InuYasha Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ *What* Insertion? ❯ Culinary Crisis ( Chapter 11 )

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*WHAT* INSERTION?
by Curtis Wildcat


Chapter Eleven --- Culinary Crisis

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(Cue theme)

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Time: Saturday, February 24, 1996; 11:00 a.m.
Location: En route to Ucchan's Okonomiyaki

It had been over a week since the incident at Icearc Arena, and Phibrizzo was wondering if the pressure was ever going to let up.

When Phibrizzo had returned to school on Monday, he found himself surrounded by kids of all grades who had seen his picture either on the news or in the paper. He was flattered at first by the attention he was getting, but by Wednesday it was starting to get rather stifling; by Friday, he was tired of everyone asking him for details. If it were up to him, he'd hide somewhere and wait for the situation to blow over.

It wasn't any easier this morning. Earlier Marcus had set up a dentist appointment for Phibrizzo, coincidentally at the same dentist's office that Conan's friend George went to. When Curtis informed him what a checkup typically consisted of, it got to the point where Inuyasha had to force the half-mazoku into the dentist's office and into the chair. The dentist had seen the news too, and she was curious about what had transpired as well.

The lone bright spot in the morning: no cavities.

The worst part of the morning: his gums and teeth still ached from the cleaning.

Immediately after getting home, Phibrizzo ducked behind the house and teleported to Nerima, intending to see if lunch would ease the pain in his mouth. Afterward, he figured he'd probably head to Cerulean City to train his Flareon. However, he didn't get more than a few feet from his arrival point when he found himself face to face with the oddest creature he'd ever seen in his life...and that's saying a lot.

The creature was about four and a half feet tall, walked on four legs, and probably weighed more than an African elephant. It had purple eyes, tremendous incisors, a long and thick tail, and orangish-yellow fur that seemed to glow blue. In its mouth was a fish bone; the creature gleaned whatever meat it could from it, then snapped it in half and spat it back out. When the bones hit the ground, they dissolved in a small puddle of acid.

Phibrizzo stepped back, feeling a little sick. "What on earth...? No way that thing's natural around here!"

"And I'm almost over a sickness," Curtis groaned. He grabbed a blanket and tossed it over his head. "Let me know when it's over!"

"Whatever it is, don't let it bite you," Inuyasha warned, not fazed all that much; he'd seen much worse than this.

Who says I'm going to fight that thing? I'm not touching it. You go out there!

"Oooh," Inuyasha taunted. "What's the matter, spineless or something? Wait a second...don't answer that!"

Fine...but I'm still not touching it! Phibrizzo cupped his hands together and formed a small sphere of black fire between his hands; it would only be at half-strength, but hopefully it would be enough. "Dark Harsh!" he cried, releasing the beam.

The blast of fire struck the creature, then fizzled out. More startled than afraid, the monster screeched, turned on its heels and fled. The quaking from its escape rattled the street for a bit, then slowly stopped.

Phibrizzo sat down heavily, feeling the effects of using the attack. "Now I think I need that lunch more than ever...just let me rest for a bit first."

Curtis removed the blanket from his head. "What was that thing?"

"Got me," Inuyasha said. "It sure didn't smell like anything I knew."

"Excuse me, Phibrizzo?" shouted a familiar voice. "Are you alright over there?"

Phibrizzo looked over his shoulder as Kasumi jogged up to him, an arm full of groceries. "Hi, Miss Tendo," he greeted her. "I'm just a bit worn out, that's all."

"A bit worn out? What happened?" Kasumi asked, stooping down.

"Came across this large creature on my way to Ukyo's restaurant for lunch," Phibrizzo explained. "Didn't look like anything I'd ever seen. I was able to scare it off, but I don't feel like doing much of anything right now."

"Oh, my. I see," Kasumi said, nodding in understanding. "You feel well enough to follow me? You can rest for a bit at our house, if you want."

Phibrizzo struggled to his feet. I guess it wouldn't hurt.

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Location: Tendo residence and dojo

It didn't take long for Phibrizzo to do exactly what Kasumi suggested when he arrived. Despite needing to remove his shoes and acknowledging the panda Genma and Soun Tendo (who were, true to form, cheating each other blind at shogi), it only took him ten seconds to stagger over to the couch and sink into it. Fumbling around for the remote control, he pointed it at the TV, turned it on, and started flipping channels at random.

"How nice. He's integrated himself into human society," Curtis commented sarcastically. "Nothing like a half-mazoku bored out of his wits."

"Well, it's either this or face one of those creatures again," Inuyasha remarked from his chamber.

Curtis shuddered. "Let's not bring that up again, okay?"

Meanwhile...

"---delightful scent of Flaxen. Make your house---" Click.

"---a nervous wreck! Do you know how much trouble I went to so I could---" Click.

"---buy this wasabi! It's really tasty, guaranteed to make your taste buds---" Click.

"---scream like a girl, you miserable rodent! Face the fear-inspiring---" Click.

"---Azusa Shiratori had this to say about last Friday's incident: 'Julien is sooooo---" CLICK.

The door to the house opened, but the couch's occupant ignored it for the moment. "Don't you dare finish that!" Phibrizzo grumbled aloud.

"Hey, Phibrizzo," someone said, greeting him as she entered the house. "What are you doing here, and why are you talking to the TV?"

Phibrizzo turned his head, confirmed that it was Nabiki who had entered, then turned down the TV's volume. "Recovering," he muttered, tired.

"Recovering?"

"Recovering. I had a dentist's appointment this morning, and I thought that lunch at Miss Kuonji's restaurant would ease the pain in my mouth. When I came to town, I met up with a real grotesque creature and tried to blast it. I scared it off, but the effort's left me feeling drained. Kasumi came along and offered to take me over here to rest." He shrugged. "The abridged version."

Nabiki nodded in understanding. "This creature you met...what did it look like?"

Phibrizzo mentally gazed at Inuyasha and Curtis, then refocused on Nabiki. "It was big, orangish-yellow, glowed blue, had purple eyes and acidic saliva. Why?"

"No real reason..." she said, pulling a photograph out of her pocket. "...except that it may not be the only one in Nerima."

Phibrizzo squinted at the picture. "Yeah, that's definitely the same animal. Where's Ranma?"

Nabiki shrugged. "Got me. There was another run-in with Kuno after breakfast, and I haven't seen him since. Why do you ask?"

"I was kind of hoping he could re-energize me." Phibrizzo glanced briefly over at Soun and Genma before continuing. "I can absorb energy. Fire works the best, but I can use Ranma's energy attack if I need to."

"I thought food typically does that to a person," Nabiki replied with a straight face. "Are you sure you're human?"

"Yes, it does," Phibrizzo said, ignoring the question. "Problem is, I don't have enough strength to go to Miss Kuonji's or Elder Cologne's restaurants, and I don't want to inconvenience your sister any."

"You're not being an inconvenience," Kasumi said as she entered the room, carrying a bowl of soup. "We enjoy having people like you around."

"Well, in that case, thanks!" Phibrizzo declared. Snatching the bowl, he gulped down the soup without caring about what comprised it. If Kasumi made it, it wouldn't matter what went in it; it would still be a delicacy.

Nabiki blinked. "You know, Phibby," she told him, "you really should eat that at the table. Where were you raised, in America?"

Phibby nailed her with an ice-cold stare as he stood up, feeling some of his lost energy returning rapidly. "Nabiki Tendo..."

"Yes?"

"...Don't call me Phibby. It's too childish."

Nabiki, Soun, and Genma sweatdropped simultaneously. "Unusual child," Soun commented quietly. "It's as if he's trying to be both rude and polite."

"It's not like I didn't want to get up," Phibrizzo said as he turned to face the Tendo patriarch, handing the empty bowl back to Kasumi. "But when I say I feel drained, I'm serious. I barely had the strength to walk over here with Kasumi." He stretched a little. "Much better. I don't mean to steal your act, Miss Tendo, but do you mind if I check the refrigerator for anything edible?"

"You sure?" Kasumi asked. "I could get it for you, if you want."

Phibrizzo shook his head. "You're not the only one around here who knows how to do stuff," he said, getting up and shuffling past the two men and Kasumi. "If I want something, I go and get it. I don't just sit around and wait for it like some people."

He entered the kitchen, walked up the fridge, opened it...and launched himself back out of the room reflexively. "You call this stuff 'leftovers'!?" he cried. "Please tell me it's left over from a power plant or something!"

"Don't get all huffy," someone warned, irritated. Phibrizzo turned just far enough to see Akane, who had most likely been upstairs when he came. "You shouldn't be that drastic. I made that stew for dinner last night."

The half-mazoku's ire found a target. "Ha! If that's stuff's digestible, I'll start yodeling---and that's not something you want to hear, believe me!"

"It's not that bad."

"Actually, it is. I tried yodeling once just to see what people saw in it. Started a huge avalanche."

Akane shook her head. "I meant the food, Phibrizzo. The food's not that bad."

"Don't get me started on the food," Phibrizzo growled. "That stuff looks like the monster I met a few minutes ago; smells like it, too. It's no wonder Ranma won't eat it!"

'You're treading on dangerous ground, boy,' Genma warned via a sign.

Akane's eyes narrowed, glaring alternately at Genma and Phibrizzo. "Stay out of this! You've never even tried it, so you don't have the right to judge it!"

Phibrizzo sighed, wearing a defeated expression. "Guess there's only one way to convince you that your's food poisonous," he groaned. He trudged his way back into the kitchen, retrieved the 'stew' from the refrigerator, and brought it back into the room. "Listen to me, and listen carefully! I'm going to eat as much of this as I can. Nabiki, I hate to put you on the spot like this, but if it harms me in any way, your sister is going to have a lawsuit on her hands!"

As one, everyone who heard this gasped, Inuyasha and Curtis included. "Talk about testing the system," Inuyasha groused. "Phibrizzo, don't be stupid!"

Phibrizzo turned his sight inward, so to speak; to everyone else, it looked as if his eyes had lost their shine. "Shut up, dog breath," he snapped, gritting his teeth. "If it's one thing I can't stand, it's someone who can't see what they're doing!"

"You're not any better," Nabiki said, knowing that she was entering dangerous territory. "You said yourself that food looked like the monster you saw. If by some chance the stew did that, who's to say that it wouldn't do something worse to you?"

"She's right, Phibrizzo," Curtis agreed, making sure the microphone in his chamber was on. "Try to think with your head instead of relying on your instincts! You shouldn't need to endanger yourself just to prove a point!"

"Tough beans, flabby," Phibrizzo retorted, taking a spoon out of his subspace pocket. "I'm trying some."

"You're going to regrettt thisss," Inuyasha and Curtis both warned in a sing-song tone.

"Proof now, regrets later!" With that said, he dug in...

Immediately after swallowing the first few spoonfuls, he felt his strength and power shoot past their maximum limits. Phibrizzo knew now that he could tangle with those creatures and cut them down to size! His entire body, especially his hands, glowed a deep purple. He felt as if he was going to burst any second...

Then it hit him, much like Babe Ruth smashing one out of the ballpark or a wrecking ball demolishing an abandoned building. A wave of queasiness washed over him, and a jolt of pain brought him to his knees as the full impact of the meal kicked in. "Maybe...that wasn't the best decision after all..."

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Everyone waited with baited breath for Phibrizzo to recover. Akane admittedly had mixed feelings; she had truly tried to fix something good and she didn't like it when others downgraded her efforts, but she still hoped Phibrizzo was alright. Should I have been that upset with him? Bizarre or not, he's still only a kid.

It took a minute for him to recover. In addition to the purple glow, his skin was tinted a bright orange. The whites and irises of his eyes were now a dark blue, and his hair had turned indigo. When he spoke, his voice sounded strained. "Alright, it's good news/bad news time. The good news is that my energy is at my maximum, possibly even higher; I also don't have any reason to sue Miss Akane. The bad news is that this stuff is repeatedly eating away at my insides as it works its way to my stomach; I say 'repeatedly' because I can regenerate from any damage dealt to me. I'm sure you can imagine what I'm going through right now."

Genma cringed. 'Good thing I skipped out.'

"Can something be done about it?" Soun asked, his tear ducts threatening to shift into third gear.

"About all I can do is get rid of the excess power and tough it out until the food reaches my stomach. At that point I can use it for one final burst of energy."

"Are you going to be alright?" Kasumi asked, worried.

"I'm hardly ever 'alright', but I'll manage," Phibrizzo said, managing a smile and turning towards Akane. "Miss Akane, I know you don't like boys, but are you willing to take a piece of advice from one? I won't insult you or anything."

Akane hesitated before she spoke. "I suppose so."

"Watch Kasumi. See how she does it and learn from her example. It may not neccessarily work, but it's still worth a shot."

"Believe you me," Curtis's voice added, "it's as close to a friendly hint from him as you're going to get. He's not exactly known for being good-natured."

"Fatty's right, as much as I don't want to admit it," Phibrizzo said grudgingly. "Nabiki, where did you take that photo?"

Nabiki thought back for a moment. "About four blocks north of here. Want me to point the way?"

Phibrizzo shook his head. "Thanks, but you don't need to. I'd like to think I know the streets pretty well by now. Thanks for putting up with me!"

"You're welcome. Anytime," Kasumi said, smiling as she took the bowl of 'food' from Phibrizzo's hands. Immediately after she did so, he bounded towards the door and stopped only long enough to put his shoes on before he left.

"Rude...polite...determined...you can probably add 'apologetic' to that list," Nabiki said to herself.

"Indeed," Soun added, sounding surprisingly calm as he made a move on the shogi board. "He's a rather puzzling child. He attempts to be mature while trying to hide his own immaturity. Not everything about him is evident."

Genma nodded knowingly before making a move of his own. Akane continued to stare at the door, fists clenching with determination. She'd get better someday; she knew it!

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Inuyasha stayed close to the front of his chamber, his ears twitching. "It's nearby," he announced. "It hasn't gone very far."

Phibrizzo groaned as he struggled to keep his surging energy under control, dashing down the street as fast as he was capable. He paid no regard to the large footprints that the creature had left behind. How far?

"Keep going," the hanyou instructed. "A little farther, and...there it is!"

Sure enough, the monster was directly at the spot where Inuyasha was pointing. It was presently nosing around in front of someone's house, lapping up the ice cream that was spilled there. Phibrizzo didn't hesitate. "Hey, listen to me! You're so low, you'll eat off the ground! Look over this way!"

The creature looked up from the ice cream and examined Phibrizzo, sizing him up. It turned towards him and squealed loudly, the noise piercing the air around it. After another squeal, it charged towards him and swatted at him.

Phibrizzo dodged it, of course; even though he wasn't wearing his fireball shirt today, he didn't want his parents asking any questions. As the monster attempted to swipe at him again, he was sure he saw trails of acid flowing behind it. "Self-regenerative or not," Curtis said, "that stuff will still burn you. Don't let its claws touch you!"

"Whatever it was that was in Akane's stew must've been ingested by this thing," Phibrizzo thought aloud, cupping his hands. "Let's see if we can wear it down some! Dark Harsh!" he shouted, the black fire beam once more exploding from his palms.

The Dark Harsh struck the creature; instead of fizzling out, it kept up its assault for about seven seconds. When Phibrizzo finally stopped the beam and saw its effects, he whistled; the monster had actually survived the blast. However, its glow was receding; the orangish-yellow fur was starting to appear more of a tannish color; and it seemed to have lost some of its mass and size. "I'm starting to wonder about the effectiveness of that move," he muttered. "That's the same amount of firepower I used against that Arcanine."

"And...how do you feel?" Inuyasha asked.

"I still have plenty of energy left," Phibrizzo confirmed, wincing as Akane's food continued to burn its way through his body. "Curtis, how far would you say that stuff in my system has gotten?"

There was a brief pause, during which the half-mazoku dodged the beating of the creature's tail and several angry swipes; one of the attacks was about a half-inch away from cutting his sleeve. "It's about halfway to your stomach," Curtis told him. "I think it's taking its sweet time. I'm not sure."

"Then let's keep at it, then!" Phibrizzo threw his arms forward, corkscrewing his hands in mid-air until they grabbed the creature's body. He took a flying leap over the monster, hefted it into the air and untwisted his arms, taking his target for a spin. With a cry of "Gum Gum Gavel!", he slammed the monster back down at a point opposite of where it had started.

Phibrizzo's arms snapped back into place, and he watched as the creature slowly recovered. It had lost even more mass and height, to the point where it only reached his mid-section. The incisors had shrunk, and its eyes were more yellow than purple. For all intents and purposes, it didn't seem threatening; but when the creature squealed, a few drops of acid still dripped from its teeth. Yuck. I hope I don't start drooling like that.

Inuyasha examined the creature for a second. "I think I'm starting to get what it's supposed to be," he said. "It looks like some sort of giant rat."

"Likely, yeah," Curtis agreed. "I think this rat either got into Akane's stew after she made it, or in the trash."

"The trash?"

"Yeah. Where else do you think Akane's cooking deserves to go? As nice as Kasumi is, I wouldn't put it past her to dispose of it there."

"Good point. If she'd made a first batch, anything could've happened to it. The thing is, how many of those rats got into it? They could be all over Nerima for all we know."

"All the more reason to find them," Phibrizzo told them, avoiding the snapping jaws of the mutant rat. He drove the creature upwards with one of his vertical kicks, then threw his hands backwards. "Let's take this one down and get moving! Gum Gum Bazooka!"

Having stretched as far as they would go, his hands shot back forward and slammed into the giant rat with tremendous force. As the rodent was sent blasted into the distance, Phibrizzo was positive he saw the rat shrink back and turn back to normal; this was confirmed by his personal peanut gallery.

A distant shout caught his attention, and he turned to face it. A moment later, a spiralling tornado formed...carrying another one of the creatures within it. Over the course of about a minute, the orange dot shrunk until Phibrizzo could no longer see it. "First time I've seen a rat fly," he chuckled to himself, teleporting over to the disturbance.

Sure enough, Ranma Saotome was standing victoriously in the middle of the road and watching a small rat scurry away. He turned to face Phibrizzo, did a quick double-take at his physical condition, then relaxed. "Oh. Hi, Phibrizzo," he said off-handedly. "Almost didn't recognize you there. What happened to ya?"

"Long story short: I wanted to prove to Akane that her food's poisonous, so I ate some of it," Phibrizzo told him, wincing at his internal pain. "It gave me energy like you wouldn't believe, but it's steadily eating my digestive system. I can regenerate from damage, but I'm not looking forward to what'll happen when it hits my stomach. Until then," he said, pointing to his face, "I'll need to deal with looking like this."

"You actually ate her food?" Ranma asked. "I don't know whether to call you brave or stupid."

"Call me both. Are there any more of those creatures?"

"Dunno, but if you want to look around, go ahead. I was about to do the same."

"I'll join you, then."

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The woman had certainly seen some strange sights in her life, but nothing could've prepared her for what she'd seen just a second ago. She'd just opened a window to let in some fresh air, and something hurtled into the room and landed deep inside a pillow. She jerked back reflexively as the rat that Phibrizzo had clobbered crawled out dizzily before it fell unconscious.

Before removing the creature from the premises, Nodoka Saotome resolved to check around for flying rodents before she let any air into the house.

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As the two made their way to the rooftops and started their search for the remaining rats, Phibrizzo couldn't shake the feeling that something really awful and stupid was going to happen. He concentrated on jumping from building to building, trying to shut out his chest's complaints and Ranma's muttering until...

"Watch out!"

The three shouts snapped Phibrizzo back to reality in time for him to dodge a concentrated gout of acid. Snagging a second-story windowsill, he dangled from one hand and dropped to the ground. "Thanks, you guys," he said, glaring at the oversized rodent that occupied the center of the street. "Is that the one?"

"Dunno about the 'one', but it's pretty big," Ranma confirmed. "What do ya mean, 'you guys'?"

Phibrizzo handed him a few yen bills. "Give these to Miss Nabiki and have her tell you the whole story," he growled. "There's no time! Think this is the 'boss rat'?"

"It's bigger than that other one I faced," Ranma said, nodding as he pocketed the yen bills. "That's for sure."

Phibrizzo frowned. "Hopefully it's the last one. Let's take it down; and whatever you do, don't touch it barehanded!"

Ranma smirked his agreement, waited for the mutant rat to make the first strike, then dodged the acid and shot forward. The rat reflexively struck, but the pigtailed boy was already out of the way. He jumped a few meters back and fired off a Moko Takabisha, safely out of range of the resulting explosion. Well aware that his attack hadn't damaged the rat too much, he waited until it spat some more acid at him before he went back on the attack.

Phibrizzo joined him at this point, the glow around his hands turning black as their temperature rose. He repeatedly threw punches and allowed the elasticity to build up; after a few seconds had gone by, his arms were flying so fast that they almost seemed nonexistant. "Gum Gum Heat Wave!" he yelled, maintaining the volleys for as long as he was able.

Inuyasha joined Curtis in his chamber. "The rat isn't shrinking much, is it?"

"Only a little at a time," Curtis said, looking disgusted at the creature's appearance. "You get the feeling that this thing actually enjoyed Akane's cooking? It looks to me like it had a whole lot to eat."

"Maybe," Inuyasha thought audibly. "But there's something wrong here. If that's true, why'd it eat so much? And what's that white stuff on the corners of its mouth?"

Curtis put on a pair of glasses and leaned forward a little, then paled. "If that's what I think it is, we may have a disaster on our hands. Glad you caught that!" He jumped out of his chair and activated the microphone that allowed him to speak to outsiders. "Phibrizzo! Ranma!" he shouted. "That thing has rabies. Keep away from its mouth!"

Phibrizzo stopped his attack and leapt out of reach of the creature's thrashing tail. "You mean it's diseased? That would mean its mind was too far gone for it to care what it was eating!"

"Wish you could've told us that sooner!" Ranma lobbed another Moko Takabisha at the rodent's face; this tactic only distracted it for a few seconds. "This monster isn't losing its weight like the last one! Hang back. I'll try to lure it into another spiral!"

"Whatever works for you, I guess." Phibrizzo took a few more steps backward. "Just try not to take too---"

Phibrizzo's skin, which had been slowly turning back to a normal hue, suddenly turned yellow. The internal burning that had bothered him ever since he swallowed the stew reached a new high as the concoction finally reached his stomach. Since any food that reached his stomach immediately went straight to his energy, the power trip he'd had after he swallowed the stew doubled in its intensity; it took all his willpower to keep from screaming.

In his current state, he'd be suffering from this the rest of the day. He had to get rid of all the excess power, and fast! "Ugh, I feel so bloated...Guys, I'm sorry," he forced through his teeth, "but I can't leave anything to chance. Ranma, forget the tornado. I'll take the pest; you get out of range!"

"You sure about this?" Ranma asked, avoiding both the mutant's acid and teeth as he did so. "You're not looking so hot."

"Don't even kid about that!" Phibrizzo warned, cupping his hands in front of him. "I've got all the fire I need right here! Dark Harsh!"

Ranma's reflexes kicked in, and he was out of the way long before the fire beam ever reached its target. Along the way, the ground directly beneath the beam was burned clear through. When the Dark Harsh actually began to smother the mutant's thick defense, said mutant's front feet were engulfed in a thick quagmire of cement and mud.

"We'll need to put that rat out of its misery," Inuyasha mumbled. "If it has rabies, then it would probably be the most humane thing to do. Curtis, is that thing shrinking yet?"

"Yeah," Curtis told him, "but not by much. It is working, though. That's the most important thing."

I've got to do something about this attack, Phibrizzo told them, keeping up the intensity. It's just not doing the trick!

"It's doing fine, Phibrizzo," Curtis said reassuringly. "The heat's fine. That thing's hide is just pretty thick."

Look, I was once able to carve out my own home with this move. If it can go through rock, it can certainly go through this flea-brained reject! Phibrizzo could feel his arms pulsing as his amplified reserves steadily decreased. This is insane! This is---what is that idiot doing?

While the mutant rat was occupied by Phibrizzo's beam, Ranma had crept up behind it and began moving in a shrinking spiral. "Saotome, what are you doing? I told you to stay back!"

"Just keep up that blast, and don't ask questions!" Ranma shouted back. He finished the spiral and threw a quick uppercut. "Hiryu Shoten Ha!"

A tremendous tornado ripped through the air with Ranma at the center. As the cyclone was lit aflame by the Dark Harsh's heat, it grabbed hold of the enormous mutant, pulled it free of the quagmire, and put it in a spin cycle.

As asked, Phibrizzo continued to pour energy into the tornado until he could do so no longer. As his attack dwindled and stopped, he stared down at his hands and noted that they had returned to their normal cream-colored state. He stepped back a few paces, watching the blazing tornado rage on with the rabid mutant still within it. "That had better be the last one," he said to himself. "I don't feel much like fighting another one of those things. I just want to get to Miss Kuonji's restaurant."

"What about Ranma?" Inuyasha asked, frowning. "Isn't that thing going to burn up him and the monster?"

"Nothing we can do about it except wait and see," Curtis told him. "Here's hoping that he's everything that everyone says he is."

Over several minutes, the Hiryu Shoten Ha did its work on the trapped mutant. When it was finally over, the flames---and the tornado---extinguished themselves. Ranma stepped back a few feet, perspiring heavily; despite being trapped by Phibrizzo's black flames, he was able to avoid coming into direct contact with it.

The mutant rat, now restored back to normal, dropped to the ground. What the combined attack hadn't done, though, was cure its rabid condition. Squealing angrily, it darted straight for Phibrizzo.

A Gum Gum Pistol, combined with its damaged nerves and the strain of having dealt with two highly intense attacks, put the diseased rodent out of commission for good. Phibrizzo stared out at it, feeling oddly ill. He had gotten the stuff out of his system, hadn't he? "Hey, Ranma," he said quietly. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Sure." Ranma walked over to him, looking as discomforted as he was.

"Would you mind looking around Nerima to see if anything else ate that stuff? I'm just going to grab lunch at Ukyo's restaurant and go home." Phibrizzo closed his eyes. "I think I just lost my motivation." He turned and slowly ambled off down the street, not waiting for the martial artist's response.

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Time: Twenty minutes later

Having enjoyed another delicious okonomiyaki, Phibrizzo immediately teleported home from Nerima. He'd planned on continuing training his Flareon outside Cerulean City, but after the experience with the rabid rat he just didn't feel up to it. After talking to Sylvia and getting permission, he instead just ambled around the neighborhood aimlessly.

There was something about the whole experience that didn't seem right to him. He'd gotten rid of all the excess energy the only way he could. He'd made certain that the tremendous, diseased vermin was euthanized. Nabiki had even called him via cell phone, telling him that Akane had reluctantly agreed to have the food disposed of properly; he didn't have to worry about mutant rejects running loose. The ache in his gums and teeth had worn off eventually, and he was thankful for that.

For some reason seeing what he'd done sickened him to the core, even after everything he'd told himself to justify his actions. Silently, he made a promise to himself: no matter how much the mazoku side of his nature demanded it, he'd never do such a thing again. He'd never hesitated before, but never before had he felt this way.

"Little brats shouldn't look so melancholy."

Yanked out of his thoughts by the remark, Phibrizzo stared upward into the smiling face of Aisha June. "Miss June? What are you doing here?"

"Doing various odd jobs for people, but that's besides the point," Aisha told him. "Jim---you remember Jim, right?---got a higher paycheck than usual from his boss. We thought we'd hit the music store and the theater this afternoon. Care to join us? Mom thinks it's alright."

Aisha's good mood was infectious; Phibrizzo was smiling broadly by the time she finished. Without hesitating, he grabbed a hand and told her to lead the way.

Curtis and Inuyasha were smiling, as well. They knew the feelings that Phibrizzo had been having. Whether the 'firebrat' knew it or not, he'd had an experience with an emotion that no mazoku had ever developed: guilt.

"So, I heard you rescued an up-and-coming figure skater. What's with that?"

Of course, there was one emotion that could never be dealt with in his case: exasparation.

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Time: Early evening, after dinner

That evening, Sylvia had suggested that Phibrizzo switch on the television so that he could see his stepfather at work. Not having anything else to do at the moment, he did so and immediately started channel flipping. If nothing else, it sure was entertaining.

"Stay tuned for tonight's episode, when the Masked Yaiba---" Click.

"---claims that he deliberately pushed him into the hole. Attorney Nami Keeler's answer was that---" Click.

"---listening to quiet music will soothe your children. When older, they will---" Click.

"---not understand baseball's rules, you fool! The people who attend the games have no right to---" Click.

"---say that you can visit the Beika Museum on March 12-16, when the works of Austrian artist Sharon Gold will be on exhibit."

Phibrizzo settled into the couch alongside Sylvia, listening as Marcus gave his news report. This doesn't sound too bad. Now I get to hear how his job goes.

"This statement came on the heels of the announcement that the museum would stay open to the public. Miss Gold, the world-renowned child painter, didn't elaborate on what her drawings consisted of; but she did imply that they have spanned her entire career up to this point. For such a talented artist, that has to say a lot. That's at Beika Museum, starting March 12 at 9:00 that morning.

"Next is a rather surprising report, to say the least. Ever since Mrs. Maria Cliffowski was arrested at Teitan Elementary early this month, officials have been searching for a permenant replacement. This morning, the principal Mrs. Valen received a call from the famous American prodigy Wanda Fitzgerald. Miss Fitzgerald, who recently obtained a master's degree at an age when children are finishing elementary school, is flying to Japan to meet with local officials. If all goes well, she will begin work next week. Some have questioned whether she is fit to teach, but she responded by saying: 'I've wanted to teach for years, and now's my chance. What exactly have you done with your life?'" Marcus smiled at this, then continued. "Time will tell if she can live up to those words.

"Finally tonight, this station received an anonymous letter from a fan yesterday. The sender has asked that this letter be read on the air. And so it reads: 'Julien, you are so terrific. You are hereby invited to my next competition, appropriately to be held at Icearc---"

"Arrrghhhh!" Clickclickclickclickclick fwooosh!

Phibrizzo snarled as he slammed the remote onto the couch and stood up, heading towards the stairs in a huff. Surprised, Sylvia got up and rushed after him. "Phibrizzo, was that really needed? I was watching that! Now I'll need to call the station and see what else that letter said!"

"If you want to go to that thing, go without me," Phibrizzo growled. "I don't want to be in the same building as that psycho ice skater, and that's that!" He stomped up the stairs, went into his room, and slammed the door behind him.

-------

Sylvia stood there, slightly perturbed at his out-of-character statement. "Honestly. Where does he get off behaving like that? I sure didn't teach him that. Unless...he's this Julien person?" She smiled. "That's a cute nickname. I'll need to remember that...but first, I should get in contact with the station."

-------

That TV station wasn't the only place that Azusa had sent a letter to. Not knowing where Phibrizzo lived, she'd had copies of that message sent to most of the major stations in Tokyo.

Across the whole of the city two detectives, a detective's girlfriend, several martial artists, an okonomiyaki chef, a mutant, and a dentist were all having a laugh at Phibrizzo's expense.

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Chapter Eleven concluded. Chapter Twelve soon to commence

Author's Notes

This chapter was mostly filler; I admit it. The next chapter probably won't do too much to advance the plot, either. Thought I'd warn you in advance.

The TV surfing segment was inspired by an old Dave Barry newspaper column that had him flipping between radio stations, only to have one program run right into another. Heh, heh.

Phibrizzo's Gum Gum Heat Wave is a firey rendition of Luffy's Gum Gum Gatling Gun, in case you haven't figured it out yet. He'll probably come up with more of those as time goes on. By the way: I'd found information on the G-G Gavel on the Wikipedia website; that's why I have it listed instead of the Hammer.

Methinks Azusa has too much time on her hands.

Heat up some popcorn. We're moving on.