InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ All That Time Allows ❯ Confessions and Fears ( Chapter 5 )

All that Time Allows

By mishi

Chapter 5

Confessions and Fears

 

After one more twenty four hour period of nothing but frustration, and half the gang getting the crud kicked out of them, everyone decided it was time to give up and go home. So far this had been the most exhausting week they had ever spent together. They figured that none of them were ready to fight anything even if their lives depended on it. They were all to busy fighting their own inner demons and each other.

 

They walked along in silence. Each lost to the outside world due to the struggles being fought in their own minds. Kagome took the lead with Inuyasha just a few steps behind her. Shippo had his usual spot inside the little basket on the handlebars of Kagome's bicycle. Miroku and Sango walked side by side. They had become one deeply troubled group over the last few days and it was going to take some silence to help them all to deal with what was happening to each of them.

 

Kagome kept her eyes focused on the road ahead as her mind wondered. `I wish that I would have stayed home this week. We wouldn't have ended up this way if I had. Inuyasha would have come to find me on his own eventually. He could've learned about all this in private. We might even have had the chance to talk without being so pressured into it. Now things are worse because of all the stopping and starting. I can't keep doing this to him. He's not like other guys. He can't ignore the changes in my body. Even if he hates it, he is more dog youkai then human at times.'

In truth, Inuyasha had so many problems with who, and what, he was. He couldn't accept being a dog ogre or a human male. He hated being both! That simple fact left them both walking a tight rope most of the time. The more they learned about his youkai, the more it frightened them both. He couldn't stand being in his weaker human form. The best she could do for him was to be there for him, and to share his suffering as he struggled to find a way to become whole.

 

`If being intimate is the only way to bring him peace, it is my duty as his wife to find some way to be alone. Then what do we do after that night? We can't wait forever to be together again.' Then it occurred to her. `I have to tell my family! What will my mom say? I guess that I need to do that before we can be together at all. Mom has been planning a wedding for me for years. I don't know why she always thinks about me getting married so much, but I hope this is not going to smash her dreams. Would we even have a wedding?'

 

Inuyasha was not very good at hiding his emotions. He was tired and feeling pretty sorry for himself at the moment, and that was just that. It had all happened too fast for him. In this short time he had gone from pushing her way to giving into her love. From thinking that he would never be happy, to holding the embodiment of all his dreams in his arms, only to being forced to keep his distance once again. Wasn't it enough that he had to loose control over his own senses to learn that she would welcome his touch? Why did it always have to be this much torture and humiliation for the small moments that he had with her?

 

He looked at her. She must have felt his gaze, because she turned to look over her shoulder at him. After seeing the look on his face she slowed her steps to allow him to walk at her side. She offered her hand to him and he took it. She smiled slightly, which made him smile back at her. Simply holding hands made the air around them seem ten times lighter.

 

`Kikyo would never had done this for me,' he realized at that moment why he loved Kagome so much, and why she was the one to make these changes in him. `Kikyo wanted me to be human. She never would have accepted me as I was. Kagome doesn't care. She actually wants me for how I am. She's not repulsed by me. This body excites her because she sees only me. Not Inuyasha the youkai, Inuyasha the hanyou, or even Inuyasha the man. She just sees me as Inuyasha. How could I ever regret anything that we have shared these past few days? I really am stupid.'

 

****

 

Sango was happy to see Inuyasha and Kagome holding hands. It told her that everything would be fine between them. She was so ashamed about spying on them. She was telling herself that she should have beaten Miroku senseless and let them have their time together. Miroku kept looking over at her and she was trying really hard not to notice. How could she want to be around such a pervert? `I can't believe that I let him kiss me. How could I be so stupid?' She hugged herself and turned her face so she could not see him at all. `The second that we get to a village he will be on the first girl he sees. I am only a convenient body to him.'

 

As he watched Inuyasha and Kagome, Miroku thought of all the women he had thrown himself at over the years. None of them really stood out in his mind. Instead they all seemed to stand together as a large number. Sango was actually the only female that stood out in his mind. With exception of Kagome, she was the only young woman that he had ever admired. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was the first woman that he had given himself time to get to know. She was a very beautiful and strong woman. The fact that she was someone he could admire added to the attraction he was sure. She was not the kind of woman you just had sex with and walk way from. She would make a nurturing mother and a passionate wife. She was the woman that you wanted if you wanted an equal. Deep down he knew that he could have a good life with her.

 

He knew that he had deeply hurt her by choosing to act the way that he had. She had deserved something more intimate then what he had giving her. He couldn't stand to see her pain. He knew that something had to be done.

 

“Sango,” he stepped in front of her and caught her upper arms with his hands. He turned his body enough to see Inuyasha and Kagome without giving Sango room to back way from him. They had both stopped when they heard Miroku say her name. “Go on a head of us. We will catch up with you soon.”

 

Kagome hesitated, but Inuyasha tugged at her hand gently. He understood exactly what Miroku was about to do. After a moment Kagome let Inuyasha lead her away from them.

 

Sango tried to step around him, but Miroku stopped her, “Please, Sango,” he pleaded with her, “let me speak to you alone.”

 

“We have nothing to say to each other, besides we have to get to a good resting point before dark. We do not have time for this lecherous foolishness.”

 

“We are making much better time heading back. Inuyasha is not holding us back with his sulking and we have all been walking faster. This entire day has been like we are all running from each other.” He tried to remain calm. Her words had stung him, but he didn't want to fight her. “I can not go on seeing you like this. I know you are in pain and I can't stand it.”

 

“Would that be because you can't stand to see a woman in pain, or because it is me?” He flinched at having his usual excuse thrown back at him. She thought that seeing him in pain would make her feel better, but his reaction only made her feel worse. If she had not been so angry she would have apologized. Instead she tried to brush him off. “I don't know what you are talking about. I am fine.”

 

He throw his arms around her, “I'm not going to let you go until you hear what I have to say to you.” She was tense, but waited for him to continue. He looked into her eyes so she could see the emotions on his face as he spoke, “I love you, Sango. I'm sorry that it has taken all this trouble to figure that out, but I know that I can be yours completely if you will have me. Please, forgive me for neglecting you for so long.”

 

“Stop playing with my heart!” She pushed him away and tried to runway, but he caught her arm. He whirled her around to trap her again in his arms.

 

“Please don't run from me. I know you're afraid. You've lost so much.”

 

She looked up at him, “Stop this Miroku. Don't lie to me like this.” Tears were building in the corners of her eyes.

 

He held her gently as the tears started to spill down her cheeks. She didn't try to push him away. After a moment, he kissed her passionately. He made the extra effort to be gentle as he kissed her, but he wanted her to feel how much he needed her. He tightened one arm around her waist and used the other to cradle her head as he pressed against her body. Her hiraikotsu was making it difficult to hold her.

 

“Did that feel like a lie? Have you ever seen me so insistent with a woman?” He asked in a whisper. He was still close enough to her that she could feel his lips moving as he spoke. She was quiet and her body had finally relaxed against him. Tears were still in her eyes as she stared up at him. “Let me prove it to you. I am begging you for one chance.”

 

She said nothing. If he kissed her again something inside of her was going to break, and she didn't know if she cared about fighting him anymore. Being in his arms felt so good. He was so strong and even gentle when he wanted to be. He kissed her again and she wrapped her arms around him. She grabbed handfuls of his robes as her hands balled into fists. She was starting to shake, which made him stop so he could look at her. He would stop if he was actually hurting her.

 

“I love you, don't stop kissing me.” She pulled him back to her lips and clung to his body as if he was the only thing keeping her on her feet. Her tears were only increasing.

 

“I will kiss you as much as you like later,” he assured her. He knew that she had just lost some sort of battle inside herself, so to give her time to recover herself, he made her stop. “Let me hold you we try to catch up with the others.”

 

As he stood there letting her cry, he noticed for the first time that Kirara had been setting only a few steps away from them. The large cat creature had its back turned to them as if it had been trying to insure their privacy. It had to be a sign in his favor.

 

****

Kagome looked up at the trees. They had just entered the forest and she was trying to see the sun through the thick branches. Sunset would be coming in a few hours. They had to get to the end of the forest before night came. She was surprised at how much time they had lost on their earlier trip. If they pushed they could be at the village tonight. It would be several hours after sundown, but they could do it if they really wanted to. Since Kirara had not come with them, so Miroku and Sango would not have trouble catching up. If they got caught up soon then they could all try to make the village tonight. That would get Kagome one step closer to being a happy camper.

 

“Inuyasha, I have been thinking that you should go home with me when we get back to the village.” Kagome said as they walked in the darkened forest.

 

“Why?” His heart skipped a beat. The fear that she was rethinking their relationship was the first thing to come into his mind.

 

“It occurred to me earlier that I still need to tell my family that we are going to be together. My mom will more than likely want us to have a wedding. She has been planning for me to have a wedding since I was a little girl. I would hate to take that dream way from her.”

 

I was glad to here that she was not having second thoughts. However, he had a feeling that things were about to become really confusing. “I have not idea what a wedding is.”

 

“How could you not know what a wedding is?”

 

“I have not spent a lot of time around people, remember?”

 

“You are telling me that you have never seen someone get married?”

 

“Describe what it is like and I will tell you if I remember seeing one.”

 

How was she going to explain it to him? She was not even sure if they had the same ceremony here. She knew that traditions differed everywhere, but things had changed so much. What was the tradition here? “I am not sure what you would do here. I can tell you a bit about the ceremony we would have back home.” She shrugged her shoulders.

 

“Okay,” he replied and waited for her to explain.

 

“We would invite everyone we know. Like our families, friends, and everyone that our families know. We would have to set up the shrine. I would wear a white kimono and be presented to God first. Then the priest would say a prayer and present our offering to God.” She stopped to think. “We would get you a new kimono. It would have to be nicer then the one you have.”

 

“Are you saying you don't like my kimono?” He wimpered and kicked the ground.

 

“Oh, stop. I just mean that we will want something really nice. Maybe I can work it out that we could put you in some western clothes.”

 

“They wear the same thing in the western lands that I am wearing now,” he was confused and starting to worry about this.

 

“No, it is different in my time. Western clothes come from far across the ocean. Don't worry about that. I will have to see what mom will let us get away with.” She waved her hand at him like she could whip the though out of his mind with her hand, “Anyway, we would have to have the sake, and then everyone gives us gifts.”

 

“I don't like sake. Can I have water or some of that pop you always bring me?”

 

“No, we have to share the sake with our families or the ceremony doesn't have the same effect.”

 

He stopped and got really still. When she turned back to look at him he was staring at his feet.

 

“What? Do you hear something?” When he did not respond right way she put the kickstand out to hold the bicycle up and left it to stand on its own, “Inuyasha?”

 

When he looked up, the expression on his face broke her heart. He looked like he was trying not to cry. He cleared his throat and in a small flat voice said, “You are my family. I don't have anyone else. I didn't realize that I needed a family to make you my wife.”

 

She forgot that he was completely alone for most of his life. His brother Sesshomaru was not really someone he could have at his wedding. The big jerk wanted Inuyasha dead. This was getting really complicated. Her new closeness to Inuyasha had blinded her to a great deal lately.

 

“You have me Inuyasha,” Shippo cheered as he hopped from his seat in the basket. “And you have Miroku and Sango and Kirara and Kaede.”

 

He was touched by the effort that the little kitsune was making. “Thanks, but you can't go with us to Kagome's time. The well will not let you go. Kagome, can I still have you as my wife if I don't have a family at this wedding thing?”

 

“Yes,” she really hadn't expected him to take it that way. “It doesn't matter that you don't have a family, Inuyasha.” If she didn't try to be more careful she was going to destroy this new self confidence of his. “And we might be able to find a way to get all of our friends to my time.”

Out of nowhere, something in their surroundings stuck Kagome as being odd. There had been a sudden change that she could not put her finger on, although she did noticed that it was starting to get darker. “We need to get going. The forest is starting to get to dark. We can talk about this more as we walk.”

 

Inuyasha nodded at her and picked Shippo up into his arms. He placed his little friend down into the basket. Kagome had never seen them get along so well, and she was relieved to see it. It would be a big help to Inuyasha to realize that he was not longer a lone in this world.

 

“You ride and I will run beside you,” Inuyasha suggested as he turned to motion her to the bicycle.

 

The conversation was a loud one, but it did have positive tone to it as Kagome and Inuyasha both offered ideas.

 

“The centipede youkai that drug me into the well could get through to my time. All she had to do was hold on to me.”

 

“We can't have everyone hold on to us when we go into the well.”

 

“Why not?” Kagome could not see the problem with the idea.

 

“We would get crushed when we landed. Well, one of us would, probably me. But what if someone let go or lost their grip?”

 

“What if we gave everyone a shard?”

 

They had made it to the edge of the forest. They stopped just a few steps into the clearing to catch there breaths.

 

“We could try to give one of them a shard and see if it would work.”

 

“I couldn't go through the well when I had a shard,” Shippo insisted. He had been running from Royakan's wolves at the time. Inuyasha had tried to destroy the well to keep Kagome safely trapped in her own time. The only way that Kagome was able to return herself was because Shippo had dropped the shard he had been holding when he dove into the well. She had to scratch at the floor of the well in her own time until she felt the small piece of the jewel. Once she had the feel of the jewel, she was able to cross time.

 

“Maybe it did not work because Inuyasha had blocked the well and I was already on the other side. We didn't really try. For all we know, it may not have worked for Shippo, because the tree was stuck in it. I was so determined to get back to Inuyasha that I could have forced something to work,” she looked at Inuyasha. “We could still give it a try at least. Even if we both had to go back and forth taking one person at a time, it would be worth the trouble if it worked. Maybe we could have them hold on to a shard too. If a evil demon did this to begin with, there has to be a way that a human can do it to. I mean my back pack and bicycle have come through.”

 

“We will have to try it,” Inuyasha nodded in agreement as he said it.

 

“Inuyasha, do you smell anything?” Kagome asked as her expression turned to panic.

 

He sniffed at the air, “No, why?”

 

“I feel the presence of a shard. No, more than one and they are very close by.”

 

They all became very still. Inuyasha took the Tetsusaiga from its scabbard. He turned his back to Kagome to search the area across the clearing. He had not detected any youkai as they walked through the forest. He took a few steps and stopped dead in his tracks. Kagome had let out a scream that shook his soul. He turned to see her lying on the ground with blood on her shirt and face. Shippo had scampered over to her and was setting next to her. He was calling her name. He started to go to her himself, but something knocked him off his feet. He heard laughter, but saw nothing.

 

“Where the hell are you?” he screamed.

 

“She looks like a good meal, but you look even better.”

 

Inuyasha had managed to return to his feet. He heard the voice but still could not see anything. Then he was knocked off his feet again. He had deep cuts in his chest from the collision.

 

“Your flesh is harder to tear than hers. This might be more time consuming than I thought.”

 

“What are you?” He was trying to stand again.

 

“It's not easy to fight something that doesn't have a form. I am Kage, and you are the hanyou that I have been looking for. I heard that you and your woman had the shards. I want them.”

 

“What's new? I guess you know that you can't have them?” Inuyasha groaned as he crawled over to Kagome. She was still breathing, but barely.

 

“She will bleed to death soon. I like my food cold, so I don't mind playing your games for a little while.”

 

The thing slashed at Inuyasha's back as Kirara landed. Miroku was on the ground moving toward Inuyasha with Sango right behind him.

 

“Be careful this thing has some of the shards,” Inuyasha warned. He looked at Kagome's very still body. `God don't take her from me, not like this. His mind raced as it searched for anything that might help him fight. `Damn it, I can't us the Tetsusaiga if I can't see this thing. Kagome was the only one of use who had a chance at seeing the damned thing.' He wenced as he lifted his body. `I have to do something!'

 

“If we could figure out how to see it I could use the air void.” Miroku stood with his back against Sango's. She had her hiraikotsu already in hand. “You can't smell it?”

 

“No. It doesn't have a sent.” Then it occurred to him that it should have the sent of Kagome's blood on it. “Get ready Miroku, I have an idea.” He got to his feet and started searching the air. The Tetsusaiga was transformed and now ready for use. Not only did he sniff the air, but he tried to listen to everything around him. If he was lucky it would help him detect the location of the creature if it spoke again.

 

He managed to get the faint sent of Kagome's blood just off to his right. The thing was practically standing between him and Miroku. If he was wrong and missed this could be his only chance to kill the thing. Acting as if he was blindly searching the air, Inuyasha moved himself into a better position for the attack. He sniffed one more time, purposely sniffing in more than one direction. Kage laughed and that was all Inuyasha needed.

 

“Kaze no Kizu!” The ground went up in flames before him, but the thing had been missed by the strike. It floated in the air just to the side of the flames. It did not realize that the fire had made it visible. You could see right throught. It had more of an outline than an actual form to it. It looked almost like a transparent spider. It had a head that was all mouth with one circle of small eyes on its forehead. Its body was a round blob with two legs on each side. It seemed to be very amused until Miroku caught it with the air void.

 

With the youkai out of the way, Inuyasha turned his complete attention to Kagome. She was very still and cold to the touch. He bent in close to hear her heart beat, “I have to get her to the well. Maybe if I can get her back home, she can be saved.” Shippo was crying, but nodded at the words.

 

“Have Kirara take you to the well,” Sango insisted. “We'll go on foot.”

 

Inuyasha did not argue as he picked Kagome up into his arms and walked to the giant cat creature. `Don't leave me Kagome. I will get you home, just don't leave me.'