InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Beautiful Souls ❯ Searching ( Chapter 5 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: BrethlessM 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Hentai / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 08.04.2005 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.7K | Visits: 701 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Hentai / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 08.04.2005 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.7K | Visits: 701 | Status: Completed
“Great shot, Kagome!” Shippou sat on the ground eating a box of chocolate pocky that Kagome had brought for him. He was ‘helping’ her practice her archery, by offering either praise or criticism, depending on the shot.
“Thanks, Shippou,” Kagome wiped the sweat from her brow and went to get her arrow out of the tree.
Sango sat nearby, polishing Hiraikotsu, “I definitely think your form is improving.”
“ It’s Tatsujou. You created such a perfect weapon, it’s hard to miss the target!” Taking her stance to fire again, Kagome closed one eye and guided the arrow along her index finger. Holding her breath, she released the bow-string, sending another arrow flying as her bow sang in her ear.
“That one was a little to the left, Kagome.”
“Thanks, Shippou,” Retrieving her arrow, Kagome flopped down on the grass next to Sango, “I think that’s enough for now. Where did the guys go?” Looking around for Inuyasha and Miroku, Kagome realized they’d been gone for some time.
“Kaede-sama asked them to help her with some repair work in the village before we left. They should be ready to go in about an hour,” Sango finished her work and examined the boomerang bone in the light, “It’ll do. I need more polish and we’d have to return to the exterminator village to get the supplies for it.”
“It’s on our way, isn’t it? Do you know where exactly we’re going?” Kagome and Inuyasha had returned the day before. That night, word had come in about a disturbance involving some birds in a not-to-distant village, that could possibly be related to Naraku. The group had made plans to leave the following morning.
“ Only that the village is to the North, about two days journey from here. We should be near the exterminator village tomorrow night.”
Kagome spotted Kaede on her hands and knees in the herb garden next to her hut, “Sango, I’ll be right back.”
Jumping up, Kagome ran over to the elderly Miko and bent down beside her, “Need a hand?”
“Thank ye child. These old bones aren’t as flexible as they used to be,” Sitting back on her heels, Kaede wiped her forehead, leaving a muddy streak, “Inuyasha and Miroku should be finishing up any minute now and then ye can be on thy way.”
Kagome nodded. “Kaede? I was hoping you could help me with something.”
“Of course child! Ye needn’t bother to ask! What can an old woman do for ye?” Assuming a cross-legged position on the ground, Kaede closed her eyes, as she normally did, to concentrate to her fullest extent.
“I was hoping... that is, I want....” Kagome fiddled with the herb she was holding. “What I mean is... would you train me? When we get back, I mean. As a Miko?” Timidly, Kagome looked up, “I’ve never learned how to harness the spiritual powers I have and I think it would be helpful. For me... and in the fight against Naraku. I’m ready now.”
Kaede was silent for a moment. Opening her eyes, she looked at Kagome, “Child, I’ve waited three years for ye to ask me. What is it that prevented ye from asking before?”
Kagome hesitated, then looked down, “Kikyou.”
Kaede nodded, as if she knew this was the reason, “Ye didn’t want something else to serve as a reminder to Inuyasha as to who ye are not.” Kaede stood, lifting the basket of herbs to take inside with her, “Kagome, come with me.”
Following the priestess inside her hut, Kagome waited just inside the doorway as Kaede set the herbs near the fire, and moved over towards a chest that contained her personal belongings. After a moment of searching, Kaede pulled out a small, wooden box. Closing the chest securely again, Kaede turned to Kagome, motioning for her to come closer and sit.
Kaede opened the box to reveal an oval-shaped crystal. The stone itself was clear, but it appeared to have golden strands passing through it. Kaede held it delicately in her hand, “This is a rutilated quartz(1). It has marvelous healing powers, both mental and physical. It was given to me by the priestess who trained Kikyou onee-sama(2) and myself. That priestess received it from her sensei(3) and so on,” Kaede smiled and placed the stone in Kagome’s hand, folding her fingers over it. The crystal was surprisingly warm. “Now, it belongs to thee.”
Unable to express her thanks, Kagome merely nodded. Holding the quartz in her fist, she raised her hand up to her chest, resting it upon her breastbone. A warmth began to spread throughout her body, beginning in her hand and reaching all the way into her toes. Surprised, Kagome opened her fist, staring at the stone whose golden strands seemed to glow softly.
With a satisfied smile, Kaede nodded, “Ye have been accepted as my student. Ye shall spend 30 minutes every evening meditating with the crystal in thy hand. It matters not which one. Miroku can help guide thee in meditation until ye can do it on thine own. When ye return, I will begin a more formal training.” Leaning closer to Kagome, the Miko smiled, “It should also help calm thy nightmares as well.”
Kagome was surprised, “How did you know I’ve been having nightmares?”
“Ye awoke me last night. Tell me, how long have ye been having them?”
Kagome shook her head, “I’m not sure. Sometimes it seems like I’ve always had them, but when I think back, I can’t remember any of the details, so I doubt I’ve had one at all. That’s why I was surprised you’d mentioned it.” Frowning, Kagome looked up at Kaede. “Does that seem odd to you?”
Kaede walked over to her collection of herbs and, taking some from different piles, placed the mixture in a small muslin bag, “Before ye sleep tonight, soak this in some water and drink it. Afterwards, find thyself a hot spring and use it to scrub thy face. If ye no longer suffer from thine affliction, then I wouldn’t waste any more time in worrying on it.”
“Oi! Kagome! You ready to go, or what?” Inuyasha’s head was covered in dirt and he had a long streak of dirt on his face.
Kagome giggled, “What have you been up to? You’re filthy!” Taking out her handkerchief, Kagome wiped off the dirt on his cheek, “You could use a bath!”
“Keh. We’ll worry about that later, bitch. Now come on! I wanna put some distance between us and the village before it gets too late to travel.”
Kagome picked up her pack and said good-bye to Kaede. Noticing the stiffness in the old woman’s movement, Kagome reached into a side pocket on her backpack, “Here. You need this more than I do,” Fastening the magnetic bracelet Houjou had given her onto the woman’s wrist, Kagome explained what it was used for, “Maybe it’ll help you feel better!”
Kaede grabbed Kagome’s hand and peered into her eyes. “Thank ye, child. Ye’ll make a fine Miko. Ye always think of others ahead of thyself, and ye have a purity of heart that’s unmatched by any I’ve met in all my years.”
Blushing, Kagome gave the woman a hug.
“Oi! Kagome! Move it, bitch!”
Kagome rolled her eyes as the hanyou’s voiced carried in from outside, “Coming!” With a final wave to her new sensei, Kagome left the hut, only to be flung up onto Inuyasha’s back before he took off, Leaving Sango, Miroku and Shippou to follow on Kirara.
****************
“Rat youkai, you say?” Miroku looked over at Sango. “Yes, I believe we have the means to aid you with your problem,” The gang had stopped just outside a village to rest and have lunch. While Kagome finished serving everyone out of her pack, they had been approached by the village head, asking for help.
Sango stood, lifting one of her shoulder pads to access the supplies she stored beneath. “All right, but if I have to wait to eat, you’re coming with me, Monk,” She handed him a small bag of powdered herbs, a fan, and extra mask and a flint stone, “Here.”
With a sigh that made Kagome laugh, Miroku followed the taijiya to the village. Nibbling at a hand full of trail mix, Kagome commented, “He pretends to be upset, but I think he really enjoys working alone with Sango.”
Inuyasha snorted, “Keh. Gives him more opportunities to grab her ass.” Casting an eye on Shippou and Kirara, who were napping nearby, Inuyasha gnawed at a hunk of beef jerky, looking sulky, “If we keep getting delayed like this, we’ll never make it to that village.”
Kagome reached over to rub one of his ears, “You always get cranky when we do something nice for people. Why can’t you admit what a softie you are?” Inuyasha growled at her and pulled away from her hand, “Besides, at this rate we can make it to Sango’s village by nightfall. Since she needed to stop by there anyway, that’ll be perfect. Plus, there’s a hot spring there too!” Kagome’s eyes gleamed, as they always did at the idea of a nice, warm soak.
Inuyasha barely held in a groan. Traveling with Kagome on his back all day was bad enough. Just the memory of her legs wrapped around his waist was enough to make him shift to hide his discomfort. Any time the girl insisted on taking a bath, Inuyasha always felt the need to take a cold one himself after standing guard over her. Three days had passed since they had kissed beneath the falling cherry blossoms in the cemetery. Not once in those three days had anything more been said about it. Inuyasha, for his part, felt a little guilty. He didn’t know if he had forced her to kiss him in the heat of the moment. ‘She didn’t fight me though... and she did kiss me back.’ He remembered the soft gasps that she’s made as his fangs had brushed her lips. The memory of her taste, her scent, the feel of her in his arms, caused an ache deep in the pit of his stomach.
He smiled, remembering her words before he’d lost all sense of reason and grabbed her,
“ You Do make me happy, dammit! Just being near you makes me happy....”
His guilt was also caused by Kikyou. As strongly as he felt about Kagome, he had a duty to Kikyou. That was the reason he’d kept Kagome at arm’s length for all these years. Unable to imagine life without her, he’d told himself it would be easier, on both of them, if he kept his emotions to himself. ‘But you knew that was a lie,’ he thought with a frown. ‘No matter how much you want to deny it, if anything happened to her....’ His frown deepened to a scowl as Miroku’s words came back to him.
“ Inuyasha.... Do not deny yourself your true chance at happiness in pursuit of that which is no more than a memory.”
“Inuyasha? Where did you go?” Kagome was bent over slightly to peer into his eyes. For the last few minutes, he’d been unusually silent, staring off into the distance as a variety of expressions played over his face. She’d become concerned when he’d started scowling at the ground as though it had done something to offend him. ‘I wonder if he’s thinking about us. I wonder if he regrets kissing me?’ She still wasn’t sure why he’d done it. At the time, she’d started to think that, just maybe, there was something there after all. As the days had passed, and things had returned to normal, she’d decided that she was wrong. Too afraid to ask, she’d kept her mind on other things and tried to act normal.
Inuyasha sighed in frustration, “Aren’t those two done yet?”
Kagome stretched out on the ground, resting her head on her backpack, “They’re fine. They’ll be back soon,” Yawning, she closed her eyes, deciding to rest while she could. Although riding on Inuyasha’s back wasn’t the most strenuous way to travel, the long miles in the sun always drained her of energy.
Inuyasha watched as she stretched her arms above her head. A small patch of her stomach was visible between the tan shorts and light blue top she wore. Overcome by the urge to kiss the bare flesh, Inuyasha forced himself to look away. ‘This is not good.’ He decided, breathing deeply. ‘At this rate, I won’t be able to keep my thoughts off of her, let alone my hands.’
Sango appeared over the edge of the cliff followed by Miroku, carrying a small bundle of what appeared to be their ‘payment.’
“Turns out that the rat youkai were being drawn to the energy of their leaders corpse, which the village head had hidden under his house to keep his own family safe. When I began to explain the situation to him, he insisted we take these fine items,” Displaying an assortment of valuable lacquered bowls and jars, Miroku grinned, “These should fetch a fine price in the next village we pass.”
Inuyasha shook his head as Sango and Kagome frowned, “That’s IF we stop again. We’ve already wasted enough time. Can we go, already?”
The group gathered up their belongings, Sango and Miroku eating a quick lunch as they prepared. Getting back onto Kirara, Miroku watched as Inuyasha picked up Kagome and waited for them. “Would you rather I kept these dishes as a wedding present, Sango my love? They are very fine.”
Sango swatted away the hand she sensed coming, “Don’t push your luck, Houshi.” As they took off, she glanced back at Miroku, “Keep it up and there might not be a wedding.”
“ I doubt that very much,” Miroku said into her ear.
Sango gasped as he placed a delicate kiss on the side of her neck. Ignoring his chuckling at the blush that rose to her cheeks, Sango hid a delighted smile and focused on the figures of Inuyasha and Kagome below them.
*********************
Kagome sat cross-legged on a rock, next to Miroku. Head slightly bent to elongate her neck, eyes closed, shoulders back, she waited for Miroku to continue.
“Now,” his voice was low and slightly hypnotic. It was a voice she wasn’t used to hearing from the lively houshi, “ once your body is relaxed, begin to focus on the physical sensations of breathing. Let yourself become absorbed in the feel of your breath as it flows into and out of your body. Notices the changes in your breath, and in your body as you breath.”
Kagome felt herself relaxing. Her hands rested on her knees, palms facing upward. In her right hand, she held the rutilated quartz Kaede had given her. A small warmth began to fill her, flowing out of the crystal and enveloping her body.
“ In your mind, begin counting every time you breath out. Breath in... breath out. One. Breath in... breath out. Two. When you reach ten, start back at one and continue,” Miroku began his own meditation. The method he was teaching Kagome was only a basic form. After thirteen years of his own training, Miroku was considerably advanced in his meditation practices. The method he most frequently used was a mantra meditation.
Since his father’s death when he was eight years old, Miroku had trained with his caretaker, Mushin. Mushin, although a hopeless drunkard, was a priest of a higher order than Miroku, and had taught him with an eye on his future. It was because of the older Monk’s knowledge that Miroku might not live a full life, that he had raised the boy to take his pleasure as it came. Miroku had been taught to show a kinder face to the world while inside, one should act as one pleased. Mushin had been responsible for encouraging the behavior Miroku had learned from his father, and it wasn’t until he’d met Sango and the others that he had started to try and change this habit. It was the hardest thing he’d ever attempted in his life.
These days, Miroku’s desire to defeat Naraku was overwhelming. So strong was his need to out-live his enemy in order to marry Sango, Miroku found himself meditating more and more. The mantra Miroku chanted was the Buddhist mantra to the goddess Sitatara(4). This goddess was associated with long life. She is often pictured as having seven eyes, three on her face, one on the sole of each foot, and one on the palm of each hand. These eyes symbolized watchfulness of the compassionate mind. It was with the chant of her followers that Miroku sought to extend his life at least long enough to avenge the death of his father and grandfather - both of whom had been sucked into oblivion by the Air Rips in their own right hands.
“ Om taare Tuttaare Ture Mama Ayuh Punya Jnaanaa Pushtim Kuru Svaahaa....” (5)
Kagome felt as though she were floating. She found it easier than expected to focus on her breathing. For half and hour she sat with Miroku, feeling the energy in her body pulse in time with her breathing.
“What the fuck?”
Kagome’s eyes sprung open and quickly found Inuyasha, who had been watching from a tree when they’d started. He was staring at her in surprise.
“What’s the matter?” It was then that she noticed the pink aura that encircled her body.
Exactly one half of an hour after he’d begun, Miroku slowly ceased his chanting and opened his eyes just in time to see the pink glow fade from Kagome as she stood in shock, “What happened?” She asked him.
Miroku smiled, “It appears that you’re progressing much more quickly than I imagined.” He stood and placed a hand on Kagome’s shoulder, ignoring the low, warning growl that issued from high in the trees, “Don’t worry. The spiritual power of your aura is focusing itself. Tomorrow we shall advance on to stage two of the meditation process. Well done.”
Kagome swallowed to clear the shock that had risen in her throat. Nodding to show she understood, Kagome decided that now would be the perfect time for that bath in the hot spring. Jumping down from the rock, she smiled at Inuyasha who had jumped down beside her with a concerned look in his eyes.
Finding Sango wasn’t hard. The taijiya knelt at the foot of the graves Kagome, Inuyasha and Miroku had dug for her villagers so long ago. Having placed new flowers on the series of mounds, Sango’s hands were pressed together in prayer, renewing her vow to avenge their deaths. Placing a hand on her friends shoulder, Kagome smiled as Sango’s tear stained face turned to meet hers, “Is it hard to be here?”
Sango stood, gazing once more at the mound containing her father, “It’s good to be here. Being near them gives me strength to continue my journey,” Her eyes clouded, “to rescue Kohaku.”
Kagome hugged the girl, “We’ll find him. We won’t let Naraku claim another life. I promise.”
Smiling, but not looking convinced, Sango led Kagome to camp to gather their things for the bath.
********************
“What did it look like?”
Kagome grinned. In the age old tradition of girlfriends everywhere, she and Sango were discussing clothing... more specifically, Kagome’s dress for the dance. As she described the evening to her friend, Kagome laughed to herself. ‘It’s funny. Sitting here with Sango, I can talk so easily about things that bore me in my own time.’
“How did Inuyasha do? I mean, was he well-behaved?” Sango couldn’t imagine the surly hanyou wearing anything as fancy as what Kagome had described. The fact that he would do something like that for Kagome, spoke to Sango of how deep his feelings for her friend had to be.
Kagome frowned, “Sometimes... I just don’t know what to make of Inuyasha. I mean, he practically begs me to go with him to this dance and, once we’re there actually dances with me, then he....”
“Wait... Inuyasha danced?” Sango looked baffled, “What kind of dancing?”
Kagome grinned, “It’s called slow dancing. Basically the two partners hold each other close and move slowly in a circle. It’s not the kind of dancing you’re used to, and it can be very... intimate,” Kagome frowned, “But, as I was saying, he dances with me and minutes later, he’s telling this guy, who’s head he practically ripped off for even asking me to the dance in the first place, to go ahead and dance with me and that he made some sort of mistake! I just don’t understand.”
Sango leaned back against a rock and drew her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees, “So, this guy asks you to the dance and Inuyasha does his jealous hanyou routine, making you take him instead. Then, he dances with you and afterwards tells the same guy to dance with you as well?” Sango thought about it for a moment before shaking her head, “Uh-uh. I don’t understand it either.”
Kagome wet her hair and picked up her bottle of shampoo, “ After we left, I asked him why he’d done it. He said that he just wanted me to be happy. I told him that he made me happy and....” Kagome stopped. Frowning, she pretended to focus on rinsing all the suds from her hair, hoping Sango wouldn’t notice her abrupt halt.
“You actually told him that? What did he say?” Sango’s eyes lit up as she leaned forward in anticipation.
“Say anything? Not... really,” Kagome bit her lip and reached for the conditioner, passing the shampoo to Sango.
Wetting her hair and squeezing the shampoo into the palm of her hand, Sango eyed her friend, “What is it you’re not telling me?”
Kagome sighed, “ I told him that just being near him made me happy and he just... grabbed me. And kissed me,” Pulling out her bar of soap, Kagome turned away to hide her blush.
Sango grabbed Kagome’s arm, “He kissed you! That’s wonderful! Why aren’t you more excited?”
“I don’t know! It’s been days since it happened and he hasn’t once mentioned it! Everything’s gone back to normal, except there are times when I notice he can’t even look at me! I think maybe... maybe he was thinking of Kikyou, or it was the moon, or the cherry blossoms, or something!”
Sango stared sadly at her friend, “Why can’t it have been you?”
Kagome remained silent. As much as she wanted to believe it was her, and only her that Inuyasha had been kissing, Kagome couldn’t make sense of his actions. Nothing seemed to add up in her mind. She sighed, “ Inuyasha loves Kikyou. He swore to protect her. I can’t come between that, no matter how I feel. Even if he did have... some sort of feelings towards me, it’s only because we look alike. I’m her reincarnation. I’ll never be her.”
Sango wrapped an arm around the girl’s shoulder, “No, you never will. You’re much too good to be her. If Inuyasha doesn’t see that, then he’s a baka. I think you’re wrong though. He sees a lot more in you than you think,” Standing up, Sango wrung the water from her hair, “ I’m done. How about you?”
Nodding, Kagome went to close her bag, “Oh wait, I forgot about this.” Holding up the wet, muslin bag of herbs Kaede had given her, she wrinkled her nose. “I drank the tea earlier but Kaede wanted me to use the leftovers as a scrub.”
“I can send Inuyasha over to guard you.... Unless you’d rather I wait with you?”
Kagome shook her head, “Go on. I won’t be long. You can tell Inuyasha that he doesn’t really need to come. I’ll only be a few more minutes,” Saying good-bye, Kagome watched as the taijiya dressed and headed for the warmth of the campfire. With a sigh, Kagome plunged the muslin bag into the water, smelling the aroma of rosemary, lavender, and a few others she couldn’t name, as they were carried by the heat leeching from the hot spring.
Taking a moment to clear her mind, the way Miroku had taught her, Kagome moved the bag in small, concentric circles over the skin of her face and neck. Breathing in the heady aroma of the herbal combination, Kagome felt both awakened and relaxed. When she felt that she’d gotten all that she could from the task, Kagome opened the bag and released the herbal mixture into the stream of water that ran over the rocks, out of the spring. Rinsing out the bag, she wrapped the mesh in her washcloth and sealed it in a plastic bag.
Stepping out of the water, Kagome retrieved her towel from the rock she’d left it on and wrapped it around herself before walking around to the shallow cove where she’d undressed earlier. Suddenly grabbed from behind, Kagome tried to cry out, but her scream was muffled by a hand placed over her mouth. A clawed hand.
Inuyasha swung her around to face him, pulling her close enough to growl in her ear. “So you don’t think you need protection, bitch? I could be anything, and here you are, practically fucking naked, and not even paying attention.”
Kagome couldn’t breath, partly from his proximity to her nearly bare body, but also from shock. There was a look in his eyes she had never seen before. He looked angry, but also... scared? Had he really been afraid that something would happen to her in the few minutes she’d been alone?
Inuyasha’s eyes raked over her body. He realized he had been clenching her arms so tightly that his claws threatened to break flesh. His breath came in a hard rush as he loosened his grip, but didn’t release her. He lifted one had to brush a strand of wet hair from her face, where it had fallen when he’d flung her around, “Promise me.... You’ll never go anywhere without me. Or at least without Sango, or even Miroku,” Her mouth opened, but no answer came and he shook her gently, “Promise me!” He growled.
Kagome’s voice was no more than a whisper, “I promise,” With a soft moan, Inuyasha wrapped her in his arms and lowered his face to hers.
“I couldn’t bear it if I lost you,” Gently, he touched his lips to hers, taking in the scent of her that he knew so well. As she responded to his kiss, she seemed to swell against him. There was suddenly no world but her. She was his reason for being. Sun and moon, combined. The air he breathed and the water he drank. Without her in his arms, there was nothing. He was lost.
Kagome felt as though her heart were trying to escape the prison of her chest. His claws grazed her bare shoulder blades, making her moan as shivers trailed down her spine. Her skin burned as he trailed kisses down her neck, her shoulders. She wanted him closer. Her body ached to take him into her own, to be one with him. His kisses ignited in her something she had never felt before. Something she had never known existed. His fangs nibbled at her lower lip, making her tremble with desire. She whispered his name, her voice thick with emotion.
“Kagome....” Inuyasha’s voice was low and guttural. The animalistic quality of it made her quiver. ‘My name.’ She thought as his lips descended on her once more. ‘He said my name.’ Reaching up, she touched his face, the contact making him moan softly.
Staring down at her for a moment, he suddenly remembered how little she was wearing. Breathing heavily, Inuyasha pushed her from him and turned away. Gasping for air, he growled, “get dressed.”
Kagome stood still for a moment, trying to catch her breath. She wasn’t sure what had just happened. Approaching Inuyasha, she reached out to him, placing a hand on his arm. “Inuyasha...?”
Jerking from her touch, he repeated more loudly, “Get dressed!”
Kagome pulled back as though burned. Slowly, she returned to the neatly folded pile of clothing and began to dress. Tears stung her eyes and she fought the desire to succumb to them. Not here, not now. He had said her name. He had known it was her. Had he suddenly realized? Remembered? What was he thinking? She looked over at where he still stood with his back to her. He seemed to have controlled his breathing and he was staring up at the stars. ‘Thinking about Kikyou?’
Picking up her towel and the nylon bag in which she carried her bathing supplies, Kagome said quietly, “I’m dressed now.”
Inuyasha nodded and led her back to camp, without a word. He could smell the salt of her tears and wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her. ‘I came too close to losing control that time. I can’t let that happen again.’ If there were any chance that for them. Any chance that she could love him in return, Inuyasha knew it would have to be of her own will, not because he couldn’t control his youkai.
Returning to the camp, he leapt into the branches of a tree. Kagome never once looked his way as she crawled into her sleeping bag. Inuyasha knew he must have hurt her. Confused her with his actions. He only hoped that she would understand, and forgive him. Though she had responded to his kisses, he wasn’t sure if she’d been caught up in his emotions, or if she felt something for him as he did for her. If it were possible for her to love him....
He suddenly noticed Sango, eyeing him from where she lay. Frowning at him, she glanced at Kagome before giving him one final, piercing glare, and turning over to sleep. Assuming his usual position against the trunk of the tree, Inuyasha struggled not to feel guilty.
*****************
“He’ll leave. They’ll all leave.”
Inuyasha appeared before her. The anger in his eyes terrified Kagome. Desperate to know what caused it, she raced forward to grab hold of him....
“They’re using you.”
Suddenly facing Sango, Kagome took hold of the girls hand. Laughing, Sango turned away, disappearing into the night.
“You mean nothing to them. You’re life is nothing.”
Miroku leered at her suggestively, motioning for her to come with him, his eyes seeming to look through her clothing.
“You are no one.”
Shippou glared at her with such hatred. Kagome cried out his name as the tiny youkai she loved like her own child, looked at her with disgust.
Kagome sank to her knees, sobbing. Darkness closed in on her as she felt the ground disappear beneath her body. Suddenly, a light appeared in the distance. Heat radiated from that source as flames rose up from a pit filled with shadows. Among the flames was Kikyou. Holding out her hand to someone, the dead Miko turned her head in Kagome’s direction as another hand filled hers. Inuyasha. Stepping into the flames, Inuyasha looked out at Kagome, his eyes filled with rage. Turning from her, he pulled Kikyou into his arms and kissed her, as their two bodies disappeared into the fiery darkness below.
Kagome screamed. Her throat ached but her screaming didn’t cease. Her arms were bound tightly against her body and she began to rock back and forth. No longer able to produce sound, Kagome’s mouth hung open in a silent cry as tears streamed down her cheeks. Her soul felt empty as she began floating upwards, unable to move, unable to cry out.
Someone called her name and suddenly, Inuyasha was above her, looking frightened. Realizing that she’d been dreaming, she realized that Sango, Miroku, and Shippou were surrounding her too, holding onto her arms and legs. Kagome heaved another sob and buried her face in Inuyasha’s shirt.
Inuyasha rocked her against him, quietly soothing her. Lightly sleeping, he’d awakened at her first moan. As her distress had increased, the others had awoken as well, but no one had been able to bring Kagome to consciousness. Restraining her arms and legs so that she couldn’t injure herself, the group had tried everything to rouse her until finally, Inuyasha had scooped her into his arms, intending to dunk her into the hot springs. Calling her name one last time, he’d been relieved when her eyes had opened. The despair he’d seen in her eyes, the utter loss of reason, had terrified him. He wasn’t sure what she’d seen in those few minutes, but he was certain that no monster he’d ever battled was as terrifying.
Sango and Miroku sat together, holding hands. Their rare display of affection indicating the depths of their concern. Shippou’s eyes were filled with tears. Unsure of what to do, he stood by, frantically clenching and unclenching his hands. When Kagome had calmed, Inuyasha helped her to sit up, supporting her with his arm.
Taking Shippou in her arms, Kagome rubbed her face against the young kitsune, hugging him close, “I’m better now. Sorry to have caused so much trouble,” putting Shippou down, Kagome hugged herself close, still looking haunted.
“What did you see, Kagome?” Sango placed a hand on her friends knee.
Shaking her head, Kagome indicated that she couldn’t talk about it, not yet, “You all should get some sleep. Otherwise we’ll never get to the village,” She tried to laugh, but failed miserably.
Miroku smiled softly and stood, holding out his hand to the frightened girl, “Come. You’re not getting any sleep tonight after that, and neither will the rest of us if we’re worrying about you. You and I will meditate together while the others sleep. You won’t be able to dream while meditating and, in the morning, you’ll feel rested and more at ease.”
Kagome hesitated, revealing the extent of her anxiety. Finally taking the Monk’s hand, Kagome retreated with him to a spot just outside the circle of fire light. As the two assumed their positions to meditate, facing each other and holding hands so that Miroku could provide her with the strength for such a task, Inuyasha found a new place for himself to sit and still be able to keep Kagome in his sight. The sooner they reached the village tomorrow, the better. He had a bad feeling that this was only the beginning of whatever was the matter with Kagome, and only Kaede would know what to do.
************************************************************** ****************
Chapter Glossary:
1. Rutilated Quartz - I’m quoting from the website:
“Rutilated Quartz is a gemstone composed of clear quartz with inclusions of titanium oxide, or rutile. Its hardness is 7, and the greatest abundance of gem-grade specimens are found in Brazil.Mystic Lore: Intuitive sources say that Rutilated Quartz can act as an energizer when one is fatigued, and that it promotes clarity of thought and enhanced insight. It is also said to repel negative energies and to rid one of unwanted interference. It has been recommended for stabilizing emotions, relationships & mental processes.”
I thought it sounded appropriate for Kagome.
2. Kikyou onee-sama - ‘Onee’ is an older Japanese word for ‘older sister’. Notice that Kaede uses the ending ‘sama’ instead of ‘san’ or ‘chan’. She’s showing respect for her sister’s station.
3. Sensei - Anyone who’s seen ‘Karate Kid’ will know this one. A sensei is a teacher of any kind. It could be someone in a school setting, or if I was teaching you to drive.
4. Sitatara - I tried to define this in the chapter as best I could. She is an actual Buddhist goddess. I chose her because I liked that she was associated with long life, compassion and watchfulness... three things I thought were important to Miroku. I also loved that she has an eye in the palm of her hand... the same place as Miroku’s Kazaana.
5. “Om taare Tuttaare Ture Mama Ayuh Punya Jnaanaa Pushtim Kuru Svaahaa...” - This chant is known as the White Tara. I’m going to quote the translation from the website: :”Ayuh is long life (as in Ayurvedic medicine). Punya means the merit that comes from living life ethically, and this merit is said to help one to live long and happily. Jnana is wisdom. Pushtim means wealth or abundance. Kuru is a mythical land to the north of the Himalayas, which was said to be a land of long life and happiness (it may have been the original northern home of the aryans). Mama means "mine" and indicates that you'd like to possess these qualities of long life, merit, wisdom, happiness, etc.”
A/N: Almost all of the characters in this story are brought to you by the genius of Rumiko Takahashi, and the letters M, E and S. I do not own the characters, they own me.
Special thanks to the websites I’ve quoted from. Appreciation to my betas.
“Thanks, Shippou,” Kagome wiped the sweat from her brow and went to get her arrow out of the tree.
Sango sat nearby, polishing Hiraikotsu, “I definitely think your form is improving.”
“ It’s Tatsujou. You created such a perfect weapon, it’s hard to miss the target!” Taking her stance to fire again, Kagome closed one eye and guided the arrow along her index finger. Holding her breath, she released the bow-string, sending another arrow flying as her bow sang in her ear.
“That one was a little to the left, Kagome.”
“Thanks, Shippou,” Retrieving her arrow, Kagome flopped down on the grass next to Sango, “I think that’s enough for now. Where did the guys go?” Looking around for Inuyasha and Miroku, Kagome realized they’d been gone for some time.
“Kaede-sama asked them to help her with some repair work in the village before we left. They should be ready to go in about an hour,” Sango finished her work and examined the boomerang bone in the light, “It’ll do. I need more polish and we’d have to return to the exterminator village to get the supplies for it.”
“It’s on our way, isn’t it? Do you know where exactly we’re going?” Kagome and Inuyasha had returned the day before. That night, word had come in about a disturbance involving some birds in a not-to-distant village, that could possibly be related to Naraku. The group had made plans to leave the following morning.
“ Only that the village is to the North, about two days journey from here. We should be near the exterminator village tomorrow night.”
Kagome spotted Kaede on her hands and knees in the herb garden next to her hut, “Sango, I’ll be right back.”
Jumping up, Kagome ran over to the elderly Miko and bent down beside her, “Need a hand?”
“Thank ye child. These old bones aren’t as flexible as they used to be,” Sitting back on her heels, Kaede wiped her forehead, leaving a muddy streak, “Inuyasha and Miroku should be finishing up any minute now and then ye can be on thy way.”
Kagome nodded. “Kaede? I was hoping you could help me with something.”
“Of course child! Ye needn’t bother to ask! What can an old woman do for ye?” Assuming a cross-legged position on the ground, Kaede closed her eyes, as she normally did, to concentrate to her fullest extent.
“I was hoping... that is, I want....” Kagome fiddled with the herb she was holding. “What I mean is... would you train me? When we get back, I mean. As a Miko?” Timidly, Kagome looked up, “I’ve never learned how to harness the spiritual powers I have and I think it would be helpful. For me... and in the fight against Naraku. I’m ready now.”
Kaede was silent for a moment. Opening her eyes, she looked at Kagome, “Child, I’ve waited three years for ye to ask me. What is it that prevented ye from asking before?”
Kagome hesitated, then looked down, “Kikyou.”
Kaede nodded, as if she knew this was the reason, “Ye didn’t want something else to serve as a reminder to Inuyasha as to who ye are not.” Kaede stood, lifting the basket of herbs to take inside with her, “Kagome, come with me.”
Following the priestess inside her hut, Kagome waited just inside the doorway as Kaede set the herbs near the fire, and moved over towards a chest that contained her personal belongings. After a moment of searching, Kaede pulled out a small, wooden box. Closing the chest securely again, Kaede turned to Kagome, motioning for her to come closer and sit.
Kaede opened the box to reveal an oval-shaped crystal. The stone itself was clear, but it appeared to have golden strands passing through it. Kaede held it delicately in her hand, “This is a rutilated quartz(1). It has marvelous healing powers, both mental and physical. It was given to me by the priestess who trained Kikyou onee-sama(2) and myself. That priestess received it from her sensei(3) and so on,” Kaede smiled and placed the stone in Kagome’s hand, folding her fingers over it. The crystal was surprisingly warm. “Now, it belongs to thee.”
Unable to express her thanks, Kagome merely nodded. Holding the quartz in her fist, she raised her hand up to her chest, resting it upon her breastbone. A warmth began to spread throughout her body, beginning in her hand and reaching all the way into her toes. Surprised, Kagome opened her fist, staring at the stone whose golden strands seemed to glow softly.
With a satisfied smile, Kaede nodded, “Ye have been accepted as my student. Ye shall spend 30 minutes every evening meditating with the crystal in thy hand. It matters not which one. Miroku can help guide thee in meditation until ye can do it on thine own. When ye return, I will begin a more formal training.” Leaning closer to Kagome, the Miko smiled, “It should also help calm thy nightmares as well.”
Kagome was surprised, “How did you know I’ve been having nightmares?”
“Ye awoke me last night. Tell me, how long have ye been having them?”
Kagome shook her head, “I’m not sure. Sometimes it seems like I’ve always had them, but when I think back, I can’t remember any of the details, so I doubt I’ve had one at all. That’s why I was surprised you’d mentioned it.” Frowning, Kagome looked up at Kaede. “Does that seem odd to you?”
Kaede walked over to her collection of herbs and, taking some from different piles, placed the mixture in a small muslin bag, “Before ye sleep tonight, soak this in some water and drink it. Afterwards, find thyself a hot spring and use it to scrub thy face. If ye no longer suffer from thine affliction, then I wouldn’t waste any more time in worrying on it.”
“Oi! Kagome! You ready to go, or what?” Inuyasha’s head was covered in dirt and he had a long streak of dirt on his face.
Kagome giggled, “What have you been up to? You’re filthy!” Taking out her handkerchief, Kagome wiped off the dirt on his cheek, “You could use a bath!”
“Keh. We’ll worry about that later, bitch. Now come on! I wanna put some distance between us and the village before it gets too late to travel.”
Kagome picked up her pack and said good-bye to Kaede. Noticing the stiffness in the old woman’s movement, Kagome reached into a side pocket on her backpack, “Here. You need this more than I do,” Fastening the magnetic bracelet Houjou had given her onto the woman’s wrist, Kagome explained what it was used for, “Maybe it’ll help you feel better!”
Kaede grabbed Kagome’s hand and peered into her eyes. “Thank ye, child. Ye’ll make a fine Miko. Ye always think of others ahead of thyself, and ye have a purity of heart that’s unmatched by any I’ve met in all my years.”
Blushing, Kagome gave the woman a hug.
“Oi! Kagome! Move it, bitch!”
Kagome rolled her eyes as the hanyou’s voiced carried in from outside, “Coming!” With a final wave to her new sensei, Kagome left the hut, only to be flung up onto Inuyasha’s back before he took off, Leaving Sango, Miroku and Shippou to follow on Kirara.
****************
“Rat youkai, you say?” Miroku looked over at Sango. “Yes, I believe we have the means to aid you with your problem,” The gang had stopped just outside a village to rest and have lunch. While Kagome finished serving everyone out of her pack, they had been approached by the village head, asking for help.
Sango stood, lifting one of her shoulder pads to access the supplies she stored beneath. “All right, but if I have to wait to eat, you’re coming with me, Monk,” She handed him a small bag of powdered herbs, a fan, and extra mask and a flint stone, “Here.”
With a sigh that made Kagome laugh, Miroku followed the taijiya to the village. Nibbling at a hand full of trail mix, Kagome commented, “He pretends to be upset, but I think he really enjoys working alone with Sango.”
Inuyasha snorted, “Keh. Gives him more opportunities to grab her ass.” Casting an eye on Shippou and Kirara, who were napping nearby, Inuyasha gnawed at a hunk of beef jerky, looking sulky, “If we keep getting delayed like this, we’ll never make it to that village.”
Kagome reached over to rub one of his ears, “You always get cranky when we do something nice for people. Why can’t you admit what a softie you are?” Inuyasha growled at her and pulled away from her hand, “Besides, at this rate we can make it to Sango’s village by nightfall. Since she needed to stop by there anyway, that’ll be perfect. Plus, there’s a hot spring there too!” Kagome’s eyes gleamed, as they always did at the idea of a nice, warm soak.
Inuyasha barely held in a groan. Traveling with Kagome on his back all day was bad enough. Just the memory of her legs wrapped around his waist was enough to make him shift to hide his discomfort. Any time the girl insisted on taking a bath, Inuyasha always felt the need to take a cold one himself after standing guard over her. Three days had passed since they had kissed beneath the falling cherry blossoms in the cemetery. Not once in those three days had anything more been said about it. Inuyasha, for his part, felt a little guilty. He didn’t know if he had forced her to kiss him in the heat of the moment. ‘She didn’t fight me though... and she did kiss me back.’ He remembered the soft gasps that she’s made as his fangs had brushed her lips. The memory of her taste, her scent, the feel of her in his arms, caused an ache deep in the pit of his stomach.
He smiled, remembering her words before he’d lost all sense of reason and grabbed her,
“ You Do make me happy, dammit! Just being near you makes me happy....”
His guilt was also caused by Kikyou. As strongly as he felt about Kagome, he had a duty to Kikyou. That was the reason he’d kept Kagome at arm’s length for all these years. Unable to imagine life without her, he’d told himself it would be easier, on both of them, if he kept his emotions to himself. ‘But you knew that was a lie,’ he thought with a frown. ‘No matter how much you want to deny it, if anything happened to her....’ His frown deepened to a scowl as Miroku’s words came back to him.
“ Inuyasha.... Do not deny yourself your true chance at happiness in pursuit of that which is no more than a memory.”
“Inuyasha? Where did you go?” Kagome was bent over slightly to peer into his eyes. For the last few minutes, he’d been unusually silent, staring off into the distance as a variety of expressions played over his face. She’d become concerned when he’d started scowling at the ground as though it had done something to offend him. ‘I wonder if he’s thinking about us. I wonder if he regrets kissing me?’ She still wasn’t sure why he’d done it. At the time, she’d started to think that, just maybe, there was something there after all. As the days had passed, and things had returned to normal, she’d decided that she was wrong. Too afraid to ask, she’d kept her mind on other things and tried to act normal.
Inuyasha sighed in frustration, “Aren’t those two done yet?”
Kagome stretched out on the ground, resting her head on her backpack, “They’re fine. They’ll be back soon,” Yawning, she closed her eyes, deciding to rest while she could. Although riding on Inuyasha’s back wasn’t the most strenuous way to travel, the long miles in the sun always drained her of energy.
Inuyasha watched as she stretched her arms above her head. A small patch of her stomach was visible between the tan shorts and light blue top she wore. Overcome by the urge to kiss the bare flesh, Inuyasha forced himself to look away. ‘This is not good.’ He decided, breathing deeply. ‘At this rate, I won’t be able to keep my thoughts off of her, let alone my hands.’
Sango appeared over the edge of the cliff followed by Miroku, carrying a small bundle of what appeared to be their ‘payment.’
“Turns out that the rat youkai were being drawn to the energy of their leaders corpse, which the village head had hidden under his house to keep his own family safe. When I began to explain the situation to him, he insisted we take these fine items,” Displaying an assortment of valuable lacquered bowls and jars, Miroku grinned, “These should fetch a fine price in the next village we pass.”
Inuyasha shook his head as Sango and Kagome frowned, “That’s IF we stop again. We’ve already wasted enough time. Can we go, already?”
The group gathered up their belongings, Sango and Miroku eating a quick lunch as they prepared. Getting back onto Kirara, Miroku watched as Inuyasha picked up Kagome and waited for them. “Would you rather I kept these dishes as a wedding present, Sango my love? They are very fine.”
Sango swatted away the hand she sensed coming, “Don’t push your luck, Houshi.” As they took off, she glanced back at Miroku, “Keep it up and there might not be a wedding.”
“ I doubt that very much,” Miroku said into her ear.
Sango gasped as he placed a delicate kiss on the side of her neck. Ignoring his chuckling at the blush that rose to her cheeks, Sango hid a delighted smile and focused on the figures of Inuyasha and Kagome below them.
*********************
Kagome sat cross-legged on a rock, next to Miroku. Head slightly bent to elongate her neck, eyes closed, shoulders back, she waited for Miroku to continue.
“Now,” his voice was low and slightly hypnotic. It was a voice she wasn’t used to hearing from the lively houshi, “ once your body is relaxed, begin to focus on the physical sensations of breathing. Let yourself become absorbed in the feel of your breath as it flows into and out of your body. Notices the changes in your breath, and in your body as you breath.”
Kagome felt herself relaxing. Her hands rested on her knees, palms facing upward. In her right hand, she held the rutilated quartz Kaede had given her. A small warmth began to fill her, flowing out of the crystal and enveloping her body.
“ In your mind, begin counting every time you breath out. Breath in... breath out. One. Breath in... breath out. Two. When you reach ten, start back at one and continue,” Miroku began his own meditation. The method he was teaching Kagome was only a basic form. After thirteen years of his own training, Miroku was considerably advanced in his meditation practices. The method he most frequently used was a mantra meditation.
Since his father’s death when he was eight years old, Miroku had trained with his caretaker, Mushin. Mushin, although a hopeless drunkard, was a priest of a higher order than Miroku, and had taught him with an eye on his future. It was because of the older Monk’s knowledge that Miroku might not live a full life, that he had raised the boy to take his pleasure as it came. Miroku had been taught to show a kinder face to the world while inside, one should act as one pleased. Mushin had been responsible for encouraging the behavior Miroku had learned from his father, and it wasn’t until he’d met Sango and the others that he had started to try and change this habit. It was the hardest thing he’d ever attempted in his life.
These days, Miroku’s desire to defeat Naraku was overwhelming. So strong was his need to out-live his enemy in order to marry Sango, Miroku found himself meditating more and more. The mantra Miroku chanted was the Buddhist mantra to the goddess Sitatara(4). This goddess was associated with long life. She is often pictured as having seven eyes, three on her face, one on the sole of each foot, and one on the palm of each hand. These eyes symbolized watchfulness of the compassionate mind. It was with the chant of her followers that Miroku sought to extend his life at least long enough to avenge the death of his father and grandfather - both of whom had been sucked into oblivion by the Air Rips in their own right hands.
“ Om taare Tuttaare Ture Mama Ayuh Punya Jnaanaa Pushtim Kuru Svaahaa....” (5)
Kagome felt as though she were floating. She found it easier than expected to focus on her breathing. For half and hour she sat with Miroku, feeling the energy in her body pulse in time with her breathing.
“What the fuck?”
Kagome’s eyes sprung open and quickly found Inuyasha, who had been watching from a tree when they’d started. He was staring at her in surprise.
“What’s the matter?” It was then that she noticed the pink aura that encircled her body.
Exactly one half of an hour after he’d begun, Miroku slowly ceased his chanting and opened his eyes just in time to see the pink glow fade from Kagome as she stood in shock, “What happened?” She asked him.
Miroku smiled, “It appears that you’re progressing much more quickly than I imagined.” He stood and placed a hand on Kagome’s shoulder, ignoring the low, warning growl that issued from high in the trees, “Don’t worry. The spiritual power of your aura is focusing itself. Tomorrow we shall advance on to stage two of the meditation process. Well done.”
Kagome swallowed to clear the shock that had risen in her throat. Nodding to show she understood, Kagome decided that now would be the perfect time for that bath in the hot spring. Jumping down from the rock, she smiled at Inuyasha who had jumped down beside her with a concerned look in his eyes.
Finding Sango wasn’t hard. The taijiya knelt at the foot of the graves Kagome, Inuyasha and Miroku had dug for her villagers so long ago. Having placed new flowers on the series of mounds, Sango’s hands were pressed together in prayer, renewing her vow to avenge their deaths. Placing a hand on her friends shoulder, Kagome smiled as Sango’s tear stained face turned to meet hers, “Is it hard to be here?”
Sango stood, gazing once more at the mound containing her father, “It’s good to be here. Being near them gives me strength to continue my journey,” Her eyes clouded, “to rescue Kohaku.”
Kagome hugged the girl, “We’ll find him. We won’t let Naraku claim another life. I promise.”
Smiling, but not looking convinced, Sango led Kagome to camp to gather their things for the bath.
********************
“What did it look like?”
Kagome grinned. In the age old tradition of girlfriends everywhere, she and Sango were discussing clothing... more specifically, Kagome’s dress for the dance. As she described the evening to her friend, Kagome laughed to herself. ‘It’s funny. Sitting here with Sango, I can talk so easily about things that bore me in my own time.’
“How did Inuyasha do? I mean, was he well-behaved?” Sango couldn’t imagine the surly hanyou wearing anything as fancy as what Kagome had described. The fact that he would do something like that for Kagome, spoke to Sango of how deep his feelings for her friend had to be.
Kagome frowned, “Sometimes... I just don’t know what to make of Inuyasha. I mean, he practically begs me to go with him to this dance and, once we’re there actually dances with me, then he....”
“Wait... Inuyasha danced?” Sango looked baffled, “What kind of dancing?”
Kagome grinned, “It’s called slow dancing. Basically the two partners hold each other close and move slowly in a circle. It’s not the kind of dancing you’re used to, and it can be very... intimate,” Kagome frowned, “But, as I was saying, he dances with me and minutes later, he’s telling this guy, who’s head he practically ripped off for even asking me to the dance in the first place, to go ahead and dance with me and that he made some sort of mistake! I just don’t understand.”
Sango leaned back against a rock and drew her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees, “So, this guy asks you to the dance and Inuyasha does his jealous hanyou routine, making you take him instead. Then, he dances with you and afterwards tells the same guy to dance with you as well?” Sango thought about it for a moment before shaking her head, “Uh-uh. I don’t understand it either.”
Kagome wet her hair and picked up her bottle of shampoo, “ After we left, I asked him why he’d done it. He said that he just wanted me to be happy. I told him that he made me happy and....” Kagome stopped. Frowning, she pretended to focus on rinsing all the suds from her hair, hoping Sango wouldn’t notice her abrupt halt.
“You actually told him that? What did he say?” Sango’s eyes lit up as she leaned forward in anticipation.
“Say anything? Not... really,” Kagome bit her lip and reached for the conditioner, passing the shampoo to Sango.
Wetting her hair and squeezing the shampoo into the palm of her hand, Sango eyed her friend, “What is it you’re not telling me?”
Kagome sighed, “ I told him that just being near him made me happy and he just... grabbed me. And kissed me,” Pulling out her bar of soap, Kagome turned away to hide her blush.
Sango grabbed Kagome’s arm, “He kissed you! That’s wonderful! Why aren’t you more excited?”
“I don’t know! It’s been days since it happened and he hasn’t once mentioned it! Everything’s gone back to normal, except there are times when I notice he can’t even look at me! I think maybe... maybe he was thinking of Kikyou, or it was the moon, or the cherry blossoms, or something!”
Sango stared sadly at her friend, “Why can’t it have been you?”
Kagome remained silent. As much as she wanted to believe it was her, and only her that Inuyasha had been kissing, Kagome couldn’t make sense of his actions. Nothing seemed to add up in her mind. She sighed, “ Inuyasha loves Kikyou. He swore to protect her. I can’t come between that, no matter how I feel. Even if he did have... some sort of feelings towards me, it’s only because we look alike. I’m her reincarnation. I’ll never be her.”
Sango wrapped an arm around the girl’s shoulder, “No, you never will. You’re much too good to be her. If Inuyasha doesn’t see that, then he’s a baka. I think you’re wrong though. He sees a lot more in you than you think,” Standing up, Sango wrung the water from her hair, “ I’m done. How about you?”
Nodding, Kagome went to close her bag, “Oh wait, I forgot about this.” Holding up the wet, muslin bag of herbs Kaede had given her, she wrinkled her nose. “I drank the tea earlier but Kaede wanted me to use the leftovers as a scrub.”
“I can send Inuyasha over to guard you.... Unless you’d rather I wait with you?”
Kagome shook her head, “Go on. I won’t be long. You can tell Inuyasha that he doesn’t really need to come. I’ll only be a few more minutes,” Saying good-bye, Kagome watched as the taijiya dressed and headed for the warmth of the campfire. With a sigh, Kagome plunged the muslin bag into the water, smelling the aroma of rosemary, lavender, and a few others she couldn’t name, as they were carried by the heat leeching from the hot spring.
Taking a moment to clear her mind, the way Miroku had taught her, Kagome moved the bag in small, concentric circles over the skin of her face and neck. Breathing in the heady aroma of the herbal combination, Kagome felt both awakened and relaxed. When she felt that she’d gotten all that she could from the task, Kagome opened the bag and released the herbal mixture into the stream of water that ran over the rocks, out of the spring. Rinsing out the bag, she wrapped the mesh in her washcloth and sealed it in a plastic bag.
Stepping out of the water, Kagome retrieved her towel from the rock she’d left it on and wrapped it around herself before walking around to the shallow cove where she’d undressed earlier. Suddenly grabbed from behind, Kagome tried to cry out, but her scream was muffled by a hand placed over her mouth. A clawed hand.
Inuyasha swung her around to face him, pulling her close enough to growl in her ear. “So you don’t think you need protection, bitch? I could be anything, and here you are, practically fucking naked, and not even paying attention.”
Kagome couldn’t breath, partly from his proximity to her nearly bare body, but also from shock. There was a look in his eyes she had never seen before. He looked angry, but also... scared? Had he really been afraid that something would happen to her in the few minutes she’d been alone?
Inuyasha’s eyes raked over her body. He realized he had been clenching her arms so tightly that his claws threatened to break flesh. His breath came in a hard rush as he loosened his grip, but didn’t release her. He lifted one had to brush a strand of wet hair from her face, where it had fallen when he’d flung her around, “Promise me.... You’ll never go anywhere without me. Or at least without Sango, or even Miroku,” Her mouth opened, but no answer came and he shook her gently, “Promise me!” He growled.
Kagome’s voice was no more than a whisper, “I promise,” With a soft moan, Inuyasha wrapped her in his arms and lowered his face to hers.
“I couldn’t bear it if I lost you,” Gently, he touched his lips to hers, taking in the scent of her that he knew so well. As she responded to his kiss, she seemed to swell against him. There was suddenly no world but her. She was his reason for being. Sun and moon, combined. The air he breathed and the water he drank. Without her in his arms, there was nothing. He was lost.
Kagome felt as though her heart were trying to escape the prison of her chest. His claws grazed her bare shoulder blades, making her moan as shivers trailed down her spine. Her skin burned as he trailed kisses down her neck, her shoulders. She wanted him closer. Her body ached to take him into her own, to be one with him. His kisses ignited in her something she had never felt before. Something she had never known existed. His fangs nibbled at her lower lip, making her tremble with desire. She whispered his name, her voice thick with emotion.
“Kagome....” Inuyasha’s voice was low and guttural. The animalistic quality of it made her quiver. ‘My name.’ She thought as his lips descended on her once more. ‘He said my name.’ Reaching up, she touched his face, the contact making him moan softly.
Staring down at her for a moment, he suddenly remembered how little she was wearing. Breathing heavily, Inuyasha pushed her from him and turned away. Gasping for air, he growled, “get dressed.”
Kagome stood still for a moment, trying to catch her breath. She wasn’t sure what had just happened. Approaching Inuyasha, she reached out to him, placing a hand on his arm. “Inuyasha...?”
Jerking from her touch, he repeated more loudly, “Get dressed!”
Kagome pulled back as though burned. Slowly, she returned to the neatly folded pile of clothing and began to dress. Tears stung her eyes and she fought the desire to succumb to them. Not here, not now. He had said her name. He had known it was her. Had he suddenly realized? Remembered? What was he thinking? She looked over at where he still stood with his back to her. He seemed to have controlled his breathing and he was staring up at the stars. ‘Thinking about Kikyou?’
Picking up her towel and the nylon bag in which she carried her bathing supplies, Kagome said quietly, “I’m dressed now.”
Inuyasha nodded and led her back to camp, without a word. He could smell the salt of her tears and wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her. ‘I came too close to losing control that time. I can’t let that happen again.’ If there were any chance that for them. Any chance that she could love him in return, Inuyasha knew it would have to be of her own will, not because he couldn’t control his youkai.
Returning to the camp, he leapt into the branches of a tree. Kagome never once looked his way as she crawled into her sleeping bag. Inuyasha knew he must have hurt her. Confused her with his actions. He only hoped that she would understand, and forgive him. Though she had responded to his kisses, he wasn’t sure if she’d been caught up in his emotions, or if she felt something for him as he did for her. If it were possible for her to love him....
He suddenly noticed Sango, eyeing him from where she lay. Frowning at him, she glanced at Kagome before giving him one final, piercing glare, and turning over to sleep. Assuming his usual position against the trunk of the tree, Inuyasha struggled not to feel guilty.
*****************
“He’ll leave. They’ll all leave.”
Inuyasha appeared before her. The anger in his eyes terrified Kagome. Desperate to know what caused it, she raced forward to grab hold of him....
“They’re using you.”
Suddenly facing Sango, Kagome took hold of the girls hand. Laughing, Sango turned away, disappearing into the night.
“You mean nothing to them. You’re life is nothing.”
Miroku leered at her suggestively, motioning for her to come with him, his eyes seeming to look through her clothing.
“You are no one.”
Shippou glared at her with such hatred. Kagome cried out his name as the tiny youkai she loved like her own child, looked at her with disgust.
Kagome sank to her knees, sobbing. Darkness closed in on her as she felt the ground disappear beneath her body. Suddenly, a light appeared in the distance. Heat radiated from that source as flames rose up from a pit filled with shadows. Among the flames was Kikyou. Holding out her hand to someone, the dead Miko turned her head in Kagome’s direction as another hand filled hers. Inuyasha. Stepping into the flames, Inuyasha looked out at Kagome, his eyes filled with rage. Turning from her, he pulled Kikyou into his arms and kissed her, as their two bodies disappeared into the fiery darkness below.
Kagome screamed. Her throat ached but her screaming didn’t cease. Her arms were bound tightly against her body and she began to rock back and forth. No longer able to produce sound, Kagome’s mouth hung open in a silent cry as tears streamed down her cheeks. Her soul felt empty as she began floating upwards, unable to move, unable to cry out.
Someone called her name and suddenly, Inuyasha was above her, looking frightened. Realizing that she’d been dreaming, she realized that Sango, Miroku, and Shippou were surrounding her too, holding onto her arms and legs. Kagome heaved another sob and buried her face in Inuyasha’s shirt.
Inuyasha rocked her against him, quietly soothing her. Lightly sleeping, he’d awakened at her first moan. As her distress had increased, the others had awoken as well, but no one had been able to bring Kagome to consciousness. Restraining her arms and legs so that she couldn’t injure herself, the group had tried everything to rouse her until finally, Inuyasha had scooped her into his arms, intending to dunk her into the hot springs. Calling her name one last time, he’d been relieved when her eyes had opened. The despair he’d seen in her eyes, the utter loss of reason, had terrified him. He wasn’t sure what she’d seen in those few minutes, but he was certain that no monster he’d ever battled was as terrifying.
Sango and Miroku sat together, holding hands. Their rare display of affection indicating the depths of their concern. Shippou’s eyes were filled with tears. Unsure of what to do, he stood by, frantically clenching and unclenching his hands. When Kagome had calmed, Inuyasha helped her to sit up, supporting her with his arm.
Taking Shippou in her arms, Kagome rubbed her face against the young kitsune, hugging him close, “I’m better now. Sorry to have caused so much trouble,” putting Shippou down, Kagome hugged herself close, still looking haunted.
“What did you see, Kagome?” Sango placed a hand on her friends knee.
Shaking her head, Kagome indicated that she couldn’t talk about it, not yet, “You all should get some sleep. Otherwise we’ll never get to the village,” She tried to laugh, but failed miserably.
Miroku smiled softly and stood, holding out his hand to the frightened girl, “Come. You’re not getting any sleep tonight after that, and neither will the rest of us if we’re worrying about you. You and I will meditate together while the others sleep. You won’t be able to dream while meditating and, in the morning, you’ll feel rested and more at ease.”
Kagome hesitated, revealing the extent of her anxiety. Finally taking the Monk’s hand, Kagome retreated with him to a spot just outside the circle of fire light. As the two assumed their positions to meditate, facing each other and holding hands so that Miroku could provide her with the strength for such a task, Inuyasha found a new place for himself to sit and still be able to keep Kagome in his sight. The sooner they reached the village tomorrow, the better. He had a bad feeling that this was only the beginning of whatever was the matter with Kagome, and only Kaede would know what to do.
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Chapter Glossary:
1. Rutilated Quartz - I’m quoting from the website:
“Rutilated Quartz is a gemstone composed of clear quartz with inclusions of titanium oxide, or rutile. Its hardness is 7, and the greatest abundance of gem-grade specimens are found in Brazil.Mystic Lore: Intuitive sources say that Rutilated Quartz can act as an energizer when one is fatigued, and that it promotes clarity of thought and enhanced insight. It is also said to repel negative energies and to rid one of unwanted interference. It has been recommended for stabilizing emotions, relationships & mental processes.”
I thought it sounded appropriate for Kagome.
2. Kikyou onee-sama - ‘Onee’ is an older Japanese word for ‘older sister’. Notice that Kaede uses the ending ‘sama’ instead of ‘san’ or ‘chan’. She’s showing respect for her sister’s station.
3. Sensei - Anyone who’s seen ‘Karate Kid’ will know this one. A sensei is a teacher of any kind. It could be someone in a school setting, or if I was teaching you to drive.
4. Sitatara - I tried to define this in the chapter as best I could. She is an actual Buddhist goddess. I chose her because I liked that she was associated with long life, compassion and watchfulness... three things I thought were important to Miroku. I also loved that she has an eye in the palm of her hand... the same place as Miroku’s Kazaana.
5. “Om taare Tuttaare Ture Mama Ayuh Punya Jnaanaa Pushtim Kuru Svaahaa...” - This chant is known as the White Tara. I’m going to quote the translation from the website: :”Ayuh is long life (as in Ayurvedic medicine). Punya means the merit that comes from living life ethically, and this merit is said to help one to live long and happily. Jnana is wisdom. Pushtim means wealth or abundance. Kuru is a mythical land to the north of the Himalayas, which was said to be a land of long life and happiness (it may have been the original northern home of the aryans). Mama means "mine" and indicates that you'd like to possess these qualities of long life, merit, wisdom, happiness, etc.”
A/N: Almost all of the characters in this story are brought to you by the genius of Rumiko Takahashi, and the letters M, E and S. I do not own the characters, they own me.
Special thanks to the websites I’ve quoted from. Appreciation to my betas.