InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Away From the Dark ❯ Chapter 24

WARNING (this story contains the following): homosexual relationships, (physical, verbal, sexual) abuse, descriptive sex scenes, (major) OOCness, uke Sessh, and it is AU. If you oppose reading about any or all of these things then move on to a different story. Do not complain to me about the things I've just listed because we all know that you didn't have to read this. That covers the warnings. I will add any new ones as the story progresses

 

XXX

 

Chapter Twenty-Four

 

Sesshomaru's thoughts were a mess and his heart was racing. He had no idea why he had done that. I'm married, I'm married. I shouldn't have done that. He had barely registered what he was doing and that it was bad until Inuyasha had touched him with his hands. Sesshomaru didn't know what to do. Naraku was right…I am a slut. Sesshomaru knew that he had been bad but what made it worse was that he had enjoyed it. He enjoyed it and would do it again if given the chance.

 

Inuyasha stood up. Sesshomaru looked upset and he wanted to comfort him. He'd calm Sesshomaru down first then ask him questions after. Sesshomaru allowed him to guide him back to the couch to sit down.

 

“I don't know what came over me,” Sesshomaru said before Inuyasha had a chance to ask anything. “It's just…you've been so kind to me. I-I wanted to show you somehow that I appreciate it. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-“ He was silenced by a finger upon his lips.

 

“Don't apologize. I know you appreciate it. Don't feel forced to do something you don't want to do.”

 

“…I never said I didn't want it.” Slut.

 

Inuyasha was surprised. What did this mean? Does he…have feelings for me? If he did, Inuyasha wasn't sure if those feelings were returned. Sesshomaru was attractive in both his personality and looks, and they got along great but…

 

He's married. “Do you have feelings for me?”

 

Sesshomaru closed his eyes. He didn't know the answer. He knew what it should be but he didn't know what it truly was. He was married to Naraku, he wasn't allowed to have feelings for anyone but him. Hell, Naraku wouldn't even want him to be friends with Inuyasha. But Sesshomaru couldn't honestly say that there was nothing between them. “I…I'm married.”

 

“Not happily. I'm not blind, I know something goes on when you two are alone. You didn't answer my first question.”

 

“I-I don't know! I'm not supposed to. We're not even supposed to be friends!”

 

“What? Why not?”

 

Damn it…

 

“Sessh? Why aren't we supposed to be friends? Does Naraku not like you with me?”

 

“He doesn't know I'm with you…”

 

“Why haven't you told him?”

 

“Because…he wouldn't like it.” Inuyasha wanted to hug him but he wasn't sure if that was the best thing to do right now. “What if I did feel something for you? Would I be wasting my time or would you feel the same?” Sesshomaru braced himself for the answer. Inuyasha would be like every other man in his life. They would tell him how worthless he was and that they wouldn't waste any more time then they already had with him. He was weak, he was repulsive, he was good for nothing except being their whore. That was how it always turned out.

 

“I'm not too sure how I feel. When we met, you were married so I had already told myself to not look at you in that way. I do care for you though. I love spending time with you and I think we make great friends. When we met, if you had been single I think there's a good chance things would have been different.”

 

Sesshomaru was surprised. He…he was saying that the possibility was there but since he was married they couldn't take it very far. Inuyasha's answer had been much different than what he had expected. Inuyasha was different, so different from the other men in his life. But what if he's lying to you? Sesshomaru's mind reeled at that thought. What if he's lying so he can take advantage of you later? No…that couldn't be true. Inuyasha wouldn't do that. You never thought Naraku would do what he does to you now either. Sesshomaru wished the voice in his mind would stop. He didn't want to believe what it was saying.

 

“Hey, Sessh?” Inuyasha asked. Something was wrong.

 

Sesshomaru was lost in thought. “You're lying,” he said coldly. That hadn't been what he wanted to say. His mouth couldn't keep from voicing his fears though.

 

“No, I'm not. I meant every word that I said.”

 

“You'll just end up like everyone else. Like Naraku, like my exes before him, like my fucking father. My own father didn't want anything to do with me, you don't either!”

 

“When have I ever done anything to you that would make you think I was lying? I'm nothing like those other people. I don't want to hurt you, I never will. I promise.”

 

“I-I can't keep getting hurt. It would be too much between you and Naraku.”

 

“I will never hurt you like Naraku hurts you.” Inuyasha cupped his face with both hands and made Sesshomaru turn to him. Sesshomaru kept his gaze downwards. “Look at me,” he ordered in a gentle tone. “Come on, look at me.” He slowly looked up until their eyes met. “Please, believe what I'm telling you. I've never met someone like you before. I don't want to lose our friendship, I don't want to lose you. I…I don't know what to make of that kiss but I don't want you to feel like our relationship has to change now.”

 

“W-why…?”

 

“Why is it so difficult to believe me? Why don't you think you deserve to be treated well?”

 

Sesshomaru looked down. He had no answer to give him. His gaze shifted back to Inuyasha when he felt the younger man grab his hands. He took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I don't want to lose you either. You and Kagura are the only people who have been so nice to me. I don't know what came over me when I kissed you. I'm not supposed to kiss you, I'm supposed to be with Naraku…”

 

“Are you happy? Can you honestly say that you want to be with him? Sure you can tell me that you love him and want to stay with him but deep down would you be telling yourself the truth?”

 

Was he happy? Sesshomaru had tried to tell himself for years that he was. He tried to convince himself that any pain he felt was because he had disobeyed Naraku and that the way to feel better was to listen to his husband. There was only so much lying to himself he could do though. Deep down? If he ever wanted to admit it to himself, deep down he was miserable. The only thing that had kept him alive this long was his daughter. He was afraid to leave her alone in Naraku's clutches and he didn't want to cause her the pain of losing a parent. It would be too selfish on his part. Had it not been for her, he probably would've taken his life by now.

 

“Well?”

 

“What do you want to hear? That if I didn't have a daughter, I would've killed myself? I'm so weak and repulsive.”

 

“You're not weak or repulsive, just hurt. Do you really want to kill yourself? I won't think bad of you…”

 

“I thought about it for a long time. It would be too selfish to do that though because of Rin.”

 

“Do you still want to? If Rin wasn't your daughter would you?”

 

“…Probably…” Sesshomaru had never told this to anyone, not even Kagura. No matter what, the pain ate at him everyday. He needed some kind of outlet and Inuyasha was willing to listen to him.

 

Inuyasha had never realized that Sesshomaru was hurting that badly. He hated Naraku with a burning passion for he knew that he was the cause behind his pain. He wrapped his arms tightly around Sesshomaru. “Please, please never kill yourself. Stop torturing yourself though. How long do you plan on doing this? Look at what Naraku has done to you.”

 

He knew Inuyasha was right. He was torturing himself. He was the one who always disobeyed Naraku when he knew that he'd be punished later. “You don't know what Naraku's done.”

 

“No one has told me. I can guess though and I bet I'd be pretty close. If he does what I think he does then…I know you don't deserve it. You should be with someone who will love and respect you, someone who will never harm you. What does he tell you? Does he tell you that he does it because he loves you? That if you just listened to him he wouldn't have to? Does he always justify his sick treatment by turning everything on you?”

 

Tears gathered in Sesshomaru's eyes. Yes, Naraku did say all those things whenever he was punished. Everything Inuyasha was saying was true but certain things had been beaten into Sesshomaru for years. He didn't deserve it? Of course he did. He was always being bad. If Naraku didn't love him then he would just let him do whatever he wanted. But he didn't.

 

“Sessh, he's trying to control you. Even if you weren't `bad' he'd still find ways to torment you. If he loved you he would never hurt you. There's no way to justify the way he treats you. I know how hard it must be but try to look at what he does. Do you really want to keep being hurt for the rest of your life?”

 

No, he didn't. He didn't want to be hit, to be yelled at, to be raped. He wanted to have friends, he wanted to go out, he wanted to be able to do things without the fear of being beaten when he came home. He wanted happiness. But what could he do? “Naraku will find me no matter what I do.”

 

“He won't be able to touch you if you leave.”

 

“What about Rin? He wouldn't let me near her. He'd fill her head with all sorts of lies.”

 

“Take his ass to court. You'd get custody for sure.”

 

That still didn't take away his fear. What would he do if he left Naraku? He'd end up losing his job and have nowhere to live. Sure he could stay with Inuyasha or Kagura for a little bit but that wouldn't be enough time to save a decent amount of money. He had no savings of his own. Naraku forced him to give his paycheck to him so he could put it in his own bank account.

 

Sesshomaru just shook his head and buried his face into Inuyasha's neck. He didn't know what to do. He had so many conflicting emotions and it confused him to no end. This was the only life he had ever known. Before Naraku, he had quite a few boyfriends. None of them had treated him well. Definitely not as bad as Naraku now but never did he have a truly loving and caring relationship. Naraku was great at first but that soon changed too. Sesshomaru was lost now.

 

Inuyasha gently rocked him back and forth. He was praying to all the gods that what he was saying was getting through to Sesshomaru. He suddenly realized that the side his neck was wet. He's crying…“Oh, Sessh…I'll help you any way I can. I'm here for you, I promise. You can trust me.”

 

Sesshomaru cried more tears before taking a couple breaths to calm himself down. His voice was low as he whispered, “Do you really want to know what goes on between me and Naraku?”