InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Very Serious Wooer ❯ Broken Hearts-ville. ( Chapter 8 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

WOW. An update… finally. I constantly amaze myself. O.0

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Sesshoumaru glided down through his halls, thinking deeply.

He thought…

and he thought…

and he thought, all the while desperately raking through his mind for any ideas that could help him to woo the fair lady Kagome. For two hours, he did nothing but ponder this while he glided through the halls, making sure to artistically trail his boa behind him.

It was then that he was hit by a rather unpleasant epiphany. (A/N: Omg I kno big word we jst lrned it in English pretty cool yah)

Kagome was human, gosh dangit. He was going to have to go through an obligatory period where he stoically ignored her, proclaiming her inferiority and inherent baseness due to her humanity.

He might even have to speak in third person again.

Letting out a quiet sigh, Sesshie ceased his infernal gliding to stare morosely at a tapestry on the wall before another much more interesting idea hit him.

`This Sesshoumaru will be able to go into denial of his own emotions and constant penile-raising! This repression will set the scene for This Sesshoumaru to occasionally lose This Sesshoumaru's Control and subsequently shove Kagome against walls and kiss her hungrily, desperately, and with utter abandon! Preferably with some S&M elements tied in. Ah. “Tied In”… this Sesshoumaru amuses himself.”

His train of thought was interrupted by Jaken's arrival. The little beast was looking harried. No doubt he had just come back from some traumatizing visit to Kagome or another. Jaken proceeded to tell of what had happened. (A/N: Ok so jaken just explained everything himslf, k? Cause im two lazy too type out sum incident where kags pwns Jaken.)

That Sesshoumaru listened to his minion's report, his eyes narrowing attractively as he did so. This was Most Definitely Troubling.

“My future mate must learn obedience. She should always be at our home, resting, or breeding.”

“But Lord-Sama-san… er… what about eating?”

Sesshoumaru sent him a Condescending Look. “Did you see that on the list, toad?”

Jaken visibly withered under his glare.

“This Sesshoumaru thinks not.”

Kagome had to admit; being a demoness-in-hiding was never easy. She kept on being overwhelmed by an urge to jump up and shout, “My hair really extends down to my feet, and it's a deep shimmery blue-black with purple streaks! It's a huge pain in the butt. I keep on tripping over it and once a family of mice moved in and I didn't even notice until the third generation was born! My eyes are the color of a clear spring day, and I have three streaks denoting high birth on my cheekbones! It sucks! What if people just think I have a bad plastic surgeon? My breasts are bigger, my waist is smaller, my legs are longer, my penis is bigger—oh, oops, sorry, wrong sex for that—and I'm more athletic! Plus, I have faerie wings! You can't DO anything with faerie wings except look really good when posing in fields of wildflowers!”

There had been a day when she just hadn't been able to hold it in any longer. She had turned to K'tayna and confessed all. The lady-in-waiting had been succinct in her response:

“So, really, you look like a hairy human blueberry with wings that has been clawed by some sort of small rodent.”

It really hadn't been reassuring at all.

Inuyasha continued his bloody journey towards Sesshoumaru's castle, making sure to stop for the obligatory blood massacre, blood bath, or blood massage every few dozen miles on the way over.

He had, to be sure, a few moments of clarity, but these were spent doing nothing but unknowingly walking through The Desolate Streets of Brokenhearts-Ville. Would Uuuuan forget about his former master and manage to steal Kagome's heart away, while Sesshoumaru “I seem to have lost my X chromosome somewhere” Taisho seethed with jealous rage in the background?

Or even worse… what if Kagome fell in love with Sesshoumaru! Then there would be an angsty love triangle between demon, human, and beast-of-burden, and pretty soon they'd all decide that forming a threesome was the best way to go.

It was those types of thoughts that hastened his travels towards his half-brother's lands. He'd never liked the western lands. Sesshie had imposed all these stupid-ass rules, like, “While on my lands, anything you a) own b) are leasing c) have smiled at d) have given birth to or e) given the finger to are Mine. Including yourself.” (But even Inuyasha had to admit: that kind of law made for a terribly fun trick to play on tourists. “Ha-ha-ha! All your base belong to us! Ha-ha-ha! Ha !”)

Even so, it was inhumane that such a thing should apply to his Kagome. Yeah, sure, Inuyasha had been falling back in love with Kikyo before Kagome's kidnapping, but that didn't matter now. All that mattered now was getting Kagome back, so that he could take her aside and quietly explain to her that although Sesshoumaru might seem like he would be good lover material, the truth was much harsher.

After all, the first thing that Sesshoumaru had cared for was a pet; a beautiful white dog with the softest fur that Inuyasha had ever come across. But the poor animal became too dear to Sesshoumaru, who decided to push it away in order to preserve the walls around his heart. Now, all that remained of the beast was the fur boa hanging around Sesshoumaru's shoulders, following ancient dog-demon traditions of killing.

Well…

It would have been following ancient dog-demon traditions, if it weren't for the fact that Sesshoumaru never caught the part about how the fur should be hanging on a wall somewhere.

Not his stupid-ass shoulder. The idiot.

But his point was: Would Kagome really want to end up as a fur boa?

Most definitely not! So, as a true gentleman, Inuyasha felt that it was his obligation to Kagome—nay, his duty—to kidnap her and rape her instead, savaging her brutally in the process.

It might seem cruel to the uncivilized eye, he was sure, and he might even be condemned for his actions, but Inuyasha didn't care.

No one ever said that being chivalrous was supposed to be easy.

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