi's other hand quickly finds its way to Killua's waistband and slips into his trouser.

 

Killua gasps when Illumi's finger finds his opening and teases it. Somehow the touch makes his bones melt and he unconsciously rubs against the questing finger, eliciting a moan from Illumi. His body tenses as the finger enters him boldly without hesitation. He tears their mouths apart roughly and opens his mouth to protest but before he can make a coherent line, he falls bonelessly to Illumi's chest with a moan as something is stroked inside him.

 

"So tight.... you're so tight...." Illumi groans to Killua's ear. His finger presses the mass of flesh as Killua's internal muscles clamp around it tighter. Killua whimpers on his ears while his hips rolls softly, slowly, erotically around Illumi's finger. Illumi growls and insert the second and third fingers and Killua's body tenses in slight pain.

 

"Itai...." Killua whimpers. "yamette.... It hurts...."

 

"It's okay, Killu." Illumi says roughly, impatiently. "I'll make you feel better."

 

Its okay, bitch. We'll make you feel better. The words resound in Killua's head in deep, lust roughened voice. Killua's eyes widen and he frantically pulls Illumi's hand and fingers from him then pushes the older man away. His breath was short and hard when he finally puts some good distance between them.

 

Illumi gasps for breath as his eyes wildly look for Killua's. The boy has his head turns away from him again, hiding his gaze as he tries to regain his breath. It was so close. So close to him fucking Killua senseless against the wall. "Killua...." He gasps "Killua...."

 

It takes a few moments before the young assassin speaks. His hands fist beside his body and he looks away from him. "I think...." he starts with his broken voice. "I think... I need to think about this. I think... we need... we need to... stay away from each other for a while...." his voice fades away slowly.

 

Illumi's silent for a few moments. "Hai." he finally says.

 

Killua nods his head miserably and walks past him. Illumi's gaze fixes on his back until he disappears in the dark corner of Zaoldyeck mansion....

 

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