InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A new beginning, a new hope ❯ Setting love free ( Chapter 23 )

The love equation:

 

Does love = possession?

 

Can one ever love enough to have the courage to let go?

 

Since the beginning of time, didn't love started off as a sacrifice?

 

What would Rin's love equation be then?

 

****************************

 

The mid day glare glinting off Sesshoumaru's amber's shades made him shift closer into his car seat. He traced Rin's nervous accumulation of frustration as she maneuvered through the heavy traffic. A surge of contented glee ran through him as he recalled how Rin had so naturally invited him to come along with her. That was the first time she had done that, yet another disparity from her initial undecided self.

 

Sesshoumaru was still bemused why Rin had endeavored in helping this `Tomoko' girl she was mentioning about. The girl had awakened barely two hours after they dozed off again. Having absolutely no intention or appetite to even complete breakfast, she skipped off and was practically glued to the piano seat until just before their departure.

 

As the vehicle screeched to a halt in front of Yumi's house, they were greeted by the silhouette of three waving figures. As they approached, Sesshoumaru solved the mystery. Beside Yumi was the most petite, the prettiest little girl roughly between the ages of nine to ten. But she wasn't at all normal, Sesshoumaru noticed her shriveled legs. Tomoko was balancing herself on a pair of clutches as she inched toward the MPV at a torturously slow speed. Nevertheless, her smile was more brilliant than the sun.

 

Rin got off to assist her. She had met Tomoko on several occasions and even had a few chats with her mother. Yumi had explained that Tomoko was not paralyzed waist down. She was suffering from a sort of spine disorder and was traced all the way back to when she was a baby. Not long after Tomoko was born, the doctors discovered that she had a significant heart problem which if left unattended, will eventually lead to early death. However, the dilemma was if such an intricate procedure was done on a baby that new, it would inevitably lead to a malfunction to certain parts of her anatomy.

 

It was indeed a difficult and heart breaking decision for Tomoko's mother, Rin emphasized. She wouldn't know how to choose either.

 

But both Tomoko and her mother were not defeated for even a day. They had not shown a hint of being disheartened by this deficiency. Since young, she strived to live a normal life like any other girls of her age, attending school, participating zealously in all types of sports including swimming and even playing tennis. Tomoko even showed Rin all the medals she had won in various swimming competitions. The girl can go faster than kids who have healthy functioning limbs.

 

Rin gave a polite indicative bow to the middle-aged lady beside the little girl. Tomoko's mother was one of the strongest, most undeterred women she had ever met. Being a devoted mum, she was no doubt Tomoko's emotional and spiritual support. With this as a definitive, Rin had vowed internally what kind of mother she would want to become one day.

 

In many ways, Tomoko also made Rin feel inferior in internal strength and when faced with the pitfalls of life. Rin was so conscious with the frailty of her humanity, but look at this little girl who can't even walk with ease. She had never a day looked down on herself. She was an encouragement and an inspiration to Rin always.

 

At this thought, Rin instinctively turned and regarded her master.

 

How can she not feel small beside one who is so perfect and unblemished?

 

Sesshoumaru caught her glance and wondered what the girl could be thinking about. Her expression, they appeared a little lost if he were to say.

 

Rin went up to help the little girl but was politely declined. Tomoko insisted to get on the car with her own effort.

 

Sesshoumaru watched with unvoiced compliment.

 

“Ohayo, Oji-san!” Tomoko chirped as she got on to the back seat.

 

The two girls shortly followed suit and Yumi was rather pleasantly surprised to see Sesshoumaru. She bent forward and beckoned Rin to close the distance between them.

 

“I see you guys have patched up?” She threw a teasing wink.

 

Rin shoved her back and bashfully fluttered her elongated lashes, purposefully looking away from Sesshoumaru.

 

“Hey! So we meet again. You haven't told me what you do? Are you a musician too?” Yumi could finally pour out all her long suppressed queries. How could she give up this golden opportunity?

 

Sesshoumaru made no reply.

 

Having a full grasp of her master's distinct traits, Rin chipped in to his aid almost without much ado.

 

“No, he's… erm… just visiting. He's from out of town.” The girl urgently conjured up something believable.

 

This fellow's so icy, Yumi wondered why. Till now, he hadn't spoken one single word to her. To be more exact, she hadn't heard him speak at all.

 

“Maybe we can go for drinks later after the rehearsal?” Yumi suggested in hope to get acquainted with Rin's supposed boyfriend.

 

Being still traumatized to a certain degree by that historic night, she couldn't control turning to blade a homicidal stare at Yumi. In the midst of doing so, she unwittingly shifted the steering wheel at the same time resulting in the car veering off its lane.

 

Sesshoumaru seized and steadied her hand, all these done in an utmost collected and unruffled manner. Still, everyone else gave a resounding yelp and Rin smashed her feet on the brakes, her head bumping slightly on the steering as the car stopped.

 

“I'm so sorry, everyone. Tomoko, are you okay?” Her tone was draped with apology and self reproach while she wiped off a cold sweat.

 

Seemingly unworriedly to all, Sesshoumaru brushed Rin's fringe aside to inspect for any potential injury she may have incurred from that knock earlier on. Embarrassed by such an explicit show of gentleness, though unworded, Rin's cheeks were flushed to a deep rosy crimson. It didn't help to hear Yumi's little giggles from the back.

 

“Rin, move over. Leave this task to the expert.” Sesshoumaru signaled to Rin with indications to take over her role.

 

Rin was too stunned to mouth a reply. Besides, she wouldn't want to disobey him in public. But, can he DRIVE??!!?!?

 

To her immeasurable awe, Sesshoumaru restarted the engine rather dispassionately and…. he drove off… even signaled as he filtered out to join the main lane, just like any seasoned driver!

 

He had picked all these up just by observing her, JUST NOW?

 

Boy! The guy's practically a genius!

 

Rin recalled something Jaken-sama had always said and she instantly acknowledged that. Truly, no less should be expected from Sesshoumaru-sama.

 

He speaks, Yumi thought to herself. Ooo, sexy voice. Very manly.

 

***************************

 

 

Sesshoumaru leaned against the sturdy trunk of the Goshinboko waiting for Rin's return as its boughs loomed over him. He was a little anxious himself as to how the examination had turned out. Rin had persevered in her practices after the rehearsal yesterday, and would even forget dinner if he hadn't stopped her.

 

Sesshoumaru shook his head.

 

Too extreme, he decided.

 

He has to speak to her regarding this. But he knew Rin all the same. Headstrong as she was and always wanting to achieve the impossible, he seriously doubted any of what he might say would have an effect on the girl, especially when it meant to help someone in need.

 

One particular memory reigned when Rin was still a child. She had braved the rocky edges and countless blood thirsty demons just to retrieve an antidote for the toady servant who was poison by Naraku's poisoned bees' sting. If he hadn't arrived in time to catch her fall… he couldn't bear to dwell further.

 

However, the demon lord could empathize why the girl was putting in so much of her time in this. The little girl had indeed an admirable spirit, portraying much confidence.

 

Perhaps when the girl returns, he would bring up the questions again, if appropriate.

 

Sesshoumaru searched himself with solemnity. How much patience was he left with? He had waited long enough for Rin to adjust and consider. If the girl so wishes to remain in this new age, which she had claimed to be more `fun', he would not make further attempts to keep her. She was after all human. It was only understandable that she preferred to live among her own kind.

 

He would certainly not beg, regardless the depth of his emotions toward her! He was still the Great Lord of the West.

 

But… perhaps I could…. attempt to… persuade her, Sesshoumaru tried to sooth his surge of emerging imposing ego.

 

 

There will be no more delays. He will speak to her this night.

 

His golden eyes lit as they spotted that recognizable vehicle approaching. Sesshoumaru was puzzled when his youkai vision picked up two presences in it. It only took him a short moment to spot that Yumi was in fact doing the driving. He sauntered toward them in hope to learn more.

 

The car parked and both girls alighted unceremoniously.

 

“Thanks for driving me back.” Rin spoke rather unenthusiastically as Yumi handed her the set of car keys.

 

“It's nothing.” The chubby girl wasn't as cheery as her usual self either.

 

“I'm sorry. I let you down.” Rin blurted out, uncontrollably.

 

“Hey come on, Rin, not again. For the twentieth time, you did fine, even Tomoko said so.” Yumi consoled profusely while patting on Rin's shoulders.

 

The girl forced a smile which ended up sounding more like a snigger as she started back to the house. As she past Sesshoumaru, she bestowed him a dainty bow before retreating to the residence. It was all done so formally, so respectfully, so… distant?

 

Trailing her departing back view, the youkai was gravely startled by this turn of event even when he kept his impassive stance.

 

Wherever that came from can't be good, he pondered.

 

“I think you might want to go after her. She's kind of upset. I think she needs your company.” Yumi made her approach as she informed the youkai lord.

 

“Rin, what happened to her?” Sesshoumaru was anxious to find out though his expressionless face gave away none of it.

 

“Well, technically, it wasn't her fault. To cut the story short, Tomoko made a mistake in her playing and Rin wasn't sure how to help her recover from it. So, she's kind of affected.” Yumi's explained, while drumming her fingers on the bonnet.

 

“Recover you say?” Sesshoumaru wasn't sure what that meant.

 

“Yes. A more accomplished pianist like Uiru or even Sota will be able to improvise and help Tomoko recover from her error easily. But Rin's just a beginner, so, you know…” In her heart, Yumi was in fact delighted. We're finally doing some real talking.

 

“In any case, she had done her best?” He implored further.

 

“Yes, of course. And it's just a small thing. She's too much a perfectionist. So, if you can…” Yumi did not manage to finish that statement before noticing that Sesshoumaru had begun to stroll after the girl.

 

Ooo.. I love his voice. Still Yumi was pleased with this new advancement.

 

*************************

Rin let her lethargic body sink into the hot tub where she lay till slightly past eight. She half wiggled to the side of the bath anchoring both her elbows on its tiled edge. An enervated sigh escaped her lips as Rin rested her chin on her arms, not paying attention to how the tips of her fingers had creased significantly from the hour long soak. As she moved, her knotted hair had rebelliously disentangled itself and was now dispersing over the water surface in the messiest manner.

 

It had been a long and exhausting day and Rin was presently feeling the after effects of all those long straining sessions on the piano. A new series of thoughts were presently crawling through the haze in her mind.

 

All for nothing, her breath twitched. It was all of no value, all that she had done, her efforts.

 

It was a perfect reflection of her humanity. She was reminded how she had struggled to be independent, to set a brave undefeatable front especially in front of Sesshoumaru just to show him that she could possible become so, to stretch the limitations of her abilities to keep up with her master's faultlessness.

 

But she was still who she was.

 

What if your best just isn't enough?

 

The question kept churning in her mind.

 

She might have debated before the possibilities of Sesshoumaru losing interest in her when she aged, but, she had come to know him long enough to believe that he was none of that.

 

If I were to think so lowly of his character, then I'm indeed not worthy of his love, Rin insisted to trust in her own faith.

 

If his declaration of love to her were all sincere and genuine, still, she would never be able to keep pace with him, to be abreast with his capabilities. Her strength was too easily destructible to be his partner in combat. Her frailty made it impossible for her to be a dependable partner for life, a youkai's life.

 

Rin loosely imagined her too untimely death, leaving Sesshoumaru cursed to a thousand years of loneness and heart break as he mourned for the loss of his mate. That same inexplicable pain, it would be the same for her too if Sesshoumaru were to be slain in a battle.

 

Moreover, Sesshoumaru was always so detached, unapproachable and inscrutable to most around him. What if he finds no other mates, his only possession the stricken memory of her?

 

She'll undisputedly make the worst kind of wife EVER for him, no matter how much she yearned to be stay by his side.

 

The more he claimed to love her, to care for her, perhaps then, the more she shouldn't allow herself to dwell in this short term, all too dreamlike relationship, in the youkai point of view.

 

It would no doubt be a blissful lifetime for herself. But for Sesshoumaru, it would be like an evening past, ending faster than a twinkling of an eye.

 

How can she be so selfish?

 

She would perhaps leave him their child, decidedly a hanyou, accompanying him through the rest of his ages, every single day, reminding him of its imperfections by birth. His long accrued dignity, his status, his pride would surely be demeaned through a lifetime of mockery and sneers, a sick joke entertaining all the households in the demonic realm. And she would be nothing more than an indiscretion, a mistake that costs him all that he had so painstakingly built up.

 

Rin remembered a saying - if you truly love someone, sometimes contradictorily; you need to set them free. She never really did understand it till today. Perhaps, love isn't just about possessing, about keeping. It was also about giving and letting go.

 

If she cuts this off now, cruel as it may be for both, time WILL heal all wounds, wouldn't it? If not, lots and lots of practice will definitely do the trick.

 

But like what Yumi had mentioned, if she gave him up, would she live to regret this her whole life?