InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A new beginning, a new hope ❯ To have the Cake or Eat it (Part 3) ( Chapter 40 )

Grasping a tiny bottle in his hand, Sesshoumaru's heart pounded in a unified audible cadence with his foot steps as he approached his chamber door, his youkai senses already picking up Rin's slow steady pulse from within. She was still resting. His knuckles tightened round the neck of the item in his palm as if willing the torrents in his mind to recede.

 

Nevertheless, it has to be done.

 

There is perhaps no better alternative.

 

He loves her too much to lose her like this. He cannot…. be without her. It was unacceptable to him.

 

His thoughts drifted back to the last conversation with the hanyou physician.

 

“What do you mean?” Sesshoumaru felt his heart come to a stand still for a passing second, suppressing an uncalled tremor. The cup in his hand dropped sloppily on the table, spilling two-thirds of its content.

 

The hanyou physician heaved a sigh, feeling rather thorny to relate the whole truth. “You see my lord, rightfully, the powers of the Shikon-no-tama would no doubt have the ability to purify any demonic youki. Even when the Inu-breed is itself of prestigious heritage in terms of magnitude and power, it is still just a pup.”

 

“Are you implying that the powers that Rin possesses will kill the baby?” The youkai simply muttered, too anesthetized by now to think.

 

“Theoretically yes, if the lady has a strong will to fight and survive.” Jinenji coughed briefly looking somewhat questionable. “But perhaps you would have known her better than myself. Would she have the heart to murder her own child?”

 

And Sesshoumaru was just too sure of that answer.

 

No.

 

Rin would NEVER want to hurt their child, even if the whole experience would inflict in her nothing but pure torture, even when it was not within her human limits to bear one so pure and powerful, even if it would eventually kill her.

 

The youkai's uncanny stillness was itself an unspoken response as Jinenji calmly refilled his cup of tea.

 

“I had a brief encounter with the lady myself when she was still a child.” The physician's statement made Sesshoumaru pass him a glance recollective in nature as a previous incident resurfaced for a split second in his mind. “My lord, I too do not believe she would even attempt to harm the baby in any way. That is why I can almost be sure she will not win this battle. You have to be prepared for the worst.”

 

Does he mean that Rin will die from bearing his pup? Uneasily, Sesshoumaru's clawed fingers reach to find the pelted hilt of the Tenseiga, grazing along its full length. Surely, the healing sword can be put to serve its purpose. Jinenji caught this telling gesture but he seemed to have already considered the possibilities.

 

“I'm sorry my lord. I have to clarify. In any case if the lady loses to the youki of the unborn pup, it will absorb a considerable portion of the sacred jewel's powers. But still, it will not take her life.”

 

“What is it that will happen then?” Sesshoumaru was simply too worn out. He just wanted everything to be put out in the open as quickly as it could, no matter how bad it could mean.

 

“Once the pup is born, she may sleep and perhaps never wake again.” Jinenji's tone had turned too apologetic. No matter how many times he had exercised it in the past, he still could not bring himself to get used to be a bearer of dire news.

 

What? The sentence struck the western lord like a bolt of lightning, killing every last bit of sensation that he owned as he pictured Rin lying there, looking lifeless and not moving even when a pulse was evident, the Tenseiga not pulsing no matter how hard he swung it for obvious reasons. He felt an instant hollow where his heart had been as if it was pulled out of its core. Is it true that one day in the near future, he would cease to behold that breath-taking childlike smile, that mysterious personalized sparkle in her deep set eyes that never cease to capture his attention and mesmerize him, the girlish fantasy she possessed as she skipped in the meadows and how consenting she looked every time he made love to her, granting him full dominance over her body and soul?

 

“Is… there nothing I can do?” Sesshoumaru's fingers were already curled up into a fist cut of blood flow, wishing fervently to seek a way, any way to salvage the situation.

 

“There is but my lord, you have to make a choice” Jinenji's expressions were extreme, solemn and stern. “If you choose to give up the pup, I will be able to save her.”

 

Sesshoumaru regarded him in questioning silence as the hanyou fished out a container of reddish green herb.

 

“A single shot of this will put her to sleep for about two days and within this time, I will perform a procedure to neutralize the pup's youki.” Jinenji paused, seemingly empathetic. “I know this is a difficult decision, my lord. Perhaps you'd like to give it some consideration first.”

 

“There's no need. I have a decision now.” The demon lord's amber eyes were closed, his immediate reply took the hanyou completely by astonishment “But this procedure, is it safe? Will it endanger Rin?”

 

“Not as much physically as mentally. I think you might like to speak to the lady about this first.”

 

The demon nodded in assent.

 

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Rin stirred, rubbing her eyes as she opened them, the blurred image before her formulated and became clearer by the second. It was Sesshoumaru. She attempted to get up simultaneously offering him that ever assuring smile as the youkai gasped, still not able to fathom how he could get so caught up in admiring her beauty.

 

But will this sight of her, fluttering her impossibly long eyelashes like that, so sensuous and seductive, be taken from him forever?

 

He was brought back from his trailed away musing as he saw her struggle to her feet.

 

“No, don't.” He charged forward, sliding one hand across her shoulder as Rin relaxed and eased into his arm. He wanted to ask her if she was fine but retracted even before it was spoken. He already had the answer.

 

Instead, he retrieved a shiny object from his sleeve, brought the girl's palm in his, spreading her fingers and placed it within.

 

A twinkle of pleasant delight flashed between her lifted brows.

 

“What's this?” The excitement in her tone was obvious even when masked by the muted decibel.

 

“I got this from the last journey I made.” He forced a smile, tickling slightly the back of her hand as she played with the golden pin. “I… had forgotten to give to you. Do you like it?”

 

“Like it? I love it. Arigato, Sessho.” The girl chimed as the youkai watched her. She was seemingly already thinking how to wear it on her hair. Even with a weighted heart, he couldn't help an entertained grin.

 

Releasing a soft sigh, he pulled her in closer to him, indulging in her tingling warmth and fragrance.

 

“I love you…so much. Do you know that?” Unknowingly, the words just flowed.

 

Rin hid a giggle as she shifted to match his troubled eyes.

 

“I love you too.” Her brows furrowed curiously as she squeezed his hand. “WE love you.”

 

That last sentence sent yet another piercing ache in the demon's chest. He took in one lengthened breath in an attempt to ease it away. He has to tell her his decision now before he couldn't find the strength. Surely, Rin would understand like she had always been. She would respect his wishes. He had only her welfare in mind.

 

“Rin…” Before he could begin, the girl pulled out a messy fluffed ball from under the pillows.

 

“See, Sessho, I'm learning from Kagome-san how to knit. I'm going to make our baby socks. It'll look so cute.” Rin's dreamy look indicated that she was visioning it in her mind.

 

That did little to help lessen Sesshoumaru's inner torment.

 

“Rin, I have something to tell you” He gently tugged the wooly bunch away from the girl. “Jinenji has spoken to me about your condition. He said that the pup is not going to be a normal hanyou. It is likely to be full youkai.”

 

“Really?” Rin's eyes flew wide open. “Well, Jinenji-san said that the baby will be more powerful than usual because we….” She blushed significantly avoiding to go into the obvious details. “But he didn't say it'll be full youkai. That's wonderful!”

 

Does it mean she would be able to bear Sesshoumaru a pure breed pup? Rin couldn't hide her elation. That would be just too perfect.

 

Sesshoumaru was feeling sicker in his stomach as the stress accumulated, strangling him breathless.

 

“No Rin, it's not.” He couldn't wait further. “Having a pure youkai is a very dangerous thing. The baby's youki is too strong for you. The physician says it will take away most of your powers. I have decided. You cannot have this pup.”

 

He placed a half shivering kiss on her temple, noting fretfully that Rin had gone eerily silent.

 

“Jinenji has a way to safely remove it.” He presented the bottled fluid, removing the cork. “There will be no pain but you'll just sleep a while.”

 

Rin was shifting uneasily and Sesshoumaru noticed the change in her.

 

“Are you saying that you wish me to kill our child?” Though he couldn't see her expression as she had lowered her glance, her voice was so choked he almost couldn't recognize it. He frowned, disturbed and unrest.

 

“We'll always have another, a normal hanyou pup. Next time, we'll make it right.” He tightened his embrace but she wasn't at all comfortable with it, he felt. “Come, be good. Take this and go to sleep. Everything will be fine when you wake.”

 

He inched the bottle nearer and nearer to the girl as her jittery eyes regarding it, intensely threatened. It only merely touched her lips when she yanked it away, almost flinging it from Sesshoumaru's hand if he were a little less careful.

 

“NO! I don't want to!” Rin broke free from him hysterically as she shook her head. “I don't want to murder our child. NEVER! I want the baby. I want it to live healthily.”

 

“Anata please.” The youkai attempted to coax and calm her down, reaching one hand which was forcefully hit away. “The pup will KILL you! You cannot.”

 

“AHHH… Stop talking. I don't want to listen to all these nonsense anymore.” Rin covered her ears as tears promptly drenched her cheeks.

 

“Please you're over reacting. It is a small thing.” Sesshoumaru pulled her hands down. “I said already, we'll have another.” Even he wasn't convinced, he smirked, dishearten. How can he make her believe?

 

She shoved him away, hurt and disgusted.

 

“Over-reacting? It's a small thing to you? Killing our child? I cannot believe I'm hearing this from you, Sesshoumaru!” She winced, wrapping her arm round her abdomen protectively. Her last exertion had its side effects. The youkai detected her fading colors instantly.

 

“Rin, how are you feeling?” He lurched forward, forced his arms round her while the girl was gradually losing the strength to fight him off as that persistent sting engulfed her. Her pup was fighting again. “Calm down or the pup will hurt you again.”

 

Though too weak to retaliate, Rin was sobbing continually as the demon dapped away her tears worriedly. She had become jarringly quiet again.

 

“Sesshoumaru. All these years we've been together, everyone whom we met, they all claimed you're cruel and ruthless.” She pushed his arm down lightly, turned and moved away a few feet, her eyes hiding from his stunned ones. “I've never believed a word they said… until today.”

 

The youkai froze, no longer able to decipher whether that terribly hurting sensation now stabbing him was due to the fact that the girl had spoken such brutal words doubting his character or that he was in risk of losing the one he loved so dearly.

 

His lost eyes met hers as she turned to stare at him. For the first time, the look on Rin's face scared him. It was cold, unfeeling, filled with disagreement, disappointment and … hate? She hates him now?

 

Still, he fought to stay firm. It has to be done, to keep her safe.

 

“Rin, I'm doing this because I love you, because…. I can't live without you. Can't you tell? Anata?” He tightened his grip on her arm, agitated and lost.

 

“GET OUT! I don't want to see you!” That was the loudest scream the demon had ever heard from the girl. She had always been shy, gentle, soft-spoken.”

 

Sesshoumaru backed off a few unsteady steps himself, astounded.

 

Fortunately, a sweet voice soothed this overly tensed moment.

 

“What's going on here?” Kagome strode toward the two, placing a tray on the table. “Rin-chan, Sesshoumaru, are you two alright? I've made something to eat. I brought your medication too. Jinenji-san says you have to take this now.”

 

The miko sat beside the girl as she held up the desert honey in the usual porcelain cup. Immediately, she felt Rin's contemplation.

 

Rin regarded the bottle suspiciously, shifting her glance from it to Kagome to her wordless hubby then back to the item in her hand. To everyone's horror, she hurled the cup onto the floor, spilling the content as it crashed and shattered into pieces.

 

The commotion alerted even the hanyou physician who was rushing in to assist in some possible sort of remediation.

 

“My lady, you have to take your medication. It is time and you cannot be late.” Jinenji took out another dosage from his box.

 

“I don't want to.” Rin hid her face from the crowd. “I don't trust you, ALL OF YOU! GET OUT!” She softened, slightly contrite at her own offensiveness. “I… want to be alone for a while.”

 

That was the last straw. Sesshoumaru threw his sleeves, frustrated at this repulsive turn of event, as he marched out of the room rather unceremoniously. The hanyou followed hurriedly behind him, leaving Kagome to keep Rin company.

 

“Rin-chan, don't be like this.” The miko was previously informed of the difficult decision they were obligatory to make. “You know that Sesshoumaru cares for you. He loves you so much that he's willing to sacrifice the only possible chance to have a pure breed child. You should know how important this has been for him.”

 

After confirming that Sesshoumaru wasn't near, Rin finally released the obstinate, rigid front she had held, breaking down once again.

 

“I know, Kagome, of course I do.” The words fell out in between her helpless sobs. “I love him so much, so much.”

 

“But your words, I've never seen Sesshoumaru appear so… hurt.” The miko stroked the girl's back.

 

Rin grimaced, holding onto her golden gift and Kagome knew. Those seemingly carelessly spoken words had caused an equal or perhaps deeper pain for the girl.

 

“I don't want to lose this baby. I don't want to lose HIS baby. This is the only thing I can do for him.” A remaining tear drop glistened in the corner of her eye.

 

“But Jinenji says you might go into a coma and never wake.” Kagome's tone was serious and grim as she reminded the girl.

 

“I know.” Rin pressed both palms on the sheets determinedly. “But no matter what, I want this baby. I'm not changing my mind. Even without me, he'll always have our child.”

 

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Hiya,

 

*sigh* I've initially planned a much longer chapter but… I just can't find the mood to write it. It's simply too sad and I've been watching this really funny and romantic comedy this past week. It's having an opposite effect on me. So now you know why I took so long to update. Every part of me wants to continue with “Demon of my heart” but it's such a complete clash. Those who read it will understand what I mean.

 

I know everyone's worried for Rin but… you know how she is. She'll never agree to aborting the baby. So…. What next? What will Sesshoumaru do?

 

Quick thanks to everyone who reviewed. Take care, I'm out of town now but I brought my laptop nonetheless. I'll update soon…

 

LadyRinremix: Think about it. Let me know if you want a copy of the VCD. In the meantime, I'm looking for one with English subtitles for you… We can still trade. You can send me bubble gum. You may not believe it but gum is banned in my country but I love it… haha.