InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ To You, From Me ❯ Chapter 1

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

To You, From Me

By: Cassial_Darkfox

I do not own Inuyasha or Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the charactors associated with those shows. I do own Sitora and Shinjiru belongs to my sister,so thievery will not be tolerated at all. Any other charactors that do not sound familiar I might own, not sure. If you have any questions regarding these charactors let me know; e-mail me.


"..." - English
"..." - High Inu
"..." - Hanyou
'...' - Thoughts
~...~ - Telepathy

~*~

True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist,
Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
~ by Anonymous ~

Sesshoumaru walked slowly through his garden. The memories of his most recent mistake still fresh in his mind. He told her he could never feel love for anyone. He'd told her many times, but she still had held hope for him. Sesshoumaru would never lie to himself; he needed her. It was true and he knew it. Though he never could tell her the truth. His pride was his greatest weakness when it came to her.

It had been over four months since they had been seeing eachother behind the backs of Inuyasha and her friends. Their relationship was strictly physical at first, then her feelings for him changed. He was no longer a way to escape the rejection from Inuyasha. Kagome started to care. Whenever Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru would fight for the Tetsusaiga Kagome was torn between worrying about Inuyasha and secretly being worried for Sesshoumaru; her lover.

He never told her the truth. Sesshoumaru knew she would think he was fighting for the sword, but that wasn't so. At least not anymore. He fought for the final piece of Kagome that Inuyasha still unknowingly possesed. Sesshoumaru knew full well that she didn't want him and Inuyasha fighting over the sword, didn't want either of them getting hurt. He wanted nothing more than to hurt Inuyasha for having a part of Kagome he couldn't get to. Her heart had always and would always belong to the hanyou. So Sesshoumaru never let himself fall for her; as much as he wished to, he couldn't. He merely remained physical with her. Relishing the part of her Inuyasha would never experience.

Now here he was in the midst of his private garden. His thoughts were troubled as he recalled her words.

~*~

They had just finished another session of love making and were basking in the after glow. Sesshoumaru rose from his place next to her and retrieved his hakamas. After securing the piece of clothing he made his way to Kagome, holding her pants.

She blushed and took them, "Thanks." Kagome stood and stretched her over-worked muscles. She put her pants on and pulled them up. Kagome picked her shirt up from the ground and held it up. She frowned, "You know you don't have to ruin all of my good clothes."

He smirked as he slid his haori on, "You should be prepared. You know it is hard to contain myself when you are around. It is hardly my fault that you do not have more easily removeable clothing." Sesshoumaru tied his haori and picked up his armor. Deciding not to bother with it he picked up Tenseiga and Tokijin and tied them to his waist.

"Do you suggest that I be bare and ready for you at all times?"

"No, that would be incredibly indecent; though very tempting as it is." He sighed, calming his growing desire, "How is the half-breed?"

Kagome sighed in frustration, "Sesshoumaru can't you at least use his name around me?"

"And soil myself with his name? No."

"He's fine. A little moody but that's because Kouga's been around a lot lately. His nonsense about me being his mate is making Inuyasha edgy." Kagome pulled another shirt from her bag and pulled it over her head. "If Inuyasha wasn't so impulsive he'd see that I'm not in love with Kouga. Oh well."

Sesshoumaru barely supressed his growl, "Yes. Maybe eventually the hanyou will see your love for him."

Kagome stared at him with wide eyes, "What are you talking about?"

"It is obvious that you love him Kagome."

"Are you mad about that?"

"Why would I be? He can have you."

Kagome gasped. Her anger quickly replaced the surprise. "You think I'm going to fall in love with you?! You are incapable of love, remember? You said so yourself! What else am I supposed to do? The only thing I can, hold on to the love I have for Inuyasha."

"Do what you must, but remember," He stepped close to her, "I have tasted your flesh and Inuyasha would never take a female that I have had."

Tear fell from Kagome's eyes, "You think I don't know that?!" She wiped at her tears, "I tried not to love you and it didn't work! Everytime I look at you all I see is you telling me you cannot and will not love. Not even me!" Kagome broke away from him and ran.

Sesshoumaru was too stunned to move. Kagome told him she loved him and he foolishly believed she loved his brother. He shook his head, 'No. She cried over him all the time. If she loves me why would she care if he didn't love her?' Sesshoumaru turned away and fled to his castle.

~*~

That was a week ago. Normally he would see her at least twice a week, but he decided that maybe it was time to let go. If she truly believed he couldn't love her then he would let her keep her love for Inuyasha. Who was he to force her to love him?

Sesshoumaru shook his head slowly. It had hurt him making this descion. As much as he prepared himself for some attachment to her due to their physical activities, he wasn't prepared for this. He wanted nothing more than to run to her and tell her just how much he needed and wanted to be with her. He couldn't do it. Kagome's connection with Inuyasha had always stopped him in the past and was stopping him now.

He despised his younger brother with a passion. He had always gotten what he wanted, when he was young and even now. Inuyasha was a constant source of pain for Sesshoumaru. When ever he saw him Sesshoumaru was reminded of the things that he was denied as a child. Now Inuyasha was keeping him from Kagome.

A frown formed on Sesshoumaru's face, that wasn't right. Sesshoumaru chuckled lightly. 'The only thing keeping me from Kagome is me.' Even given the chance he doubted he could overcome his his pride and, yes, fear. Admitting to Kagome how he really felt meant accepting the chance of rejection and heartache. It hurt enough as it was, but to have her actual rejection would devistate him.

Shaking his head of his painful thoughts he made his way out of his garden and into the forest surrounding his castle. The forest always cleared his mind and hopefully today would be no exception.

~*~

Kagome sat and watched her friends argue about which way was best. She sighed, he hadn't come back yet. She hadn't seen him since their fight. They had fought before, but not like last time. Kagome hadn't meant to tell him she had fallen in love with him. She could have been happy with him the way things were. Sure it hurt to love and not be loved in return, but she was used to it. She had gone through the same thing with Inuyasha.

'And yet,' She thought, 'this is completely different.' Kagome had never loved Inuyasha enough to push whatever it was they had past the line into a physical relationship. As much as this thought should have saddened her, she actually found herself glad. Kagome cherished her time wtih Sesshoumaru. Though now she was sure her admittance of love for him had pushed him into not coming back.

'Maybe he figured me being all emotionally attached would cause problems.' Kagome laughed sadly and thought, 'More problems anyway.' Kagome stood up when Inuyasha called her. 'Maybe me telling him that I had to hang on to my love for Inuyasha because he wouldn't love me hurt him. But if it hurt him, then why not ask me about it?' Kagome groaned, 'I ran.'

She looked at Inuyasha with a smile, "Yeah Inuyasha?"

"Are you okay? You seem a bit disracted."

Kagome looked up at him with a new found respent. She didn't think anyone noticed. Kagome glanced past Inuyasha and saw Miroku and Sango watching them. 'Everyone could tell?' The smile faded from her face as she saw the look Inuyasha was giving her. She bit her lip, 'Can I tell him about Sesshoumaru and me? Will he hate me?'

Inuyasha looked down at her, "Well?"

Tears sprang to her eyes at the memory of their fight. "I got into a fight."

"With who?"

Kagome looked at him nervously, "Can we talk in private Inuyasha?"

He looked surprised at first then nodded. He led her to the well and stopped. "Okay who did you get into a fight with?"

Kagome sat down on the well, "With Sesshoumaru."

Inuyasha gaped, "Wait could you say that again? I could've sworn you said Sesshoumaru."

"I did."

"When the hell did this happen?"

"About a week ago."

"You mean the night you came back crying?"

"Yeah."

"You mean to tell me that you weren't crying because of your brother being sick? Sesshoumaru made you cry?"

Kagome nodded, wating for the storm.

"Why the hell were you with him or anywhere near him?! Why didn't you call for help?!"

"Inuyasha, I have been seeing Sesshoumaru for over four months."

Inuyasha stood still in shock, "What?"

"I didn't tell you because I know you would have tried going after him."

Inuyasha growled, "What have you been doing when you meet?"

"Sesshoumaru called it rutting, but to me it was sex."

Inuyasha tried to control his temper. He was failing miserably, "Four months?!"

Tears fell freely from Kagome's eyes, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to feel like I was unwanted." She put her face in her hands and openly cried.

"Unwanted? Who made you feel like that?"

"You did Inuyasha. All I ever did was love you, but you never felt the same for me. It hurt. I turned to Sesshoumaru, who offered comfort."

"Sesshoumaru? You've got to be kidding me."

"No Inuyasha he was kind to me. We would just talk about nothing sometimes and he always made me feel better."

"So what was with this fight?"

"He asked me how you were and I told him you were fine. Just jumpy because of Kouga coming around proclaiming his supposed love for me. Then he got mad."

"What did he say?"

"He told me that maybe you will see my love for you. I asked him what he was talking about and he said that it was obvious I loved you. I asked him if he was mad and he said why would he be? He said you could have me."

"Then what?"

"I yelled at him. I asked if he expected me to fall in love with him. He told me himself a while ago that he was incapable of love and told him that all I could do was hold onto the love I had for you."

"What did he do?"

"He told me that you would never want a female he has had."

Inuyasha grimaced, it was true. But he never intended to go after Kagome in the first place. He waited knowing there was more.

"I basically told him I love him, then I ran back to you guys." She hid her face as her tears continued their path down her cheeks.

Inuyasha shook his head. He knew Sesshoumaru well enough to know he wouldn't just use Kagome and dump her. Sesshoumaru's control during Kagome yelling at him was proof enough that there was more to the story. Inuyasha wrapped his arms around Kagome and hugged her tight. "I'm sorry Kagome. I should have asked you about this sooner."

She leaned into his embrace. She was thankful for Inuyasha's understanding, but she still wished it was Sesshoumaru with her now not Inuyasha. "What am I going to do?"

Inuyasha sighed and pulled back, "Kagome you know how I feel about Sesshoumaru, so you can't expect me to encourage you to run to him. You did nothing wrong." Inuyasha smirked at her, 'He's the one being jealous.' "The only thing to do is wait and see what happens."

Kagome smiled, "Thank you Inuyasha." Kagome stood up and wiped her tears away. She grabbed his hand and led him back to their friends.

On the way Inuyasha debated on whether or not to tell her what he had planned. That was before he found out about their 'relationship'. He stopped and Kagome halted with his hand still in hers, "Kagome I need to tell you something."

"Okay. What is it Inuyasha?"

"Before I had planned on asking Sesshoumaru for an alliance against Naraku. But if it will bother you having him around I won't do it."

Kagome thought for a second. "Well, strategically speaking, it would be a great advantage for us to have him on our side. Maybe it would be best for me too."

"Alright. We'll go find him tomorrow then." Inuyasha crouched and Kagome smiled. She hopped on his back and he ran the rest of the way to her friends.

~*~

They couldn't find him. It was raining outside, preventing Inuyasha from smelling him. They settled in for the night at a village Miroku sensed an ominous cloud over. The village was so grateful for his warning they let them all stay for free.

After dinner everyone settled into their rooms and fell into peaceful sleep.

~*~

Sesshoumaru watched the rain fall from the dry cave he was occupying. The rain was sudden, but he'd known of it since early this morning. He sat against the wall of the cave and watched the rain fall outside. His eyes never missed the small animals rushing about trying to escape the rain. He sighed and leaned his head against the cave wall.

His eyes closed and he immediately saw Kagome smiling. Sesshoumaru's eyes snapped open ending the vision of the young woman. He shook his head. No matter what he did she always came to him. In his dreams she would kiss him and tell him how much she loved him. During the day when his eyes closed he could see her pain filled eyes with tears streaming down her face.

He sighed in frustration, wondering when he would be rid of her face. He still needed her, but did she need him?

~*~

It had been two days since they started looking for him. Inuyasha had caught his scent in a cave and had followed it from there. They were getting closer now, Inuyasha could feel his youki.

He knew they were coming.

~*~

Sesshoumaru stopped in the middle of his step. His brother was coming. He turned in the direction of Inuyasha and waited knowing his brother would be there any second.

Inuyasha came through the tree line and had to resist the urge to pull out Tetsusaiga and shove it up his ass for hurting Kagome. He stopped and waited for the others. Sango, Miroku, and Kagome came riding on Kirara. Kagome got off and walked up to Inuyasha.

"Why didn't you wait?"

"I was eager to see this bastard. The one that-"

"Inuyasha don't." Kagome looked at Sesshoumaru, her eyes still showing her pain, "You came here for a reason don't start a fight over nothing."

Inuyasha turned shocked eyes to her, "Nothing? You call that nothing?!"

Kagome frowned, "Inuyasha if you're going to stand here and waste everyone's time then I'm going home."

"Fine." Inuyasha's gaze settled on Sesshoumaru, "I have a proposition."

Sesshoumaru's brow rose, "I'm listening."

"I offer an alliance. We join sides."

"I don't see the benefit for me."

It took everything Inuyasha had not to say what he was thinking. 'The benefit, you prick, is you get a chance to fix things with Kagome.' He growled, "I figured you'd like to join us instead of another 'helpful' alliance with Naraku."

"I still fail to see what I get out of this."

Inuyasha smirked, remembering something Kagura had said, "I don't know I thought since Naraku plans on kidnapping the human that travels with you, you wouldn't join with Naraku again."

Sesshoumaru growled, "What are you talking about?"

Kagome stepped forward, "It's true. Kagura said Naraku planned on going after Rin."

Sesshoumaru stopped growling. 'Perhaps I should rethink this.' He internally sighed, "Very well. But we are allies on my terms not yours."

"Feh, see if I care." Inuyasha crossed his arms over his chest, "Are you going to our village?"

"No, you are coming to the palace with me. Come, I haven't been there in a while."

"You haven't been home? Why not?"

"None of your business hanyou." Sesshoumaru summoned his youki cloud.

Inuyasha looked at him, 'He has both of his arms?' He frowned, "Sesshoumaru when did you get your arm back?"

Kagome looked at Sesshoumaru. She knew he wouldn't really tell them, but she knew already. She was the one that restored his arm during one of their 'sessions' about two weeks ago. It was a shock when after they were done he held her to him with two arms. He was so grateful that they went at it again.

"A few weeks ago. Come I do not wish to be here any longer." Everyone hesitantly got onto the cloud and waited for Sesshoumaru to take them up. He quickly took off for his home.

The flight to the palace was quiet. No one dared to speak. Inuyasha was with Sango and Miroku at the very back of the youki cloud while Kagome was sitting at the edge looking at the forest below.

Inuyasha saw this and frowned, "Hey Kagome."

She turned around, "What?"

"Get away from the edge. The youki cloud could dissolve and you could fall."

Kagome grinned at him, "Don't worry Inuyasha I won't fall. Believe me I know."

Inuyasha almost asked how she could possibly know, but he looked at Sesshoumaru and knew at once. 'Sesshoumaru has taken her up on his youki cloud before.' Inuyasha shook his head, "I still think you will fall, but I'm not going to stop you from enjoying yourself."

Kagome smiled and turned back to the beautiful scenery below her. It had been a while since she had been up on Sesshoumaru's youki cloud. The last time had been about two weeks ago. Kagome told Sesshoumaru she felt free up here in the clouds. That she didn't worry about the jewel or Naraku and it felt great. A part of her thought that he was only flying like this for her.

She shook her head softly, 'No.' Tears stung the back of her eyes and she tried to blink them away. They simply trailed down her cheeks and fell, forgotten to the ground far below.

Inuyasha smelt her tears in the air and once again cursed his brother. He wanted to go over to her and tell her it was okay, but he had this haunch that their 'problems' had everything to do with him. He was aware of the looks Sesshoumaru was giving Kagome when he thought no one was looking. Inuyasha smirked to himself, 'You're not as sly as you think dear brother.'

Sesshoumaru could clearly smell her tears. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes. Why hadn't Inuyasha gone to her yet? He knew the hanyou could smell her tears as easily as he could. The looks Inuyasha kept giving Kagome didn't go unnoticed by Sesshoumaru. To Sesshoumaru his looks were guilty and longing. 'Why?' he thought.

After a short time in silence Kagome started feeling uneasy. It had never been this quiet in their group before. She looked around at her companions. Sango was eyeing Miroku as he slid closer to her. Inuyasha was standing at the back looking ahead at Sesshoumaru's back with a glare. Shippo was curled up asleep next to Kirara who was also asleep. She sighed heavily. Kagome knew things would be tense for a while with Sesshoumaru around. But this was crazy.

Inuyasha looked up when the halted stopped indicating their movement stopped. He watched as Sesshoumaru turned around and everyone's attention landed on him.

"There are rules for you all being in my home. I will not permit any disrespect from anyone." He pointedly looked at Inuyasha, "You will be assigned rooms. The females together and the males together. The kit and the fire neko will remain with the miko and exterminator."

Inuyasha wanted to kill him for calling Kagome 'miko' when he knew her name.

"It would not be wise to wonder about the palace. Especially alone. There are youkai soldiers in the castle that would kill you simply because of a wrong look. The palace is big enough to get lost in and it has happened before, so unless you know where you are going don't leave your rooms."

Kagome frowned, "You expect us to stay in our rooms the entire time here?"

Sesshoumaru's piercing eyes landed on Kagome, "No. You all will be shown around the palace. Should you need or want to go somewhere and you forget how to get there ask a servant."

"They won't kill us?"

A small smile lit up Sesshoumaru's face. He enjoyed her comments, "No, the servants are not allowed to attack anyone. They are used to serving humans so they will treat you with some respect." The smile faded and his cold mask slid back into place, "There are certain areas you are not, under any circumstances, to step foot in."

Inuyasha crossed his arms over his chest, "Like where?"

"The second floor west wing, my private garden, and my study."

"What's the west wing?"

"That, dear brother, is my private chambers and hotspring."

Kagome beamed, "Oh yeah, you have indoor hotsprings." Her hands shot up to her mouth and she looked at her stunned friends, except Inuyasha that is.

Sango studied her closely, "How did you know he has indoor hotsprings?"

Inuyasha made some noise under his breath, "Duh, what else would he have?" He looked at Sango and Miroku. "I told her about my father having indoor springs, that's how she knows."

They seemed to accept it and let it go. Sesshoumaru, however, was interested in what Inuyasha said. There was no way he remembered their father. Aside from that, their father hadn't had indoor hotsprings.

Tucking that away for later questioning Sesshoumaru continued, "We will be here for about a week."

"Why?"

To Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru said, "I need to collect information on my land from the scouts I sent out, hanyou."

Inuyasha growled, but said nothing.

Sesshoumaru started to descend. Everyone looked out at the castle they were approaching and gasped. It was huge. They had never seen anything so big. Even Kagome was shocked and Sesshoumaru had told her about it. Kagome smiled to herself and whispered so low that Sango and Miroku didn't hear her. "Everthing about Sesshoumaru is big." Kagome knew he heard her and smiled even wider when her eyes met his.

Inuyasha shuddered. That was too much information for him. He knew Sesshoumaru heard and decided to push it, "What was that Kagome?"

She looked surprised that he commented on it. "I just meant that the castle has enough space for Sesshoumaru in his full youkai form to walk around." She saw Inuyasha's knowing smile and smirked at him.

Inuyasha's eyes shone with shock. With that smirk on her face she actually looked like Sesshoumaru.

The cloud dissipated when they reached the ground. Sesshoumaru led them through the gate and towards his home. Inuyasha looked around, "How come none of this is familiar?"

"Because the castle you grew up in no longer exists."

"What happened to it?"

Sesshoumaru led them through the courtyard, "It was demolished shortly after father was killed. Not long after he died I left for battle and you and your mother fled. Father's castle was left unguarded and vunerable."

Inuyasha remained quiet.

~*~




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