InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Sealed Fate ❯ Chapter 16

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Kagome had been crawling out of her skin all day with anticipation. She had waited for a week and a half for this day- well, this night, to be more precise. At last, it was time for the new moon.

At one point in her life, she had both looked forward too and dreaded these nights. Inuyasha would teeter between driving her insane and filled to the brim with love. He was both more guarded and more vulnerable. He had a habit of rambling insults and declarations of loyalty to her at these times. With Inuyasha, it was always hot and cold; always a surprise.

She had liked to spend these nights in her time, so he could truly relax. Before Kikyou had come into the picture she was even able to coax him into her bed for an actual nights rest.

But that was then.

Now she couldn't wait to return to the feudal era. She had no idea what would be awaiting her once she crossed to the other side. Would it be just Shippo? Or had he been able to get in touch with their friends and inform them of the developments? Would…

Would Inuyasha find out?

Even though he would lose his demon abilities… would he be able to sense her? She had always believed they shared a connection. That they-

`No, no! I can't think like that anymore. Inuyasha isn't mine. Not mine to love, not mine to have a connection with. I'm sure he's happy with Kikyou. That's what he's wanted all along. Who am I kidding, I can't do this!'

She had been lucky that the hanyou had been away last time. If she had seen him…

She would have gone weak. Her legs would have given out, she insides turned to jelly. She knew because simply thinking about him made her feel that way. And he…

He would probably give her that far off look. The one that he often had when he looked at Kikyou. Kagome knew that he cared for her. No one, not even she could deny that. But he didn't love her the way he loved the older miko. He would look at Kagome as if she were untouchable, simply because she was. In order to have Kikyou, he wouldn't be able to have her friendship.

She couldn't bare that. She never wanted his amber eyes to look at her with pain, with sadness. It would be more than she could take. The whole point of her leaving was so that he would finally be happy. She loved him so intensely that it didn't matter to her if she ever got to see those eyes that she adored reflecting joyous emotions. It was simply enough to know that they would be.

But- If the hanyou was not a dog demon for the night… Maybe she could go back. She could finally see her friends! She missed Sangos laughter and kind eyes. She missed hearing her high pitched yell and the sound of flesh meeting flesh when she disciplined Miroku. She missed his wisdom and roguish smile. At times, when she sat under the sacred tree, when the shrine was quiet and she closed her eyes, she could almost hear the jingle of his staff making its way towards her.

And she would be able to see Shippo again. She had been telling the truth when she last spoke to him. It was hard to sleep at night without the kits warmth. She had grown so used to his presence that it had shocked her when she returned to her era. In all the previous times, when she came back from the other side of the well, she had been dog tired and basically collapsed on the bed. Or was too over whelmed studying for make-up exams to think about anything.

Now, she had nothing but time to think.

No, she wouldn't do this. Kagome refused over second guess and over think. She had made her choice to return, at least once, when she initially visited. She was given the chance to see her friends again. She wouldn't pass this up!

It felt like torture counting down the days. Her anxiety was driving her insane! She could hardly control herself from running full speed to the well and jumping in. It felt too much like old times. She was afraid for herself, for her heart.

She had done everything she could to busy herself. She bought supplies and loaded her yellow back pack. For good measure she packed and unpacked it, trying to fit in as much as possible. When she was satisfied, she slung it over her shoulders, testing out its weight. How had she ever carried so much?! She didn't want to embarrass herself when she returned by falling over backwards from her bag.

When she had returned to her time after leaving Inuyasha, she had stored her trusty yellow bag, bow and arrows, carefully packing them away. For those long months, she couldn't look at them, couldn't handle them.

Kagome now grasped the bow in her hand. She felt the grooves and nicks from its use. She had fought hard with this; harder than she had ever thought she would in her life. And she was sure she was out of practice. That wouldn't do. Although she was sure she could count on the protection of her friends, she didn't want to depend on them, to risk their safety for her sake. Above all else, she wasn't a fool. She had spent too long in the demon riddled past to stride into the woods at night unprotected. If Inuyasha ever did find out, Gods she could already hear him lecturing her. Kagome ran her fingers over the fine wood. This bow was full of memories. Clutching it with purpose she ran outside.

Jiro watched as Kagome ran around the yard dragging objects in various places. They ranged from low lying objects to pieces of wood strung to a tree. He was certain that she had lost her mind. Or was really trying to piss him off by making a mess of the shrine. He could never be sure with that damn girl.

Kagome wiped her brow in satisfaction. She had sufficiently put together make shift targets. She couldn't help but smile. What would the hanyou think if he was to see her now? She could almost hear him snicker.

`Keh. It's about time you tried to improve your pathetic skills. Not like this mess will help you against a real demon though.'

But she was sure that he would smile. Even if he attempted to hide it. Inuyasha was always proud of her when she tried her best.

Jiro watched Kagomes retreating image and was about to yell her name to return. She was leaving the shrine in chaos! The words died in his throat. She returned to her original spot wielding an antique bow. Had she taken it from the shrine? What on Earth did the girl intend to do with it?

Kagome kept her eyes trained on her target. She reached behind her and grasped an arrow. In one swift motion she aligned it, knocking it back. She took a deep breath and released.

It was only slightly off from the mark. `Not bad!' Jiro thought to himself, amazed Kagome was that good. He heard her curse in frustration and lower her head.

“Damn! I'm really rusty. I can't even hit the mark that's standing still.” She looked up and repeated her earlier actions, determination in her eyes. She breathed out and the arrow fly, hitting the center.

“Yes!” She cried as she jumped up for joy.

His eyes widened. He couldn't believe that she was capable of this and kept it a secret. What else was she hiding? He wanted to interrogate her, but he was hesitant to let his presence be known. He wanted to watch.

She continued to hit the targets and seemed to be out of a challenge. Kagome walked a distance away until Jiro had to squint to make her figure out. She then came running at full speed, reached and knocked an arrow, letting it cut through the air. He heard her scream `HIT THE MARK!' just before he saw it stick into its intended spot. His jaw went slack.

She tried it again with the low lying and higher targets. He could see the sweat rolling off of her creamy skin. She was amazing. Where had she learned this? He watched as she reached back, only to feel around for an arrow, finding none.

He had seen her do that before. She had said she was just trying to scratch her back but…

His thoughts were cut off as Kagome turned in his direction. He had been found out. She made eye contact with him and froze, a nervous aura circling around her.

“Uh, Hi. How long have you been watching?”

~.~

It had been more than a week since the hanyou promised Kikyou that he would put forth an effort. When he spoke those words, he felt vile. They stuck to his tongue and made his stomach clench. His demon had roared in anger at him, making his blood boil in his veins. The feeling had not subsided. His demon told him that the only way it would subside was if he told the dead thing that she was not his bitch. He would have no one but Kagome.

The demon in him was furious. The hanyou had forsaken his mate. If he couldn't be loyal to his bitch, then the demon side would have to take over and do the job. Inuyasha felt himself battling for control. He was having an inner dialogue with his basic instincts. He was losing his mind! He knew he deserved this punishment. He didn't disagree with his demon at all.

He was actually looking forward to the new moon. A night spent with a cool head. He would be vulnerable, but he would easily trade that for some damned peace and quiet in his head.

That had not been the only side effect. Whenever the woman came near him, his heart physically hurt. It felt heavy and beat faster, not from excitement like it had with Kagome, when she would throw him a grin, when he would smell her intoxicating scent, when he would kiss her soft lips…

No, the reason why his heart sped up was from fear and guilt. He was familiar with this emotion, or at least he thought he had been. He carried it for so long when he discovered the truth about Naraku and how Kikyou was not the one to betray him. But that felt different. He felt guilty for the situation, that Kikyou had paid with her life and he was able to continue living. This guilt trumped it. It was as if he told a lie bigger than his body could handle. It was the guilt of denying his mate. It went against his very core, his natural instincts to betray a mate. If he had any doubt that Kikyou was not the one for him, he knew it now. This was his very soul crying out for the woman he loved. The woman he would have to wait for.

But, what harm would it do to appease Kikyou? He wasn't going to see Kagome for 500 years. If the only one being hurt in the process was him… well surely he could suffer that. He could give Kikyou a few years to live how she wanted. He knew her soul was already weary of walking the plain of the living. She just needed to get her fill of this unobtainable dream, then she could move on… could find peace.

He had done his best to show her that he was serious, that he did not take her confession lightly. Tonight, he would make no move to hide what happens to him. He had always found a reason to leave when the new moon occurred. He had not wanted, perhaps not trusted her with that secret. But maybe, if he opened up to her a little, it would calm her. Was it his weakening demon blood that would allow Kikyou to know this?

How would she react, he wondered. She had always yearned for the human side of him. She could only live life with him if he were mortal, or so her argument had been at the time. Now… would she feel closer to him? Desire him more?

He despised the human part of him. He felt weak with it, indecisive. It was his human side that held him back from marking Kagome as his bitch.

Kagome loved all of him. She loved his possessive demon, his pitiful human. She loved the rude, arrogant asshole that it melted into. He knew she didn't favor his human side over his mixed demon blood. That's why he had never been afraid to show her his weakness on these nights. In his heart, it was a silly question to ask how the miko would react. He already knew.

He had never shown that side of him to anyone but Kagome, then later the rest of the group. It was his most guarded secret. To expose a person with this information, was to entrust them with his life.

When they had finally returned to Kaedes hut, the old woman had noticed a difference. Kikyou moved about with an air of confidence she had not had when the group departed. When her sister took her leave to collect the souls her body craved, Kaede narrowed her eye at the dog demon.

“I know not what ye are doing, Inuyasha, but be careful. My sister is not one to trifle with.”

“Keh! You don't gotta tell me that, old woman.”

“Ye thinks you are doing her a kindness by indulging in her sick wishes. Tell me, what do ye think will happen when you tell Kikyou that it is her time to return to walk amongst the dead?”

“I don't plan on telling her that. I think she will sick of this world on her own.”

“Inuyasha, ye are a fool. You are correct that she will not stay in this realm permanently, but if ye strengthen the bond she believe ye have, she will drag ye to Hell right along with her.”

“Kikyou-“

“Is not the same woman ye knew, Inuyasha. Ye are blinded by love and the memory of a woman who is no longer here. Because ye could not see this properly ye lost a woman who truly desired ye.”

His voice was smaller, more tender. He cast his eye on the floor.

“You don't have to tell me that. I'm perfectly aware that she has changed from when I knew her.” He raised his head and looked straight into the mikos eye, his tone firm and unwavering. “I have no intention of giving up on Kagome. I have already decided that I'm going to find her in the future. I have 500 years to wait. It's not that I want to be with Kikyou, or I want to two time Kagome… But if I can give Kikyou some happiness… I just think it benefits everyone. Every single person in my life ends up fucking suffering because of me!”

“Inuyasha, ye are a fool. In order to please both woman, ye hurt both tremendously. If ye had just made a choice, ye would not be in this predicament. Neither could move on because ye kept them in limbo. It was a selfish, cowardly move.”

“…I know.” He couldn't deny that truth. He was a fucking coward.

“And what would ye do if Kagome came back? What if that well regained its magic? What would ye do then?”

Inuyasha let out a deflated sigh. That was too much to hope for.

“That's not even a fucking question. You know damned well what I would do. Don't ask pointless things, old hag.”

Inuyasha closed his eye. He felt the all too familiar sensation of his senses weakening. His body pulsated as his fangs receded. His hair turned black and his amber eyes darkened to a violet hue. He became less aware of his surroundings, of his body. Inuyasha opened his eyes to see the world less vibrant. He stared down at his calloused hands. They still displayed the same treatment labor and battle, but the claws were gone, and the sheer power behind them.

The sun had finally set

~.~

“What is it Shippo? We haven't been back long and were exhausted!” Sango complained. It had been a terrible, tense journey and all the slayer wanted to do was get some sleep. Her body was fighting exhaustion and her heart was fighting pain. He was going to put Kagome aside. Again.

“Yes Shippo, as interested as I am, I can't help but think whatever it is can wait until the morning.”

“Nope! It can't! This is a once and a lifetime, well, once in a month if I have it my way, event!”

Sango sighed. “What are you talking about Shippo?”

“Just wait here.” He motioned for Sango and Miroku to take a seat.

“The bone eaters well? Shippo I don't-“

Shippo jumped in excitement. “She's here!”

“Sango- Look…” Miroku sprang to his feet, disbelief written on his face.

They all saw it first. The monstrous yellow bag working its way up. The top of her raven hair was next, her head carefully trained on the ladder as not to miss a step. She lifted her head an immediately spotted her friend. She felt hot tears run down her face.

“Kagome!” They all seemed to shout as they ran towards her, engulfing her in hugs. She felt so over joyed so rapturous that nothing could have spoiled that moment.

Not even Kikyou, who felt the familiar tug, the dreaded one of her souls true owner returning.