InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A dance in the Rain ❯ Dance ( One-Shot )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

A Dance In The Rain

All I could feel was the rain. It hit my skin and ran down my face, blinding me, surrounding me as if it wanted to be all of my world. It clouded my sight spitefully as I ran through the grassy park, boots sinking into mud. I tried desperately to keep my balance as I skidded over the wet grass, shiny but dulled by the sheen of drops. I gasped for breath as if the air lacked oxygen. Salty drops made their way into my eyes, somehow. I was breathing through a lump in my throat, a constriction almost willing me to just give up. But I couldn't, not even as my side burned with exertion, lactic acid building up in my muscles. I couldn't give up even as the universe broke away from me to leave me alone. I had to escape. To keep running, away from him. Away from them.

The rain created a constant splatter around me, a never ending complexion. Leaves whipped and rippled, grass and dirt mixed and mingled as the water pounded the land. The world was made of noise now. But I could still hear my own breath, blooming before me in hot gasps. And then there were the slapping steps behind me, splashing mud as my hunter chased his pray. I increased my speed in pure determination for him not to catch me. Not again.

“Stop!” The shout was close behind me, sounding like an explosion in my ears. His voice one I would recognise anywhere, even muffled by rain.

But the proximity of him caught me by surprise. Had I actually thought I would get away? The sudden command startled me and suddenly the world was tipping up side down, the floor running to meet me, wet earth under my feet throwing me off. I hit the earth hard, my arms protecting my face, coating themselves in mud as if they wanted to camouflage with the world. He didn't even catch me. The knowledge ripped through me. Second chances slipping away, tears squeezing through barriers. I lay there for a moment, tasting pain and embarrassment in the mud on my lips. The rain pelted my back. This is what I am now.

I don't want to get up anymore.

Seemingly, it's not my choice anymore.

His hands are on me in a moment, but he doesn't touch me like I wish he would. Even through the care of his gentleness as he holds me, sitting me up.

“Oh god, are you ok?” He asks. His voice is full of concern. I'm aware of my hair curly and messy, stuck to my face. The hot tears contrasting with the cold rain in my eyes. My jeans are practically all brown, tuffs of grass stuck to it. My jacket is in similar condition, and I can feel the mud on the skin free of clothing. I'm soaked through and look as miserable as I feel. And, God, do I feel miserable.

He's holding me against him, kneeled voluntarily on the floor, and something snaps inside of me. Breaks and cuts.

“Let me go, Inuyasha.” I whisper harshly. There is no warmth or regret in my voice. Nothing to betray my pain, for I am in the one place I will not allow myself to be.

In his arms

I stumble to my feet as if I were drunk, dizzy on hurt. I try to rip myself from his hold in the process, but he's holding me in place. His hands don't hurt, as they still me, as they circle my forearms. And I wish they would. I wish he would scream and curse me, so that I could blame at least something on him. But he doesn't. Even when I try to, my fists against his chest, I'm only stepping closer to him. Nostalgia lives inside of me, wishing for things to be a million different ways. His touch is burning through my freezing clothes, a reminder that we are both here, now. That this moment is ours, something I never thought possible anymore. He tightens his grip, and I looked up at him with narrowed eyes.

I still as if time has stopped with me.

Water is dripping off him, his silver hair darker, and yet not less luminescent than when it's dry. His dog ears are plastered to his head, protecting themselves from the chilling rain and his eyes, oh his eyes. I know it would take everything I had to look away. The golden glow pierces right through me. Eyes that bring back a million memories. Memories of nothing but nude skin and red sheets and golden eyes. Hot eyes, dark eyes. Memories of screaming matches and wild looks. Memories of betrayal and sorrow in the form of gold. Memories of him outside the shrine in the pouring rain, beginning me to come back to his world.

But I had refused.

And now we are here, once again. My eyes are desperate, pleading. But there is some anger in his, and I can't challenge that. I have no right to be here, now.

“You have to stop this!” He whispers, almost hisses. My pride takes over, even when I know he is right. Even when I want nothing more than to stop. I wish nothing more than to forget him, if I can't have him back. For, in my mind, we were always meant to be together. Even despite the other woman.

“Let me go!” The sentence slips through gritted teeth, and the last word is punctuated with a shove. We both stumble away, the same side of a magnet repelling each other. I take a few steps away from him. Rain fills the silence between us, and I could wish it could fill the space that yawns in between as well.

For a moment, there is nothing but the sky falling down in droplets. No other movement, no other sound, no other feeling. I look at him, and see a million different things. A million different scenes, different endings. If only….

By body is prepared to flee, ready for cowardice once again, as it refuses to fight any longer, but I find myself unable to look away as he takes a step closer, his hand outstretched in front of him as if he could ever reach the place I have made for myself now. The tears locked inside are pushing against the damn.

How does one cope with love and loss and heartbreak? I'm in a anti-clockwork world. As if She is the first girl, the pure heart, and I am now a throw-away replica of what could have been.

“Don't. Please. I never wanted you to get hurt,” he says. His voice is soft, avoiding scaring me away. I say nothing, and static silence builds up. Gold eyes search me. How can this get better? How can we fix what we have done? I can tell he is looking for something to say, that he wants to tell me something. I wait. Our past lays around us, caging us. It is futile, maybe. I don't think we can ever escape what has happened. His voice cuts through my thoughts.

“She wants to meet you, you know. She-” I honestly thought I could listen to him taking about her. I had always seen myself as a good person. Not the best, I must agree, for I have done things I will never stop being shamed of, but this is too much. Only minutes before I saw them together, a picture out of a romance movie. They were dancing in the rain, Inuyasha twirling her as if love wasn't anything more than that. I had been looking for him, but I had not expected to find her as well. And as I stopped there, watching them lean in and kiss and part and dance to a beat only they heard, I felt the most tremendous hurt. It is the pain of dreams shattered. The disappointment of a future decaying suddenly. Right then, I could partly understand why the symbol for love is the heart. In that moment, death seemed imminent. As foolish as it sounds, as dramatic as it seems, the knowledge that it had really ended, that there was bo going back now, was like taking something from me that I could never replace. A sense of hollowness conquered me. Right now, it felt like I would never be able to fill the gap.

I put my hands around my waist, as if protecting myself from him. Trying to keep the puzzle pieces from falling apart. My body's trembling with cold and the force it needs to keep everything locked inside me, to keep the pain from flowing out in a wave of needles. I shake my head vigorously against his words.

“Stop! Please. Please just stop. I…I can't. Ican'tIcan't!” I babble hurriedly, eager to shut him up. As much as I want to be strong, to be indifferent, I find myself unable to. Even if my only wish is to become someone else, someone others can look up to, someone I myself can respect, it would never come true. Through all my pretences, I am as weak as any other.

Before I can stop myself, a sob shakes my frame, ripping through the night, the rain, the very air. I have nothing now. I could deal with this, if there was something more. I would leave dramatising this feeling if I could go on to someone else. Look for someone for comfort, but I can't. My family dead or in shambles, my friends as fake as I myself have become. Not even Inuyasha's friends would look after me. They never liked me in the first place. Maybe if I had been myself. But it's hard to leave your defences behind when you are nothing but hurt in the process.

“I'm…I'm sorry. I…” What am I supposed to say? Tell him the truth? Should I tell him that I love him? For the first time in my life, would it be worth it to leave the defences behind and tell him that I want to spend the rest of my life with him? Would it make a difference, if he knew I would die and kill for him?

Or should I keep on lying. Would it break his heart if I told him I didn't care? That I had never cared, not even when he himself tried to save me? When he said he loved me. What would happen if I told him it was me who was supposed to be dancing in his arms? Would he care, if he knew how much he meant to me? Would I break my heart for him again?

We stood there, the world melting away around us. His hand fell, an stillness took over once again. We belonged to the moment, frozen in it. My eyes focused on the splattering earth, ripples taking hold of the mud, the blades of grass bending against the drops of water. I found myself unable to look at him again. Do that, and I would acknowledge his skin was the same she had touched. That the ears that had been promised to me were now rubbed by another woman. That those lips I had conquered were now kissed by her.

But as I took another step away from him, I couldn't help but raise my head. Maybe in masochism, or in curiosity, or in a try of goodbye. But as I looked into his eyes, I felt anger leave me. The only thing left behind was a sense of betrayal and a used up love. I wished I had seen what I see now before the end of the story.

I should have seen all this coming. There was no excuse for our parting. He had tried to help me. To save me. But every time he tried to crack my barriers, I grew colder towards him in self defence. What would happened if he discovered who I really was? Denial ruled my world. Even when he told me he had met someone else. That the end was here, that I had done this, all I could do was laugh. Laugh in the face of the fact that he would leave me. That after he promised to stay, he would push me aside.

But once he did, now that I see him apart from me, I understand it was all my doing. For the drunken accusations and the slut-worth nights. The demands and betrayals. It had broken us, even through the love we felt.

And would that change it? Was love really strong enough? What if I told him I would change? That I would leave it all for him? Would he accept me again? A millionth chance?

A took a step towards him.

“Inuyasha…every-

“I love her,” He says suddenly, as if it were dying to come out. My heart stopped, if only for a second. For the second time on the same night, a future broke in front of me. Love may be strong enough. But I didn't have his. I looked at him with fresh eyes. He looked better, through the torture in his expression, the sorrow I brought him by being there.

He loved her.

Then I didn't stand a chance.

“You asked her to give you permission didn't you? To follow me.” I whispered. He looked at me for a second and then nodded. I was the one who had hurt him. She the one who saved him. It was only right.

“She told me to come after you. She's…” He looked at me in question, asking me if he should go on. I nodded without thinking, but the movement brought relief.

I wasn't the bad guy. I was the lost girl. And I had refused to be found.

“…Really great. And she really would like to meet you. And I…I'm going to propose to her.” He says.

Full stop. The End.

That's what is feels like he's done to our story. For a long time, denial has mad me believe that maybe…I could make things better once again. Pain constricts my chest. Every day, that girl will awake next to his side…

And I will never again.

And yet, through that knowledge, there is also a small warmth inside me. He's…happy. Something he rarely was when with me. Our time together was barely love and picnics. It was troubles and no solutions. I guess this is the remedy to us.

And because of this, I guess, I am happy for him. I am sad and lonely. Heartbroken and shattered. But a part of me…is happy.

That's how love works.

I look down, away from him once again. Tears brim and spill. My hands come up to cover my face as I cry openly.

This is the end. No going back.

Somewhere in there, there is a sense of relief. No more pining.

I feel his hand on my shaking shoulder, and I lave it there. No more pulling away.

Kikyo…” he whispers, reaching to hold me, but I shake my head, wiping my face of tears even as the rain washed them away. Cleansing me of them.

“No. What was her name…Kagome?” I ask, looking into his eyes. He nods, weary.

“Make her happy.” I say. His eyes widen, but his expression changes so suddenly that even I can feel his relief and happiness.

“I'm happy for you. Truly.” I go on, and I smile. My first real smile for weeks. A smile breaks through his face and his eyes glow with what I had been attracted to the first time I saw him. Free expression.

“I won't forget you, you know.” He says softly, a secret shared between us. I nod, my hair shifting from being plastered to my back.

“Go.” I say. He looks like he wants to protest but I narrowed my eyes, making him smile.

“Take care of yourself. Please.” He says and I smiled guiltily, sadly.

“I will.” I say truthfully. He smiles one more time then turns and walks away, looking over his shoulder, as if to make sure I'm real. That this finality really happened. I watch him go. I turn to go myself, with both a raw but now free to heal heart inside, but I pause in my steps.

Maybe I can learn from her, learn and not mess up the next time I meet a guy nearly as good as Inuyasha. I lift my head to the sky, asking the heavens.

This is the time to change.

I gather myself, pulling my jacket against me, wiping mud off me, and run through the rain. I am no longer fleeing, but free.

There is an old oak, and hide behind it with a racing heart. Maybe Inuyasha will be able to smell me through the rain, but I don't care. I know he would not act any differently if he knew I was there.

Inuyasha is brushing the hair back from a young girl's face. She looks innocent because of her big eyes, despite her Japanese appearance. I feel old pain, but it's gentler this time, more like the pull of remorse.

I strain to hear what they say, and catch Kagome's irritated sounded voice.

“Where is she?” She says, looking up at him. I frown. She's just as suspicious and protective as I am! But with this thought, I'm confused as Inuyasha smirks down at her.

“She went.” He says simply. Kagome frowns, and I dig my nails slightly into the bark I lean on, one eye and half my face peeking. If they look searchingly to the side they'll see me, but the rain and darkness is coating me from obvious discovery.

“You let her go on her own? Why? You should have taken her home! Inu-yasha, look at this rain! As much as I love downpours, they can be dangerous while driving, ya know. Remember what happened to Miroku. Ok, he was a little drunk but still, you-” I'm both startled by her world and Inuyasha's sudden kiss. I look away, feeling shame in the pit of my stomach. This girl, knowing what I have done, without ever setting eyes on me, wants nothing but to help me. And I, who at nights, in the middle of a drunken or high frenzy have thought of killing her, am the only one who disserves punishment.

That was the difference. I saw it clear.

She trusted him. I never had.

I had heard enough.

I turned and walked through the rain, looking back once to see them dancing again. I stood there for one more moment, soaking in the water and the bittersweet ending. Inuyasha actually laughed out loud. It was a long time since I saw happiness in his form.

Bleeding but healed I left the park.

And inside me, the taste on my lips and the rhythm beating my heart, was peace. I knew they were happy.

And, in my own little miracle, I knew I would be as well.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

A/N

Woah. I completely re-wrote that, practically. Don't know why, but I felt like re-doing this. I liked the idea, but the style was old.

Remember: I was trying to make you think it was Kikyo.

Leave a thought behind, will ya?

Edit: Sorry if you thought it was an update, the damn site didn't let me simply switch documents