InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Absolution ❯ Wicked Thaw ( Chapter 10 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A/N: I know I've mentioned somewhere in another chapter that this occurs in December, and I even, mistakenly so, have mentioned autumn. When I edit the chapters I'll get it right, but just so you know, this is the middle of the month of March.

Question for you, dear fan:Do you think this fanfics is worth putting in the horror category? I've been receiving some warnings…

Suggestion for you, dear fan: seeing that the net chapter will have a council meeting and since when I see my traffic I get all excited about foreigner people reading my work, I'd like to ask you to give me suggestions about topics of interests, hobbies and any country-related, like cultural events, historical events, holidays, sports, even some words that my ambassadors can use. Even if there isn't an ambassador specifically from your country, just suggest it anyway and I'll try to make it fit.

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Translations:

Haiguusha- spouse, husband or wife.

Mou- Interjection, equals the regular "geez!"

Maitta- Interjection, something like, "forget it", or "I give up", "this is too much for me"

Tansu- a traditional Japanese chest of drawers of the Meiji and Taisho period.

Chichi-ue- chichi is a very formal word for father, ue is an archaic honorific f great respect, used to someone above another.

Bleh! too much talk, on with the story:

Wicked Thaw

To the Thawing Wind

Give the buried flower a dream;

make the settled snowbank steam;

Find the brown beneath the white;

But whate'er you do tonight,

bath my window, make it flow,

Melt it as the ice will go;

Melt the glass and leave the sticks

Like a hermit's crucifix;

,,,

(excerpt)

By Robert Frost

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Before: One slim elegant hand, trembling accepted a strong clawed one and slim toned legs in jeans came out to rise in the beautiful figure of his mate to be.

As gold met dark grey, her face tired and somewhat withdrawn, all he could see was the perfection of her, how even now in the distance, when she was but a blotch, he could see her every curve was to fit his hands, and his body. How they fit to each other… She held his gaze for two seconds before avoiding his gaze and look surprised at the two inu youkai who lowered themselves to a very low bow. Through the front door Mayu-san and some servant girls exited to come meet her, as the electronic gates opened. But he never swerved his eyes from her.

She, entering this domain… his family domain, the wind blew harshly and her black tresses flew wildly around her tired yet beautiful face, his scent carried to his nose, making him shiver…

Kagome, it's time to make amends…

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Wicked Thaw

The morning after Kagome's arrival was announced with the beginning of spring.

Diminished icicles, still attached to the nude arms of sakura trees, spit to the floor droplets water warmer to the touch then the ice cold they're made of, matching the warmer weather that had settled, ever since the sun had risen and lit the Taisho Tokyo estate. The snow on the ground, though still existent, became slimier and wetter and where it mixed with the earth it made a gruesome spectacle of mud and slimy grass. Of course that this was unavoidable in the greenery of the woods and vast fields, but in the long smooth path from the great gates to the main door of the manor were already clean of any snow of frozen water whatsoever. The manor and the land were still engulfed in a very silent perfection, there were still no sounds but the early servants already scurrying off to make breakfast, and diligently making last time cleanings, preparing supplies for a very important lunch the day after that with the ambassadors and the lords of the Western Lands.

The low sounds of easy chattering in the kitchens of the manor ran from the return of Master Inuyasha to the new arrival.

Nobody in Youkai high society could say Inuyasha wasn't the best part, seeing Sesshomaru himself was already taken (to great dismay of the finest, most beautiful court ladies). Now Inuyasha was the highest catch- the heir to the western lands, since Lord Sesshomaru and Rin had yet to produce one, rich like hell due to owning half of Taisho inc. Not to mention he was irrevocably handsome, and a very, very strong male, one who had already proved himself time and time again by defeating full demons who should supposedly be so much stronger than him, since he was a 16 year old.

But if Inuyasha was popular among the high society, he was even more so among his younger servants. Mayu-san always found two or three girls, both human and youkai, running with some of his clothes, smelling them, sighing exasperatedly with a dreamy look. Whenever he was nice to someone and offered them a smile - which wasn't that much rare seeing while not social, he was far more so than Sesshomaru- They'd swoon, inflate and almost explode. Then they'd fight each other for his affections. The perspective of having the place of second lady of the West attracted them.

But now…

They'd known when he'd been on lockdown in the underground diamond room, the containment room, meant for powerful demons. Several had hissed at Miroku's arrival.

Eventually, one of them had heard Mayu-san speaking to the old cook or with her mate about the matter, seeing she'd deserved of her older lord to know why he was locking his younger brother and installing a barrier of powerful ofuda-induced reiki. And the news that Lord Inuyasha had found himself a mate had ran the house. in a heartbeat.

Thus, that morning, the younger servants, the ones in love with their young master had sharpened their tongue in Kagome, the beautiful young woman that had arrived.

They commented on how she'd yet to speak a world to master, at least that they knew. They commented on how she'd only spoken to Sesshomaru-sama and Sango-san all day and had skipped dinner. They deemed her unworthy of him.

If they only knew…

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The whole second level was quiet, since it was the room ward. In one of the best rooms of the West wing, a very sensitive nose twitched. Rising his half-clad body from the delightful company of his mate's body he tried to open his eyes, squinting them instead as the lord of the West realized what the scent was.

Defrosting, water, mud, greenery - Spring.

Thaw…

Messy.

Displeased, Sesshomaru couldn't help but to twitch his nose again, frown and rise from his very warm and appealing bed. His dark blue silken pants made no swishing sounds as he pushed the curtains aside and moved to open the balcony doors and behold his less favorite phase of spring. Then, as if awareness was slapped into his mind, his hand stopped. Not a moment later, Rin's sleepy voice made his lips almost twitch in a smile. Her usual connected voice in public, was gone behind the safety of their walls, as was his coldness. Most of it.

"Haiguusha"

His lips split in a grin that wasn't long and remained until she threw her arm back groping, until finding the switch in order to turn on the lamp in her nightstand. When the yellowish light lit only the space above the nightstand and Rin's side of bed, her weary eyes found his very concerned golden orbs.

"What are you doing?"

"Thaw has begun. Spring will be here in no time."

She opened a splendid, fantastic smile and hurried to leave the warm sheets and bed of their bed to meet him at the balcony doors. However hurried and distracted she stopped only when she collided with the somehow warm chiseled pale chest of her husband.

"Oof"

"Indeed"

His smirk made her frown and she snapped his jaws at him, trying to escape the hold he'd on her biceps. One of his perfect brows rose in amusement.

"Are you trying to escape this Sesshomaru, my lady?"

"Yeah…kinda am. I want to see the snow melt!"

Her childish antics made him truly smile and lower his face to her, whitish silver strands shielding them from the outside as his lips captured hers in a very slow, tender kiss. She kissed him back immediately. Any show of affection from him, though not as rare as most would think, was not vulgar, common per se. She grasped them all like a lifeline. Because to her it was still surreal that he was here, that he'd chosen her.

When his lips extricated from hers, she shivered because he did not abandon his caresses instead bending further to give an affectionate nuzzle and a lick to her mating mark situated just above her collar bone.

"You want to see the snow melt." It was barely an affirmation, much less a question. And when she sighed and nodded yes to that statement he stepped back and turned his back on her, entering the double doors of their joined closet. Returning shortly after with a very warm and fluffy white fur…Rin giggled and ran to Mokomoko-sama petting it, like a child.

"Wrap Mokomoko-sama around…you." His words finished without his eyes on her. Finally she understood his actions, as she looked down and saw her own lithe pale body enveloped in an empire waist long nightgown. Mokomoko-sama wrapped itself around her willingly, covering her skin completely. Her upper body now completely wrapped in white fluff as she giggled every time the long fur tickled her under her nose or behind her ear. Stepping towards her again, her husband took the long expanse of her black long hair and pulled it out of the furry confines, planting a soft kiss against her brow, to then pull her to the now open balcony doors. She hadn't even noticed he'd opened those.

The chilly morning hair seemed ineffective on his only half clad body. There was no breeze, just a stagnant ice cold air. But she could see the icicles on the tree branches melting and dripping droplets of defrosted water. The snow seemed shinier, and she could sense from here, that it was softer and slicker. In some places in the grass there were patches of dark brown mud or new born grass. Rin smiled.

"I love the thaw."

"I know."

"You hate it, you think it's messy." Her eyes never left the expanse of land in front of her, not seeing the marvelous sakura trees (now naked) entry, but the side of the manor that led to the forest. He'd never confided her that he didn't like the thaw, especially because she'd said before that she liked it. He wondered how she knew that, but quickly dismissed it as her next question woke him.

"We didn't have time to speak about it, yesterday. What did Kagome said?"

Sesshomaru sighed heavily, something people would never see as he encircled her waist with his arms and pulled her fur clad body to his naked chest. His chin came to rest above her head.

"Inuyasha convinced me to lend her some scrolls. She came to ask if it was really okay. I said yes of course."

"Of course."

"Everything to make her stay here, near my brother." He gulped and waited for her nod, her hands snaking out of the tight warm circles of Mokomoko-sama to grip is. "She said she was tired and that she wanted to rest and begin exploring some scrolls. She wants to train her miko powers."

This time it was Rin, who sighed pitifully.

"Inuyasha is not gonna like it."

"Inuyasha will not say a word about it. Did you not see him at dinner? He didn't say a word about her not being there but he was in a less sour mood."

"I thought he was distracted."

"He was trying to sniff her out." His shrug at that made her smile, and she snuggled deeper in his chest and embrace.

"Do you think he can fix it? Her?"

"Yes, I think so. In a way, she is much like Inuyasha's mother. Ever the forgiving one… Chichi-ue tried to treat her like and inu youkai bitch and found himself in the… how do you say? ...ah! In the dog house. However ironic that might sound." She shook a little with a giggle. " But not only that, the Lady Izayoi never once condemned or told Chichi-ue about the ones who mocked her, or treat her badly because of her ningen condition. She just did so about the ones who harmed Inuyasha. She loved him in a way no inu bitch could ever love a child. I was jealous, because my own Lady Mother never treated me like that."

Rin cleared her throat, knowing this was a delicate and important subject for her mate. She squeezed his hands comfortingly and focused on their bond to make her aura sooth his youki. From his chest came a low rumble, as he relaxed a little against her.

"The Lady Izayoi sounds like a great woman."

"She was. Never once she told my father how I behaved around her. Convinced of my greatness, of my superiority above ningen, I mocked her, humiliated her and threatened her and her pup more times than I can count, I… I didn't acknowledge my brother until Father ordered me to so, But Izayoi-sama not once told Father, knowing I'd be severely punished. I think deep down she knew how I felt."

Turning in his arms, back to the nature, and heart to her dearest, she kissed his chin lovingly and then rested her head on his chest, nervous that he was sharing such important memories and feelings with her. No one would ever believe he did so. Accepting her warmth and support he relaxed a little more.

"And how did you feel, beloved?"

He was silent for a great amount of time, and for some time his mate thought that he'd simply given up on telling her, relishing only in her soothing caress of his youki and in her support. Then he sighed and slackened his hold on her, his tawny orbs fixed in the horizon.

"I was angry because although I was the first born and the heir… Inuyasha was Father's child of love. Until I found you, I didn't understand why someone would risk having a half-breed. I was the arranged marriage child. Inuyasha was Father's mate child. And although I was a full demon, and I was more powerful than the hanyou, and although Father knew I once would be as powerful as him, he still loved Inuyasha more. Because he was born of love, and I was born of convenience."

She felt him twist and try to escape her hold in the mating bond but she gripped him painfully hard, and he froze. Her arms escaped Mokomoko-sama altogether and hugged his waist firmly to her.

"This is important." She mumbled. Then, sniffling the pain he shared with her, she steadied herself and raised her face to his withdrawn one. Wearing his most cold demeanor he tried to hold her penetrating dark gaze. But he failed and looked aside as her words registered, "you can tell me."

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"It does… It does to me."

After another long pause, he resumed.

"When the Lady Izayoi died, Inuyasha and I were alone. And if… if I had been any different then… Maybe Inuyasha hadn't grown to be the bitter man he was until he found Kagome. And maybe if I had been…better, he wouldn't have run from what he felt for her. Now it's my chance to fix things with my flesh and blood."

In that moment, as in many similar, when he shared his feelings with her, she felt warmer, her heart swelling for him. She fell deeper and deeper in love every time he showed her; she was the only one he could not keep a secret from, she was the only one he trusted to tell something like this. Searching an upper opening to snake her arms through, she pulled his face to hers and kissed him sweetly, his hands once again tightening around her form.

"Inuyasha adores you. I don't think he kept any resentment."

"But I molded him into that defensive, bitter boy and then in a cruel man."

"Blame will not help you. Maybe you should speak to your brother. But for now, maybe it's best if we do our best for them to be together. I'm sure your Chichi-ue would be proud of you, love. You've acknowledged your past mistakes and I'm sure he and the Lady Izayoi have forgiven you."

Drawing her in closer he sighed and kiss the top of her head he nodded, unable to speak.

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Kagome sat in the floor of her very large room in the Taisho estate.

Grey eyes surveyed a long scroll, the kanji in it perfectly designed. In the margin of the copy of an ancient article there was a drawing of a light yellow, orange red a brown sparrow perched on a dying bamboo.

She hadn't had a minute of rest yet. When given the choice between a western or Japanese room she'd chosen a Japanese one. Then, after talking with Sesshomaru-sama about the scrolls and her staying in the manor, which he assured her, was quite fine by him, she'd been led by Mayu-san, a forty or so year old looking inu youkai female to her room. She was the Housekeeper of all the Taisho residences, and Kagome had met her before when coming here with Inuyasha. She'd reprimand them, especially Inuyasha, for what she called the 'ruckus' they caused. When she'd gotten there and had finished appreciating the amazing paintings and murals on the walls and after Mayu-san had indicated a young girl of 'her trust', to be her personal maid, she left saying she had to go and resume her duties.

In her words and actions, Kagome deftly recognized some tenderness and sweetness towards hers, however her tone was brisk and severe, especially near the servant girl that had been assigned to her. That afternoon Kagome had sweetly asked the girl, Hiroto, to fetch her some of Sesshomaru-sama's private scrolls, (of course she wanted the copies). The girl had shaken and widened her eyes in such a way that Kagome, had had to laugh. Assuring her that she'd permission to do so, Hiroto flew of the room, being dismissed by her new mistress when she gave her the scrolls.

Alone, Kagome had spent the whole expanse of the day reading the scrolls about Shinto mythology, about legends and miko. It was the legends that bid her attention, and she found out many of the miko abilities she'd ever known about, even living in the temple. Truth was, nowadays, miko were only virgins in shrines. But in these scrolls, miko were important child, embodiment of the Kami, the most important symbols of Shintoism. And those were the true miko, she knew she had the power, and she knew very little people nowadays had it. But if she had it, then she wanted to train her powers.

Because she felt more violated each syllable that cursed voice spoke.

With all the spells and barriers around the estate to prevent jyaki, she'd thought that the thing inside her, deteriorating her mind, would be barred entrance. But no, it had kept nestling inside her, and she could feel the dark tendons, polluting her mind, planting thoughts, inside her, making its way inside her, corrupting her spirit and growing inside her, occupying her…

But the voice surged less and less as she buried her focus in scrolls and old books that she'd also commissioned. Surprised she learned that many mikos in the Sengoku jidai had wore weapons and had been great warrior, such as Midoriko or Tsukiyomi. Some had been known to be great healers. Others had fallen and become Kuro mikos.

Only high in the night when she heard some shuffle behind her door, had her focused wavered. And locking her book, the exhausted young woman had fallen asleep in a minute.

The problem was, he'd found her in her every night, provoking chaotic nightmares in her, preventing her from sleeping.

This night, throughout the whole three hours she'd been asleep; her mind had somehow conjured images of Inuyasha and Kikyo together.

And these images of them together represented all she'd ever wanted for Inuyasha and herself. The cruelty in these dreams was that she was always behind Kikyo; her gruesome shadow cast upon Kagome's always shrinking form.

This nightmare painted in a surrealistic form, made an odd sense when she walked behind Kikyo, in her shadow, as Inuyasha told her every detail of how he worshipped her, how he loved her, blindly, how he loved her, his kisses sweet and gentle, his hand soft, holding hers in a walk in the setting sun. And she felt like somehow she was intruding, like she was seeing real memories of Inuyasha and Kikyo's relationship. But every time she tried to pry herself from her inches long distance of an unaware Kikyo, Inuyasha shot her a long suffering gaze, or an unwavering glare, and she stopped.

It was oddly metaphorical, but venomously truth, and her heart twisted and she felt like retch.

Instead she had woken up, panting, sweating and crying. And remembering those images as sharply as she remembered hearing it's every word.

"Look at them… You are but a selfish whore, little one. You try to tell yourself you give in so you can help Inuyasha… but these are all lies, you give in because you're desperate and you wouldn't mind being the second choice forever. Always the second one to a man who could never love you…always use you."

Frantically and scared she'd bunched up her futon and buried her face in it, shaking with cold shivers up and down her spine. Her heart constricted painfully but it's words never abandoned her.

"You are here now, in his house, because after you threw yourself of a bridge, he still looked for you, certainly pissed off to lose his toy. And you were blind enough to let the hope grow, my little innocent "

Again she did her best to deny it shaking her head, pulling her legs up to her chest, balling her small figure and rocking back and forth, the tears running down her face. And she was so exhausted… Maybe the voice was truthful…But she and Yasha could be friends, only. It would be nice…

"Oh, my silly little one. Don't you get it? Don't you understand what I showed you? He loves her, more than life; she is his whole world and all that matters to him. But she is cold and distant. Every time he goes to you, it's because he can't have her."

No. No, they couldn't be friends. She didn't want to suffer. No. He'd never love her. He'd had two whole years to do so, and he'd always treated her so poorly, he'd always denied her emotional satisfaction, he'd always denied her of comfort and love. Nothing had changed. Nothing… This voice it was maybe her conscience, telling her what was so hard to accept.

Sobbing into the futon, she had cried harder and bit her own forearms, to muffle her screams of frustration.

Inside her a battle was raging, but she tried to suppress it, holding to the thoughts that that voice had planted deep in her head. Thought that'd allow her to suffer no more… to be able to move on…

"Move on?" she shrieked when she realized it had picked up on her thought"How have you been fucked so many times, subjected so many times to the dirtiness of your hanyou and still believe you can move on? He rotted you, ruined you for life. You can never be normal again. You're convicted to this. A life of loneliness, of loving that half-breed who will always despise you and use you to satisfy his needs. I pity you, my sweet…"

"Kukuku"

That deep chuckle that had before chilled her bones made her sit on the futon hyperventilating, and drove her attention to how that now fading voice sounded angry with her. Why? What was this? Feeling those words flutter like a feather to settle in her heart she dismissed the feeling quickly not wanting to feel the burn of that voice when it landed in her torn heart, she evaded the feeling of a saw cutting her in half, and instead she felt it numbly, as if looking from outside. There was no pain only a cold numbness that rocked her being.

Quickly changing her garments she ran to the kotatsu and forgot all about sleeping, at 5 am. To ignore the tentacles of darkness taking a hold out of her brain and fogging her heart, her reiki was very quiet, as it had been her whole life, and didn't fight it. Maybe she was destined for this suffering.

Now, in the wee morning, studying the scrolls, she took notes, even as she felt her insides disappearing and darkening. When the day came she lightened considerably, feeling less alone, as she'd never liked the night but instead calm joyful sunny days. Still, a deep open wound burned in her chest, and that voice had just rubbed it to redness and blood again. As the day carved its way in her mind, she felt the darkness dull away but remain there. Like her doubt.

There was a blankness deep within her that seem to grip all her deeper senses but on the surface her tears disappeared, her sobs subsided and she calmed down enough to study the copies of the scrolls remaining in the kotatsu. The morning was still ice cold, but she felt it in her aura- now that she was able to tune off the irritating youki off all the youkai in the manor- a change in the air had come. Yawning she closed her eyes until they wrinkle deeply on the sides and got to her feet stretching her arms above her head until she heard her joints pop, nicely.

Storing the Scrolls in a lacquer box where they'd come by Hiroto's hand and stashed it under the kotatsu turning off the electronic heater and heading for the bathroom inside her room bit outside the bedroom per se.

Pulling the rice paper door open, she entered in a smaller room, this time in a more western style with a small white leather loveseat a plush soft blue carpet, a TV on a cocktail table. In the pristine walls nothing hanged, it was a very small and balanced prelude room that had only one other door besides the entry. Running to her room again she fetched a towel and her bathing supplies, and back to the light blue door, she relished in the scalding water of her western bath as it pounded against her head and back.

Sighing heavily she tried to ease away the soreness and tension from her muscles but it proved to be impossible when she remembered her arrival a day prior. Golden eyes locked on hers; shining. That look that she thought was adoration swirling in its depths. His face completely twisted in amazement. Feeling a familiar darkness inside her battling the warmth that had settled in her chest, she painfully regretted thinking about the eyes she loved so deeply.

Leaning her forehead in the tiled wall, she suppressed a sob.

Being here in this house, so next to him, felt nice, good, right…
But she was afraid… whenever the night came she felt the hate and the anger growing, polluting her. If she trained her miko powers, which was only possible here, with Sesshomaru-sama's ancient scrolls and books, she hoped to conquer this thing that was invading her… She knew it couldn't be good, how could someone be inside her mind? It had to use dark arts and be very powerful to be able to pass through all the defenses of the Taisho manor. Again it came to her mind as she lathered her long raved hair that she should tell someone, maybe Sango…

But Inuyasha had saved her from an hazardous foe so little time ago and had been so seriously injured (if not for his very strong youkai blood, he'd be dead certainly), and Sesshomaru-sama had already made his house and his personal scrolls available, did she really want to worry them more?

Sesshomaru-sama was the most important demon in Youkai society…in the whole world.

Rin had her very important duties as first Lady of the West. And she didn't even knew her all that well to confide in her such things.

Miroku had his very important university studies and a post in the Western court as spiritual adviser. And she didn't want to burden him.

And then there was Sango, her best friend. She, Kagome was sure, could be trusted. But did she wanted to tell Sango such thing? Inuyasha was as good as her brother, especially since Kohaku-kun had died before her father did, so many years ago. She'd tell him, and she didn't want to.

Because the inu hanyou would surely want to know what the voice said…

No…no…never! Just the prospect of saying those things out loud, of admitting them, of hearing them in her voice, made them more real… he'd know her weaknesses, as if it wasn't enough…as if it wasn't enough that he'd brought her down so many times. Kneading her scalp she fisted her dark tresses and banged her head softly against the white tiles.

"Damn you! I'm sick of this…" Her voice sounded pathetic even to herself.

One whole day in that stupid room and all her thoughts even when scrolls with the possible future in front of her, even with that cursed, mocking voice shredding her at night… All her thoughts always strayed to Inuyasha.

Spinning the faucet closed the young woman got out of bath tub and grabbed a towel and rolled it around her wet body, frowning when she saw the small towel only covered some five inches of her thighs. Chastising herself for having such stupid and random thoughts, Kagome pinned her wet knotted and disheveled long hair with a wooden comb and toweled her body to get it rid of the irritating clear droplets of water running down the length of her curves. When finished she combed her hair but pinned it again.

Mechanically, like she'd done everything else, her bare feet took her to the knob of the door. Closing a hand around it, she numbly turned it and got out, the end of her hair tapping her back between her shoulder blades.

And her breath stopped.

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He'd been bored out of his mind all night. All right so boring wasn't exactly the word. Although he didn't have anything to do and had been hard pressed to stay in his futon, he couldn't have done something else even if he'd wanted…

"Fucking eclipse." His voice very low in the darkness of his room.

Eclipses were uncomfortable and tingly, And his had been completely unknown. During dinner he'd felt queasy and anxious knowing in his gut that something was not right, but when he'd caught her scent he'd immediately calmed down. Sesshomaru had shot him a knowing smile, Rin a questioning one. And he'd ignore them both to run back to his room.

As soon as he'd closed the door, he opened the shoji screen and peered at the very dark night sky. The moon was covered and rimmed by an ethereal halo. His hands shook as his claws shrunk, his eyes darkened, and his nose faltered, his hair bleeding from shiny white to dark onyx and his downy koinu ears descending to the side of his face, morphing into shell-like skin appendages.

His heart hurt immediately, throbbing painfully against his ribcage, his own feelings powered to a maximum, the hurt he'd been able to keep hidden within himself. Clutching his t-shirt above his chest tightly, he tried to suppress it and fight against it. His heart begun to beat faster, and he tried to breath slower since he was hyperventilating, because at that time he was only human, and has vulnerable as any other one. A heart attack would be no good if he still wanted to make amends with hid goddess…

But the lack of moon was a very painful experience. While in full youkai state his conscience disappeared to give way to possession, anger and hunger, in his human body, he always felt, vulnerable, weak, and his emotions were magnified. Thus all those youkai emotions, which, still painfully, he was able to keep, balanced in hanyou state, turned to self-loathe, a hatred so deep for himself that all his night, until the moon reappeared, his mind had been bombarded with suicidal thoughts. Thought of drowning in his own blood because the thought of the humiliating and demeaning treatment he'd given his beloved.

But because he could not feel the pull of the mating bond still to be printed upon her skin, being human, and his madness hadn't brought him to jump over the edge. Had it been a selenelion, with the sun still visible, he was sure he'd have grabbed Tetsusaiga, still sheathed, and buried it in his aching grieving flesh. Those the nights were the worst, his mind wavering between Youkai and ningen, never hanyou yet never one or another.

Sighing he had closed his eyes and waited for the end of the odd unpleasant eclipse. His breath labored and his eyes squeezed, he couldn't prevent the tears. One thought assaulting over and over…

How disappointed would Mother be, if she ever saw what I became… what I did to Kagome…

And more tears had ran down his cheeks. Then absentmindedly he'd wondered how he had forgotten about such an important event as a lunar eclipse. The lost of a full moon, otherwise was good. Being the night, when his youki was at his fullestand Kagome weren't a good combination. Not at all.

When he finally felt the stinging of his fangs, grown, his hair lighter and whitish again, his claws, returned and lengthened, his ears finally not muffled and rising to the crown of his head, and his whole body empowered, Inuyasha relished in the power of self-control. Roughly wiping his own tears, he breathed in the wet scent of Thaw.

Smiling, as he remembered his thoughts the day before, he got up from his futon, the cold prickling his bare chest and make him take a deep breath as he appreciated the spectacle he'd wished for before.

Thawing. The beginning of spring, the arrival new life… for him, he wished another chance… A chance to redeem his sins and attain Absolution. In his balcony he kneeled and heavily breathed that same scent, his forehead leaning on the railing. The Hi Nezumi blanket was splayed on the floor of the balcony from the day before and he deftly picked it up and brought it inside with him. Pulling a T-shirt from a drawer of his tansu, Inuyasha got out of his own room and crossed a prelude room, more westernized, much like the one Kagome had, but bigger, in shades of red and noticeably messier. Getting out and going through never ending hallways of his house the young inu hanyou intended to send someone to tidy up things a bit and prepare for his boring clothes for the meeting tomorrow after the even more boring lunch with the ambassadors. Then he intended to have some breakfast and find brother bastard so that he could update him on some events.

But he froze when crossing a pathway and found his nose at a dark mahogany door, as were all others in the house. Surprisingly, said sensitive nose was nuzzling the smooth wood affectionately, his hands petting it.

The scent of his intended reaching beneath the door, from the sides, from the keyhole to call him in.

When the unusual and missed scent of lilies, jasmine and sunshine finally settled in his mind and the initial shock was dispatched, was when the odor of salt and desperation, sweat and fear hit him. Heard an odd scratching sound which he identified as the scratch of a pen against paper. But nothing more.

And so, he waited.

And waited and waited, and he didn't knew how many hours he waited there, nose pressed against the warmed wood, eyes closed, relishing in the cleaning scent. Then the smell of tears and fear disappeared slowly, but the desperation had only diminished, remaining.

Still the hours run, and he stood there, not wavering and disregarding all his duties, to just be there and feel her from afar, but still close.

His inner youkai rumbled happily at having her close, but tried to influence him to barge in and demand of her that she'd cry no more tears, that she'd have no more fear and that she'd never ever feel desperate again, because he was here, and she couldn't feel abandoned or sad, because he was here and he was going to take care of her.

It was moments later when her scent was lost, that his demon made him snap from the love induced haze his feelings had provoked. Gladly he sighed when he understood it was merely the sound of a shower running that was drowning her fragrance.

Gulping he banged the door softly with his head and groaned, stifling the growing ache in his loins, in his chest, He felt like he couldn't breathe, and he couldn't , he struggled to do so, and foolishly he felt himself drowning without her scent now that he'd closely scented her again. And then damn it, the shower roused other memories. Her lithe sensitive and responsive body wrapped around his, squeezing the life and the seed out of him, her mouth searching in her usual dedication frenzy, gripping and kneading roughly the muscles of his back.

And her wails…

Stop it. Stop it idiot!

As he reprimanded his own thoughts he heard her, the water trying to mute her words.

"Damn you! I'm sick of this…"

"I know Kagome… I know…if you can just accept me by your side, gods baby I can't … "Unable to finish his useless whispered sentence, that no living soul but his, had heard and before he could control it he was reaching for the knob, turning it, entering the well lit, simple room.

He was going to take a step. Backwards or forwards he still didn't know. He tried to stay put though, tried to stay in the uncertainty limbo, not really wanting to risk and go to her, and definitely not being able to get out, afraid that his lungs would stop working again.

And before he could make a decision but the door of the bathroom opened.

And Kagome was there in all her glory, naked under the fluffy towel, her eyes cast down for a second, before rising to meet his, in a dark swirl of grey, her dark hair pinning in the top of her head by a wooden comb.

He couldn't breathe again, the words coming to a stop at the top of his throat, forming a lump and clogging it. She gasped and blinked.

"Inuyasha…" she murmured, one of her hands extending to him. Reaching for the wall behind him to support him against the onslaught that was her clean water loose scent. When he wavered and stepped back, eyes closing, as he tried for all he was worth not let the remnants of last night tears not cross his cheeks.

He only noticed how close she was, when her hand was already rising to his forehead, noticing how warm it was. He shuddered at her touch, his nose sniffling frantically in her direction. She frowned and tapped him on the nose, like one would do to a misbehaving dog.

"Stop sniffing me out. Are you alright? You're burning up. Sango said you were okay but maybe we should take you to-…"

She hadn't even realized how she was letting everything behind at the sight of a stumbling Inuyasha. Who was she kidding? Then the voice was right…as tendons of darkness made her brain hurt by squeezing it, she suppressed the flinch and admitted to herself. She'd be second choice; she'd be his mistress, his affair, his lover, his whore, his friend… just as long as she could be near him. She'd condemn herself to a life of suffering by seeing him move on if it was needed.

Grasping her hand he moved it away from his face, swallowing frantically, his complexion pale and his eyes half hooded and his body seemed drench of powers.

"N-No. I'm sorry…I" turning around he reached for the knob. But she didn't let him. Her arms, still warm and a little red from the shower encircled one bicep and she pulled him back.

Please Kagome, let me go. I don't want to hurt you anymore, not ever again…

But she persisted and pulled his hand away from the knob, pulling him to the room and pushing him to the loveseat, running to the bathroom to fetch a wet clothe.

Trying to stand up while she was in the bathroom, Inuyasha found himself unable to. The gods haunted him. He had the woman he loved in his house, in a room with him, and she was taking care of him… but… no! No! if he did something now, it would all remain to where it was before. He didn't want that, no! He'd to make sure she understood, he was hers, for eternity.

Even if she chose to reject him, he'd be eternally hers. Seeing her age and wither away would be the last years of his life. When she came back from the white door he tried to stand up but she frowned and glared at him, pushing him back to the couch. When she sat next to him, she thoroughly avoided his eyes, focusing on forehead and applying the wet, cold clothe to it. Her breasts just under his nose made his nose and cheeks redden.

If she only knew how much he wanted to reach out and lick that delightful collarbone. Instead he settled by taking one long deep breath.

"I've told you to stop sniffing me. I just bathed, I don't stink or anything, so quit it" her frown deepened and she patted his now clothed forehead. "How's that?"

"Feh." Snorting he turned his face to the right, ignoring her, and yet drinking, secretively, every drop of her essence.

"Maitta... Guess some things never change." Her reply punctuated by a small, sad smile. He wanted to reply, but his throat clogged again and he choked on his words. Reaching for him, concerned, Kagome petted his cheek and asked him again if he was alright. His eyes shone brightly and he tried to steel himself all over again. Regaining his self-control he was startled to death when he felt her soft elegant lithe hand snaking its way under the T-shirt. He almost jumped away from her, scrambling to the arm rest with a big dry gulp.

Inuyasha panted. The intimate, yet not, contact had made his skin flare. He Finally understood: each time he was near her, now that her disappearing had unraveled the mating bond, his blood, his youki, his heart, his very flesh called to him to take her, to bond her too, to make her, his. And she couldn't touch him like that! He could still feel the softness and warmth of her hand gliding over his heated flesh.

"Mou Inuyasha! You're acting like I've never seen you without your shirt." Snorting she crossed her arms under her bountiful breasts, scarcely covered by the terry velour material of her towel and inched closer to him. Grasping his forearm she hauled him up from his half lying position supported by his elbows and stared him down. Gnawing at her lower lip in nervousness and releasing his limb she cleared her throat and asked.

"Can…Can I see your wound?"

"It's healed." He answered grumpily, not wanting to remember that whole chaotic series of events. Then she dropped the bomb in a sweet whisper.

"Please…?"

"K-Keh, fine!" throwing his arm back he pulled it off him by the back of the collar, a gesture which brought them back to several other encounters, that always led to him between his legs, purring or howling, making her scream broken versions of his name. When his bare chest was discovered there was no time to feel lust slither down her veins, when she saw the 3 inch long scar in his right breast, the skin there pinker than his golden complexion.

Touching it without noticing the shudder that coursed down his lower loins, she seemed transfixed. After some seconds of touching it attentively, her eyes turned its grey hues to clash with his and she frowned again. Neither had noticed how close they were.

"You scarred."

"Un."

"Why? You don't usually scar, do you Inuyasha?"

Gulping down his rising anxiety and fear that made him breath harder and faster and made him want to rush away from her and huddle in his bed, the hanyou answered the transfixing vixen, trying to settle down his rising desire.

To have, and to be able to hold, but to know in your whole should that you cannot, or else you'll break the one you love.

"Because of your reiki. Since it went through Toran's spear, it burned me…"

"Oh." Her nostrils flared and her chin quaked. He sighed heavily and palmed her face. Unconsciously, as if responding to that silent invisible thread that always pulled her to him, this time for more pleasantly, she nuzzled into his hand, his thumb brushing a stray tear.

"Kagome… don't cry." He choked, afraid that he himself would start crying. It was hard keeping a hold on his emotions lately, and her being here now… drawing a shaky breath he let his fingers sink in her wet bound hair.

"I'm sorry for what I did."

"You saved my life idiot." He whispered. "And I couldn't be more grateful."

Silent issued between them as they lost themselves in each other. Then Inuyasha decided to take the first step. It was now. Miroku was right- there was no doubt about it- he'd open up his heart for Kagome, tell her how he felt, what was between them, their bond, their possible life together… Most of all he'd beg her forgiveness. And he'd assure her that Kikyo was but a ghost a shadow.

"I guess we have some important things to talk about."

She inhaled brokenly and nodded immediately.

"Ye-yeah…"

Seeing her uncomfortable made him tremble, as memories of the last month and some days returned to his aching skull

"I never believed you were dead." Before he could think it he had blurted it. His talons grazed her scalp dangerously, pulling her tighter to him, making her feel how raw his desperation had been when Miroku had told him about her car. Some tears escaped her again and she chewed on her bottom lip again, her gaze falling to the floor. "Look at me… Look at me! I thought I was going to… when your mother called Sango I… Kagome, I always tried to find you, always!"

Gulping she looked sniffling at him, her beautiful face tear stained, her eyes pained and eerily silver.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again. He grew enraged of seeing and hearing her apologize, his blood boiling. And inside his mind he repeated a mantra. He couldn't get mad or she'd be scared to death. His other hand flown to her ribs, pulling her tighter to him, and there was still distance.

"Don't apologize! I should be the one doing so!" drawing his shaky hand from her ribs he encased her face in his bigger smooth clawed hands, his face maddeningly close to hers, his lips hovering just above hers, his forehead on hers and his heartbeat matching hers. "And I am… Kagome, I…"

As she waited for his words and tried to contain her sobs, her neck risen, and her throat bobbed upwards and downwards in nervousness. What was she expecting? Truly, she was expecting him to revel himself all she'd ever wanted, she was expecting him to be all she knew he could be, and pick her up, and make her forget that terrible voice inside her head. Now lost in a haze that Inuyasha always succeeded in lead her into, lost in the love she felt, she wanted him to love her back to embrace her and kiss her, and take the pain in her head and in her heart away.

She didn't knew, but he was about to do it, when the doors snapped open and a disheveled fumbling Hiroto stumbled in, without asking. Behind her, Kagome saw through the door thrown open, another servant running.

"Kagome-sama, Mayu-san told me to come get you and…" as sweat poured of her simple face, and her winded breathing broke her statement she was interrupted by a door flying open and a howl shattering the peace of the household.

"SESSHOMARU!"

Kagome inhaled sharply and asked Hiroto briskly if she knew who it was. The walls of the doors rocked and Hiroto cried, her human, pale complexion whitened and she fainted in the floor, reeking of fear. Inuyasha sniffled urgently, his nose and ears working at full force, both twitching and moving incessantly.

It was when the very sound of silent was pierced by a heart-shattering howl that the inu hanyou muttered a name, in astonishment.

"Koga…"

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A/N: I promised Kikyo and Kouga. I know I did, but I also got a little more Sess/Rin for their fans, so forgive me if I couldn't put them here.

Man! And I thought I could do this in a one-shot! Ah! What a joke! Truth is, next chapter will have Kouga for sure and the council meeting, I wonder what will Borislav and Valentino think of Kagome, what about Bothildr's daughter, the ever Inuyasha-infatuated bear hanyou? This character will be a representation of all of us fan girls, who'd like so much to get into his pants… and that, even if he was real, would get rejected in Kagome's favor!

I'm not so sure Kikyo we'll be here as of yet, maybe in the chapter after the next.