InuYasha Fan Fiction / Love Hina Fan Fiction / Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Exterminators of The Annoying! ❯ British Televising's Downright Boring ( Chapter 3 )

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: Hi guys, thanks to “Dark” for reviewing my story… oh and Coldplay is a really and I mean REALLY bad band. (If you have limewire download one and you'll want to kill yourself!). Anyway LETS BEGIN!!!

 

 

Will: *looks up at author's note* what the hell is that?

 

Mitch: It's the author's note idiot.

 

Will: oh, well it's really close to my head AW CRAP! *third ! falls on Will's head*

 

Kevin: *sweatdrops* Uhh, what the hell?

 

Taylor: Hey!! I'll have to re-type that you moron! *bashes Will over the head with the !*

 

Kevin: *Shaking his head* let's just start this.

 

 

 

With a flash, the portal opened up, dumping the Exterminators onto a cold, hard, stone floor. Will got up and looked around the cavernous hallway. He turned to Taylor in confusion.

 

“Uh Taylor… I don't think this is Love Hina…” Mitch got up and brushed off his clothes.

 

“I don't even think this is Japanese.” Taylor still sat on the floor fiddling with the remote.

 

“I don't get it!” he groaned. “We should have been transported right to Love Hina… Oh crap.” Taylor had just realized that in his rush to kick more ass, he had accidentally set the remote to the movie channel. According to the movie guide, all that was on that day was…

 

“Welcome to Hogwarts!” All the Exterminators sighed and shook their heads.

 

“God damn it Taylor…” Kevin could hardly contain his frustration as Harry Potter and his friends Ron and Hermione stood in front of them.

 

“Hello!” Chirped Hermione. “You must be the new students from America!” Ron scoffed at the back of the group.

 

“Seems the blokes have already lost their wands.” Taylor balled his hands into fists.

 

“Listen here, if you don't want to lose your other wand, I suggest you stop talking!” Ron winced as his hands seemed to take a defensive position around his waist. Harry came back to the front of the group.

 

“Hey, I'm Harry Potter. If you don't mind me asking, what form of magic was that portal?” Mitch took the remote from Taylor and examined it.

 

“Uh, Yamaha I think.” Harry raised his eyebrows.

 

“Oh, is that some kind of spell?” Mitch slowly shook his head.

 

“Umm, I think it's a television company.” Harry simply sat there, looking bewildered. Hermione glared at her two companions.

 

“Harry, Ron, we can ask them questions, I'm sure they must be hungry!” Every one of the Exterminator's eyes flicked to Hermione. Kevin raised his eyebrows.

 

“Did you say FOOD?”

 

The students of Hogwarts looked on in horror at the Gryffindor Table where a truly terrible sight lay. Harry had to avert his eyes, while Ron and Hermione looked close to loosing their lunches.

 

“Oh god…” Ron groaned. “Those poor pumpkin pastries…” what looked like an unfinished chicken leg flew out of the frenzy, only to be dragged in by a greedy hand. Taylor poked his head out of the cloud of food parts and limbs.

 

“HAHAHAHA! MINE!!! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!” Harry managed to look at his two equally shocked friends.

 

“I really hope that these are rare exceptions to American Wizards!” Ron's face paled as a piece of food landed on his cheek.

 

“I hope these are American students, and not some kind of terrible monster.” Unbeknownst to the frenzy, Hogwarts' Headmaster Albus Dumbledore strode over to them.

 

“Well,” he chuckled. “It seems our new students are enjoying the feast.” There was a momentary stillness as the Exterminators looked up from their food. Will smiled and waved.

 

“Oh, hey old guy! You have anymore of these pastry things?” Dumbledore chuckled as he waved his hand, summoning another plate of pastries in front of Will. Will was obviously satisfied, as he dove on top of the plate, devouring the pastries. Taylor, being the only one to have read the Harry Potter books, raised his eyebrows.

 

“Wow, you're Albus Dumbledore, aren't you?” Dumbledore smiled and extended his hand.

 

“That I am. And you and you're friends would be…”

 

“The Exterminators.” Kevin said very matter-of-factly. Dumbledore chuckled again, seeming to enjoy the brashness of the boys.

 

“Well, please enjoy yourselves and know that we are very happy to have you here at Hogwarts.” Mitch shrugged his shoulders as he took a sip from his flask.

 

“Thanks dude.” Dumbledore gave the group one last smile, and then strode away towards the teacher's table. Taylor leaned back in his chair as he gnawed on a chicken bone.

 

“Seems like a nice guy.” Kevin nodded.

 

“He doesn't have to go into the Coldplay Box.” At the mention of its name, the devious black box jumped around in its chain restraints. Kevin hit it on the lid with a rolled up newspaper.

 

“Hey, get down! Bad Coldplay Box!” the Coldplay Box stopped jumping and whined. Kevin's expression softened as he pat the box on the lid. “There there, we all know you didn't mean it. Who's a good torture devise, you are!” Harry and his friends looked at the scene with utter confusion.

 

“Is anyone else here really confused?” asked Ron, who was looking quite confused. Harry shrugged his shoulders.

 

“Hey, at least they're done eating.” Harry's face suddenly contorted in pain as a flask hit him in the back of the head.

 

“Well Potter, looks like you did fail Divination!” Draco Malfoy and his rather brutish friends, Crabbe and Goyle, walked up behind Harry with smirks on their faces. Will looked up from his pastries to look at Draco.

 

“Hey, who's the grease monkey?” he asked pointing at Draco. Mitch laughed a little.

 

“It does look like he took a bath in McDonalds food, doesn't it?” Draco's face became red with anger.

 

“It looks like my father was right, the American Wizards are stupid!” Will stood up from his chair.

 

“Yeah, well if we're so stupid, how come we beat you in the war?” The other Exterminators heaved sighs of frustration.

 

“Not AGAIN!” groaned Taylor. Meanwhile, Draco's eyebrow rose.

 

“What on earth are you talking about?” A smile spread across Will's face.

 

“What do I mean? WHAT DO I MEAN?!?!” He quickly jumped onto the table. All the lights around the Gryffindor Table went out, and a spotlight flicked onto Will. He looked at Draco and smiled. And to everyone's horror, Will started to sing.

 

You Brits may say,

That you've won the day.

That you have more friends,

And much less expense.

But it my be wise,

For I tell no lies,

To think RA-TION-ALL-LLY…

Cuz if you screw up again,

We'll have to come in,

And whoop your sorry ass!

Please have no misconceptions,

We tell no deceptions,

As I've told you before…

WE BEAT YOU IN THE WAR!!!

 

When Will finished, fireworks went off in the background. Malfoy, along with everybody else in the room looked at Will, completely shocked about what had just happened. Taylor quickly yanked Will off the table and glared at him. Will simply shrugged.

 

“What did I do?” Taylor slapped him in the face.

 

“Did it ever freaking occur to you that we're IN BRITAN!?!?” Will looked around the room at the shocked faces before letting out the simple response of “Oh.” Kevin rolled his eyes.

 

“Oh for fuck's sake.” He quickly grabbed the Coldplay Box and opened it. “Time out time, Will.” Will's face paled.

 

“Aw crap.” Was all he could say before being sucked into the box. Taylor got up and began to stamp on the box with his foot.

 

“Yeah! That'll teach you to be stupid, ya no good lousy… oh.” Taylor just noticed that everyone in the Great Hall was still watching him. He turned a deep shade of red. “Heh, heh… Ithinkwe'regonnagouptobednowthanksverymuchbye!” Taylor quickly grabbed his companions and sprinted out of Great Hall towards the guest dormitories. Hermione leaned over to Ron and Harry.

 

“Maybe they're those crazy American geniuses you hear about.” Ron nodded.

 

“You mean like the guy who invented the popcorn bag?” Hermione nodded.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Meanwhile, The Exterminators sat down in their dormitory room. Taylor sat on one of the beds, trying to fix the remote. Kevin tossed the Coldplay Box up and down in his hand, while Mitch at in an armchair, still drinking from his flask. Mitch put his flask down and motioned towards Kevin.

 

“I think you can let Will out now.” Kevin laughed.

 

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot.” He opened the box and let the box spit out it's contents. When the Exterminators looked up to see if it worked, they saw Will sitting there…along with Kikyo. Will slowly looked to his side, then screamed.

 

“HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! PUT HER BACK IN THE BOX QUICK!!” Taylor soon realized what had happened, and had a similar reaction.

 

“OH SNAP!!! KEVIN, YOU MORON!!! GET HER IN THE BOX!” Kevin desperately fiddled with the lid.

 

“AAAHHHH! I'M TRYING! I'M TRYING!” Mitch as usual, simply watched the ordeal as he sipped from his flask. Kevin finally got the lid off just as Kikyo began to string her bow. As she began to be sucked back into the box, she screamed.

 

“DAMN YOU!!!” All the Exterminators with the exception of Mitch heaved a sigh of relief. Will wiped his forehead.

 

“That was a close one… hey what are you doing…WAIT NO AHHHHH” William screamed as Taylor picked him up and threw him out a nearby window.

 

“Idiot…” he mumbled. Mitch looked out the window from his chair.

 

“I'd imagine that would hurt. We're up at least 13 stories.” Kevin dismissed it with a wave of his hand.

 

“He'll be fine, he was that time we threw him off the Sears Tower…and the Eiffel Tower…and the Grand Canyon…” A faint voice called from at the bottom of their tower.

 

“Hey guys!” Kevin smiled.

 

“Told you.” Will's voice could be heard from the bottom the tower.

 

“Guys check this out, there's a pale guy leading a bunch of other pale guys in masks in black robes. Ha! They kinda remind me of the gothic kids at school!” Mitch poked his head out of the window down to Will.

 

“Will, they like being called EMO now.” Kevin scoffed.

 

“Fags.” Taylor's eyebrows rose as he walked over to the window.

 

“These aren't Emo kids guys, these are Death Eaters.” Will called back up.

 

“Are those bad?” Taylor nodded.

 

“Yeah, almost as bad as this!” Taylor made a lugi in his mouth, then spit it out the window. Mitch and Kevin smacked Taylor over the head.

 

“God damn it, Taylor! Have some decency!” Taylor rolled his eyes.

 

“Fine.” He fished out a tissue from his pocket and dropped it out the window.

 

“Thanks guys.” Yelled Will from the bottom of the tower. Kevin sighed.

 

“Come on guys; let's go beat these Death Eater people.” Taylor jumped up and down.

 

“Yay! I get to kill something!” the Exterminators filed out of their tower down to intercept the Death Eaters.

 

When they finally reached the bottom of the stairs, the Exterminators were met with the sight of a total battlefield. Death Eaters and Hogwarts students and teachers were firing magic at each other everywhere.

 

“Dang, this place is a mess.” Mitch observed.

 

“I'll say.” Will agreed. The other Exterminators had to double-take to realize that Will was now all of a sudden with them. Taylor rubbed his forehead.

 

“Will how did you… oh never mind, let's go.” Kevin held him back.

 

“Hold up, dude. We kinda need to defend ourselves with something.”

 

“I don't need anything.” Will shrugged. Kevin nodded.

 

“Yeah, I've got the Coldplay Box.” Taylor looked around for a moment before picking up a big chunk of debris from the ground. He then turned to Mitch.

 

“You, need something Mitch?” Mitch shook his head and pointed to his flask.

 

“I'll manage with this.” The others shrugged and then ran off in different directions.

 

Kevin was the first to reach a Death Eater. The man whirled around, his wand pointed right at Kevin's forehead.

 

“Any last words, child?” Kevin smiled.

 

“Yeah, BYE BYE!” he quickly opened the Coldplay Box, sucking the Death Eater inside. Meanwhile, Taylor was across the corridor from Kevin using his club-like weapon to knock unsuspecting Death Eaters into the wall.

 

“Hey Kevin, catch!” Taylor yelled as he smacked a short Death Eater across the corridor. Kevin quickly opened the box and sucked the Death Eater inside. They gave each other the thumbs up and continued to fight the Death Eaters. Will had traveled with Mitch down to the front lobby and was now diverting the attention of the Death Eaters. Hundreds upon hundreds of green bolts shot towards Will but simply disappeared when they hit. Will laughed.

 

“Ha, I bet this is why you guys lost the war!”

 

“Give it a rest Will.” Mitch sighed as he walked up to Will, flask in hand. Suddenly, a stray Avada-Kadavra curse shot towards Mitch. Instead of getting out of the way, Mitch simply tilted the flask so that the jewel encrusted on it reflected the curse back onto the Death Eater. Will raised his eyebrows.

 

“Touché Mitchell.” Mitch smiled.

 

“Thank you William.” The two then continued to fight.

 

After an hour or two of fighting, all that remained of the Death Eaters was Voldemort himself. The Exterminators had regrouped in the main lobby but had been ambushed by the Dark Lord. Voldemort let out a raspy laugh.

 

“Do you foolish boys really think that you can defeat me? The most powerful Wizard in the world?” Taylor yawned.

 

“Actually yeah. Will, fetch.” Will began to walk towards Voldemort. The Dark Lord began an onslaught of killing curses, but to no avail. When Will was right in front of him, Voldemort glared.

 

“What are you…HEY THAT'S MINE!” Will grabbed the wand out of Voldemort's hand and laughed.

 

“Not anymore, Emo guy.” He threw it over to Mitch, who broke it on his leg. Voldemort went even paler than he normally was.

 

“Wait….Y-You can't do that…” Taylor cracked his knuckles.

 

“Oh, but we can, crotch stain! We can kick your sissy, pansy ass, too!” Voldemort cursed under his breath.

 

“I knew I should have packed a spare…OW!” Taylor drop-kicked him into the wall. Kevin walked over and smiled.

 

“Voldemort, meet COLDPLAY!” Kevin opened the dreaded box and sucked Voldemort inside. Once he was locked away, Kevin laughed. “De-ja-vu, huh?” the other Exterminators laughed. From out of a closet came what seemed a very scared Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Once he noticed all the Death Eaters were gone, Harry puffed out his chest.

 

“Finally, I have vanquished Voldemort!” Mitch threw his now empty flask at Harry.

 

“You're a dick.” Harry rubbed the back of his head.

 

“What's with people throwing cups at me?” He grumbled to himself. Kevin came up and patted Harry's shoulder.

 

“Don't worry Harry, we'll let you have the glory, but good luck.” Harry raised his eyebrows.

 

“What do you mean `good luck'?” The Exterminators started to laugh as Taylor opened another portal with the remote.

 

“I mean, you've only got 6 out of 7 books, and without a bad guy, you'll be doing a whole lot of nothing! See ya!” Kevin suddenly glared. “Damn it Will, if you couldn't do it in Inuyasha, what makes you think you can do it here?” Will, who had again been in the middle of writing Will Was Here on a pillar, sighed.

 

“Fine.” The Exterminators filed into the portal, and disappeared. Dumbledore walked up behind the three friends and hit Harry over the head.

 

“Great job, dumb ass! Now we have no story line for the last book!”

 

 

 

 

 

Kevin- Man, that was tiring.

 

Mitch-True, but also rewarding.

 

Taylor-I kinda wish I had grabbed more of those pastry things…*looks at Will* HEY, YOU HAVE SOME, DON'T YOU?!

 

Will-*hiding pastries behind his back* uhh, no…GET AWAY THEY'RE MINE! *runs away*

 

Kevin-*shaking his head* just end the freakin' chapter.