InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bottled Genius ❯ Note to Self ( Chapter 26 )

Author's Notes: Get the tissues people!

Bottled Genius

Chapter 26

Note to Self…

"Kagome?!"

She ignored his voice. She wanted to shut him and everyone else out and pretend that everything was fine. Normally she was good at facing her problems… but now it seemed a little too much.

"Kagome?! Where are you?"

The one place he wouldn't look for her. In the attic. She'd scrambled up the ladder as fast as she could and had shut the trap door behind her. There was so much turmoil within her that she couldn't even think about dealing with any turmoil on the outside.

"Kagome?!"

"Go away!" she yelled back, before immediately biting her lip. She'd as good as led him straight to her.

A few moments of silence followed. He didn't call her again and she wondered if he hadn't heard her and had gone looking elsewhere, but no sooner had that thought crossed her mind that he appeared before her in the gloomy light of the attic. With a sniff she buried her head into her knees and tried to ignore him… but it was hard when he crouched down before her and tried pulling her arms away from hugging her knees. She resisted him.

"Kagome… don't be like this." He said wearily. "I'm the one being punished here, not you."

She was so close to sobbing she had trouble talking. "You have… six hours left…"

"And I don't want to spend them watching you sulk and cry." He said bluntly.

Angrily she pushed him away from her, getting some satisfaction when he fell back onto his behind. "Just leave me alone!" she shook with a few silent sobs as she put her head in her arms again.

"You don't mean that!"

"I do!" Of course, she didn't really. "I mean… this isn't fair! Why do you have to go like this?! It's cruel!"

"To who? Me or you?" he pushed himself up, frowning at her.

"Both." She took a deep shuddering breath to try and calm herself. "I'm sorry… it's just that, I knew this kind of thing would happen eventually and I didn't like to think about it… so now that it's happening, now that you're leaving soon, I don't know how to deal with it." She lifted her head to see him looking down at the floor between them. She sniffed again and dashed a hand across her eyes. "You've just been this… huge part of my life now, I don't know how I'm supposed to let you go so easily…"

"It can't be helped." He shrugged limply. He was still staring at the floor.

Kagome frowned slightly as she watched his rather blank and emotionless face. "Doesn't this affect you at all? Aren't you sad?"

"Sure." He flicked a small glance up to her. "You're a pretty big part of my life too."

She swallowed hard. "I meant… aren't you sad you're on probation?"

"Oh yeah. That too." He said quickly. "After all, who wants to be stuck in a perfume bottle for three hundred years and watch every second pass by like a small eternity?"

Kagome stared at him silently as the pregnant pause stretched out between them. He began rapping his claws against the floor in a very annoying manner, but she didn't really care too much. The only light she could see him by was the dirty, small skylight at the other end of the attic. It didn't give great illumination, but it was just enough to make out his profile with a few details. His hair reflected most of the light, glinting a soft white in the dark attic. Since his back was to the window, she couldn't make out much of his shadowed face… his eyes seemed coal black instead of vibrant amber, half hid behind slightly lowered eyelids.

In six hours she'd never set eyes on him again. She'd never talk to him again, which meant that she'd never get the chance to let him know how much he meant to her…

Now or never…

"Inuyasha," she laid her forehead against her knees again. "I know my timing really sucks and all… and I know that it's inappropriate and misplaced, but for what it's worth now, I love you."

There was no noise in the attic other than the pounding of her heart in her ears. He wasn't saying anything… he wasn't even making any move towards her, or away from her. What now?

"I suppose the fact that you're not saying anything is an indication that you think I'm totally out of my mind." She forced cheerfulness. "You're probably right."

She gathered her courage and looked up at him… only to find him staring off listlessly to the side. "Inuyasha?"

"Hm?" he seemed to snap back to reality and glanced at her.

He could rile her temper even at a time like this? "Weren't you listening?!"

"Yeah, I was listening. I was just thinking." He exhaled slowly. "Feelings like yours can't be switched on and off… can they?"

She shook her head with a sigh. "No… they can't."

"Maybe that should be your last wish."

She narrowed her eyes at him, not sure she understand what he meant. "Sorry?"

"Maybe you should use your last wish to get rid of that love." He looked at her sincerely. "I'm sure that would-"

"What?!" she barked at him. "What kind of a suggestion is that?!"

"I'm only trying to be objective and practical!" he yelled back.

"You're coming off as callus and uncaring more like!" Kagome picked up the first object that came to hand - one of the old books she'd pulled out of the boxes when she'd been up there with Souta for the first time. She hurled it at him. "Didn't you hear what I said?! I L-O-V-E YOU! Get it?! I don't want to get rid of that just because you feel uncomfortable with it! Personally - I don't give a toss about you - these are my feelings! Not yours! Sod off!"

She picked up another book and threw it, he put his arm up to shield himself. "Would you calm down?! I never said it made me uncomfortable - I only meant that if you love me then it's going to hurt you more than it should when I go!"

"That isn't helpful!" she lobbed one last hardback book at him before slumping back against the wooden pillar behind her. "You're a pig…"

He sighed loudly and irritably. "It was only a suggestion."

"Well it wasn't a very good one." She couldn't believe he could act so casual about the fact that she loved him. Wasn't it big news to him? Or had he already known…? "I bet you actually heard me when I told Naraku that I loved you… didn't you?"

"Might have."

"So you knew?"

"Mm." He hummed evasively.

She rolled her eyes. He could have at least let her know… but probably because he didn't return the feelings, he'd kept his mouth shut to avoid any unpleasant confrontations… like this one.

"Are you mad?" he asked quietly.

She shook her head slowly. "Not really… I'm more upset that you'll be leaving by midnight." Her brow wrinkled in thought. "I wish that you could stay here forever."

"I can't grant that." He told her with a hint of weariness.

"I wish that you were mortal like me."

"Kagome!" he said angrily. "You know I can't-"

"I wish, I wish, I wish that you didn't have to leave at midnight!" she shouted fiercely back at him. "I wish that Shippo didn't punish you! I wish that you weren't on probation! I wish that I could see you again after tonight! I wish that you could always be with me and that we would always be friends if nothing more!"

He glared at her.

She pulled a face at him and dropped her head back against the wooden beam. "But your powers are too weak to grant anything like that…"

He shifted closer but she ignored him… until he caught her around the shoulders and pulled her into his lap. He practically opened the floodgates and suddenly Kagome was unable to stop crying into his shoulder. For once Inuyasha seemed to know what to do… and he just held her tightly as her body shook and sobbed.

"Why is it so unfair?!" she wailed against his haori, barely intelligble in her hysterics. Though Inuyasha always seemed to have a knack to understand her whatever way she spoke. "Why do you have to leave like this?!"

"Well… look on the bright side." He cajoled. "At least neither of us are going to die."

This only brought louder sobs into his shoulder. "That's not funny! Right now I might as well be dead!"

His arms tightened. "You don't mean that." He sighed a moment before continuing. "Maybe you should consider using that last wish. To… forget about me. Completely. At least one of us will be spared from the whole crumbling cookie thing."

Her crying died down slightly and she sniffed as she lifted her chin to look into his face. "Don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't trade my memories of you for anything."

He looked oddly relieved and exasperated at the same time. But… more grateful than anything else. "Thank you…"

She watched his face for a moment before wrapping her arms around his neck and embracing him tightly, taking shuddering breaths to try and calm her uneven emotions. "I'm sorry… I'm taking this out on you and it's not your fault…"

"You're scared." He said quietly against her hair.

It nearly made her cry again, but she valiantly held it together. "Are you scared?"

"Terrified…"

Instinctively she tightened her arms around him and closed her eyes. "I care too much about you, Inuyasha… there has to be a way out of this?"

He buried his head against her shoulder. "There isn't." He sounded defeated, broken… she prayed that he didn't start crying, otherwise she might never be able to stop herself from doing the same for the rest of her life.

When he started to pull back she loosened her arms around his shoulders and sat back slightly in his lap. She was aware of how horribly red and puffy her face probably looked right then, and usually in the presence of Inuyasha she'd be mortified with herself. But compared to the enormity of their situation, a little pink around the eyes really didn't seem that important… Inuyasha didn't seem to care either, not that he looked much better himself. Fortunately he hadn't cried, but he looked miserable enough… she almost felt her heart break. He couldn't even manage a weak smile for her.

"Inuyasha…" she wanted to hold him again, but he didn't let her.

Instead he caught her by surprise when he lifted his hand and brushed the line of her jaw with his fingers, brushing some of the stray strands of hair away from her wet cheeks. Tucking them behind her ears he returned his hand to her cheek, the warmth of his palm sinking into her skin. Moments like this made her wonder if he really did care for her…

"I heard Shippo say something before…" he told her quietly, still no smile was offered. "Only seven percent of people have a happy ending… live their dreams to the full."

Kagome swallowed with a slight sniff. "I guess… we're not in that seven percent."

"They weren't very good odds…" he told her softly. "Forty percent end up miserable, unhappy… and alone."

It seemed as though they had been unfortunate enough to slip into that sector. Kagome's face fell and she clasped a trembling hand over his to keep his warmth against her cheek.

"I may have fallen into that last category but there are at least fifty three percent of people unaccounted for." Inuyasha said suddenly, making her look up with a frown. "You'll be one of those fifty-three."

"How do they end up?"

He shrugged. "In the middle of the road. Satisfied with what they have… but not exactly living their dreams." His brown flicked down in a brief frown as another tear made its way down her cheek. He brushed it off with a slide of his thumb. "You'll be happy. Won't you?"

She wanted to scream at him that she'd never be happy as long as he was trapped in a little bottle for three hundred years. She would live and die while he remained imprisoned in the same state of mind he was now… How could she ever be happy knowing that?

But for his sake she nodded shakily. "I'll try."

He nodded, and finally gave her a small smile. It wasn't a very happy one, but it made her feel as though he was proud of her or something. She wondered why he was proud of her at all… if anything she was a disgrace. He'd known from the start that they wouldn't be able to stay together for as long as she would have liked, and he'd managed to keep a clear head. She on the other hand had ignored it all and had fallen for him like an idiot. Now she was going to pay the price for her stupidity.

"You're my favourite master, Kagome." He said as he enveloped her in another hug.

"You're my favourite Wishbringer, Inuyasha." She replied as she leant into him, letting him hold her this time. "But that may be biased because I love you."

With her head tucked under his chin she wasn't able to read his expression. His arms tightened fractionally around her frame and she chose to take that as a small thank you.

"You're tired." He observed. Kagome realised he was pretty much stating the obvious… crying always made her weak and weary, but she was determined not to give into sleep, not while her time with Inuyasha was so short. As if in contradiction to her plans he said, "You should sleep."

His hand squeezed her shoulder and she slipped straight into a dreamless slumber.

~*~

"Where's Kagome?" Miroku asked as they all looked up upon Inuyasha's arrival into the living room.

"She's in bed." He responded tiredly.

"Did you say goodbye?" Sango asked quietly. Inuyasha made a vague sort of nod and a shrug of his shoulders.

"It's thirty seconds to midnight," Shippo stated without looking at the clock. "Any last words? Now's the time to say something profound and meaningful that none of us will forget."

Inuyasha glanced between them. "What could I possibly say to you three losers that could enlighten your dreary little lives?"

"Inuyasha lacks wise words, Shippo." Miroku told the First shortly.

"Ten seconds." Shippo said quietly, looking at the floor, at the Tv, at anything other than Inuyasha. For a brief moment Inuyasha locked gazes with him and saw what he thought could be a glimmer of desperation. In that fleeting moment it was almost as if Shippo was trying to urge him to say something… to do something.

Something Inuyasha realised would save his life. The perfect answer came to him.

"Shippo!" he yelled suddenly. "I-!"

"Midnight." Shippo said flatly.

Inuyasha's body flickered and faded. A new silence descended on the room.

"He's gone." Miroku broke it eventually with a quiet voice.

~*~

"You really don't want us hanging around, do you?" Sango said lightly as she hauled her duffel bag over her shoulder. "I really think you should reconsider."

Kagome gave the pair a smile "It's ok, I can manage on my own."

Miroku put a hand up to shade his eyes from the intense sunlight. "Are you sure? Your family isn't due back for another three days."

"I know." She waved off his concern.

Sango and Miroku traded anxious looks, but between them seemed to decide that there was no convincing the girl. With a sigh Miroku turned and started towards the awaiting taxi in the drive, as he passed Sango his hand outstretched… only to take the bag from her shoulder and carry it to the vehicle.

"Your Wishbringer seems to be more obedient now." Kagome told Sango with a small grin. "Told ya so."

"Mm." Sango smiled slightly, still watching the younger girl with concern. "Are you sure you don't want someone around… you're gonna be here all on your own for three days. What if something happens and no one's around to help you?"

Kagome heaved a sigh. "I told you, it's ok. This is the middle of no where, nothing ever happens around here… other than a few incidents involving magical beings, but that's over now, right? Mom left me money, I can go walk into town and get food if I need it. I'll be fine."

Sango still seemed uncertain. "Alright… just be careful, ok?"

Kagome nodded with a bright smile.

"Shippo!" Sango yelled.

"Coming!" Answered the kid from somewhere within the house. After a few moments he came toddling out with the bag that he's arrived with. "I don't know what the hurry is," he said as he passed Kagome on the porch. "My plane is going to be two hours late, we don't need to rush there or anything."

It got a tad annoying how he could predict these kind of things… they half believed that he made most of the stuff up just to be a nuisance. Whoever said that the First had to be a hundred percent honest all the time?

"Come on." Sango gestured for him to go to the taxi.

Shippo started for it, before slowing down, stopping, then turning back to Kagome reproachfully. "Um… sorry and all… about Inuyasha."

"It's ok." Kagome shrugged easily.

"Just remember what I said." He called as he headed for the taxi again. "Make sure you don't smash that bottle - if you do, he's as good as dead."

Kagome nodded slowly. "I know, you told me! I'll go out and buy a box with a lock later and put the container in it… hopefully that should hold for three hundred years… right?"

Shippo gave a shrug as he stopped at the door. "If it breaks, he won't be able to fix himself a new container."

Miroku's hand reached out and clipped him over the head. "Stop it, you're going to scare her." He hissed.

"You shouldn't strike the First, Ninth!" Shippo hissed back as he clambered in.

Sango shook her head with a sigh as she glanced back at Kagome. "Well… in any case, tell your Grandfather that the car was impossible. I doubt it was a car to begin with… so he can keep his money."

"I'll tell him." Kagome said softly.

Sango opened her mouth to ask if she was ok… but quickly closed it as she changed her mind. Not that Kagome would answer her truthfully anyway. "It was nice knowing you, Kagome."

"You too, Sango."

With a short wave Sango turned and headed for the Taxi without looking back. She shut the door after her and gave directions to the driver. "Narita airport."

The taxi moved off out of the drive, everyone watching the road like a bunch of hawks, except for Shippo who was stood on the back seat staring out the back window. "She's crying again."

Miroku sighed imperceptibly. "That happens when your heart breaks."

Shippo growled angrily as he sat back down. "What a jerk, he didn't even let her say goodbye properly. He just popped her lights out and put her to bed. He didn't even give her the chance to use her last wish. She can't use it now, can she? Useless…"

Miroku ignored him as he watched the scenery flick by outside. "Inuyasha has never been good at goodbyes. He prefers not to make big scenes."

"And I expect Kagome chose to forfeit that last wish on her own accord." Sango added. "She's not exactly hung up on using all her wishes either."

"She's not greedy." Miroku nodded.

"Mm." Sango hummed noncommittally.

Shippo make an angry moaning sound. "God… you're all a bunch of idiots!" he snapped suddenly, making the other two occupants in the back of the taxi look down at him un surprise. "If one of you would just ask-"

He broke off suddenly, pressing his lips together and grumbled something unintelligible under his breath. Miroku flicked a glance at Sango, before leaning down closer to Shippo. "What did you say?"

The boy twitched. "Nothing. I said nothing." He replied sullenly.

"You said one of us could ask…" he pressed. "Ask what? What can we ask?"

"You don't want to ask that question." Shippo warned him. "You're only allowed one question and you don't want to blow it."

"Then what do you want us to ask?" Sango frowned.

Shippo sighed loudly. "That's exactly the same question, rephrased. And trust me, you don't want to blow your one shot chance either."

They both stared at him a moment before shrugging and turning their attention back out of the window. Shippo bristled in annoyance. He sat there in stony silence for almost a good twenty minutes before finally bursting out. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'Ask and you shall receive'?!"

"What's the got to do with anything?" Sango shot back. "You're not making any sense."

Shippo sank back down into his seat, holding his head in his hands and muttering something else under his breath. But while Sango stared cluelessly at him, Miroku was looking out the window thoughtfully. "Ask and you shall receive… huh?"

~*~

Food… she needed food. And she needed to find a safe box to put Inuyasha's bottle in. She needed to call Hojo and find out when the results for her high school entrance exams came back. She couldn't even remember if she'd taken them.

"Aspirin… I need aspirin." Kagome pushed the tears away from her eyes with a shaking hand.

She was going to pieces and she could already feel a headache coming on, it happened when she cried too much. Her eyes felt entirely too hot and her throat was sore. Perhaps she was coming down with a cold? In which case she needed aspirin… oh wait, she'd already decided on that already.

It was only then that Kagome realised she'd been holding the phone, listlessly staring at the little sheet of numbers pinned up on the wall beside it. What was she doing holding the phone? Her focus snapped straight back into order and she zoned in on Hojo's number, remembering that she'd been about to call him to ask… to ask… to ask what?

Results. With a frustrated gasp she set the phone back in its cradle and stood with her eyes closed, trying to collect her scattered mind. She felt like she was in pieces… she felt like she'd left her brain behind when she'd gotten out of bed that morning… when she'd realised that Inuyasha had cheated her and left without offering her a warning.

"Damn you…" she whispered bitterly. "Damn you, damn you, damn you…"

Cursing him wasn't going to help matters, and she slowly opened her eyes to glance over at the kitchen table. In the middle, amongst a bunch of bandannas and a couple of apples, lay the teeny, tiny perfume bottle that now contained Inuyasha… imprisoned in there for a sentence of three centuries.

She slipped over to the table, half wondering if he was aware of her… wondering if she was going to crack and go insane. She picked out the little glass tube carefully between her thumb and forefinger and held it up to the light. It looked empty, full of nothing but air, though she had half expected to see a miniature Inuyasha rolling around inside.

"You didn't even let me say goodbye, you jerk." She felt her eyes glazing over again and quickly blinked back the tears. Her fingers squeezed the bottle angrily. "You jerk… you complete coward…"

Her mind drifted and she stood for a long time, just staring at the little tube in her hand… wondering…

It was when she swayed dangerously, that Kagome once again realised where she was and who she was, what she was holding. Shaking her head at her foolishness for spacing out at regular intervals, she clasped the little tube in her fist and went to go find her coat. She needed to go for a walk to clear her head, and possibly to go to the shops a couple of miles down the road and get some milk and… and something else she'd try and remember when she arrived there.

It took her ten minutes of searching to find her coat - and foolishly it was in the cloakroom where she'd left it. Now why hadn't she looked there first? "Stupid girl…" she muttered as she dragged on the coat and walked out the front door, forgetting to lock it behind her.

No matter how much of a pleasant day it was, she decided not to walk all the way to the shops. Instead she wheeled out her old bike from the garage and walked it down the drive. Before hopping on she stuffed the little bottle into her coat pocket, absent-mindedly wiping her tears again and noting that she'd left her CD player in the basket of the bike. It probably had dead batteries by now…

Dead… as good as Inuyasha was to her now…

Time skipped a beat again and Kagome forced herself to keep her mind on getting to the shops and back. If she spaced out anymore then she might just turn into a cabbage.

"You're probably laughing your head off at me, right now." She muttered to Inuyasha… she'd chosen to believe that he could hear her. If he couldn't? Well, then no one would know that she was talking to herself… besides, it kept the hope alive inside her that he was still there, right beside her.

Sighing, she swung her leg over the bike and peddled off at a leisurely pace.

It was very quiet on the road. Trees to the left, trees to the right… trees ahead and behind… lots of birds with pretty voices, singing about such a beautiful morning. Kagome steered with one hand as she felt for the CD player in the basket, for some reason she'd rather listen to music than bird song. She needed something to take her mind off… off everything really.

Jamming the little ear pieces into her ears, she punched the on button of the player and waited to see what would happen. Surprisingly, the CD began spinning and the intro of the first song began. Well, who knew? Maybe Sango had been using it and had replaced the batteries?

It helped a little, riding with a semi-cool breeze on her face, drying her tears and filling her lungs with new clean air. She inhaled deeply, letting some of her mind be lulled into relaxation. The music didn't really occupy her mind… it was just some background noise as she rode. She didn't really listen to it…

The front wheel hit a rock in the road and the bike, plus herself, keeled straight over.

Kagome bumped her head hard on the ground and grimaced as the pain shot through her skull. Her legs tangled with the bike and the gear chains scraped her bare legs. Red welts ran down from her knees to her calves. She lifted her head to survey the damage a moment before a surge of alarm grabbed her.

With a gasp she scrambled for the bottle in her pocket, praying with all her heart that it was still in one piece. Relief flooded her when she brought it out whole and unharmed.

"Nearly…" she whispered to the little piece of glass and held it over her racing heart. "This is why I'll have to lock you in a box and keep you safe…" no matter how much she wanted to carry him around for the rest of her life, talking to him, pretending that he could hear.

Kagome was having serious doubts about her mental health…

As her heart calmed down she lay on her back, catching her breath… staring up at an endless blue sky… squinting mostly because it hurt her eyes. After a moment she just shut them and let herself drift.

Somewhere close-by the CD player still played on, its tinny music was loud enough to be heard clearly through the small earphones. In the distance an aeroplane rumbled through the sky, but was too far away to see or really care about. Maybe it was Shippo's plane?

Some small creature rustled in the bushes nearby, probably a rabbit or a stoat or something. The birds still tittered and sang, Kagome couldn't help but feel they were talking about her among themselves. Paranoid…

The wheel on her bike finally stopped spinning and she let her head fall to the side, listening to the words being sung through the earphones. She remembered that song… an old one that her mother had liked a lot. It was basically about a girl finding love, then losing it in the space of seven days. The guy in the song had been an asshole and walked off…

Her mother refused to listen to that song again when their father had left. Kagome had disliked it as well, it only reminded her of a faithless husband that she had once lovingly called 'dad'.

But now the perspective changed and she found herself thinking of Inuyasha.

"You know when you're in love," she remembered her friend, Ayumi, telling her once, "All the songs on the radio are suddenly about him…"

At which point Ayumi had sighed dreamily and fluttered off to go chase the boy that she fancied. Kagome hadn't believed a word of what she'd said then… but now she found it to be completely true.

From now on, she had no doubt that every little thing would probably remind her of Inuyasha.

The song ended and started on another. Ah. The Hamster song…

Kagome just couldn't find a way to associate that with Inuyasha without grasping at some serious straw.

Flinging her free hand out, she smacked the player, sending it scuttling halfway across the road, losing its batteries and its CD in the process. No more songs would be coming from that thing today…

Why hadn't he said anything? Why had he let her fall asleep in the attic and miss her vital last six hours with him? Had he despised her that much? Had he gotten so upset by her confession of love that he had wanted to get away from her as fast as possible? Was it her fault?

She was just too confused… she didn't understand what she was supposed to be feeling now. Sad? Angry? She felt incomplete and unsatisfied with him… which was probably worse than sadness or anger. But most of all she didn't understand what he was feeling. Did it matter, though? It wasn't like she'd ever see him again…

Kagome lifted her head and peered down the road. A car might come along soon and what would the driver think to a girl moping around in the middle of the road with a bike wrapped around her legs?

Carefully, she slipped the bottle back into her other pocket… and felt her fingers close around something else in those material depths. With a frown she fished it out and held it up above her nose. A piece of folded up paper…

Unrolling it, she gazed at it for a moment, dumbly, processing what it was. It clicked in an instant and she grabbed the paper in both hands with a sharp intake of breath, nearly ripping it in half.

Sitting up quickly, she jerked her legs free of the bike and kicked it away from her.

It was a goodbye note…

Dear Kagome,

If you are reading this it means I am either dead, asleep, or in the bathroom taking a pee and you've just rummaged through your pockets - in which case I advise you to put this back or face my wrath. Or you could be Mrs H. doing the laundry, and if so - PUT THE NOTE DOWN!

Well, if I am dead or gone or whatever, then knowing you you're probably blaming yourself about what happened right this minute. Don't bother. You're wasting your time on self-pity. I know how much you wanted to believe I could be set free, and I know that you tried your hardest to help, but I'm beyond all that, so don't go beating yourself up about it. It wasn't your fault.

Seeing as how I chose this life, I am prepared to live with the consequences of my actions. I guess this was all a little new to you so you thought you could change it… but… well, you can't. What a shame. Anyway, this curse is mine, not yours so don't try shouldering the blame.

And if you're not blaming yourself then you can disregard all the above crap.

So I'm expecting you to take proper care of yourself now, since I won't be around to help you out of all the mini disasters that like following me around. Tell Miroku to piss off as soon as possible, I don't want him hanging around after me.

I sorta feel like I'm writing a suicide note here…

In any case, I'm writing this as a goodbye. I like it better this way since I won't be there to see you read this, and you won't be able to interrupt be and moan about me messing around with you. And I guess writing is easier because the words will be there for good, won't they? You can reread them whenever you want, not that you'd want to.

And anyway, since I'm gone and I won't have to see your face again, then I can tell you now, without worrying about repercussions, that I love you. I think I probably always did… well, at least from that time when you put your arms around me when you were deaf and mute. But remember that cookie thing? Well… I don't want to tell you otherwise you'd either laugh or we'd get attached and then blah, blah… etc. etc.

Beside, I doubt you feel the same, not with all the horrible things I've put you through over the last few months.

Well, now that you know how I feel you're either laughing and smashing my bottle with a mallet.

That's all I wanted to say really… just goodbye, but I seem to have written you a book. I hope you appreciate this, girl, it's difficult getting these kinds of thoughts out of your head and onto paper in some sort of intelligible form…

So to summarise, goodbye, don't blame yourself, thanks and I'll probably never forget you unless I hit my head and get amnesia. You'll probably never realise how much you changed my outlook on life, so thanks again.

That's all.

Wait, whatever you do, don't marry either Miroku, Hojo, or that ugly boy at your school. I don't like them. But if you want you can get married and live a normal life (unless you did something really odd with that last wish).

So grow up, grow old and moody (moodier). Marry a man who loves you at least as half as much as I do, or more. Have daughters - boys are just trouble and don't be stupid and name any of them after me. Maybe I'll see them one day?

Keep smiling and I *wish* you luck on that you might be able to move back into your shrine one day.

That's all I can think of to say

An: Well, the next chapter could very well be the last chapter… depends on if I want to add an epilogue. So two chapters left at most… I'm really sad it's ending soon, though…