InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Lifetime Loving You Part 1; Seasons in Owari ❯ First Snow ( Chapter 22 )

Chapter 22; First Snow

(Kagome's POV)

When you live in the present, or as I should say the future, you seem to take many things for granted. You never truly know beautiful things really are until you see them from a different perspective.

The first snow fall came to the Feudal Era Japan that year, and within a sort amount of time, Polaris had me dressed in a robe make out of the leather hides of bears and soft slipper boots sealed with fat and grease to repel the snow from getting my feet wet. The best thing about these little treasures on my feet was their furry insides that made my sore feet feel so much better.

I opened the door to the outdoors after the first snow; I let my feet sink into something that finally felt somewhat familiar as I wrapped my now fully bulging body out across the snow. I liked the fact that I was pregnant and it seemed to keep my body warmer. Even so, looking out at all that untouched snow made me feel completely lonely and the words Kouga had told me still haunted me somewhat.

The grounds were exposed, white, and beautiful, but I couldn't take in their beauty with this feeling of guilt on my shoulders. Was I truly destined to raise this child on my own? I couldn't ask Inu-yasha to be the father figure in my child's life. It would be too hard on him to have to think that I bore his brother's baby and that he was raising it.

It would also be selfish to bind him to me like that.

No, I couldn't. I can let Inu-yasha be the father of my baby, even though I want him to. Even though I want to ask him so desperately, I can't.

Like Kouga was trying to say; I brought this upon myself.

At least...at least the loneliness will be bearable. Inu-yasha won't stay beside me once the baby arrives. He'll take me home and I'll be stuck in a hut in the village while the other's search for jewel shards. It's going to be so hard for them to find them now that I have a child to care for.

I made my way to the bench in the gardens and whipped the snow off of it so I would have a place to sit. I was getting so tired and walking was becoming a weight lifting contest. I didn't know how much longer I could take being pregnant in this case.

I let my mind wander into the nothingness, trying no to think about being with Inu-yasha and sharing all I felt with him. I couldn't think about it.

Suddenly, I felt something icy cold fall down my neck and I shivered as I looked up a moment later to find the one person I was trying hard not to think about.

Inu-yasha sat on a thick branch with a tan skin vest and a long furred collar around hi neck. It was strange to see him in winter ware since I thought he was used to the cold no matter what the temperature. He looked at me with a gentle smirk and jumped down the tree to get to my feet. Instantly, as though he expected it, he placed his hands over my belly to feel for movement. This has now become a tradition every morning, noon, and night. Yet, the oddest thing was, it was like the baby knew he was there, and as soon as I became aware of Inu-yasha's touch, the baby would begin to move.

"The baby's jumpy today," he said as he moved his hands over me to feel the baby's continuing movement. The look in his eyes made my heart pound. I could tell he was completely fascinated with everything he was feeling inside of me, but I didn't want him to know how it made me feel. I just couldn't and it hurt me to have to do this to myself.

Inu-yasha looked at me as his hands drifted over my belly. I hardly even noticed I was so lost in my own grief. It only took a moment for him to bring his nose to mine, and he did something I completely didn't expect. Inu-yasha's nose was stroking against mine, and it felt so warm against mine. His breathing was steady and so soothing, and in a moment it transferred from his nose to his mouth.

Warm vapor collected on my lips, making them moist. My eyes began to flutter from the dizziness and the disbelief that he was so close. I hardly even noticed that my lips had parted and were aching to feel his pressed against them. I wanted him to.I wanted him to kiss me. I was ready.

...No!

I cried as I bowed my head and shivered. My head began it's cursing asking me why I turned away. 'He would have kissed you. He wants to kiss you. Why won't you let him taste your lips? Why won't you let yourself taste his?'

I began to cry hating the way I felt. No...I can't, I just can't do that to him. He doesn't belong to me. I can't take his freedom like that. He has the right to choose what he thinks is right for him. I can't ask him.

"Kagome, what is it? What's wrong?" his voice asked sweetly with the faint sound desperateness in his throat.

'I can't, Inu-yasha. It's not right.'

My mind tried to look for a good lie, but even that made my heartbreak. What could I tell him?

"Kagome, tell me!"

I opened my eyes enough to focus on his face through my blurry tears. He snorted and smiled as he took one clawed thumb to wipe a tear from my eye. I sniffled and whimpered half heartedly. "I forgot that the Christmas Season is coming and this time I won't be home to be with my family."

Inu-yasha's face changed from a soft concern to a completely lost. "Wha...what?"

Finally, something to take my mind off of this whole thing and get back to explaining the things Inu-yasha didn't understand. I slid off of the bench to his level and looked into his golden eyes. "I'm so home sick, Inu- yasha. I only wish I could have something that felt like home here; and Christmas is usually around this time. I'm not exactly sure what day anymore. I've lost track of the days over the pass few months, but I just know that Christmas will be here soon."

Inu-yasha's eyes were filled with confusion as he tried to think everything through. "You mentioned this to me once. This was a holiday of yours in the future that was celebrated with a lot of rejoicing."

I smiled remembering the time. "I came to you that night and gave you a small gift, remember? The silver star charm that you said you lost in a fight with Naraku?"

Inu-yasha looked nervous suddenly and grumbled. "If you hadn't been so careless and had done what I had told you, I might still have it. Besides it was a worthless piece of junk anyway."

I wasn't sad when he said this. I just felt angry at the fact he wasn't going to admit that he was actually happy to receive a gift from me; at least that's what I thought.

Inu-yasha closed his eyes and turned up his nose as he crossed his arms. I discovered I was too cold to fight with him and struggled to my feet. "You're lucky I'm too tired to fight with you about that," I grumbled.

I made my way to the house leaving Inu-yasha alone in the snow without a second thought, at least until I got inside and into my sleeping mat. A moment later I was crying as I tried to get some much needed rest. I was just tired...just tired.

~~~~

(Inu-yasha's POV)

She didn't see me as I looked through a crack in the walls of the house, and watched her cry herself to sleep just before noon. My heart ached as I looked at her, knowing the things I had said weren't true. I finally pulled my eyes away from the break in the wood and bowed my head in my own disgust.

I then looked down at my chest and pulled at the knot in my hakama's sash. I loosed it just enough to pull out a silver charm in the shape of a star. It was true that the necklace was lost, but I managed to salvage the charm from the broken chain.

It had lost its shine over the year, but even if it was a piece of feminine jewelry I treasured it with every fiber of my heart. It was a gift from her time, but it was also a piece of her heart it seemed. It made me wonder if she loved me.

I soon found myself longing for that answer at that moment. Did Kagome love me? I wanted to know...but why?

I clutched the tiny charm in my hand and looked to the barn on the hill. I thought for a moment and tried to remember what had transpired that night when Kagome tried to explain her Christmas to me.

A gift; I would give Kagome something that would help her not feel so home sick. I would give her a Christmas Gift...but what?

I soon found my dilemma with this custom. What could I give Kagome for this Christmas of hers that could make her feel happy? I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to be happy all the time. The warmth in her smile brought me comfort, and it seemed to lack in these days as she began to approach her time to give birth, even though there was still about a month to go before the baby would arrive.

I made a dodge for the barn and opened the door to enter and closed it softly. Quickly, I rushed up to the loft where Aki stored all of the hay bales and his carpentry tools. I dug around in the hay until I found his tools and a pile of smooth boards made for the barn's siding.

I smirked and pulled out one of the boards to look it over, trying to recall my skills from my youth when I took homage in this old place. I removed the tan skin and my red kimono since it was warm in the barn and began to work on the piece of wood before me; cutting and sanding the pieces of wood until I couldn't feel a single rough spot.

I laid out each piece with great care and carved slots into a long cube of wood, and placing four, fifteen inch boards side by side to make a base. I then continued doing the same process to make two sides that were left at a slant outward, and then hammered a wooden wedge into place to keep the head board and foot board in place.

Kagome needed a cradle for the baby that would last her at least until spring when we would return to the village. I looked over my work when I was finished and nodded with a smirk. Yet, as I began to observe it, it looked more like a feeding box for fowl rather than a cradle.

This was Kagome's baby.

I looked it over for a moment trying to think of what I could do with my creation. I found it difficult to do and tried to think of a way to make the cradle look more like a cradle.

I snorted and crossed my arms trying to deal with the frustration. I kicked it into the hay and grumbled as I propped my head up on my hands.

A second later, my eyes fell on the carving tools I had laid out before me. I picked up the chisel and hammer and looked at the cradle that was turned over.

A second later I found my self making tiny marks in the side of the wood, and as I made a notch I made a story. On the side of the cradle I carved out the shape of a dog with long flowing fur, and huddled up to his belly was a woman who was sleeping soundly as the dog nuzzled her with his nose.

When I had finished and the bell rang for dinner, I realized the entire day had passed. The cradle was not complete, but before I left it hidden in the hay so no one could find it I touched the picture. I knew what it meant; what it symbolized and hopefully a story I would one day have the courage to tell Kagome's child one day so that it would understand.

"Mother...Father..."

One side of the cradle was complete. The next day, I would carve a boy with dog ears in a tree watching over a young woman in a long kimono with a baby in her arms. This would be my promise; to protect Kagome and her child from all harm no matter what the cost.

I wouldn't let something so amazing be taken from me. Naraku had already taken Kikyo from me, but he would not get the child. Even if it wasn't mine, it was Kagome's; and that was worth protecting no matter what.