InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bishies Without Shirts ❯ Reflections of a sleepless night ( Chapter 29 )

Chapter 29: Reflections of a Sleepless night

"I said I don't think we're going home tomorrow… I need to sort a few things out here first…."

"Nani?! What can be so important that you need more time?" Sesshomaru said quietly before sighing in exacerbation as he realized what his brother was talking about. Sitting up he tried to calm his anger so that he wouldn't wind up shouting at him in frustration. "Did I not tell you that bedding the Wegome under her ofukuro's roof would not be a good idea? Well…?" He watched as his brother started pacing and he found it oddly amusing that Inuyasha looked very much like a caged animal that was struggling to get free. "And you wonder why I call you an idiot! Stand still for Kami's sake while I speak to you! Anyway I have to get home Inuyasha….like I told you before I have things there that concern me that I need to take care of. I cannot wait here indefinitely while you sort things out with Higarashi-sama…. Thanks to your disgusting childish selfish behavior I can't leave when I want to …." He sighed again. "Damn it! I knew you'd screw this up! Look as much as you hate it or refuse to believe it, I do know what I am talking about when I tell you things! I told you not to take her and you went ahead and did it anyway! Do you know that if we were at home and you did this, I'd be hard pressed to get her to spare your life if Higarashi-sama was so inclined to take it? No matter what you may think in the matter, the only way you should have taken the girl is if she were truly and formally bonded to you! With approval given and accepted by both families! You are not some low-life vassal that you can mate in the middle of a field like an animal with the stable hand's daughter! You are the son of the Lord of the Western Lands and it's about time you start acting like it! Not only have you brought shame upon yourself, but you have shamed Wegome and her family as well as myself! And don't think I flatter myself that you give two shits about me or what I think, but I would have hoped you would have cared more about this family that you wanted so badly to be a part of! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it all to hell Inuyasha!!!" Sesshomaru swore as he brought his fist crashing down upon the bed next to his thigh. He then sat there pinching the top of his nose as if it would somehow make this whole mess go away.

"I'm…I'm … sorry Maru-chan…." Inuyasha said all traces of his smugness gone. Instead of the man he had just become, he looked more like a little boy as he stood there full of uncertainty and Sesshomaru as he looked up at him, found he full of pity for his little brother.

"Poor Oto-chan! If only things were different for us…I might have been able to comfort you and tell you this will all work just fine in the end. I wish I could tell you that I will do my best to get Higarashi-sama to allow this joining of our houses to take place. You know, remind her of what it was like to be young and foolish and to think you know more than your elders. Unfortunately I can't….yet I want to… but I think it's best if you try and fix this yourself." He thought before saying out loud, "Inuyasha, you created this mess and now that you are a man… you must deal with the consequences of your actions. I am sorry… I don't think I can help you here…."

"Yeah right Sesshomaru! It's more like you don't want to help me and we both know it!" Sesshomaru smiled to himself as he saw the fire return to Inuyasha's eyes and the lost little boy look replaced by an angry one. "You can tell me 'I told you so' all you want Sesshomaru, but that doesn't help me, now does it? You know I've never asked you for anything in my life! Not one thing! And the one time I do, the one time you can really act like you are my brother instead of some stranger who can't stand the site of me, you tell me 'no you can't help me'? I wonder what our Oyajii would say about that!" Inuyasha said sadly a touch of bitterness creeping into his voice.

"Chichi-ue would probably say much the same things I said, Inuyasha and if you were lucky you'd be around to do something about the mess you got yourself in! And you had better learn to keep your voice down too out what little respect you have left for this family! Higarashi-sama is extremely tired from last night and wishes to catch up on her sleep. No doubt the Wegome is a bit tired as well, for I have the feeling that if she weren't she would have realized that what you two were doing was not appropriate here under her ofukuro's roof. Look Inuyasha… I can see I must be tired as well for I have the feeling we are just arguing in circles here." He paused before going on; swearing softly in the darkness. "Baka! You should have waited until you were home to claim the wench! But noooooo! You thought you were smarter than everyone else here and guess what? You're not!" Exasperated, Sesshomaru sighed again as he suddenly felt very old compared to his brother. "Perhaps, in a way I am partially to blame here…it appears I should have let you play with yourself! I see now that I should have watched you so I could have made sure you did the job properly! Then you wouldn't be in this mess, now would you?" he said sarcastically. "Damn it! You know… I've had enough of you! Just go do something and leave me alone. I personally don't care what you do. You can even go fuck the Wegome again for all I care! Now that you've already damaged her virtue, it really doesn't matter now does it?" He looked away from Inuyasha and stared at the floor. "If you are going to stay here I want you to be sooo quiet I can't tell you're here except by your smell. As far as I'm concerned the matter is done and over with and there's nothing I can do to change that fact. All I can do now is apologize to Higarashi-sama for being unable to control my useless brother, thank her for her hospitality, and promise that neither one of us will show our faces here again. If only I had a proper heir, then I would commit seppuku as I'm not sure how I am going to be able to live with the shame of what you did here. Since I don't and the thought of leaving everything to you is even worse than living in shame…I'll just have to learn to live with it. Fortunately back home, no one will learn of this, so it is a burden I can live with… now leave me be as I am so angry with you as well as exhausted that I am starting to ramble on like an old man. Hopefully in the morning I will awake to find that the gods have been kind to you, Inuyasha, and have allowed you to grow up over night." With that he lay down again and rolled over so that he was facing the wall. He desperately wanted to sleep so he could at least forget about this mess, but sleep was hard to find as all he could see was Inuyasha looking lost and alone.

Inuyasha sat there feeling at first angry with Sesshomaru for dismissing him that way and refusing to help him. Then he felt very sorry for himself as well as very angry at Higarashi-san for locking his mate away from him. He felt lost and alone for the first time in a long time. "Why is it that all the women I love find a way to leave me?" he thought. "First Ofukuro, then Kikyo left me through death and now Kagome's left me in a way because her ofukuro is angry with me and now I can't see her. Why can't Higarashi-san see that that is the way things are done? That a woman follows her mate to live in his household, not hers…" he thought as a single tear rolled down his cheek. It seemed that if Sesshomaru was feeling way beyond his years, Inuyasha was feeling at that moment very much younger than his. "Kagome…why didn't you stick up for me… I thought you loved me? Why didn't you tell your ofukuro that we belong together in my time? Try as I might and as much as I would love to live here in this time with your family and all…you know I can't do anything about these ears and I just can't see spending my whole life pretending they aren't there. Oh Kagome… Why do I miss you when you are just beyond this wall? Oh hell was Sesshomaru right about this?? Did I really just jump in without thinking or caring about the outcome, or was this something that was meant to happen? Kagome …I miss you sooo much! I wish I could tell you just how precious you are to me at this moment….gods how I need you!" He thought as he slowly inched his way across the floor until he was sitting with his back against the wall that separated them. It was mere inches and made of only wood, but it may as well been miles and made of stone for all he was able to reach her that night. He went on drowning in self pity and self loathing as the night wore on, longing for sleep for at least there he could be with his beloved Kagome.

Kagome tossed and turned in the bed that was near that same wall. Her mind whirled with conflicting thoughts and emotions about the day's events. She was happy and sad at times; happy that according to the way life was in Inuyasha's time, she was for all intents and purposes his wife. At fifteen almost sixteen years old she couldn't believe that she was now the 'wife' of a 'man' who was in some ways little older than herself. It might work out with no trouble at all in Inuyasha's time, but here in hers, they were, in many ways, far too young to married…to do the all things married people do…like have a family of their own. It was when that thought crossed her mind that she felt an icy dread crawl up her spine and settle around her heart. "Oh crap! What if I got pregnant? Mama may have joked earlier about little puppy-eared grandchildren, but suddenly they're a real possibility! Think Kagome, think! When did you last have your period? Shit! I forgot to write it down this time! BAKA! Of all the times for you to forget something like that…and we all know the reason you forgot was you always thought it was sooo stupid when Mama told you to keep track of it. That was before you met Inuyasha… before needing it would be a big thing….damn it! After you promised you would talk to Mama too, when you felt the need to do something like that… so that you'd be ready to face the consequences of your actions! Oh Mama why didn't I listen to you? Hell why didn't we listen to what Sesshomaru tried to tell us Inuyasha? Granted he didn't come out and say it at the time, but I'm sure he must have said something to you when you two were alone outside." She turned and faced the wall that separated her from Inuyasha; she reached out and touched it as if by doing that she was touching him. "But you know Inuyasha…it was really special being together with you like that. I'm sooo glad you were the one that got there first. Sure it hurt and all but you were sooo sweet about it. I can't believe you would have stopped right then when I said it hurt. But I happy you went on when I told you to…You know if I didn't love you then… Guess what? I think that would have been the moment I fell in love with you! Anyway, I can't believe they locked me in here like that! It's soooo unfair! You'd swear you raped me Inuyasha! We all know I wanted it as much as you did…maybe even a little bit more. Damn it…I wish I could talk to my friends about this. Unfortunately Ayumi would be sooo shocked if I told her and that means I couldn't tell Eri or Yuka cuz they would probably tell her too. Then she'd be mad she had to find out from them and all… Eri I think would be asking me all kinds of personal questions, Inuyasha, like what did feel like and how big was it and did it hurt and all. I'm blushing just thinking about it! Yuka would be disappointed just like Mama was… I'm soooo confused. I wish you were here with me Inuyasha. How can something that should have been the best moment in my life turn out sooo messed up? I hope you don't hate me for this Inuyasha! I hope you don't hate me too Mama! I'm sooo sorry I ruined everything!" Suddenly she felt herself torn between the desire to be held by Inuyasha as he calmed her fears and her mother who spent a lifetime doing that very thing. She started crying as she lay there wishing she could be as carefree and innocent as her little brother who was fast asleep on floor.

Higarashi-san was also finding sleep elusive that night. Like everyone else involved in the little drama, she found her head full of troubling thoughts. "Oh Kagome…why didn't you think before you acted tonight? I thought after our little 'talk' the other night you would have been more responsible. But I guess hormones got in the way and everything we've talked about concerning boys and what not to do with them….or …why…why Kagome? I don't know why but somehow I feel like I failed you. Like I gave you too much freedom and it was wrong to trust you and treat you like an adult when you are really still a child." She said softly into her pillow. "Oh my Baby, I really hope you aren't too angry with me for keeping you locked away like that…but ...well I've noticed the way you look at Inuyasha, and despite a bit of immaturity he really is a wonderful guy. I do know that despite what you may think to the contrary, he would do anything possible to keep you safe as well as happy…. It's just that I want you to be sure he's the right one for you, because my Kagome-chan, it won't be easy to let him go if he's not….especially if there are any puppy-eared children… I mean if this were Hojo we were talking about and there was a child, it would much easier to make those hard decisions that have to be made. Oh Koishii, I just want you to know that whatever you decide to do, and I want you to decide it by yourself, I will stand by your decision. I want you to know too that I will always love you no matter what you want to do. You are a woman now and I can't as much as I want to turn back the clock to the time when you were a little baby. You know back then Papa and I would talk about your future and what it would be like. Now I can't treat you like a little girl any more... Kagome, you have no idea how much I wish he were here now to talk to you both about this…. He was always so much better at it than I was." She stopped talking to herself and gave into her silent tears, for never had she missed her late husband as much as she missed him that night, for much the same reasons Kagome missed her koibito.

Sesshomaru laid there quietly thinking about home and the ways to get there. As far as he was concerned there was nothing he could do to fix what had happened here. He felt he could apologize, but then it was really up to Inuyasha to show Higarashi-sama that he was worthy of her daughter. Anyway, he was certain of one thing; no man was getting near his Rin until he decided it was the right man for her. Perhaps this whole mistake could have been avoided if only Higarashi-sama had been more firm about restricting the time alone her daughter spent with his brother. But that only led his thoughts back to Rin, and now he found that worry about her was doing a better job of keeping him awake than thoughts about his brother and the Wegome. "Rin-chan I promise I will come home as soon as I can, with or without my foolish brother." He thought as his mind settled down enough to invite sleep in.

Kagome lay there crying and she hoped that no one would hear her as she hugged the pillow tight. So far Sota slept on which was good as she really didn't want to be the one to explain why he had to put those sutras on their door. She felt is would be much better for him to think she had a fight with Inuyasha, one that also made Mama mad, than for him loose a piece of his innocence. Still it didn't make it any easier for her to sleep and she knew then that it would be another day of missed school. "Maybe I should just up and quit school, seeing as I rarely attend anyways… I mean if I have to get married at least I won't have anyone making fun of me. I guess I could just go and live with Inuyasha in his time and then no one would know. Then Mama won't have to feel so ashamed and all." She smiled when thought about telling her friends back in Inuyasha's time what happened. That made her think about Miroku and what he'd make of the whole mess. She was surprised that she almost laughed at the thought of all the good natured ribbing he'd be giving Inuyasha about doing something he wanted to do. Then she smiled as she thought about Sango and how she'd spend the rest of her time fighting off Miroku's advances. Feeling a bit better now that she was thinking about something other than what had happened here, Kagome drifted off to sleep.

Down the hall in her room Higarashi-san tossed and turned before dreams of puppy-eared grandchildren eased her gently into sleep. They were the most beautiful things she had ever seen and it was a comfort to know that they would be there to come and visit her. It somehow made the events of the day seem not so bad at all. Had anyone peeked in her room that night, they would have seen her smiling as she dreamed about showing them off to her friends. It was a pleasant dream and it brought with it some welcome sleep.

Inuyasha on the other hand remained awake as the night slowly crept by on its silent feet. He was surprised to find on the floor near him Kagome's shirt. Figuring somehow that Sesshomaru missed it when he was kicking around the blankets and other reminders of the night, he picked it up. Holding it close to his face he could still smell her lingering scent. He clung to it as if it were a lifeline to her for it was he had left. So he sat there in the waning darkness, listening to Sesshomaru's soft snore and pretended it was Kagome's soft breathing instead. He knew if he squinted his eyes, he would be able to see the soft glow of the dying campfire, as well as Kagome sleeping just on the other side of it. "It was," he thought, "a bittersweet end to what should have been a wonderful night for the two of them." He cursed himself silently as he realized the wisdom of Sesshomaru's words. "Had I thought to wait long enough to get her back home, we could be sharing this night together instead of being kept apart. You were right all along Sesshomaru. Damn it! Why didn't I listen to you? And why is it I want her more now that I can't have her, than I did before? Shit! I wish there was someone I could talk to about this! Someone who knows what I'm going through here." He sighed and watched as Sesshomaru turned over in his sleep at the sound. "Damn it! I wish I could have at least had the bed to sleep in and then I could pretend she'd be right back, but nooo he had to go and sleep in it! Damn you Sesshomaru! Damn you for being right!" he thought. Then as he leaned his head back against the wall he heard it. The faint sound of Kagome sleeping just on the other side and it was a lullaby that sang him off to sleep.