InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bitter Blood ❯ Chapter 13

Bitter Blood

Chapter 13

It was late, and the castle was quiet. The sun had yet to come up. Rin sat, rocking Daichi, random thoughts racing through her head at a mile a minute.

Perhaps it's another test, she thought. He'd tested her loyalty, her obedience, her courage and her faith in him--all before he'd mated with her. He'd wanted to make sure she was a worthy companion and could be counted on in the worst of situations . . .

And she had proven herself.

Perhaps this was simply a continuation of the test. Was she a worthy parent? Was she capable of bearing the burden of being the mother to the heir?

Was she trustworthy? Was she dependable? Would she protect their son above all else?

Could she overcome jealousy and doubt and suspicion? Could she forgive harsh words and hurtful hands? Would she stay with him even though he said he no longer wanted her? Could she continue to love the child, even if she grew to hate her lord?

Could she be a good mother and put aside all feelings associated with being a good wife? Could she still love her husband even if they were in separate rooms, leading separate lives?

What did it mean to be a "good mother" or a "good wife?" And what did it really mean if you said you loved someone?

Did you love them forever? Or just a little while? Do love them only when they do good? Can you still love them if they do bad?

And what is "bad" really? Is it bad to reject your wife? Is it bad to hurt the one you love? Is it bad to be ashamed of your son in human form? Is it bad . . .?

She drew in a deep breath and pushed it out.

Is it bad to love someone who hurts you? Is it bad to love someone who's ashamed of you? Is it bad to think bad thoughts about them? Is it bad to wish they could change?

Or is bad to try change someone you love?

Surely, it's bad to mistreat a child . . ..

And what can I child do to defend himself? What MUST he do to defend himself? How does he endure the beatings, if there were beatings?

Did his mother beat him? Did she enjoy beating him? Why would she beat him? And what would he do while she beat him?

Did he fight back? Did he cry? Did he just take it and not say a word . . .?

Didn't she love her son? Wasn't she proud of him? Overjoyed to have such a beautiful, and at one time, happy and loving child?

Did she beat the love out of him? Did she beat all the happiness from his heart? Did she beat him because she could? And he was small and weak and helpless? And loving and trusting and hopeful?

And, when did that hope die?

Was it still dead?

Is his life hopeless? Am I now hopeless?

How can hope be restored? How can trust be restored? How can love be restored . . .? How could their lives be restored?

Or . . . was it just a test?

Maybe he WILL want other children if I do well with this one. Maybe he will sleep with me, when I've once again proved my worth. Maybe . . .

But how do I do that? What is he testing? How is he judging? Is he watching me, even now?

Rin sighed. Maybe I'm just being paranoid . . .. Maybe all married couples go through something like this, and we're just like them.

We're just like a normal, happy, healthy family.

She shook her head, laughing to herself. "What a horrible liar, you are, Rin."

Your lord is troubled. And his troubles trouble you . . .

He seems so conflicted, and I don't know what to do.

She held Daichi close. I don't want to push him further away. And I don't want him to drift away on his own.

But, what can I do? What SHOULD I do? What would he WANT me to do?

Does he even know any more?

Does he know himself? Does he know me? Does he know Daichi, and how desperately we both need him?

A single tear slipped down her face as she stared up at the ceiling, imagining the stars that must be on the other side.

"Which will he choose?" she wondered aloud. The kind-hearted father? Or the vicious mother?

Which one is stronger? Which has the greatest hold on his heart? Whose face does he see when he envisions his future? Whose would he rather forget?

And when he decides, what will become of Daichi and myself?