InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Binded Hearts ❯ Love & Pain ( Chapter 6 )

Enjoy! ^_~

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Kagome sighed as she counted the cracks in the ceiling.

She wriggled on the futon she was sleeping on and felt a slight pinching sensation where the scar was located. She slightly flinched. The feeling she got from it was still new to her. It hadn't healed as well as it would've because it wasn't cured in a hospital, it was cured in the Feudal Era.

She had the choice though... she could've just gone home and got good medical care, but instead she let Inuyasha take care of her, and Kaede, too...

She had a hut all to herself ever since she got her injuries... the villagers had set up a special hut just for her. It wasn't as big as Kaede's, in fact, quite small. But it was still just as peaceful, and much more quiet and private.

Just then she heard the screen of the hut threshold open.

She looked up.

"Inuyasha..." She said aloud, more to herself than anybody.

He just looked at her and then approached, kneeling down in front of her.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Let me see it..." He responded.

"Hm?"

"The scar..." He finished.

"Oh..." with that, Kagome lifted her shirt a little show him again.

It hasn't changed at all for three whole weeks! I wonder if it bothers her at all?

"It doesn't hurt anymore... like I said, it only feels weird someone touches it." She repeated, as if reading his mind.

"Oh..." He replied. He then turned his head from her, briefly gathering his thoughts.

Right when Kagome was about to settle down to sleep, Inuyasha spoke again.

"Listen, about that one time..." He said.

She knew what "that one time" was, and nodded.

"What... I mean, how... I mean... damn it! Look, Kagome... why... did you say you loved me?" He asked, tripping over his words.

Kagome was hesitant, but then responded.

"Because I do..." She said.

"Yes, but why? I'm never nice to you, I've gotten you in trouble numerous times, I don't know when I should keep my mouth shut, and I hurt you all the time!" He seemed to say in one breath.

Kagome blinked, and then replied.

"I just do, Inuyasha... behind all of what you just named, I can see you... and besides, there's been times when you were nice to me... and who cares about getting me in trouble-"

"That's not how I meant it..." He interrupted. "I mean, by getting you in trouble... I mean, how I did recently... you know, with those bandits..." He was quiet.

"That wasn't your fault... you were just trying to help me... and besides, you saved me before any harm was done..." She told him.

"Yeah, but not only that..." He looked at her scar. "That, too... when I embraced you, you told me to let go, and I didn't... so you struggled, and wound up tripping... causing that..." He finished with a guilty look on his face.

"Don't blame yourself for that either! It was my fault that happened... I shouldn't have struggled so much..." She paused. "The truth is I wanted to be in your arms, but I was being too stubborn to admit it to myself... I deserved what I got from it..." She sighed.

"Of course you didn't! I can't believe you! Why do you blame yourself so much and stick up for other people all the time?!" He wasn't really annoyed with her herself, just annoyed by how she spoke of herself.

She looked at him, and noticed what looked like an angry look on his face.

"I'm sorry..." She simply said.

He got a surprised look on his face and then settled down a little bit, sighing.

"Look, can we just keep it at it being my fault and being done with it? I'd be much happier that way..." He said with his head turned, turning only his eyes to look at her for a moment from the side.

"And I'd be happier if you'd just admit that everything was my fault!" She lied.

He turned his head to look at her, quickly responding to what she said.

"Well I'm not going to, because it wasn't! How do you figure that getting attacked by those bandits was your fault?! You were defenseless, and I had left you there!" He yelled.

"We're not talking about that! I'm talking about the scar!" She retorted.

"That wasn't your fault either! If I hadn't have been so stubborn, you would've been fine! So it's my fault, now just drop it, I'm not going to argue about it anymore!" With that he turned and crossed his arms.

Kagome was about to say something, but decided not to. It was a stupid thing to argue over.

She sighed, and another one of those silences passed by.

"Do you love me?" She suddenly said in a small voice as a blush made it's way to both of her cheeks.

"Huh?" He responded, turning around, not sure if he had heard right.

"Do you love me?" She repeated, lifting the blanket she had over her over her nose and cheeks so that he wouldn't see her blush.

Inuyasha was shocked by the sudden direct question that had just been thrown at him.

"Uh..." He began nervously.

"Do you?" She asked again.

"I... I can't answer that..." He replied, blushing. He turned his head to the side and looked at the floor boards.

"Why not? It's a simple yes or no answer..." She persisted.

"It's... It's not as simple as that..." He responded.

Kagome decided not to bug him with it anymore and settled down into the futon.

Inuyasha then looked at her.

"Kagome..." He said. He couldn't hold this off any longer... he had to tell her something...

Kagome looked up at him lazily.

"Look, with all that's happened... y'know in the time that we've been together... I... I've grown attached to you, I guess you could say..." He began.

"That's all?" Kagome interrupted.

"No! Just listen, please?" He asked.

She nodded.

"What I mean by "attached" is..." He sighed. "I... I don't know... I just... don't want you to leave me..." He added. "I want us to be together for as long as possible... but... I... I can't just come out and say 'I love you' because... agh... I've still got a promise to keep, and... I can't go back on the word I've promised myself..." He explained.

Kagome looked at him sadly and just nodded.

He noticed her look and quickly responded.

"C'mon Kagome, don't look so sad, I'm sorry, okay? There's nothing I can do..." He lowered his head.

"I accept that, Inuyasha... but, please... just answer my question..."

Inuyasha looked up at her.

"Do you love me? It doesn't matter if it's yes or no, nothing will change either way... I just... want to know..." She briefly explained.

Inuyasha bit his bottom lip.

He wouldn't lie to her...

"...Yes." He simply responded.

"Why?" She asked.

He swallowed hard.

"Isn't it obvious enough? You accept me for who I am... you take care of me, worry about me, cry for me... and no matter what you're always by my side... no matter how many times I've hurt you, you always stay by me... that... is why I love you..." He admitted.

Kagome took a deep breath.

"Not to mention... you're... pretty... very pretty..." He couldn't stop that crimson that soon stung at his cheeks.

Kagome was surprised to hear that.

"You've been calling me ugly ever since we met!" She looked up at him.

"I lied..." He chuckled.

That drew a smile upon Kagome's lips.

Inuyasha smiled with her, but his smile soon faded.

"But you don't understand..." He added.

Kagome's smile had faded by this time as well.

"Kikyo died... because of me... if I had never gotten with her, she'd probably still be alive today... I can't just let that go... I've got to return the favor somehow... and the only way I know how to do it, is to... die... with her..." He explained.

The mere thought of him dying was horrifying for Kagome.

"I don't want you to die..." She said quietly.

No one spoke for what seemed like forever after that.

Suddenly, Inuyasha placed his hand upon her's, gently squeezing it to his chest as he spoke.

"Do you really need me?" He asked.

Kagome was confused.

"What?"

"Do you really need me to be with you? To protect you, and soothe the painful memories you've experienced by meeting me?" He repeated.

Kagome's eyes shimmered with tears.

"No..." She began.

At first Inuyasha was surprised by her response.

"Inuyasha... that may be parts of the reason why I need you, but that's not why I need you..." She began. "I need you for your love... for what you feel for me and the mutuality of how we feel for each other... so we can share our pain and happiness together... to cure the pain and reminisce the happiness... not to soothe the pain or simply think back on the happiness we've experienced..." She explained.

Inuyasha took a moment to let her words sink in, and when they did, he knew she could notice the tears in his eyes. They had to have been shimmering like her's were just before...

He then pulled her into an embrace, her body pressing into his.

"Please know that whatever my choice... I will love you... you'll always be with me in some way..."

His words had only made her cry.

She held onto him and sobbed into his shoulder.

Inuyasha buried his head in between her neck and shoulder and apologized.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm hurting you again... I don't want to cause you anymore pain... I'm sorry..." He told her. His voice was slightly muffled, but she heard him clearly.

Kagome's grip just tightened.

Inuyasha felt her desperation to be with him and it was killing him. He wanted to be with her just as badly... but could he really just let Kikyo down like that? He couldn't just forget it...

"You don't know how much I need you... you just don't understand..." Kagome spoke between sobs.

He felt her body shake from her tears, and he quickly replied.

"Kagome, I do, please believe me, I do understand... I understand how you feel... you think I don't feel the same way?" She could sense a thickness in his voice, and she just cried harder, hoping he would find another way to repay Kikyo.

She needed something from him... anything...

Kagome then lifted her head, tears imprinted on her face with her still sniffling from sorrow. Inuyasha noticed her movement and lifted his head, thinking he had made her uncomfortable.

She still had ahold of his shoulders as she quickly leaned up and caught his lips in a kiss.

Inuyasha was more saddened than surprised. Once she opened her mouth to his it was as if her emotions flooded from her mouth and into his soul. He returned her desperate, yet sweet kiss, opening his mouth to her's in return.

Kagome's arms made their way around his neck, pulling him as close to her as possible. Inuyasha's arms were wrapped around her upper body, and squeezed her to him just as hard.

I can't let Kagome be alone... I just can't... when my time comes to die, my fate will be decided in the afterlife... Kikyo... I'm so sorry... with the way things have turned out... I hope you accept my decision...