InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bitter Blood ❯ Chapter 18

Bitter Blood

Chapter 18

Rin tucked a dagger into her sash and mounted Ah-Un. "Up," she said.

Dokumi had returned, and she'd left Daichi in her care while she went to tend to her lord. He was greatly in need of sustenance. Dokumi had offered her part of her catch, but she turned up her nose and said she'd no sooner feed Sesshomaru something she'd caught, than feed Daichi shit. Dokumi had forced a smile and bowed respectfully.

Rin laughed at her own spiteful nature.

The last time her lord had taken ill, she'd fed him frogs and lizards and water from the stream. But that had only sustained him; she wanted to heal him. And to do that he needed to feed on the blood and the flesh of a larger animal--a boar perhaps, or a lower-level demon of some kind.

For a half-second she considered feeding him Dokumi . . . But as she didn't want to cause another war, especially in his present condition, she restrained herself and decided to go out hunting . . . Though she didn't see what harm a bog demon could do. Especially one so spineless as Dokumi. They were supposed to be a peaceful people, any way.

She sighed as the wind whipped through her hair. This was how she best remembered things. Riding on Ah-Un, soaring over the countryside, tagging along with Lord Sesshomaru, pestering Jakken . . . ah, the carefree days of youth . . . Running around the castle, picking flowers, playing her pipe . . . Yes, that's something she wanted to take up again. How long had it been since she'd played?

Too long.

"There, Ah-Un," she spotted a mountain demon darting beneath the trees in the waning evening sun. "Descend," she said. "He looks tasty enough for our lord." She dismounted and made her way to the bushes. "Cover me," she said. "But no fire. Our lord doesn't like his meals cooked."

Ah-Un nodded.

She drew the blade from her sash. She must strike to immobilize and not to kill. And she mustn't let him bleed out too much. Blood was a necessary part of the meal. It would help heal her lord and help recover his strength and mobility . . . Yes . . . It felt good that she could be of use to him once more.

She crept through the underbrush and pushed her way past the low-lying branches. He had to be around here somewhere. His type couldn't just disappear into thin air. Her eyes darted from treetops to forest floor.

If she could just be patient, the beast would make himself known, and she could make a clean kill. Then perhaps catch a few fish for her own dinner and scrounge up some mushrooms. And if she was lucky, maybe she could stumble across a melon patch.

Ah-Un roared. The leaves rustled above her. Her prey had indeed taken to the trees.

But climbing trees was nothing new to her. She placed the blade between her teeth and began to scale the mighty maple.

Ah-Un roared again.

"I know, Ah-Un. He's very close. Even I can smell him."

A pair of red eyes stared back at her from beneath a branch of leaves.

"So there you are," she smiled.

He leapt at her, pushing her to the ground as they both fell. She was winded, but otherwise unharmed. She and the beast rolled around on the ground, each trying to overpower the other. The knife was still between her teeth, but with her hands in the demon's clutches, it was useless. "Ah-Un."

The two-headed dragon swept in behind the monster and bit down on his shoulder, lifting him off her.

"Thank you, Ah-Un." She eyed the demon up and down. "Yes," she nodded, "I think you'll do nicely. Not too fat, not too lean, nicely muscled . . ."

He took a swipe at her.

Rin ducked. "Now that wasn't very nice," she said. "I do understand it's a matter of life and death for you, but I do hate a sore loser." She took the knife and stabbed it beneath its ribs, puncturing its lung. "I do apologize," she said. "But you should be proud to know you'll be part of Lord Sesshomaru's dinner." She continued to smile as the bluish beast breathed its last.

She again mounted Ah-Un. "Up," she said. "From what I understand, creatures such as this are best enjoyed when they're still fresh. I'll be satisfied with rice tonight."

* * * * *

Sesshomaru opened his eyes.

"I hope you don't mind," Rin said. "It was too heavy for me to carry up the stairs, so I had Ah-Un fly it in through the window."

He stared down at the slaughtered demon at his bedside. "Did you do that?"

"Ah-Un helped, of course. He was a feisty one, fought me till the end . . . I hope he's to your liking."

He smiled as if amused. "No frogs?" he said. "No lizards?"

"No," she said. "I wish my lord to make a quick and full recovery."

He smiled and nodded. "Your lord is grateful."

She couldn't hide her smile. "Eat then. Or should I move the carcass closer to my lord? How well can you move your arms?"

"Well enough," he said.

"Then eat," she said.

He turned away from her. "I would not feed in front of you."

"Oh?" she asked.

"It would disgust you."

"Me? Disgusted by you . . .? If I can tolerate that woman keeping company with you, I think I can stand to watch you eat."

"I will not do it again," he said.

"Eating?" she asked.

"That woman," he replied.

"Oh," she nodded. "I see . . . And what will you do with yourself, my lord? No mistress, no wife . . . I can imagine that would be most restrictive."

He met her gaze. "I would not displease you further," he said. "Mistakes have been made, and I wish to make amends."

"Why?" she asked.

"I wish to keep my lady happy and healthy," he said.

"But isn't that to your benefit?" she asked. "To your son's benefit?"

"Perhaps," he said. "But didn't my lady express similar wishes for me. Can I offer her any less from myself?"

She smiled thoughtfully to herself.

"Is my lady still displeased with me?"

"Your lady is undecided," she said. She felt his gaze leave her.

"I see."

They were quiet for a moment.

"The human heart is a delicate organ, my lord. It is easily wounded by the thoughts, actions and words of others." She again felt his gaze upon her. "It can even be broken," she added. "But the human heart is also very resilient, my lord. Wounds can be healed; breaks can be repaired . . . But only in time. And with kindness and continued care."

His gaze again left her.

"My lord has wounded me," she said. "If he had simply come to me in the beginning and said, 'My lady, I am concerned for your health. Kagome tells me you are not well, and should not have any more children. She tells me you could die if you do, and I am unwilling to risk your life to continue our family . . .' If my lord had come to me and said such a thing, I'm sure we could've come to some sort of terms. Some sort of arrangement."

He seemed to smile.

"But my lord was deceitful. He lied to me. He betrayed me. He even went so far as to strike me . . ."

"I apologize for the harm I've caused."

She didn't acknowledge his words. "He forsook my bed. He told me I was useless as a wife. He refused my EVERY advance. He made me feel disgusting, unattractive and low . . . And Dokumi just added fuel to the fire. But, knowing what I know now, I see why she said what she said, and did what she did . . . I was naive," she said. "She intended to poison me against you, then come between us and take my place."

Her lord scoffed. "As if I would've allowed such a thing."

"You allowed much, my lord. Too much, in fact . . .. If I hadn't gone to Kagome's village, and she hadn't been so insistent that I leave you--"

"What?"

She laughed to herself. "I went to ask Kagome's advice on the subject of husbands and children. When she saw my face, and I told her that you'd done it . . . she was going to have InuYasha storm the castle, so that Daichi and I could go stay with them."

He muttered something unintelligible beneath his breath.

"I refused outright, of course. She said she feared for my safety--me being a mortal and a woman, and you . . . not."

"Meddling woman . . ."

She smiled to herself. "If she hadn't meddled, if she hadn't demanded outright that I leave you . . . given enough time, I probably would've come to that decision on my own." She glanced up at him. "I will not stay where I am not wanted."

He held her gaze, then focused his attention elsewhere in the room.

"Dokumi and Kagome made valid points about your character flaws, my lord. They both said you were ruthless and deadly, cold and uncaring. Dokumi said you were self-righteous and self-serving. You didn't care what affect your actions had on others. And when you suffer, you like others to suffer with you."

He didn't reply.

"But I think that's true of most people, myself included. I took great enjoyment in killing this beast for you, my lord. I think it's natural to want to hurt things when you, yourself, are hurt."

He glanced over at her.

"Dokumi also said you were nothing like your father, who was gracious and kind, and, according to most people I know, truly the noblest of the nobles."

"He was," he said. "He was the best of the best. He didn't deserve to die the way he did."

"Perhaps," she said. "But didn't he die the way he lived? For the sake of others?"

He was quiet.

"Do you still mourn for him, my lord?"

"I do."

She took a seat at the foot of the bed. "I have repeated what others have said, but now you should know my thoughts." She glanced down at the demon she'd slain for him. "I really wish you'd eat that. I know it's best when it's fresh."

He didn't make a move towards it.

"But have it your way," she said. "Dokumi said much to try and diminish you in my sight. Calling you self-serving and self-righteous, murderous and cold, oblivious as to how your actions affect others . . . But I know that's not true. You've proven that to me just today."

He scoffed to himself.

"I can see you don't believe me," she said. "Dokumi thinks you think too much of yourself... But I know the truth about my lord." She kept her gaze focused on his face. "Beneath all the duty and honor, beneath the iron-cast armor and silk robes, and way beneath the snobbish exterior and regal bearing . . . my lord is a scared little boy, desperately seeking the approval of his parents."

He scoffed. "Sounds like something my worthless half-brother would say."

She smiled gently. "He is not worthless, and neither are you."

He looked away from her. "Of course I'm not worthless."

"You say it, but you don't believe it, my lord. You're forever trying to live up to impossible expectations that no reasonable person can ever expect you to achieve."

"Can I be faulted for having high standards?" he asked.

"You have impossible standards, my lord. And because you set your goals so high, you still think yourself very low."

"I am not low."

"Of course you're not," she said. "You are the great Lord Sesshomaru, ruler of the Western Lands." She smiled at him. "He is just, and he is fair. And he has the love of many people."

"You mock me," he said.

"Why should I mock you?" she asked. "Do you think you're so undeserving of love, my lord? Do you feel you're only capable of inspiring fear and loathing and reproach?"

He remained unfazed. "I am what I am."

She tilted her head sadly to the side. "That is not what you are."

His amber eyes narrowed. "Why do you stare at me with such a look?"

"Is this the look of fear?" she asked. "Of loathing or reproach? Is that what you see when you look in my face?"

He gave no reply. She continued to stare.

"Your gaze makes me uneasy," he said.

"I suppose it would," she smiled. "Has no one ever looked upon you with such a loving expression?"

He chuckled to himself.

This time it was she who was unfazed. "Are you merely amused, or are you uncomfortable?"

"I am amused," he continued to laugh.

"I am happy to be an amusement to my lord," she said. "His life has been plagued with sadness and cruelty, and he definitely needs a good laugh."

The laughter stopped.

"Why do you stop?"

"Why do you continue to stare?"

"What else would you have me do?" she asked. "I could no more stop loving you than stop breathing the air."

He looked away from her.

She crawled to the top of the bed and laid down beside him.

"What are you doing?"

She laid her head on his shoulder and placed her hand on his chest. "Taking my rightful place by my lord."

He laughed to himself.

"Again, I have proven my worth to my lord. I have momentarily lifted the heavy burden on his heart."

He shook his head, a cynical smile still on his lips. "I have no heart."

"My lord's heart is large and caring."

"You mistake me," he said. "I know nothing of caring. I pay what I owe."

"Then you pay kindness with kindness. Good for good."

"Ill for ill," he added.

She snuggled up closer to him.

"Why do you do that?"

"I wish you to unburden yourself on me."

"I have nothing to unburden."

"You are repentant and you seek salvation."

"I have wronged you, and I asked for forgiveness."

"They are one in the same," she said.

He scoffed. "You are too simple."

"Yes. Seek to insult me, but no longer insult yourself."

He looked down at her, obviously perplexed. "Why are you . . . the way you are?" he asked.

"And how does my lord find me? What way does he think I am?"

He looked away from her.

She smiled to herself. "Is my lord so afraid to speak his mind? Is his lady so terrifying to him?"

He laughed to himself. "She has a terrible power over me," he said. "It makes me forget myself."

She stroked his chest. "And what power is that, my lord? What is it that makes your lady so terrible? What question do you fear to ask her?"

He refused to answer her.

She reached out, turning his face towards her. "I would have you answer, my lord."

He looked down into her face, his eyes narrowed, his face passive. "Why are you so loving?" he asked.

"It is all that I can do," she said. "You are the Lord of the Western Lands. Jakken is your faithful retainer. Ah-Un is your trusty steed. Dokumi is a healer and a specialist in poisons. Daichi is your adoring son. And I am your loving wife . . . That is what I am. It is what I do best."

His face seemed to soften. "Why do you love such a hateful creature?"

"Why do you insult yourself so grievously?"

He reached up and stroked the back of her head. "There are many who do not see things as you do."

"And what do I care for them?" she scoffed. "Who are they to me? The lords who conspired to take your lands? Dokumi who conspired to take my place? Your enemies who wish to see you dead? What care I for them?"

He smiled at her. " You are kind, my lady."

"As my lord said, 'I pay what I owe.'"

He continued caress her scalp. You owe me nothing."

"My lord forgets himself again," she said. "My lord took an orphan cave rat and gave her the life of a princess. What others had left for dead, he restored to life. He gave her a family and a warm place to stay, and anything she ever asked for. He then made her his lady and blessed her with a son . . . Surely, these things are worthy of note."

He gave no reply.

She stroked the side of his face. "My lord is modest."

He turned from her. "I wish you would stop. You don't know what you do to me."

"I cannot stop," she said. "If I can't touch you, I'll die."

"But if I touch you, you will die."

She reached up and kissed him. "I don't care."

He laid there, unable to move, as she kissed and caressed him, providing him with many of the comforts he never knew as a child.

"You are not your father," she said. "You are not your mother. You are only you, and that is all that I ask you to be." She claimed his mouth again.

His body warmed, stimulated by her touch, her woman's scent penetrating his nostrils. "I haven't the strength to resist you."

She climbed on top of him and removed her sash. "Then don't."