InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Silent Regrets ❯ Chapter 7

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Silent Regrets

Author: Ryukotsusei

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and Yu Yu Hakusho belong to their respective owners. As much as I wish I could claim a part of it, I cannot. The plot however and any OC's my twisted mind happens to come up with though is mine.

Summary: IY/YYH It's strange how regret can make you think, two people take a journey to discover what's really important. Pairing: Hiei/Kagome

Author's Note: No this has not been beta'd, that will happen once the story is finished and it undergoes final revision. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed.

Chapter Seven

Kagome sat at the bottom of the well for the longest time, staring at the floor which was littered with the old bones of demons. She didn't feel like moving, really she didn't feel like anything at all. For the moment she was content to just rest there, praying for it all to be over. Hiei's words washed over her, again and again. 'Kagome no!' But she believed them to be nothing more than her imagination. She couldn't bring herself to believe that Hiei would ever call out to her like that, with that amount of pain in his voice. Wishful thinking perhaps? She shoved that thought away roughly. No, as much as she wanted him to care for her like that she didn't want to think she was capable of hurting him that much. And if by chance it hadn't been her imagination? Then it was for the better this way, she'd already hurt him once and she couldn't stand the thought of hurting him again.

A shadow fell over her and she looked up into the eyes of one of her best friends. As they stared at each other Kagome tried to smile up at him, knowing that he would be worried. "Hey Inuyasha." With great reluctance she stood up and gathered up what bags she could, handing those she wouldn't be able to carry up to the hanyou. For the moment she ignored the questioning look on his face, it would all come out soon enough. She wondered what his reaction would be to hearing she was there to stay. She climbed over the edge, taking the hand that was offered to her.

Worried wouldn't begin to describe how he was feeling at the moment but he wasn't exactly sure what to say. Kagome looked ready to cry at any moment and if there was one thing he wasn't good at dealing with it was a woman in tears. Give him a rampaging demon any day, at least then he'd know what to do."Kagome?" His voice was uncharacteristically soft, trying to get her to open up to him without breaking down.

She looked up at him, knowing what it was he wanted to know. Periodically through the year he had come back to check on her, making sure that she was okay and her new friends were watching over her where he couldn't. He had learned of who they were as well as who they worked for which didn't exactly please him but there was naught he could do about it. He had already been told in no uncertain terms that he wasn't to remain in her time, truthfully if it were up to Koenma he wouldn't be allowed to visit at all. It had taken some persuasion on Kagome's part talking to her new friends but they grudgingly allowed his visits without reporting it to the demigod. For that he was thankful, he didn't give a damn about the rules but he liked the idea of Kagome being taken away from him permanently even less. "I'm home Inuyasha... If you'll have me."

Shock filled his eyes at her statement. There was no way she had approval to remain in the past, the demigod was probably choking on that pacifier as they stood there looking at each other. "Of course you're welcome here Kagome. What the hell happened?"

Kagome sat down on the ground and plucked at a blade of grass. "It just wasn't working out there and I felt it was time for a change." She held back from saying more, if she told him that she had given her heart yet again and had it broken she had no doubts that he'd jump through the well intent on beating the shit out of one fire apparition. That was something she desperately wanted to avoid. Hiei wouldn't stand for it and someone would end up getting hurt if not killed.

Inuyasha stood there looking down at her with his arms crossed, knowing she was leaving something out. What could she possibly mean by 'It just wasn't working out?' He wasn't blind, he had seen the looks of affection that passed between her and the runt. While he felt she could do far better than Hiei he also knew that there were few out there that were stronger than the apparition. It had been difficult to reconcile but eventually he had come to accept that Hiei wouldn't hurt her, not intentionally. "There's more to it than that Kagome. Tell me what happened."

Kagome sighed heavily, she had known this was coming. She just hadn't known it would happen so quickly, she hoped at the least she'd get a few minutes to think, to breathe, to adjust to this major change in her life. Unfortunately, she mused, life just enjoyed playing with her far to much to grant her such a simple request. "Fine Inuyasha but first let's get back to the village." She stood up and grabbed part of the bags while Inuyasha grabbed the others even though he looked far from amused. "You've also got to promise me something."

Inuyasha looked over at her suspiciously before carefully drawing out his response. "And just what is it you're wanting my word on?" He was extremely reluctant to promise her anything at this point, knowing that if he gave her his word he wouldn't be able to go back on it. His honor wouldn't allow it. If that spiky haired bastard had been the one to cause this he wanted free reign to go over there and pound some sense into his pointy little head.

Kagome readjusted her pack, thankful that it wasn't an extremely long distance to the village. It had been far too long since she had last made this walk, especially weighted down like this. It was a horrible realization that occurred to her, she was no longer in as good of shape as she once was. When had she allowed herself to slip like that? When Inuyasha cleared his throat she jumped slightly, having forgotten that he had asked her a question. "It's simple Inuyasha, nothing you can't do really. I just want you to promise you'll never go through the well again. "

Inuyasha stopped suddenly looking at his in disbelief. Now he was positive someone on the other side had been the one to cause her pain. "No way, absolutely not Kagome! The well lets me through for a reason, I'm not about to close that part of mine or your life off. " Just the fact that she would ask him such a thing set his nerves on edge.

Kagome didn't bother to turn around and look at him, somehow she had known that would be his reaction. "Inuyasha, there is nothing for either of us there now. Just let it go and I'll tell you what you want to know." When he was silent for several long moments she dropped her bags and turned to face him. He looked at her suspiciously as she walked towards him, a determined glint in her eye. When her hands reached up to clasp his rosary he backed away from her suddenly, knowing what it was that she had planned.

"Don't even think about it Kagome!" He leapt out of the way as she made a grab for him. If she broke the rosary then it would remove any chance he had of fixing whatever was wrong. Not that he would mind being free of the damned thing but he wasn't going to let it go that easily. He swallowed hard when the glint in her eye brightened and he knew exactly what she planned to do. Moving as quickly as he could he ran towards her, dropping the bags as he went. When she opened her mouth to say the incantation that would activate the rosary his hand covered her mouth preventing her from doing so. "Kagome don't. It's one of the last things we have that connect us. I know what we could have had if things had been different. Don't take this last thing from me. I won't go through the well and kill anyone, even if they hurt you. That's the best I can give you. Leave the rosary alone."

Her shoulders slumped as Inuyasha let her go. She had never thought he would want to keep the rosary so badly, and for that reason. If he wanted to keep it she wouldn't stop him. To do so would push him further away at a time when she desperately needed the support he was offering. "Okay Inuyasha. I won't remove it. Just remember your promise." Kneeling she picked up the fallen bags and began walking once again. "It hurt too much to stay there anymore. With Momma gone, all of my family. It's lonely and I.. I was losing myself. I couldn't handle it."

Inuyasha sighed, fully able to relate to what she was saying. He had lost his entire family except for his half brother who barely tolerated his existence. It wouldn't feel any different if there was no relation between them at all. The main difference though were the friends they had. Where he had very few that could claim that title people seemed to flock towards Kagome. "What about those guys you hang around with all the time? Every time I visited you had at least one of them with you."

Kagome flinched when they were mentioned, something that Inuyasha didn't miss. "I was a job to them Inuyasha, even if we did become friends later. It wasn't enough. I don't know what will be."

His grip on the bag tightened in irritation. She was trying to brush her relationship with the Spirit Detectives off. He had been around more than enough to know that not one of them considered her a job. "Stop lying to yourself Kagome. That's like saying that Sango and Miroku didn't like each other beyond how they were both after Naraku. Gel head even said you were like the sister he never had."

Kagome couldn't help but laugh at his terminology. They had gotten into a long discussion of just how much goop it was Yusuke used on his hair, much to the Toushin's displeasure. Ever since then that had been the only name Inuyasha would refer to Yusuke as. "Maybe you're right Inuyasha. But I need more... I thought I had a chance for it but I was wrong."

Inuyasha pushed aside the mat that would allow them entrance into the hut he had taken to living in. As he put her suitcases in the corner and allowed her to do the same he looked at her closely. He had seen this look before, long ago when he was stupid and chasing after Kikyo for whatever reason came up. She had worn one similar then, love, heartbreak, pain. It was all too plain to see for someone who knew her as well as he did. As she sat down by the fire to warm herself his voice broke the silence. "It was Hiei wasn't it?" He nearly rolled his eyes at her look of surprise. He wasn't stupid even if he didn't pick up on some things as fast as others. "Don't look so surprised, I saw the way you looked at him when you thought no one was watching. You love him so what happened?"

Kagome reached over and grabbed one of the packs, pulling out the picture she had taken. She stared at it for a moment, running her fingers over the glass. "He couldn't love me back. What's wrong with me Inuyasha? You I could understand but Hiei didn't have those complications. Why couldn't he love me?" Anger began to spark in her eyes as she sat the picture down and stared at him. "Tell me Inuyasha! Am I not good enough? Does it come down to these stupid demon prejudices that all full youkai seem to have? Can't consort with the lowly humans?" Her hands were clenched tightly as she spoke. She'd see enough both here and in her own time, she was sick of being treated like she was trash.

Inuyasha just let her vent her anger without lashing out at her. Once she calmed down she would realize how wrong she was, not all demons were like that. He was living proof of that, his father had been one of those that took a human mate. "Did you tell him how you felt?" When she nodded angrily he sighed, it was highly unlikely that Hiei would have turned her away. Not when he could smell the changes in his scent that Kagome brought out when she was around. Attraction for certain but there was more. Even now from across the room he could smell the apparition on her. Whether it was a conscious act or not he could read the protectiveness in that scent, warning anyone off who had any intentions of hurting her. "I know how you beat around the bush about things. I'll ask again, did you tell him? In specific words such as, I love you Hiei."

Her response was mumbled but she knew he would hear it clearly enough. "I shouldn't have had to." Hiei knew her better than any of the others, often times knowing what she was thinking long before she said anything. Why would this be any different? Surely he knew what it was she was asking. She ignored the part of her that whispered if she was sure that he knew why didn't she just come out and say it in the first place?

Inuyasha's eyes widened in incredulity. Gods and people thought he was dense at times. "Kagome don't be an idiot, you're smarter than this." He held up a hand when she started to yell at him for calling her names. He hated to be the one that had to do this but she needed a large dose of reality and he was the only one available to give it to her. It would be up to him to set her straight, assuming it was even possible. "Shut up and listen. Hiei is a male, a male demon no less and the guy's got problems. I may not know the specifics but that ass is even more closed off than I was when we met. How you fell for someone like him is beyond me but I'm not going to question it. The thing is you can't beat around the bush with him, you're going to have to spell it out or he's never going to get it. So let me guess, you told him in a roundabout way and didn't get the emotional declaration of love like you were expecting. And this surprises you? If you really want to know how he feels then get up and march your ass back to the well. Put your fear aside and jump through it. If he still tells you he doesn't care then you can come back and sit me as much as you want for being wrong. But at least you'll know for certain!" When she didn't say anything to him he continued on. "Kagome what happened to you? At one point you'd be up in my face, fighting for what you believed in. Now you just sit there. You've changed and I don't like it, not one bit. I want the old Kagome back, even if it means I have to throw your ass down the well to do it."

"I can't go back Inuyasha. I've made my choice just as he made his. You didn't see the look in his eyes as he told me I needed to look for my answers with someone else. He doesn't want me, he never did." Kagome turned away from him, his words made sense but he hadn't been there. He didn't see what she did, he couldn't know. If she went back now she'd only make a fool of herself and open herself up to ridicule. Just because Hiei hadn't openly laughed at her before didn't mean there wouldn't be a time where he did. No, she wouldn't give him that chance. She had made her decision and now she had to live with it. While Inuyasha meant well it wouldn't change anything

Inuyasha stood up and walked over to her, grabbing her hand and yanked her to her feet. Ignoring her yells of protest he began to pull her out of the hut and in the direction of the well. Unfortunately however he became quickly acquainted with the ground once more when she yelled a sit loud enough to gain people's attention. It took a few minutes for the curious onlookers to go back to their business but by then the subjugation spell had worn off. He jumped to his feet and stood over her, his eyes narrowed in anger. He had had enough of this, if she wasn't going to help herself then there wasn't anything he could do about it. What little patience he had was now gone. "Dammit Kagome I'm just trying to help you! Fine, if you don't want to go I'm not going to force you but I think you're being stupid! I might not have been there when this happened but I know what I have seen. That three eyed freak is in love with you and I don't give a damn what you say otherwise. If you're too stupid to go and find out for yourself then you deserve what you are feeling! You're being selfish, sitting there wallowing in self pity. How pathetic. Imagine how he's going to feel when he finds out you've left him if he doesn't know already." Without saying another word to her he stalked off into the forest, ignoring the sobbing coming from the girl he had left sitting on the ground.