InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Absolution ❯ Carnage ( Chapter 9 )

 

IX- Carnage

 

Warnings: Really dark, graphic gore and mentions of rape and mentions of character death.

 

Oh you dark one
Eternal outsider
Caught in the spider's web you've spun
 
Oh you blind one
Gentle and kind one
Seeing the world as a loaded gun

Depeche Mode - The Darkest Star

A lone figure stood in the middle of the wild night, her back against a large boulder. Kushigamine-yama in the Aomori prefecture, the northern mountains, was plagued by an icy dangerous storm. But that lone figure couldn't care less, after all the lack of rain, proved that the whole ordeal was her deed.

Tapping her large antique tessen against her chin for a second she sulked with a pout on her red blood lips and furrowed her brows. As her crimson eyes lingered in the number of fragile looking houses perched on the mountain, not very far from where she stood fiddling with the feather buried in her elegant bunned glossy black hair.

Her black haori over her burgundy dress slapped in the violent wind, and although it was a strange combination adding to her bare feet, no one could discuss the acute perfection of the woman.

Killing the ookami clan was not her idea, clearly. She had no control in what her tessen killed. She could be Kagura, the wind sorceress, she was the wind herself, but there was no freedom in her empty chest - He controlled everything about her.

Even when she got out of that repugnant hide out, under the earth, she was still chained to his will…And that was mainly why she was doing this without even complaining or giving it a second thought. As much as she wanted to get rid of that damn Naraku, she wanted even more to be in the open, feel the wind and see the sky. Or she'd die…And to die, she needed to die free.

Opening the fan that had been a part of her since she could remember, Kagura studied with half hooded crimson eyes the pattern of the cranes being eaten by dragons that adorned the silent lethal weapon. What an ominous design… Flicking it closed she tapped it again against her shoulder this time, wrinkling the perfect dark silk of her expensive haori where there were three small crests with a small red kumo.

Pulling the white long and somewhat puffy feather from her tight bun she threw it and waited for it to come back in the wind ten times bigger and wider, and although still fragile and weightless looking, she kneeled upon it and flew with it when the wind pushed forward and upwards.

Her eyes darkened as she hurled into the dark starless night, perched on the soft white feathery comfort, she observed the steel net surrounding the strange looking village. With such fragile looking houses, made of wood how could the inhabitants support the rigorous winters? Intently waiting she wanted to see if they were okuri-ookami or yama inu. Would they lead her to their houses by opening their doors or would they be mangy dogs and run from her?

A sly smile, with a bitter edge to it tainted her performance as she descended to the gates that had been closed until two wolf demons entered the refuge and minutes later got out again. They're both scrawny and tall, they seemed fast too. Garbed in what it seemed to her some punks attire one had a blonde spiked Mohawk, and the other had the sides of his hair painted white while the middle was dark brown or black. They seemed like they had escaped the 80's from a time portal, but then again this territory was ever the secluded, there was only one big house in the wire surrounded village, all the others were the shabby looking hut like houses she'd seen before.

Clearing her throat, she descended right out of sight for the ookami youkai, but close enough, that with her back against the large boulder she could see them, talking and joking around, one grabbing the other for some puppy fight in the mud. She almost smiled, almost felt compassioned.

But she didn't, ignoring their puppy antics; she stayed put and heard their conversation. By Kami, this was below her, taking down the trash, flicking her wrist the tessen snapped open in his antique glory.

“Koga sure is taking is time. I know the leader of the eastern mountains wants to marry him to Ayame but I doubt Kouga will want too… I mean, he's totally into Kagome-no-nee-chan, don't you think Ginta?” Stripy hair asked spiky.

The older looking rolled his eyes and his shoulder.

“Hey relax, we just got back from the mission, I`m glad Kagome-no-nee-chan is fine, Koga will be pleased. And don't worry about the boss; you know he can handle himself…”

Oh, so the wolf leader also fancies Kikyo's reincarnation?

Rising again in her feather she fluttered near the ground, her stance, as always, proud and aristocratic as she floated to the two demons that suddenly stopped their playing around to look at her wide eyes. Sophisticated beautifully dressed woman weren't common in the mountains, but her strange mixed scent, made their noses twitch as she landed directly in front of them, tessen opened, an arrogant smirk in her whole demeanor.

“Greetings”

They both froze to the spot as she hid her mouth behind the tessen. Then it came down to rest in front of her chest, the sleeve of the silken black haori sliding back to reveal the creamy white skin of her wrist. Her skin grew to cruelty; no she didn't like to do everything Naraku demanded of her, but at least she got to escape the underground, and the mountains were awfully windy, and most of all, as she enjoyed her freedom, she could fool around with this stupid wolves. She was a youkai, and to use her abilities, her essence, to use the wind was in her nature, she couldn't deny it, nor did she want to.

What she needed to do she did. She'd follow Naraku, so that he wouldn't kill her, until she found someone, someone stronger that could beat him…and offer her protection… freedom.

Spiky hair frowned and looked her over, quietly analyzing her, but Stripy her stepped forward and offered her a cocky smile… oh it was so much easier when they acted all cocky and full of themselves.

Glad that she could fool around for a little she came closer and swiftly and ever so softly drew her forefinger to slide down from jaw to his collar bone. Hakkaku threw his gaze to the lewd fingers waking shivers throughout his body.

“What can we do for you Sama?”

Kagura laughed girlishly and threw a controlling look at Ginta, the one with a blonde Mohawk to make sure he wouldn't try to make some frisky move. But he looked anxious, looking for something, his arms crossed and his Mohawk flying from right to left as he deftly looked for something in the darkness of the starless night, in the windy weather. Strangely he looked in the highest peaks, its whole structure rocky not permeating the birth of life.

The young wolf's brows furrowed as he looked harder into the night and sniffed. Kagura understood, finally, and the idea of leaving survivors for them to take the message to the Western Lord, as Naraku had ordered, came together. Deepening her expression into a sad demeanor, she told them in a sorrowful voice.

“Oh my… Is this the northern mountains wolf clan?”

“Sure is, ma'am.”

Again stripy spoke to her, cocky and well intentioned.

“Is Kouga-sama the prince of this land?”

Mohawk eyed her, surprised by her knowing of such things. The wolf tribe was of minor importance. And she continued to appear too sophisticated to even think about some mountain clan, who most people were unaware of. The blonde male got to Hakkaku's side and frowned at her, also crossing his arms over his chest, trying to look intimidating. If it didn't blow her cover, she'd have laughed out loud.

“What's it to you?”

“Ginta…! Gomen nasai Sama… Ginta is…-“

Stripy hair raised his hands in begging forgiveness mode, but mohawked quickly slapped the back of his head, as she watched amused, one eyebrow lifted, ironically.

“What's it to you?”

Kagura registered a slight waver to his voice, his whole demeanor too stiff, revealing fear and anxiety. They were probably taking care of the village alone, waiting for Kouga, the prince of wolves, who it seemed, was due to come back from the eastern territory, sooner than she'd like. But her plan would solve everything. Holding back the sneer she wanted to offer them. Again darkening her features she drawled the words slowly, to make them believe her, to make them think she was … sorrowful…

Meanwhile Ginta stepped forward again, hiding his younger brother from sight and waiting an answer.

“Well, you see wolf, I was coming from the Eastern lands and on my way to Tokyo, and I was just arriving to Oirase streams when I found the wolf. He, himself, told me he'd gone to Togenokami-yama visiting the eastern lands-“

“There's no way Kouga would tell you all that!” Stripy, who had been so cocky and outspoken before, quickly had assumed a no-nonsense attitude crossing his arms and siding Mohawk.

Kagura recoiled a bit at first, surprised. Then an aggravated expression fell on her mask.

“And how else would I know this, you idiot?” her teeth grinded as she narrowed her dark red eyes at the idiotic wolves. Come on, just fall for it already, and go away!

“Hakkaku, take it easy.” Stripy was stunned as he gaze fell to his right to the serious thoughtful wolf. “We should listen to her.”

Kagura sighed inwardly. She hated to follow the script, if it were up to her, she'd have knock them both out, destroyed the wolf village, and then wait for Kouga to come, and then she'd put a name to his lost: Naraku. Well that name was also the reason why the whole ordeal wouldn't be happening so simply. Oh no- he wanted the wolves to deal with guilt by making them leave their posts protecting the village, to look for their “injured” prince causing the clan to be completely utterly helpless as they were slaughtered in their futons.

“Well I found him completely injured, and he asked me to get you and help him. You are Hakkaku and Ginta, right?” when the right information continued to reach their empowered ears, she saw them slowly relax and focus their attention on her. A cruel satisfaction licker her insides and she tried to ease the squirm of anticipation.

The mohawked made a sound of disapproval and after casting his eyes to the ground in deep thought, stripy seemed to understand him and swallowed, dark eyes returning a lingering gaze to the wind sorceress. She furrowed her brows and snapped her tessen closed and threw them a shrug as she prepared to make her way from there.

“Well, if you're not all that interested in helping your prince…”

When she had her back to them, a smirk was filled her crimson lips as she felt them tense against her wind. Plucking her motion-feather from the tight bun her glossy dark hair was in, Kagura waited a reaction. They're weak, and the information she was in possession of easily caught them off guard enough to make them believe her- besides, wolves were loyal. And the mountains clans especially dedicated their lives to their leaders. If Ginta and Hakkaku were Kouga's friends, they're sure to follow, even if only when they thought she wasn't seeing.

“Well, I have to go… Gotta make my way to Tokyo. Just remember he's really injured, and he's a really bitch about it too, kept complaining about spider youkai…”

Both wolf brothers watched the enticing vixen kneel on the wider drawn feather as she dove into the night and into the foliage. Immediately stripy looked alarmed at his older brother.

“What do we do now Ginta?” the one with the blonde Mohawk looked him over, then into the direction the wind bitch had taken and of the Oirase streams. The waver in Hakkaku's voice made the older roll his eyes and then focused them in the stripy head of his brother.

“Che! What can we do? We have to help Kouga, he's our boss, and besides, with the weather this night I doubt someone would even consider coming all the way up here… our pack is strong, we can leave for some time, I'm sure they can't take care of themselves… and if Kouga's injured…”

Hakkaku looked off into the distance between Kushigamine-yama and the Oirase streams, to the southeast, and sighed loudly. Ginta cringed and decided that his opinion should be heard, at least once, so that he could throw in a good “I told you so” later. He stepped forward and started walking to the woods.

“Onii-san, don't think this is such a good idea…” he gulped and met his brother's quizzical eyes, Hakkaku had stopped. “What if she was lying? I mean, if Kouga comes and doesn't find us here, he'll kill us!”

“Oh so now, you worry if she is devious or not? Come on Hakkaku get your scrawny ass moving… think about it- if its truth do you really want to leave Kouga there, hurt?”

Ginta's loyal strings tightened and he nodded to his brother.

“You're absolutely right Hakkaku” shaking his head he walked to his brother now chastising himself for having doubted Ginta. “Let's go Big Brother.”

Behind a previously used boulder, her knees still joined in the feather that supported her know inches above the ground. A malicious smile filed her insides and painted her lips, an evil chuckle taking a hold out of her as she directed the feather upwards and into the sight of the net surrounded wooden village.

Those two fools thought these wolves could escape anything. Sure, wolf demons were strong, but how could they escape her Ryuujia no mai? Fujin no mai could leave survivors, but no minor demon had ever escaped Ryuujia no mai, and her task was to kill a bunch of sleepy yase ookami.

Wouldn't this be fun?

As her tessen snapped open and closed, the feather rose in the sky above the wires that surrounded her target, and she stopped the deadly weapon opened, the dragons in it coming alive for a second and swallowed a bloodied crane, she glowed and reveled in the sound of the gushes of wind pushing her, caressing her, egging her to release her dance.

The heavier fan cut the tornadoes in the sky as an evil cackle of her voice announced the Ryuujia no mai. Too late to get a reaction, the tornadoes devastated the weak houses, breached walls and broke them in half, while it ripped roofs, all disappearing in the tall spinning brutal tornadoes, as if they were eager hungry dragons taking satisfaction in this new meal.

As torn beaten and still alive bodies fell to the ground and other flew into the whirlwinds of her attack to join with their furniture and their walls and roofs. There were no opportunities to counter attack- it was positively impossible.

Kagura's whirlwinds stopped, faded to a gentle teasing breeze, as the life in the entire mountain wolves fell to the ground, rocks and pebbles, broken beds and fridges and joists and boards and chips of wood awaiting their falls, impaling them from back to belly, exposing intestine and stomachs, bubbles of blood accusing the wind sorceress.

They would suffer but not die- at least most of them- and there were still some alive. Fujin no mai would take care of this- even if Naraku would like to let them suffering and kill them only when they thought they'd survive. Because he was just an evil bastard like that.

As the cut in the air morph into blades of air the size and strength of an attack with the tessen and multiplied, heads were severed from the injured bodies, torsos laid open to expose battered insides, brains sowing the hard dry earth, offering food to the vultures.

And in the blink of an eye, a clan subjugated to the Inu no Taisho fell to annihilation. One Naraku expected to create impact.

The wind blew her back to her chains.

 

-O-O-O-

 

It was hours after the plan was executed when Kagura reached Tokyo. The feather was faster than any car and the path straight ahead, not submitted to any road, but it was still half Honshu away.

Stepping down the stairs of the earthy damp and underground hide out always gave her the chills. As she played with her tessen, tapping it in her shoulder, she waited. Inside his master room, Naraku was not alone. She could hear the grunts and moans of what she was sure, was not only pleasure but pain. Disgusted she idly wondered, as she leaned against the earthy wall, how someone could willingly fuck that monster.

Moments later the shoji doors opened in haste, a disgruntled Kikyo stepping out. One of her hands rose to her mouth as she wiped her mouth seemingly revolted, her body was covered in ripped clothes, slime of a tainted yellow marring them, her hair disheveled a slash on her collar bone and a split lip, the skin around her eye telling the evidences of punch well thrown.

Kagura sneered and looked to the open door that Kikyo had already left back when she started walking to leave the underfloor hideaway.

“You're such a disgusting whore.”

A dark eye escaped from the straight and right trajectory that Kikyo's gaze always had, and focused on Kagura.

“You know nothing, wind bitch.” Her face deadly serious, although her entire body showed evidence of a rough hard coupling, she waited for Kagura to spit it out.

“I know he'd disgusting and you willingly fuck him, I don't need to know anything further.”

“Naraku cannot kill me. And he'll grant me all my wishes. Not that you would understand any of it- after all… just a free women gets to wish…”

Kagura's loins twisted as she glared heatedly into Kikyo's retreating form. As she opened her mouth again to lash out at such an impure woman, Kikyo's face became visible above her shoulder, as she stopped, illuminated by the light of torches burning in the stale air of the hideout, a smirk stretched her split lips. A chill ran through her veins as the miko mocked her.

“Go on then, Kagura. Naraku's waiting for you. Don't you think its rude making your father wait?”

--OO—OO—OO

Dawn broke with no little amount of fear for the raven haired miko.

Being in her family's shrine and in sacred soil did nothing to appease her.

As she laid there in her bed, as she closed her eyes and tried to slow her hyperventilation, as she tried to get rid of her clinging-with-perspiration sheets, as she tried to stifle her sobs and tears from flowing, most of all she tried to bury those images in her head that kept haunting her, kept penetrating her mind, scooting a corner for themselves in her brain…and that voice…

She had heard her in her dreams too, she was sure of it, although if asked, now she couldn't remember the details of it. But she knew it had a lewd tone to it, and that it was also mocking and plainly evil. She remembered her hair standing all over her body as her skin tightened with goose bumps and she woke up, breaking down.

The imagery did not belong to a dream- even if they weren't true. No. They're too real.

First it was just the two of them having a good time, their bodies slick against each other, gripping warm muscles, mouth on mouth one devoted other hungry, then they're in their college picnic walking beneath the sakura blossoms as they fell, her arms circling one of his stronger ones, as they walked in silence enjoying the feel and sight of the flowery snow. Then they were having an argument, one of the many that usually ended up with her pinned to the wall submitting to his dominance. Then they were there in dinners with her family, her hanyou's big mouth swallowing great amounts of her mother great cooking, and afterwards him playing videogames with Souta and making Buyo dance, or they were in the movies, as he complained about the movie, or they were simply hanging at lunch in the campus as he bitched about Rin's loud ass `morning clock device'.

But those were real, yes. Those were some of the best memories she had from her time with Inuyasha. And throughout the night a cycle of these memories showing up in her head and warming up her heart only to be ripped apart by what she knew wasn't real kept popping and repeating, forcing her into breakdown.

And now on bed, she did her absolutely best to stop thinking of that voice.

Why should you love him you idiot? Even if you're devoted to him, do you expect to be the sacrificial lamb the rest of your life?

Then the images of his youkai body, forcing their claws in her entrails and pulling them out, pulling her heart out of her crushed ribs and placing it, still beating even though it had arteries and veins ripped open and squirting warm gushes of blood, to his lips licking it and then biting harshly enjoying the spongy flesh. And in the night, lost in the darkness of her nightmares she'd muffle the screams that both her unconscious body as her imaginary one could feel with his assault. The last image she'd see were those angry and oddly satisfied turquoise and red eyes, as they looked down at her, a smirk offered to her, drenched in her blood, pieces of decadent flesh stuck between his lengthened fangs.

In other situations she'd find him here, in her room. Somehow they'd end up together. She'd see them marrying, making love, honeymoon, and come back home. Then accompanying to those fancy events he's obligated to go to by Sesshomaru, at his side, being presented as Taisho Kagome, his princess. She'd imagine them being best friends, sharing smiles. And at the final stage only, she'd understand that she was old, wrinkled disgusting and he was young and perfect, and he'd always call her Kikyo. Why did that hurt far more than having a heart ripped out of your chest?

Where had her sanity gone?

She would often imagine herself lying in pools of blood and semen, foreigner strange hands roaming her skin, forcing her to do things she'd only done with him, to him. And he looked at it detached, ignoring her pleas for help. His nonchalance ripping her insides. It seemed cliché and a well worn expression, but damn it all if she didn't felt it truthfully.

She'd see Toran's spear through her sweet hanyou's chest as he coughed blood, some projected drops smearing her face, and when she looked to the wound again, it was her wrist through his warm bleeding flesh, the crushed end of the rib bones scratching and opening the skin of her fist and wrist. The thought of hurting him threw her off so much, even although all she'd dreamt about that, that she was sure, that in the dream she'd violently convulsed when she realized.

Idly and a tad bit crazily she took her hand to her chest and groped to make sure there wasn't a whole in her chest.

In the dark of her drawn curtains and closed blinds, she groaned buried in her pillow. After all this, after feeling like an absolutely crazy woman, with all this dreams and that god awful voice that made her dizzy and nauseated every time it resonated inside her head, the only thing she could think was how much she missed him, how worried she was about his injuries.

It was not normal, it was not rational! She had to suppress it, but as much as she tried she couldn't. But it made her feel like a lunatic.

Those feelings compared to the shattering of happy memories with such dreadful illusions and the fear of the things that voice kept whispering to her and of the voice itself, she had broke down in tears and shivers, uncontrollable sobs tearing at her chest.

Her body still quaky and sore from exhaustion she thought about the phone call that had ended the misery she'd felt while awakened, last night from Sango.

Flashback

Her body quivering from the strain she had just put it through to pick up the phone and press green conditioned her wavering voice as she slowly whispered, afraid to unleash that scary voice inside her she tried her best to keep her mind empty. It proved to be impossible. But as long as she was at the phone, she wasn't interrupted.

Sango's voice called her out of her trance.

“Kagome?”

“S-Sango…Sango. Is everything alright?” her back and head fell against the wall, the phone in a slack grip in her hand near her hear, she threw an unfocused glazed over gaze to a corner of the ceiling. Anxiety clogged her throat when she thought and felt painfully in her chest that something could have happened to Inuyasha…”Is Inuyasha alright, Sango?”

Without her knowledge, Sango opened a sad smile.

“Yes Kags. Inuyasha woke up a while ago. The doctor was happy that he threw up the icy poison. He said you helped him.”

“He's okay?” a muffled sob was suppressed by her hand. A surge of relief so big that engulfed her insides from toe to hair line made her feel hot and squishy inside. Joyful tears made their way down her cheeks. These feelings felt foreign amidst all the chaos. But she was so, so happy he was ok…

“Yeah Kags, he's okay. He'll be returning to his duties in two days and to University in a week or so.”

“I'm glad” Came the muffled, sincere answer.

“I know. He went crazy again though…”

“Wh-What?” she breathed. Hadn't Sango just said he was ok? Damn Sango for being vague and Inuyasha for making her worry so.

“When he thought you had ran away again…”

“Sango!”

“I'm sorry… It's just that… Kagome you know I love you… but he's like a brother too me…And seeing him lose it each time you're not around is kinda… troubling. He really needs you right now…”

“Don't you think I deserve not to be pressured?” she asked thickly, anxiety and anger bubbling inside of her. But the thought of him needing her as much as she had for the last two years of life, selfishly made her heart ache and long for him, even if the feeling Sango claimed as his, was no more than temporary.

“Look Kagome, I know, alright?” a heavy sigh was uttered by Sango and she took a deep breath readying herself to hear what the taijyia was going to say. “But I think that in order for him to fully recover he needs you here.”

“The hospital?”

“Not really…You see Sesshomaru came and got him because he'll have a council meeting and…”

“Oh hell no! Do you seriously expect me to go to the shiro?”

“Actually I was hoping you spent the week.”

“Sango… are you crazy? Did nothing of what I told you today matters to you? I can't be near Inuyasha, or else will return to what it was…I can't stand it any longer San-“

“Will you calm down?” Silence ensued and Sango heaved another deep sigh. “Kagome can you trust me?”

The raven haired forsaken to a corner woman sighed and trembled, searching inside her battered heart. Yes Sango was trustworthy… Earlier she'd trusted Sango and exposed her feelings to her. She remembered thinking that she was done doing things alone, bearing things alone, because that had never gone right… Why was she so unwilling to share this new burden with the slayer? Maybe because she was sick of being a burden, herself. Nonetheless, she could never deny trust to Sango.

“Yes I can trust you”

“Then please Kagome believe in me when I say, nothing's ever going to be the same… I know it's hard… but try to do this. As I told you before, I know you're confused, but I think Yasha can help you sort things out.”

A Pregnant pause cut through motion as silence filled the new miko with numbness. Sango deserved. And if Yash needed her… just the thought of it already tugged her mouth and heart to yes…But at what pretext would she appear in the great mansion? Closing her eyes, her mind filled with this new trouble, for moments forgetting the terrible imaged she'd seen when she'd tried to sleep and that god awful voice…

“You think Sesshomaru-sama would lend me his scrolls? I know there must be some Shinto material in it.”

She could almost hear Sango crinkle her nose.

“Yash will probably rip a yes out of him.”

Kagome smiled.

“I don't have a car.”

“Two moon sergeants tomorrow at your door at eleven o' clock.

End of flashback

She hadn't counted on her break down. After that infuriating, relieving and anxiety inducing conversation, she had felt right in her mattress and fell asleep immediately to find herself immerged in darkness and dreadful nightmares. And now she felt nothing but a quavering mass of tears and sorrow. Her dark grey eyes rested on the alarm clock near her bed, blinking the number '10:17' to her- she should get dressed.

Wouldn't it be nice to Yasha's friend? Even if she eternally longed for him like a woman had never wanted a man, so deeply and maddeningly… Right now her priority was for him to get better; she just needed to know he was alright, that he'd stay alright.

Her altruistic thoughts made a light shine within her chest that she wasn't even aware of. She merely breathed slowly and closed her eyes gathering courage as she thought in how much she wanted Yasha to heal.

Away from where she was, under the ground, a raged growl filled the earthy ground, as crimson awareness was expelled from the pure brain of a miko deeply concerned with her beloved.

--OO—OO—OO

Even though Mayu-san had almost thrown a fit when he'd gone for a walk after his breakfast, Inuyasha lingered in a sturdy branch of one of the sakura trees in the rich elaborate garden that once his mother had estimated so much and that his father had offered her. In the distance he could hear the Zen pond running, the youkai koromo and sanke koi jumping delighted in the air spreading droplets of crystalline water in the sunny air as they exposed their whiskers.

Still feeling weak he always relished in the late snow of the winter, even if in a month or so it would turn into droplets of the fading season. Thawing had always been his least favorite thing in spring. Besides Mayu-san had made him grudgingly accept a Hi-Nezumi blanket that he must admit feel rather good wrapped around his heated skin, even if he didn't felt the cold as humans, he wasn't immune to it, and hi-Nezumi remembered him of his happier younger years.

And perched on that sturdy branch of the naked sakura tree, he waited for her with no foliage to hide him. He was done hiding anyway; she'd finally get what she'd bargained for, the whole package. Problem was, did she still want it? If he wanted her back, if he wanted to deserve absolution, he'd to believe in himself. He'd to believe he could give to her what she wanted, and he knew he could, if he let Kagome in completely she'd finally erase all of his demons. Problem, once again was, hadn't she gained some of her own by now? He'd feel so… inadequate trying to be comforting. All he'd ever known was take comfort not give…But for Kagome he could change it all. She was everything, his mate…

Had he even ever thought about having a mate? A wife, yes, plenty of times… but a mate? IT was a permanent, whole hearted compromise… They're lives would literally twirl and knit together. They'd be two halves of one unity… All those images that had breached his mind before, in the hospital returned, all possibilities, if he ever completed the bond. It was his most aching yearning desire. To make her his, sooth her and care for her openly, forever.

Gods he missed her. Was she coming? When then? Why hadn't Sango calling and telling him what she'd said? His stupid best friend hadn't let him hear the conversation, asking for help to Mayu-san, who gave him a dangerous look and sent him running to his room before she tugged on his ears.

His cell phone rumbled on his pocket and he fisted it inside it to bring it outside, one hand holding the mantle of gentle soft red fur.

“Monk”

“Hey Yash, we're coming your direction, mind coming down?”

“Keh”

The line went dead just as Inuyasha, already landed gracefully of the snowy ground stared at the violet eyes of his best friend, Sango besides him.

“Already climbing on trees Yasha?” her tone was teasing and his golden eyes fled from Miroku's to hers to held them, looking for an answer but she shrugged him and stretched, lazily, yawning. “You must be feeling really well then. I guess that a pity I asked Kagome to come and make sure you recovered fully… and to spend the week…” One of her closed eyes opened as she felt him tense in front of her. Her lisp split in a smile as his shone and his breathing became hard and ragged.

“What did she say?”

“She had only one condition, though I'm sure is more of an excuse to herself. She's pretty confuse right now and-“

“Damn t woman, just spit it out!” his tensed figured almost looming above hers as he tried to decipher her before she even explained whatever was going on. Miroku's seemed amused, leaning back against the harsh rough of the tree Inuyasha had been perched upon.

“She wants you to convince Sesshomaru to let her borrow any scroll he has about Shinto miko powers and so.”

Inuyasha brows furrowed.

Sango frowned too.

“We discovered she was a miko when the panthers… well you know it right? She purified Toran's spear out of you and into oblivion.”

He keh'ed and looked aside, something akin to hurt swirling in his eyes. Strong muscled arms crossed an equally strong chest as the mantle was still balanced in his shoulder and the tight grip of his clawed right hand.

“You didn't know of this?” Miroku's voice soft against his swiveling furry ears. Then he pinned them against his skull and roared lowly in distress.

“Of course I knew, I sensed it in her long time ago.”

“Bu-But…”Sango seemed surprised, Miroku, not really. He too had spiritual powers and he too had known for some time, more like suspected. But he'd always guessed it was none of his business. “But she could have been trained, Inuyasha, she could've protected herself!”

His whole body flinched, cringed and tensed underneath the winter sun, ear pinned back tightly, mouth and brows in a frown, almost a grimace. Then he unleashed.

“I fucking know, ok? That was the idea! She didn't need to be trained because I was supposed to be there! I was supposed to protect her! Happy? And now she'll fucking train and wear herself out, because she doesn't believe I'll… “A sigh left his lips as he counted and tried to keep counting mentally to slowly ease off his anger and slide out of it. He wrapped the blanket completely against him, trying to keep his hands without shaking as badly as they were and started walking to his house. His two best friends following behind him subconsciously.

Before he took to the east wing where his chambers were, he whispered to Sango and Miroku who were always doing something here in his family house.

“Consider it done. She can have all the scrolls she wants to.”

Sango nodded and smiled kindly, Miroku already lost in some library's section.

--OO—OO--OO

 

The hanyou sat cross legged in front of the open shoji door in the second storey that showed the entire expanse of the garden covered in snow and the great dark gates that led into the estate. He missed his simpler yet comfortable apartment in Shibuya, but he swore that he'd never set foot in it again unless it was with Kagome, unless they'd share it. And the shiro wasn't so bad; there were the gardens, the forest and the internal gardens that had once belonged to his mother's gifted hands. This house held his entire childhood memories.

It held mother and father, and a younger Sesshomaru, though not by much. He'd been so happy here, once. He'd felt so loved, countless times; as he strolled with his powerful father his chubby small hand in his powerful clawed and dangerous one. Or in mother's lap as she sang to him. But most important he'd had Miroku and Sango. Idly, before his eyes the blurry figures of three chubby children running around and catching sakura petals in their tongues assaulted him.

Then mother and father had died. Sesshomaru had turned bitter during Inuyasha's early teenage years and almost till his marriage with Rin.

A sigh left his heavy chest and he fingered the fire rat blanket over his shoulders. Tomorrow he'd be forced to go to that damned meeting, and he'd have to proclaim in front of all those youkai that he wished to mark her, that he wished to mate her. That wasn't exactly the problem- problem was, he still had no idea of how she'd react to this, of what she wanted to do about their… relationship…

Closing his eyes he tried to sooth himself recalling her voice uttering those soft three sincere little words that had always left him on edge before, insecure, irritated for such a strong beautiful feeling being directed to him when he was nothing but unworthy…

“I Love you too Kagome…” Golden eyes continued fixated in the gates, quaking, and waiting for them to be opened any time now, since Sango had already informed him that Kagome had been picked up some time ago.

He sincerely hoped no stupid ambassador tried to get between him and his intended. Silver hair slid down to the floor of the balcony as his head came to rest on the shoji door. Winter was waning already and he could only hope that with the thawing and the beginning of spring a new beginning in his own life would come. Downy ears swiveled back and forth atop his head, catching every little natural sound. In his head an anguished cry pounded, questioning him.

Was he strong enough to accept rejection, deal with it and continue by her side? Kagome had been, more than once. And she had never stopped trying…

Was he strong enough to admit in a room full of youkai that he was officially out of market for their daughters and pack mates, that their doors to royalty were closed, because he'd found in a ningen simple human, a powerful mate, and one that had been designed by the gods for him. One who could fulfill him and complete him? He wanted to be. He had to be.

But he didn't think he could bear it if she said no… was this how she felt every day in the past two years? Constantly trying to decipher her head and heart, giving herself some stupid pep talk to make herself believe that she should keep trying. Well, it had worked…

A scentless piece of fabric made its way to his nose, in his clawed, hidden hand. He always tried to smell her in the battered wife beater that had belonged to her in the last time she had belonged to him. The way he'd treated her that night… again it was the only way he knew how to maintain dominance over her, and maintain her, per se by his side. As long as she was under him, as long as he controlled her, she'd be there for him to him, his…

The fabric did not exude Kagome's scent anymore. Not it smelled of desperation and tears- his own. But to him, it was sill her, reflecting her absence in his life. Those images from the hospital had kept hammering his head.

Constantly he was assaulted by images of them, in his bed in the apartment. Waking up with her, spooned against his chest, his hand caressing a heavy stomach. His child growing inside of her.

Prickles of tears incinerating his golden eyes, as he thought that he could already have all that, he now realized, he really wanted, if it weren't for his fears ad his insecurities, and the knowledge that Kagome was so right, perfect, ideal that he had hid behind an imagined and forged feeling for Kikyo… Not to say that he didn't like her then, but that obsession to always run to her was always to prove himself and Kagome that he was out of the control that Kagome subconsciously forced him under.

Abruptly he was interrupted when the great gates gained a new visitor. A sleek black car with tinted windows stopped in front of it. The front doors opened to reveal two dog demons. Dark hair sleeking down their shoulders, sensitive eyes covered in discreet shades, an ear piece in one ear. One of them rushed to the back door to open it swiftly, offering a hand to the back seat occupant.

Her scent slapped him. Somehow beneath the smell of confusion and sadness, desperation a tears, that aroma was too … too Kagome, to resist. He found himself in the ground, fire rat still in his shoulders, boots digging in the snow and trying to stop his heart to carve a hole in his ribcage or escape through his mouth, the lump in his throat impossible to swallow.

One slim elegant hand, trembling accepted a strong clawed one and slim toned legs in jeans came out to rise in the beautiful figure of his mate to be.

As gold met dark grey, her face tired and somewhat withdrawn, all he could see was the perfection of her, how even now in the distance, when she was but a blotch, he could see her every curve was to fit his hands, and his body. How they fit to each other… She held his gaze for two seconds before avoiding his gaze and look surprised at the two inu youkai who lowered themselves to a very low bow. Through the front door Mayu-san and some servant girls exited to come meet her, as the electronic gates opened. But he never swerved his eyes from her.

She, entering this domain… his family domain, the wind blew harshly and her black tresses flew wildly around her tired yet beautiful face, his scent carried to his nose, making him shiver…

Kagome, it's time to make amends…

 

 

I stop and I stare too much
Afraid that I care too much
And I hardly dare to touch
For fear that the spell may be broken
When I need a drug in me
And it brings out the thug in me
Feel something tugging me
Then I want the real thing not tokens
 
Things you'd expect to be
Having effect on me
Pass undetectedly
But everyone knows what has got me
Takes me completely
Touches me sweetly
Reaches so deeply
I know that nothing can stop me

Depeche mode- Sweetest Perfection

 

AN: This chapter was absolutely exhausting… And if I must say so myself, completely useless. What I wanted to happen needed an intro, but it just grew out of proportion, or maybe I hadn't thought it right. Whatever. Next chapter Kikyo and Kouga make and appearance! Hope you enjoyed, and if you did please do review.