InuYasha Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Breathless ❯ Epiphany ( Chapter 62 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Inuyasha, and I'm not getting any profit.

 

 

Chapter Sixty One.

 

 

`Epiphany'

 

 

Looking at her dress pooled down on the ground, Usagi was relieved she had finally been able to find the way to take it off. It was still uncomfortable though, first getting undressed and then walking naked as day into the hot spring whilst a certain Demon Lord was not very far away, his back on her as he sat on a rock, waiting.

 

 

It was even worse than when Niraya-sama had intruded on her bath, years ago it seemed…

 

 

However, the way he carried his stance made her think of someone standing guard, and she was thankful for it, for after what had transpired between them in the last hours it was still a nice gesture of him to guard her so no dangers would come while she was washing. It was strange…and somewhat endearing, the way Sesshoumaru still managed to inadvertently be nice to her despite the usual callous content of his words, the emotionless and bored tone in which he spoke (even when he was snarling, accusing or demanding of her, she'd noticed he wouldn't raise his voice that much but use that usual portentously low tone still), and the rough, distant assertiveness of his violent actions.

 

 

If he considered her to be a puzzle, it should be noted he had always been one to her as well.

 

 

A riddle…

 

 

--“People are selfish; they fear what they don't understand… and that which they fear, they hate”—

 

 

By means of her relationship with Sesshoumaru, she'd somehow wanted to prove Niraya-sama was wrong in what he'd said to her after her second meeting with the Demon Lord; to prove him wrong by proving to herself she could grow to understand him.

 

 

Sesshoumaru.

 

 

To some extent in the end, she guessed she had.

 

 

Underneath it all, she'd always somewhat sensed it was there… a certain fragility to him that belied everything else he displayed to the untrained eye; yet miko and priestesses were usually trained to have a rather more keen eye on people, and if Kaede-baba hadn't tried to pass this skill to her, Usagi would still take it naturally from her past lives.

 

 

Rough assertiveness… which also reminded her of so many other people: Galaxia, Neptune and Uranus during the Death Busters ordeal; even the way the old Chaos had used to be itself, before attaining the soldier form…

 

 

Of Sailor Chaos.

 

 

…Rough assertiveness always implied the wrong convictions; wrong convictions implied past sufferings…

 

 

Past sufferings implied fragility.

 

 

And just like with Galaxia and any of the rest of them, she knew instinctually Sesshoumaru too, couldn't be that much different than herself.

 

 

It should have been strange, still… how despite all the coldness he'd been trying to convey ever since they met, she usually managed to see something else right through it, bits and glimpses of the real him, of what lay underneath the rather stoic mask he appeared to be wearing all the time around her. Usagi knew she'd always been rather adept at judging people's true characters beyond their masks and disguises, and at the present she thought she'd never thought of it as a blessing more than she did at the present: when she needed it so much to read someone as reserved and quiet as Sesshoumaru.

 

 

Despite everything, she supposed; she remained quite the ancient soul. As such, the ability was inherent to her character, provided there was a particularly great personal interest to use it.

 

 

And, in this case, there certainly `was'; she liked Rin; she liked Kohaku… she'd even begun to like that frolicking green youkai named Jaken to some extent and, she admitted to herself, she also liked Sesshoumaru himself, quite. Even though it was Rin's warmth that had always reminded her of her old loved ones' affection, she'd also always felt from the very beginning an odd sense of communion with Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru even reminded her of herself in the oddest of ways: From her memories as Sailor Cosmos, she knew it'd been as well a not so different fragility to her own character what'd made her once withdraw into herself, tending to her wounds in the most absolute solitude and willing to push all her old beliefs and ideals aside in order to attain peace by whatever means possible, no matter if it meant going to the past and destroying the Galaxy Cauldron.

 

 

--“Resentment and loneliness can do that to a soul sometimes…”--

 

 

Even beyond that there had been this connection, once more and in another way, not unlike that which she'd felt when she first met people like her outer senshi friends:

 

 

The feeling that they had fraternal powers; that despite their powers being different and never having seen one another previously, there were many ties, many things they had in common.

 

 

When he'd told her she would have to leave, she had suddenly felt at a sense of loss, as if the one of the chosen guardian-carriers of the many secret powers still hidden within this Solar System were rejecting her, and it was that sensation which out of the blue had made her feel very dejected, and hurt.

 

 

A feeling which had made her realize of this bond she'd somehow started establishing with him: she was becoming rather fond of his company.

 

 

All this regarding mere intuitive speculation.

 

 

On the other hand, as far as unquestioned substantial facts went, though, she supposed the understanding was because now they had a common goal, and partly because she truly had nowhere else to go…but she reckoned there was also another strong reason. So many things had happened to them in the matter of these very same just three days…

 

 

Emotions were born of thoughts and perceptions. Perceptions could be had and spurred in the blink of a second. Henceforth, emotions were not bound by time…

 

 

Time did not heal all wounds, it was a change in the perception of the pain what truly did. Time did not cause for feelings to grow either… thus, feelings were not bound by time.

 

 

Time didn't rule the most primal of emotions.

 

 

…Had Usagi then, in what concerned the Taiyoukai, perhaps experienced a change in perception?

 

 

She supposed that what he'd done up till that time to save her life and that of Kaede's people, as well as the way he'd seemingly started to disclose to her a bit more after the incident in the village, was a good reason enough to feel this warm around him.

 

 

It might also have to do with him being the first person to ever suggest in her current lifetime that she did not need to be perfect, flawless…

 

 

`The holiest center of the world…'

 

 

When she'd felt ashamed, it had been ashamed for not being ashamed of feeling hatred, but someone else's words, for the first time in a long time, had made her remember what it felt to be told it was okay to be human.

 

 

That she shouldn't feel guilt for having moments of weakness. That it was okay to wish for a moment... to act, if only for a little while, as if the responsibility didn't rest primarily on her shoulders...

 

 

It'd been the one thing her past self from the 20th Century hadn't been able to give her: she'd helped her remember how to have faith in others, have faith in the universe; but she hadn't been able to tell her how to cope with her ever-present mortal shortcomings on her own, and learn to forgive herself; for she shared the exactly same burden.

 

 

Flashback

 

 

--“Even though Beryl, Metallia and their minions have been reborn too in this world, I don't even know how to use the Silver Crystal; I… I don't know the way to stop them! I don't know what to do!!” Sailor Moon, who'd just turned into Princess Serenity exclaimed distraught as she clutched her head in her uncontrolled distress.

 

 

“Princess, you're not alone, we're with you! …We'll help you,” Sailor Venus told her then, grabbing her by the forearms and making her snap back to reality, “Keep it together, we'll help you through it! Don't worry!”—

 

 

End flashback

 

 

Only Tsukino Usagi had counted with friends to give her strength and help her carry that burden; unlike her past self, Sailor Cosmos was alone.

 

 

Alone in her pedestal.

 

 

`The condemned holiest center of the forsaken world'

 

 

For the first time in two lives, someone had told her she did not need to be just `that'. …Suggested that she didn't need to consider herself, in any way, the ultimate recipient of their beliefs, hopes and expectations.

 

 

Instead of being rude, the notion had been ... liberating; ...unexpectedly and comfortingly so. It was amazing how it could so unexpectedly help to truly liberate someone; to just say a few random words sputtered in the heat of the moment…

 

 

She didn't want to lose that, she realized, without having had the chance to explore what goods it could have done for her secretly tortured and worn out soul; noticed that this was what was making it so hard on her to let go of the chance of staying by his side a while longer… before she had to return to where she'd come from.

 

 

She did not want to lose the only person she thought she'd ever met in the longest time that could truly become a confidant, an anchor, someone she could finally trust the reality of all of her feelings of doubt and insufficiencies with.

 

 

…She just wanted him now to tell her why from one moment to the next he was again treating her as someone unwelcome.

 

 

“I think I somehow understand partly why you've decided to have things this way. After all, you're right… from the moment we met I've been doing nothing but giving you problems… I broke your sword, didn't I?” she said, sounding like a mixture between conceding and non-admittedly a tad bit angry. It was just above a whisper, but she knew that he could hear her just the same. “However, Tenseiga's now been fixed…; is that it? You don't really have a reason to keep me around…do you? I truly am sorry I broke it in the first place, anyway…” She was feeling so inadequate right then, and she hated it… She knew she was blabbering, but didn't know what else to say, struggling to come up with more words.

 

 

Just keep on with the conversation you've started, and you might find out what this is all about.

 

 

Anything, to make him talk to her…explain to her what was going on in that rather mysterious mind of his.

 

 

There `was' probably some way to make him reopen the road of communication with her again; wasn't there?

 

 

“However, as once you've said yourself, perhaps my presence could be useful to encourage both Naraku and Shishinki to eventually confront you… Does this mean you've changed your mind about that, Sesshoumaru?” she asked him curiously, though she couldn't stop the anger of her unadmited hurt from tainting her words somewhat.

 

 

He merely gazed at her from the corner of his eye. “That is not something you should concern yourself with”

 

 

“You know… if you tell me what is wrong, may be I can do something to make up for whatever I did to upset you…” she swallowed hard as she waited for him to reply to this.

 

 

For a hot spring, the water was cold. But she did not complain.

 

 

She couldn't handle it so well now, the detached air about him.

 

 

“I thought it'd been all made more than clear,” he murmured at long last, his eyes mere slits, his tone bored as his sight was set upon her, before tilting his head to the other side as his gaze was once again lost far away.

 

 

At this point, something inside her rebelled, giving way to the unavoidable, long overdue question; “Are you this way with every new person you meet, or is it just… me?” she asked without bothering to hide her own irritation. She felt an odd sense of relief when she actually saw him pause as if surprised.

 

 

He hadn't been expecting this, it seemed. After all, for all the three days they'd been together after she'd awakened from her slumber, she'd been nothing if rather accommodating. She knew this, he knew this…

 

 

…but she might be willing to turn the tables on him.

 

 

Besides,

 

 

…even if he immediately covered it, even if it was for just a second, it'd been there; her intuition told her: the reaction that proved deeply inside he knew he was being unfair to her...

 

 

She felt encouraged by this, if just a little.

 

 

Be brave, Usagi, and just continue asking.

 

 

“Well?”

 

 

“Be silent and finish washing. Once you're done I will escort you back to your village”

 

 

“I'm not going back there”

 

 

“What did you say?” This time, it was Sesshoumaru who was genuinely taken aback. He furrowed his brows at her. “And what do you mean with that, girl?”

 

 

“I already told you,” Usagi sighed, shaking her head. “If I go back there, I might be putting the inhabitants in danger again. I can't do that; even if I no longer travel with you from now on, I won't be going back to that place”

 

 

“Where will you go, then?”

 

 

“…I don't know yet”

 

 

Sesshoumaru seemingly didn't feel the need to add anything else after this, and she finally obeyed the rather insisting urge to keep quiet.

 

 

Things were not always what they seemed.

 

 

---

 

 

Things were not always what they seemed.

 

 

Just as Usagi was caught back in her own ponderings, the small talk between them was for the moment left at a pause… and she would have never guessed or found out the thoughts that were truly in the mind of the misleadingly unperturbed Taiyoukai, no matter how much she would have wanted…

 

 

Only a small gesture of the lower lip could have ever given a clue as to the tumult that was his thinking.

 

 

The moment he'd caught a brief glimpse of her pale bare back as she was finally nestled in the hot spring, he felt a strange tight sensation in his gut. It hadn't been unpleasant as much as it'd been disturbing.

 

 

He hadn't felt such a thing for such a long time; he actually had a bit of difficulty recognizing it for what it was.

 

 

Want.

 

 

And then, he understood everything.

 

 

Everything had started to make sense.

 

 

…He wanted her.

 

 

He wanted this immeasurable and potentially deceiving female.

 

 

The moment of epiphany was enough to drive a violent punch right through his gut. Sesshoumaru felt the fever running through his veins once again.

 

 

The heat.

 

 

The sweat.

 

 

Ice-cold.

 

 

...The shiver.

 

 

…Impossible…

 

 

It was…impossible.

 

 

Impossible.

 

 

There was no way…

 

 

Impossible.

 

 

Impossible and…

 

 

…

 

 

humiliating.

 

 

How.

 

 

How…

 

 

How?!?

 

 

How in the seventh levels of Hell…

 

 

Fever running through his veins. The bundle of sensations

 

 

…`how' could this ever be?!

 

 

Bursting like a growing bubble.

 

 

How on earth had he let it happen?! …Was he… actually going mental?

 

 

Heat.

 

 

Cold.

 

 

Sweat.

 

 

...Shiver.

 

 

Was he actually… starting to lose his mind? This could not be.

 

 

Could not be…

 

 

Could not be…

 

 

Couldn't.

 

 

He could feel the panic rising. Out of his control.

 

 

It just…couldn't. He was NOT a fickle pup to let himself be entangled in such useless, bothersome, disgusting web of emotions.

 

 

Yet…

 

 

Why?

 

 

Heat. Cold. Sweat. ...Shiver. There's too many of them I can't make sense of all of them.

 

 

This was the reason of his erratic behavior most recently.

 

 

…Despite how preposterous it might sound, he actually felt some sort of attraction for the girl.

 

 

…Unconceivable.

 

Ilogical.

 

 

Insane.

 

 

How in the world this could be, he hadn't any idea; the only thing he knew for sure was that this was, precisely, the reason why he `truly' needed to get rid of her soon; the reason he'd wanted to send her far away… For it was dangerous; the biggest threat to everything he'd ever believed in.

 

 

…It was distasteful, to pine after a woman like this!

 

 

This had nothing to do with gaining a compassionate heart. Somewhere in the plane of death, his Father was most surely laughing considerably at him.

 

 

…The son that had dared criticize his Father's choices

 

 

(…Had it actually been the Heavenly Sword' intent, the whole time?)

 

 

She was nothing like him.

 

 

She was nothing like he had ever expected…

 

 

This had to be the most vicious trickery his Father had made at his expense.

 

 

The blame could have lied with that part of him that had enjoyed the power over her… a little too much: having her under his control; keeping her a prisoner of his whims and impulses as he saw fit… it was the same part of him that enjoyed toying with his enemies till he got what he wanted from then, which had made him absorb himself in her so… the same part of him that was awfully diligent in getting things to go his way was what had driven him into this mess, which made the affair sordidly ironic.

 

 

If there was truly a reason, that's what it could've been.

 

 

An explanation for this madness.

 

 

From the moment he'd met her, she'd been an enigma… and it'd been trying to solve that enigma that had gotten him in this.

 

 

Possibly.

 

 

What a cruel joke Fate had dealt him.

 

 

For the first time in a long time in his life, he knew, he felt truly lost.

 

 

To Be Continued.

 

 

A/N: And… let's give an applause for the most EVIL cliffhanger of all time! …Come on people! I wanna hear you clapping! XD