InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Tales of the Night ❯ LXXXVI: Tears and Fears Part II ( Chapter 16 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Title: Night LXXXVI: Tears and Fears Part II
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Sengoku Otogizoushi - InuYasha or Yuu Yuu Hakusho. InuYasha belongs to Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan, Viz Media, ShoPro Entertainment, and Shounen; while Yuu Yuu Hakusho belongs to Togashi Yoshihiro, Shueisha, Viz Media, and Shounen. No profit or money of any kind is made from this fan-created crossover.
Warning(s): Angst.


All Kagome had to get through the days and even longer nights was a whispered sentence. She was not even sure if those simple whispered words were something Hiei had actually said or just something her lonely mind had concocted. She would not put it past herself to imagine something like that. She relied too much upon his presence; she relied too much upon other people. Being alone was not something she was used to, nor was it something she really knew how to do. It was not in her to stand on her own two feet without someone behind her. Perhaps she needed to change that about herself. How was the question.

Just like it was the question when it involved Hiei. For not even a year, she had been on a journey that no one else could have gone on to save the world. All during that journey, she had been surrounded by youkai, battles, super-strong humans, and a jewel of power. How could she go back to a normal life when the definition of "normal" had completely changed for her?

She could not stand the monotony of every day life surrounded by humans who were nothing special. That was why he was special to her, why she needed him. He was not normal, and he was far from human. He was a youkai and the only proof she had that youkai still existed. Or, at least, that was what he used to be. Now he was something more. Not exactly a friend, but he was not her boyfriend either. They simply were.

And she had no clue as to where he was.

She felt horrible. It was her own stupid actions that had driven him away. For two weeks, or so she imagined him saying. Today marked the twelfth day he had been gone, and it did not seem as if he would be returning anytime soon.

Kagome wanted to cry. It was entirely her fault, or so she thought. After all, why else would he be gone? For the first time in her life, she felt horrible for acting on her urges. Then again, never before had they caused her so much grief and heartache for too long. She had scared off her only link to a past only she had experienced, and it felt as if she had lost her lover.

Did she really want to go so far as to say that she was beyond-return-in-love with him? The part of her that wanted to scream "Yes!" was larger than she remembered. There existed only a small corner of her being that still clung to friendship toward Hiei. Yet she still felt love toward Inuyasha, though the kind of love was changing. Months ago, she would have jumped at the chance to be with him without a second thought. These days, she would hesitate and pause. Perhaps she would even decide not to go.

She could barely remember the last time she had thought about Inuyasha. With each passing night and the growing feelings for Hiei, it was seeming more like the love she had thought she felt toward the half-dog youkai really had been nothing more than a crush. Perhaps in the beginning of her journey, she had loved the oblivious puppy-eared boy. Yet once Kikyou had been brought back to life, that love had faded and reignited and faded through their adventure. And, after all, there were so many different kinds of love one could feel. At the moment, she could easily say that she truly, deeply loved the temperamental youkai she had been spending her nights with. The ache she felt in her heart pointed to that one conclusion.

"Hey, sis! Mooning over Inu-no-nii-san again?" Souta poked the middle of her forehead in an attempt to get her attention.

Kagome blinked at Souta, shocked and confused. She did not notice that he had snuck up so close to her. "What? Why would I be--... Oh! Uhm..."

She could feel him scrutinizing her face and reaction which caused her to blush. The gears in his mind had to be turning and putting two and two together. She knew it would only take him a couple of seconds to wonder who she was thinking about if she was not thinking of Inuyasha.

"Uhm... I'm just...thinking about my...my... My exams! Yes, that's--"

"You're not thinking about Hojo, are you? Please tell me you're not!"

"What? No!" She was certain she had to look comical given the way she had recoiled from him in horror at that thought. As if she thought about Hojo in any way other than "too nice, so annoying". "I'm not thinking about Hojo-kun. He's just a friend, OK?"

The eleven-year-old boy sat down next to her in front of Goshinboku. His face was fast losing its baby-round chubbiness, and was too serious at the moment. She felt as though he had grown up too fast because she had been gone. "So, who then? If not Inu-no-nii-san or Hojo, who's the guy you're in love with?"

She looked over at her brother with nothing short of aghast. "Wh, what makes you think I love him?" Once those words left her mouth, she quickly covered said traitorous orifice. She really had not meant to say that, and by the look on his face, he knew she had not. Just like it seemed he had known she was in love before she did, like their mother had.

"Oh, come on, Kagome-nee-chan! I can tell you've been crying and moping. And you only do that in front of Goshinboku when you're crying over a guy you're in love with. You're too predictable, you know."

Kagome flushed deeper from embarrassment. When did her nosy little brother become so good at reading people, and her, in particular? She figured it had to be while she was gone or moping. She had missed out on so much involving him.

"So, who is he? Anyone I know? Did he break your heart like Inu-no-nii-san?"

She sighed and shook her head. "No, you don't know him, Souta-otouto. And he didn't break my heart either."

"Then what? Something had to happen for you to be crying."

With a small smile, she ruffled his hair. "What I want to know is when you became so protective of me!" Her smiled turned sad as Souta looked at her with a look that let her know she would not be able to change the subject so easily. "He didn't do anything wrong... It was all me. I was trying for more than he was ready for and ruined it all."

Souta surprised her when he hugged her. "I'm sure you didn't ruin it at all. Tell him that you're sorry the next time you see him, duh! Oh, and Mama told me to tell you it's time to come inside. She has your birthday gift. And there's supposed to be some storm tonight."

She nodded and watched her brother head in first with a heavy heart. Did he not know she would not be able to apologize? Did he not understand that he was not coming around anymore? She chuckled with no humor; of course Souta did not know any of that. It was not as if she had told him or anyone she knew about Hiei.

With feet that felt as heavy as her heart, she trudged inside. She knew that staying out during a storm was a very stupid idea, especially since she had just gotten over being sick. Not to mention, she knew exactly what Hiei would have said if she did and if he was around. "You must enjoy trying to kill yourself. Rocks have a better sense of self-preservation than you." Or something to that affect.

For the hundredth time since that night twelve nights ago, Kagome felt an all too familiar pain bubble up from her heart. With now-unsteady feet, she ran the rest of the way to her room and collapsed on her bed. She did not care about her birthday or her gifts. What she wanted, she could not have.

Her pillows and sheets caught the tears that fell from her eyes and muffled her sobs. She never noticed when the night sky darkened more or when the clouds let loose their own tears as thunder shook the sky. Her own dolor was greater.

It was so all-encompassing and draining that she did not notice when her eyes closed and she fell asleep, tears still dripping from her closed eyes. She had never been able to keep in her tears or any other emotion she had felt. And if only she had not cried herself to sleep after a day full of tears and memories, then she would have noticed the return on the one who held her aching heart.


A version of this chapter was posted to the livejournal community 30_Nights for their theme #019. Crying all night for you.
Word count: 1476
Edited: 3 June 2010