InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Fragile Heart ❯ Chapter Four: Life of Something Like it ( Chapter 4 )

Everybody ready? Because I think this A/N is super-long…even for me! Ahem…

Lil'sesshi; I think at this point, it's obvious that this IS a very sad story, but the arc WILL have a happy ending. I'm going to let the story flow though. I'm not the type of writer who's so obsessed with happy endings that I'll force one where it doesn't belong. That's not to say the story won't have a happy ending, it's more to say I just don't really know how it will end at this point. But if this story ends sadly it only means, in my eyes, that the tale of sess and kagome has yet to be finished, and more stories will come of it before I'm done. So, if that's the case, then I'll just have no choice but to keep writing! So stick with me, and I may just surprise you yet!

I actually decided on cancer for some very specific reasons, in truth. Firstly, because it IS sad, and it IS tragic. Also, in the series, Miroku has the air rip in his hand that's killing him. I wanted Miroku to have something in my story to coincide with that but that wasn't supernatural, and also with less hope (Meaning, there's no, if we kill Naraku, it'll go away.), without that possibility of being all better again. I wanted that because it IS too sad, because it IS going too far. Also, in many ways, this story has been a method of grieving for me. Both a dying child, and losing someone you love to cancer are things that come, a bit, from my own life experience. As I look at this story, I find that I've kept a relative distance, emotionally speaking, from those losses. They just never felt quite real, and this story has helped remind me that it IS real, and that I, also, have lost people that I loved, and that grieving is perfectly natural, even many years later. It has been a delayed reaction on my part, but I'm coming to terms with it all through this story.

This is one of the reasons, ficfan, that this story is taking me so long to write; it is very emotionally draining for me, as some of what is here hits a bit too close to home, and memory can be painful at times.

Also, I got into too many projects at once, and am finishing multiple fics so that I am down to one at a time again. As such, I have, as of late, been focusing most of my energy on an FF8 fic I've been writing, as well as doing some serious editing on non fanfic stories which I have neglected for far too long. And, I work A LOT. Sometimes I wonder if there is room in my life right now for anything other than work and sleep, but I always find a way. Rest assured though, I have NOT forgotten this fic, and I WILL finish it. It's only a matter of time.

Kasia; lol. Silly, silly kasia. Yes, kouga IS a bit of a jerk, but I was going more for Kouga's first appearance Kouga, and the way he always acts towards Inuyasha and stuff. I dunno. Kouga DOES strike me as a bit of a jerk in general, even if that's all on the surface and he's a sweety underneath. (It's just finding that "underneath" level that's the problem! Haha!) Well, whatever. And, popcorn-flavored chapstick? Interesting.

~~~

"A Fragile Heart"

Part three of the Sess/Kag Arc

Chapter Four: Life or Something Like It

~~~

Sesshomaru was nervous, not that it was obvious, but Kagome could tell. It was the way his lips were pressed just a little more thinly together than usual, the way his pale brow furrowed slightly in thought-

It was the way he opened his mouth to speak, looked out the window, and with a slight sigh, said, "the weather channel said it was supposed to be a nice day, but it looks like it's going to rain."

Kagome watched the storm clouds coming in. The weather always seemed to coincide with her boyfriend's moods. It was as if one determined the other, or vice versa. Of course, that was silly, she knew as well as anyone, but there definitely seemed to be a connection.

"What's on your mind?" she asked easily, resting her hand on top of his paint-stained digits on the diner's table.

He looked at her and gave her a slight smile. "You know me too well," he stated.

"You make it simple," she replied. "Tell me?"

"…yes. That was the purpose of coming out today, though I had hoped the weather would be nicer."

They had been sitting in the diner for nearly an hour now, drinking tea while the artist's gaze willed the weather to clear. It was to no avail. The weather was a force beyond the power of one man.

"I've come to a decision about something," Sesshomaru began.

~~~

They sat in the dugout eating ice cream and staring at the storm clouds. Inuyasha had been walking Sango home, chatting idly with her about nothing in particular, when the weather suddenly turned, and they decided to wait out the storm, since it was early yet and neither was expected home for quite a while.

The storm wasn't bad yet, and both were dry, but a soft drizzle had begun its pitter-pattering on the roof above them, and its plink-plunking on the freshly mown grass of the park's baseball field.

"Sesshomaru must be brooding," Inuyasha stated behind his tower of mint chocolate chip ice cream. He didn't know what to say, and the silence had started to make him skiddish.

Sango tipped her hat back. "Are you and your brother close, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha thought on this. In the past, they had spent their lives trying to kill one another; as children, they were hardly a step above strangers. But then Kagome had come into their lives and turned everything upside down…

It had been similar to the situation between them and their father, actually; they both loved him too much to really like each other but…

"Inuyasha?"

"We've always been very competitive," he said finally. "But I think I would miss him if he wasn't around." Inuyasha shrugged. "We're brothers, you know?"

Sango nodded. "It sounds like you love one another very much."

"…I guess that's true. We fight a lot though."

"Mn," Sango nodded knowingly. "That's how siblings are, it seems, but if he wasn't around, I bet you'd even miss the fighting."

'Idiot,' Inuyasha's mind snapped at him. Everyone from his time was here, everyone from the world he remembered. And that meant, 'Kohaku.'

"Do you have any brothers or sisters Sango?" he asked, having already opened up the topic. Besides, in the old days, Sango seemed to enjoy talking about Kohaku.

The ball player nodded. "Kohaku. He doesn't remember me though. A few years ago, there was a car accident. Our father died and Kohaku…" Sango sighed, resting her head in her hand. "The doctors say he might never remember, but for me, it's enough to just be able to see him, to know he's okay."

Enough? Like hell it was enough. It was all she could hope for, but it wasn't enough or anything even remotely resembling it. His brother's happiness. Feh. What a stupid, selfish wish he'd made. Did his brother's happiness mean that everyone else he cared about had to be miserable? And, it wasn't like when Naraku was the cause of everything. This time, there was nothing Inuyasha could do. He couldn't make Kohaku get his memory back. Miroku, at least, seemed pretty much the same, and that gave his heart a little relief at least. But still, he felt so helpless to do anything.

"Feh. Liar," he said.

Sango's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"Enough? Yeah right. Who are you trying to convince? Just because you're surviving it doesn't make it enough, and you shouldn't pretend otherwise. If you do it'll only make people worry."

Sango opened her mouth to say something that would devalue the entire affair, but it was Inuyasha's name that tumbled out of her mouth, and Inuyasha's name alone.

He looked at her, a little confused, like he expected her to say something more, and when she didn't, it threw him off. And then she smiled at him. It wasn't a wide smile, not a grin, there was nothing in it that even remotely resembled Kagome's manic energy, but Sango wasn't Kagome, and her smile was open and honest and her eyes said everything that she couldn't manage to find words for, and somehow, today, in this situation, at this time, it drove the words right out of his mouth and his mind, and all he could do was offer a shy smile back. And for reasons that he couldn't really understand, for the first time in a long time, the silence wasn't a dead weight on his shoulders that refused to let up and that could do nothing but scream Kagome's name in some desperate plea for something, anything, to hold onto. And his shy smile grew more confident, more definite, with this knowledge, until he turned away scowling for making a fool out of himself when he caught himself grinning like an idiot at a dear friend who didn't even remember that they'd met before a few weeks ago-that they'd traveled together, fought together, side by side, that…Inuyasha sighed and Sango laughed, just a small chuckle really, the back of her hand coming over her mouth, the first two knuckles touching her lips in her amusement, and as he watched her, he realized spontaneously that the past didn't matter much to him all of a sudden. The way things were-he could let it all crumble and fade.

He could leave it all behind to see her dark eyes twinkling like that (even if it was at his expense), and he didn't know what to make of that. So, being Inuyasha, he resolved not to think about it.

He looked up at the sun peeking through the clouds and said, "it looks like it's stopped raining."

"That it does," Sango agreed.

But neither moved.

~~~

"…so," Kagome said finally. She'd been a bit stunned at first, when Sesshomaru told her his intentions involving Rin. Adoption. They were both so young, and children, well…they were something she planned on having with him, on raising with him, someday. She just didn't expect someday to come so soon. And he had made himself very clear. He wasn't asking for her help. If she didn't want to "play mommy", that was fine. He was going to raise Rin though, whether Kagome was involved or not. For some reason, he just couldn't turn his back on the girl, or her fragile heart.

But it was Sesshomaru's fragile heart that Kagome worried for. What would become of him if the girl didn't make the list, what would happen to Sesshomaru, if his little girl died? He put on a brave face, pretended to be tough, but she knew him better than all of that. He was easily hurt, and quick to anger, and he held grudges a long time, and…

And once he set his mind on something, there was no swaying it in a different direction. He was like a pendulum permanently stuck on the upward stroke, and she had no idea what would happen when it all came crashing down.

Sometimes, it felt like it wasn't real, because everything just kept getting better and better and better, and she wondered how bad "worse" was going to be, when it finally came. It was…well, it was a hard feeling to place, really…. ….

No, not that hard, not really, but all of the analogies were wrong. It was like that billion year old fly stuck in a chunk of amber, perfectly preserved, but it wasn't alive, couldn't make it's own choices. Sometimes she felt like that, like she had everything she wanted but still couldn't affect anything, like acting out some episode of the Brady Bunch where everything is happiness and love. She wouldn't know what to do if things suddenly turned around for the worse…and she had a bad feeling that she was going to find out, that sooner or later, she was definitely going to find out.

"… …so," Sesshomaru replied.

"… …" The pauses between their speech spoke awkward volumes. "You're going to be a dad." She smiled softly, looking at their fingers interlaced on the table.

"It…does seem that way," he stated, staring at the top of her raven head.

"I think…" she paused again. "… …that you'll be good at that."

It was all he needed to hear. He knew what she meant. She meant that it was okay, that she supported his decision, but also, that it was his decision. She would be there, of course, she would be there with him and his adopted daughter, even if she wasn't really ready to be a mom, or didn't think she was. But it was his daughter, and to them both, this was clear in layers and levels that went beyond words. There was a bond between himself and the child that could be broken, and Kagome wouldn't dream of coming between that, and perhaps, in time, if it all worked out, they could be a family. Everything was just so uncertain, teetering, lost in some sort of confusing emotional limbo, but that was okay. That was just fine.

Such is life.

~~~

Miroku took a deep breath. The rain had finally stopped, and with it, the fog over his heart had cleared. He stood on the steps of the hospital, hands shoved in his pockets. Everything made much more sense now. Now, he knew exactly where he stood, and that was okay.

He sighed, walking down the stairs, and started when he saw a cigarette-smoking Kouga, leaning against a motorcycle, drew his attention.

"So this is where you go when you mysteriously disappear and call off games and stuff, huh?" Kouga said idly, flicking the remains of his cigarette into the wind.

For a few moments, Miroku just stared at him, jaw working but no words coming out. So much for his clear head. There was Kouga, that damn punk, standing there like he was god's gift to everything, shaggy ponytail and black undershirt wet and clinging. He'd been riding around, apparently.

When Miroku said nothing, he spoke again. "I didn't realize you were sick."

"I'm not," Miroku stated blandly, deciding that the best idea was to walk right by him, just pretend he wasn't there. Besides, sick wasn't really the right word. He had three months, the doctors told him this time. Maybe four, if he was lucky. He was dying, but he'd be damned if that was going to stop him from living.

Kouga grabbed his bicept to stop his progress past him. "You're not as good a liar as you like to believe, you know," he stated.

"Neither are you," Miroku dead-panned. "What do you want?"

"Feel like going for a ride? I'm bored. Nobody else is around to pester, and since I didn't get to watch my Sango in action on the field today, I figure you owe me at least a few minutes of distraction."

"You have a convoluted sense of logic, you realize."

Kouga nodded. "Come on! It'll be fun! Though, I'm pretty reckless, I can't guarantee you won't die," he joked.

Miroku just looked at him for a moment, cocked an eyebrow, and looked at the motorcycle. He'd never ridden on one before, and on impulse, he nodded. "Such is life," he stated. "Just do me a favor and don't speak. You'll say something obnoxious if you do."

"Likewise. And keep your hands where I can see them pretty-boy. You're libel to grope me while I'm driving."

"You wish."

"Heh."

"So, what is it, anyway? The big secret sickness or whatever? Just…out of curiosity."

"Does it matter?"

Kouga thought about this a minute as he let Miroku settle in on the bike behind him and handed him the motorcycle's helmet. "No, not really. Dying is dying, right? Everybody does it eventually, so I guess the where and how don't matter much."

"Then stop talking and drive," Miroku stated. A year ago, he wouldn't have even considered getting on the back of a motorcyle with Kouga, it just seemed like an accident waiting to happen, but now…well, it just didn't matter anymore.

"Roger that," Kouga replied with a curt nod. "Hang on tight. When I go fast enough, the whole world gets left behind."

And that said, the motorcycle rumbled to life and motion, and the cutting wind tore at Miroku's long sleeves, little wet pellets from Kouga's ponytail whipping against the face plate of the helmet as he stared at the blurry world over the other man's shoulder.

And for Kouga's part? Their conversation had been idle, pointless. He'd stumbled across Miroku by pure accident when he was visiting his grandfather, a man who wasn't half of what he remembered, and who he visited to pay his respects to the memory of him only. 'There's just nothing quite like the scent of the air after the rain,' he thought with a soft smirk. 'It's so haunting, like an eclectic echo of life, or something like it.'

~~~

Well, another little chapter that I made you wait forever and ever for. I think Miroku and Kouga especially seem a bit ooc in this chapter, but that scene sort of wrote itself the way it came out, and, well, rather than going back and changing a scene that I think fits really well into the context of such a depressing story as this one (*sighs* what is it with me and drama and angst anyway? Ah well, like I said, it's a sad story, but if this one doesn't end on a happy note, I'll keep writing this arc until I find one that does.), I decided to leave it as is and deal with the ooc-ish-ness.

Some new possibilities worked their way in here this time around. A possible Sango/Inuyasha mini-romance. (I say mini b/c this is a sess/kag arc, so they are, naturally my primary pairing, and beyond that anything goes.) Also the hint of something that might turn into friendship between Kouga and Miroku, or a hint of understanding between the two, at least. Anyway, that all remains to be seen.

Well, as they say, it's always darkest before the dawn. I can only hope that the dawn that comes out of all of this is bright and dynamic and full of life.

I'd also like to tell you that I won't neglect this story for another small eternity before posting another chapter, but, fact is, sadly for those few loyal readers out there that I have managed to keep somehow, I probably will. (bear with me though. I haven't forgotten this story yet and I have no intention of doing so now.)

For now, as always, and happy haunting,

Banshee Puppet