InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bittersweet ❯ Quo Vadis ( Chapter 5 )

Bittersweet

Chapter Five: "Quo vadis? - Where do you go (from here)? [part 1]"

AN: Sorry this chapter took me so long! There were some things that got in the way of my writing time, like me getting pregnant and lots of university stuff... I apologize, although I can't promise the next chapter will come much faster, because I move next weekend and won't have net access until next month.. Sorry!

All of my chapter titles are taken from some of my favourite written words. The first and this title are latin. I'm sure you all heard of 'Quo Vadis' (there even are some films about it ^_^). IMO it's about having or not having a choice in life, about believing in what you are and what you do, so I thought it would fit. The title of the first chapter is connected with the legend about the pheonix. I'm sure you heard of it too. It's the ancient bird that dies in the flames just to be reborn from its ashes. It is directed to what Kagome did for Kikyou.

And many thanks to levinali and Dee who took up with my bad bad english skills ^.^

***

Inuyasha stood still in the glade, watching the direction where Kagome had left. Besides sinking to his knees he hadn't moved. He was confused and a little bit angry, but overall he felt a numbing sadness. Kagome would leave his world tomorrow and there was nothing he could do about it. And he had the gnawing feeling that there was more to it than she had told him.

After a while Miroku limped in front of him. Inuyasha hadn't realized the monk's presence until he sat down beside him and put a supporting hand on his shoulder.

"You know, Inuyasha, sometimes I wonder if it would be better for you to just put you foot in your mouth and leave it there." He said shaking his head slightly.

Deep in thought the hanyou hadn't really listened, but when the words penetrated his mind he growled at the monk and bonked him on the head for good measure. It didn't escape Miroku that the motions were merely automatic. Inuyasha wasn't really into it. He realized he needed something more drastic to wake his friend up.

"So. When will you leave to go back to Kikyou? Will you stay till the wedding?" He asked calmly.

Inuyasha's ears twitched upwards at this question. He looked shocked at the monk near him. After the shock came anger.

"What is it with you folk and Kikyou? This isn't your matters! Stop bothering me!" He yelled back.

Unimpressed Miroku just smiled lightly.

"Ah, so Kagome-sama has asked you too about the miko?"

"Leave me alone!" Inuyasha huffed and stood up to walk in front of a nearby tree. He leaned his head back and slipped down the rough bark until he sat again, watching the light of the evening sun play with the leaves above him, sensing from time to time the warmth of the ray lights that reached through the tree crown. He was just about to close his eyes when Miroku startled him again.

"You know she is badly hurt by you, right?"

"I would never do anything to hurt her." To the monk's surprise he didn't sound angry or annoyed like usual. He sounded as if explaining some fact to a little child who wouldn't know any better.

"You went with Kikyou and left her alone. Again."

"She wasn't alone. She had you. Kikyou had no one but me."

"That's where you're wrong. Kagome is alone. This isn't her world. We may be her friends, but her family lives on the other side of the well. She was born there. You were her connection to this world and you left her." He watched the change in Inuyasha's expression when the dog demon suddenly looked up into the monk's eyes.

"Do you think she belongs back in her world?" Inuyasha asked, suppressing the 'too' that tried to emerge.

Miroku sighted. "I don't know. She seemed happy here, before the battle that is. But now I don't know. She acts so strange sometimes. Sango thought she was homesick, but I think there is something else."

"Yeah? Like what?" Inuyasha asked curiously.

"You and Kikyou for one. We all know she loves you, although she would never admit it to anyone." A sad little smile appeared on the hanyou's face. 'I am not so sure anymore monk.'

"That isn't all, I think. She is so far away sometimes. Not just deep in thought, but like sleeping with open eyes. Her aura changed too, a little. I don't know what to think of it."

"Her aura changed? How?" He was now all ears.

"Like.. It's more like Kikyou's now. It could be due to the power she released within purifying the Shikon no tama."

"You know, monk, she is human now..."

"Who..?" he asked puzzled.

"Kikyou... Kagome said it was the jewel."

"But I thought the Shikon can't act alone, but needed to be wished for."

"You know these things better then me, monk. All I care about is bringing Kagome back to normal."

"Well, I have to think this over..." Miroku said leaning back against the same tree like Inuyasha. After some more moments the hanyou couldn't hold still any more and rose. He wanted to clear his mind and therefore he needed to run, fast and furious. He stretched and looked down at the monk. It had been a good talk and he was thankful he could speak to someone about his problems, although he hasn't told the monk everything that had happened, yet.

"Thanks for listening." He said and jumped away deeper into the woods.

Stunned Miroku watched him disappear. "This can't be good." He mumbled. "He has never ever thanked me before. Something is very off here and I better hurry finding out what, before someone gets hurt deeply."

***

While Inuyasha was running restlessly through the woods, Kagome sat down on her futon in Kaede's old hut. Her eyes stared blindly on the far side of the room, while she was hugging her knees to her body, holding on dearly. A small tear escaped after some time, leaving a wet trail on her cheek.

"Why are you sad, Kagome?" Shippo asked her and cuddled closer.

"It's nothing" She dried her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt and petted the little one's head.

"Shippo-chan.."

He looked sleepily up when addressed and yawned, wondering what was up with Kagome.

"Yeah..?"

"Would you mind living with Sango and Miroku? While I'm not here I mean?"

This wakened him up.

"What do you mean 'Not here'? Are you going through the well again? What has Inuyasha done this time?" He demanded to know in his typical childish manner.

Kagome smiled supporting the kitsune pup in her arms.

"Shippo-chan. You know I have to go back sometimes..." She winced at the thought of lying to the child, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth right now. 'Later, when I've talked to the other two and everything is settled' she thought.

"And with Kaede-sama... away.." It still hurt like hell to think about the passing of the elder miko that had become like her second mother. She gathered her mind again.

"I just thought it would be safer for you to live with them."

She stopped and looked hopefully at the young kid in her arms. She wished for him to be safe after she ... she couldn't bring herself to think about it. She shook her head slightly. These were violent times and in order for Shippo to be protected he had to stay with strong fighters and good friends such as Miroku and Sango. He had to understand this. She watched him full of expectations, while the kitsune thought things through.

He needed some moments to recapitulate what she had said, but the look in her eyes convinced him finally of her genuine worry for him. Well, he had always liked Sango and Miroku, it would be fun to live with them and perhaps he would get some younger playmates soon, too. He thought about what to play with his future siblings and a happy grin spread across his face.

"Don't worry about me, Kagome!" He looked up at the girl. "I would like to live with them and I'm sure there will be a lot of pups for me to play with soon!"

At this, Kagome giggled quiet, making Shippo even happier. It was the first time he had seen her so joyful in a while and although there still seemed to hover fates dark cloud over her shoulder he would enjoy all the happiness he could give her.

"Let's go to sleep, Shippo. It will be a long day tomorrow." She said kindly and petted his fluffy tail. With soft purring noises the cub fall asleep fast, but Kagome stood awake long afterwards, rethinking the ways her life has gone, leading her here. Saying goodbye to her friends the next day would tear at her heart but she couldn't bring herself to regret her decision, or rather the decisions her heart and soul had made for her; falling for Inuyasha to begin with.

***

He jumped on a high branch that gave him the perfect opportunity to watch the sun set. The landscape around him was painted with all the rainbow's colors, the watered rice-fields reflected the purple and orange shades of the dying sun. It was a beautiful sight to watch, but it wasn't the reason he was here. After running miles through the enchanted forest that was named after him, he needed some time to rest and think. The tree he sat on was high and he would be warned immediately of any nearing danger. The running had done him good. His body ached pleasantly from the parts he had done on full speed and after some stretching he had forgotten the pain altogether. His thoughts drifted to past events and he wondered when everything had started to fall apart.

***

after the battle, near Kikyous village

"Hold on, Inuyasha. It isn't far away. I think I should walk now." She climbed from his back and watched the direction she would take to get to the village and took some steps away from him.

'Still ashamed of being seen with me, Kikyou?' the hanyou wondered, but the thought didn't hurt as much as it had done years before, when he hadn't been nailed to a tree by her deadly arrows and left there to rot. Kikyou's voice pulled him from those bitter thoughts.

"I don't know what to think anymore...or to feel." She breathed a little sigh, something she had never done as long as Inuyasha knew her. She always was the strong stoic priestess, never allowed to show any true feelings. This gesture had belonged to Kagome.

Kikyou turned to face him. Her hair flowed in little waves behind her, it was real wind this time, not the magical one that had come with her soul-catchers. Standing there, in the middle of the road she almost looked.. vulnerable? Inuyasha closed the gap between them and put his hand against her cheek, feeling her soft, cold skin.

"Kikyou..." he muttered. "Will you be alright?" he couldn't help but still want to protect her. She had tried to kill him numerous times and only the Shikon had saved him from her last attempt. And still he felt responsible for her. He couldn't even point exactly why.

She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. His eyes opened suddenly. This was the biggest affection she had ever showed him. In the past he had saved the memory of her touches like precious stones, because it had happened so very seldom and even when her hand or arm grazed him it had been more coincidence than anything.

"Do you want to stay, Inuyasha?" She asked him, eyes still closed, her head now resting in the crook of his neck. A certain longing was audible from her words.

Inuyasha let her hair run lightly through his fingers behind her back. He knew the answer for her question but he wasn't sure what to say. He always had his difficulties with words. So he settled for not answering at all.

"Will you be safe here?"

"I think so. The village people respect me and they need my help." When he had said those words she had known his answer too. But they never talked freely about their feelings. It wouldn't change soon.

"I need you too.." he whispered.

"You need my forgiveness.." She opened her eyes and looked up into his golden orbs. She could feel her human heart beating in her chest and she could feel his, near as he was. They didn't beat in sync. "I will forgive you, Inuyasha. I still have to think and remember so much, but I think I should forgive you." His breath was caught in his throat. He never had hoped to hear those words from her. A bang of her hair flowed in her face and he lifted his hand to put it carefully behind her ear.

"Will you forgive me too? For not trusting you when I should have known better?" They hugged now tightly and the words were dampened by his hair, she had buried her face in.

"Yeah.. everything will be ok now.." He said reassuring her and him equally.

"Do you know that she saved my life? Your little girlfriend." She tilted her head slightly.

"What?" He asked stunned.

"Not today, even before. We were trapped by a youkai and I was.. fading away..." She looked towards the sky, the pictures of the past passing through her mind vividly as she told the story.

"I told her to leave me but she refused. She said.." Kikyou swallowed slowly. "That someone would be very sad when I would die.." She looked him now straight in his golden eyes, locked him there with her knowing gaze.

Amazed Inuyasha shook his head, breaking the contact with Kikyou in the end.

"She always thought of others first. That's why I have to save her that damned often." He said with a little rueful, longing smile.

Then he loosened the hug and kissed Kikyou lightly on her forehead. "Goodbye, Kikyou. Will I see you again?"

She frowned slightly, her sight drifting afar. "We will meet again." 'And soon' she added in her mind. There was this feeling inside her. Something important besides her turning human had happened the past day. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she knew it had to do with the Shikon and the girl that was her incarnation. And Inuysha would never be far away from where Kagome was. 'Something will happen, but until then I will live the life I always wanted.'

Inuyasha waited until she reached the village border. Then without regret he turned and headed off towards his own home. There were other responsibilities he now had to take care of. One of them had beautiful silken hair and soft deer-brown eyes. He had smelled that she was OK after the battle, besides some minor bruises, but he has yet to check on the rest of his friends closely.

***

present, in the woods

After the darkness has come he jumped away from the tree he had rested in. When he had realized how tired the emotional encounters of the day had made him he quickly made his way towards Kagome's hut. He wouldn't leave her unprotected while sulking in some faraway tree and so he took his favourite sleeping position upon one of the higher branches where he could watch her sleep during the window. The fire in the middle of the hut was nearly down, but there were still some sparks left that cast unearthly shadows across her body that shifted whenever she moved in her restless sleep. She looked so beautiful, vulnerable, loveable to him, her limbs barely covered with the blanket and the far too little shirt she liked to wear at night. She shivered slightly due to a cold breeze and cuddled closer to little Shippo in her arms, who proceeded to sleep deeply besides being envied by the hanyou outside the cottage.

'Kagome. What should I do with you?' was his last thought before he drifted into a light slumber.

***

AN: that wasn't as long as it should be, because I decided you had to wait long enought so I cut this chapter in two parts ^.^ As you might noticed I believe that IY wasn't in any way responsible for what happened fifty years back. It was Kikyous mistrust and Narakus evil game that brought the misery over them. Oh, and I'm writing currently a little companion piece about Kouga and Kagura and their story after the final battle. I'm pretty excited about it although I know it's not a very well liked couple ^.^