InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Accidentally Funny ❯ Eau d' Febreze ( Chapter 16 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Eau d' Febreze

Kagome sighed as she shifted her pack on her shoulders and heard the rather loud clinking from within. It was getting annoying, she had to admit – but she wasn't willing to get rid of what was making that clinking sound, not for any reason.

But the noise was aggravating, and she rolled her eyes, counting down... three, two, one... ah, right on time.

“Oi, do something about that damn noise your bag is making, wench!” Inuyasha shouted irritably as his ears flattened to his head.

She growled. “Inuyasha, if you don't shut up about it, I'm going to osuwari you so hard you'll be a girl by the time I'm finished!” she yelled right back with deadly intent.

The rest of the group listened in with interest as they all trudged along, but huge guffaws of laughter came when Sesshoumaru had to stick his two yens worth in.

Being who he was, the demon Lord couldn't resist an opening like that one, and feigning deep astonishment, he asked, “Do you mean to assert, miko, that Inuyasha is not a female already? I was most certain that I had a half-sister all these years.”

Of course, a jibe like that started a fight, and Kagome just shook her head wearily at the antics of the two brothers, while deciding that she may as well take advantage of the unscheduled stop and rest her weary, aching feet.

The stop felt so good, as a matter of fact, that she decided to make it a permanent stop – at least for the night. By the time the two inu had stopped fighting, camp was already set up, but the moment Inuyasha caught sight of what she'd done, he started screaming.

“Wench! Who said we could stop? We've got shards to find! Pack up all this crap and get back to shard detecting!”

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as Sesshoumaru calmly clobbered his brother over the head, then moved to seat himself next to Kagome. He turned to look at the relief on her face, then said dryly, “Consider that another courting gift, since silencing his pointless ranting brings you such obvious relief.”

The camp broke out in snickers, and Kagome shrugged tiredly. “Whatever.”

She was just beginning to think about getting dinner going not twenty minutes later, when she felt a large chunk of the jewel coming towards them, and Inuyasha vaulted up from his prone spot where his brother had dumped him - that funny enough was in a rather large sticker patch - screaming obscenities and shouting Naraku's name.

The moment the shock wore off, Kagome dove for her bag, and yanked the top open, and as soon as she did, the reason for all that clanking noise inside became apparent – more of those odd cans like she'd used against Naraku the last time – though these looked a little different in design.

Sesshoumaru cast her a curious glance, then moved to stand before her protectively, and her friends also looked at her with questions in their eyes – but she didn't pay any attention, simply taking one of the cans out, and grinning as she began to spray it on herself.

“Oh, I hope Kagura was right about something that smells good getting rid of him,” she muttered to herself.

Within moments, the object of her objections stood inside the camp, smiling his smarmy grin at her, and she shivered in disgust. “Ugh, Naraku, what are you doing here again – and how'd you get so much of the jewel so quickly?” she asked, noticing how much more powerful the call of the tama was. He hadn't had so much of it before...

The spider chuckled and moved a little closer, ignoring Inuyasha's growls, but keeping a close eye on Sesshoumaru. “Why, I decided to gift you the completed jewel as a mating gift, my dear,” he said, eyeing her in a decidedly creepy way as he once again shifted closer to her. He opened his mouth to say something else, then his face blanched, and his eyes bulged out as the breeze moved her scent towards him.

“W-what is that horrible stench?!” he shrieked, rapidly back-pedaling and covering his nose with his hand.

“It's my new perfume, Naraku, why, don't like it?” she asked, mock sweetly, enjoying the sight of his horror so much she didn't take his previous words in at all.

The spider shook his head in a frantic way, and began to surround himself with his cloud of miasma. “You must bathe that stench from you, my dear, before I return with the completed jewel – which won't be long. I will never tolerate such a horribly poisonous smell around myself.”

With that, the evil hanyou disappeared into the wide blue yonder, and Kagome shook her can absently and sighed, moving to replace it in her bag.

Sango glanced over at her, then, and Kagome met her eyes, tilting her head questioningly at the taijiya's intent look.

“What's wrong, Sango?”

“I was just thinking about what Naraku said,” she replied, and Miroku nodded, casting a quick glance at the silent Sesshoumaru. Everyone simply ignored the still-ranting hanyou – as usual.

Kagome's brow furrowed in curiosity. “What did he say? I wasn't really paying attention to him, just his reaction to my spray.”

“He said that he was collecting the shards to gift you the tama as a mating gift,” Sesshoumaru said disdainfully.

At that, the clearing went totally silent as Kagome froze, and Sesshoumaru's brows both rose into his bangs at the sight that met his eyes then. Even Inuyasha's ranting was interrupted as he gaped at Kagome – and then they all, save Sesshoumaru, started laughing.

“O-oi,” Inuyasha gasped between guffaws, “I ain't never seen a woman's hair literally stand on end like that. And that's some feat, since Kagome's hair's so long!” he fell over laughing.

Sesshoumaru stared with interest at a phenomena he had also never seen, as did the others, and for several moments, the only sound in camp was everyone's laughter – until Kagome's shouting woke them all from their stupor of hilarity.

"Who the hell said we could stop for the night? We've got shards to find, so let's get moving! We don't have time to sit around – this shard detector has a job to do and there's still daylight to get to the doing!” she hollared, and every jaw in camp dropped, save Sesshoumaru's – his brows just tried to climb higher into his bangs.

After just a few seconds of her ranting, however, he reached over and pinched off a certain nerve, catching her easily as she dropped, unconscious.

Miroku was the first to break the silence. “Well, it appears as though the thought of Naraku as a mate is enough to motivate Kagome quite thoroughly,” he said wryly.

As Sesshoumaru placed Kagome down into the bedding that had been prepared for her, he asked, “Would it not motivate you?”

Everyone in the camp had to nod in agreement at that, though Inuyasha had to take it one step further.

“Keh, it'd light a fire under my ass, that's for sure,” he snorted.

Sesshoumaru stopped short, a look of disgust on his face as he shuddered. “That was far more information than was needed, half-breed. The thought of the stench of burnt hair is enough to make even me ill – and youkai do not get sick. Do not speak again this night, or I will knock you out once more.”

The camp fell silent as each person there unwillingly pondered Sesshoumaru's words. Highly unsettled expressions soon graced the face of the entire group.

“What an unnerving visual,” Miroku muttered.

Nods of agreement were shared all around.

Inuyasha just blushed.