InuYasha Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Breathless ❯ Useless ( Chapter 28 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Inuyasha.

 

 

Chapter Twenty Seven.

 

 

`Useless'

 

 

“Nothing worthwhile is gained without sacrifice”, that had been his mother's words.

 

 

“What you had to learn was that when your heart wishes to save a loved one, it must experience at the same time, the despairing fear and loneliness of loosing them too.'

 

 

More of those words echoed in his head.

 

 

`Fear and loneliness, Sesshoumaru… your Father spoke about them … Tenseiga is a healing sword… even when used as a weapon, you must learn to cherish the value of life… and harbor a compassionate heart when sending your enemies towards Death”

 

 

Fear and loneliness…

 

 

…Loneliness and fear.

 

 

Had those been… what he had felt then?

 

 

“…Are you sad, Sesshoumaru?”

 

 

Was he?

 

 

Had those been… his emotions at that time?

 

 

“The Sword of Heaven can revive the dead people only once…'

 

 

“Tenseiga's matured, just as you desired… Don't you find that fact satisfying?”

 

 

 

The question now was, if he was he willing to sacrifice the lives of his followers, his only ever-present companions, in his all-conquering quest for power? The mishap with Rin had made him start to question his goals for the very first time after so long; he no longer was so sure what it was that he truly wanted.

 

 

To gain power; to prove himself.

 

 

But…

 

 

…to what price?

 

 

Somehow, somewhere along that path towards Hell, in his wild chase after the demon that had taken the boy and Rin, his unquenchable need to prove himself to his father and everybody else had stopped being so important anymore. Of the many he had met in his long endless lifetime, Rin had been among the very few people who had been at the ready to offer him their respect, love and trust, selflessly and with no reservations.

 

 

He had realized, at that very point, how he actually couldn't bear to loose them.

 

 

Not without a fight… more especially not due to a complete act of blindness and stupidity on his part.

 

 

Never again.

 

 

Sesshoumaru clenched his fist around the handle of the Fang.

 

 

He wouldn't allow it…

 

 

“It's only natural… Did you actually think that, just because you had Tenseiga, you had powers similar to a God's?”

 

 

Never again… would he make such mistake.

 

 

Never again would he overestimate, or be dependant on the resurrecting powers of the Sacred Sword.

 

 

He would still pursue his goals, but never again would he commit the unforgivable of putting Rin, or Jaken, at risk.

 

 

“The jewel shard on your back is what sustains your life, isn't it, taijiya? Know that once it's removed, you can't be saved by the Tenseiga, either”

 

 

This was what his mother had told the boy, Kohaku, just as they'd been leaving the palace… Once the fragment of the jewel was taken from his body, he would die, and ―not that he'd been counting on it― not even the holy fang would be able to save him from that outcome… The taijiya's sister, that demon slayer by the name of Sango, would just have to learn to accept her brother's fate ―he reasoned.

 

 

Not that it was any of his business; however. He was only protecting the boy for his won reasons.

 

 

Fear and loneliness…

 

 

Suddenly, he felt an odd pang in his chest. It was so foreign, that it took him a considerable while to recognize what it was.

 

 

Fear and loneliness… of loosing a loved one.

 

 

Rin.

 

 

Kohaku.

 

 

Rin… his loved one.

 

 

…Kohaku… that human girl's younger brother.

 

 

…Would she- feel the same way he'd been feeling… at that time, when he thought that he had lost Rin?

 

 

Fear and loneliness… of loosing a loved one…

 

 

…Was this what all people felt when at the risk of loosing someone they cared for? …This raw, cold and empty feeling of heaviness?

 

 

Sesshoumaru had never wanted to cry so much before. Not even when his own father had died.

 

 

…He had been too resentful, powerless and angry at the time to actually pay attention to anything else that he was feeling. To take into account that he'd actually lost something much more important than a mere role-model, than the single chance to prove his worth to those around him… and to finally gain his father's high regard and admiration.

 

 

“Father…” Sesshoumaru sounded with deject.

 

 

But wars, duties, politics, status and pride and humans and expectations… they all always had come first.

 

 

Around his Father, even long before his half-brother, Inuyasha's birth, he'd always felt second best.

 

 

Second to everything.

 

 

Second to everyone…

 

 

…He'd become tired of ever being second.

 

 

That was why, one day, he'd just walked away.

 

 

Away… to try and follow his own path.

 

 

Away… to make a path for himself.

 

 

Away from his Father's shadow and away from his ever unfulfilled expectations.

 

 

“…If only that'd worked out” Sesshoumaru thought somewhat bitterly.

 

 

“Isn't it amusing, Father? No matter what I do, no matter what I'm thinking, it all comes back to you… always ends coming back to you…”

 

 

`Even after all these years… I've still been unable to breakaway'

 

 

…How pathetic…

 

 

Even after all these years, Sesshoumaru was still haunted by the omnipresent shadow of his Sire.

 

 

…So very pathetic.

 

 

And the man wasn't even alive now…

 

 

-Seshoumaru clenched his fists.-

 

 

Why the hell hadn't he realized before?

 

 

It was useless now…

 

 

All of it.

 

 

All that he'd done… up to this time.

 

 

Useless.

 

 

Chasing after an impossible goal, his life had turned useless…

 

 

And by letting his life turn useless, he'd become useless himself.

 

 

Oh, Father

 

 

…Useless.

 

 

He was useless.

 

 

He would never be able to show his father that he was worth it, and he knew it.

 

 

He knew it.

 

 

Oh, Father…how cruel you've been

 

 

He knew it…

 

 

Oh, Father,

 

 

…how cruel you've been

 

 

…All I ever wanted…

 

 

Because his Father was dead.

 

 

To Be Continued.