InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Broken Dreams ❯ In the Past ( Chapter 8 )

Broken Dreams

 

Chapter 8

 

In the Past

 

Kagome shivered slightly under the fur blanket. With some - okay, a lot - of help from Youkai, she had maneuvered into a sitting position leaning against the wall so she could move her neck and look around much easier. Youkai himself had gone out to hunt. Although he didn't like violence, he wasn't opposed to killing animals for food and furs. When she asked why, Youkai told her he respected them in his own way in exchange for their deaths. He only killed the dangerous animals like bears, and those he killed sparingly. Since he was a youkai and didn't need as much food as a normal mortal, a single bear could feed him for nearly a month. He did kill weaker animals if he needed to, but only those who were old or sterile and whose loss wouldn't greatly affect the area.

 

Kagome still couldn't honestly believe that Youkai was a saint. There were several youkai hides that she could see on the awning and the blanket. Youkai had killed his share of fellow youkai in his time. But he must have been on the losing end of a few battles too. That would account for his reluctance to fight. Youkai must not have had the most confidence in his skills. He didn't seem like a fighter to Kagome. He seemed like a thinker.

 

He had shown his intelligence all over the cave. Kagome's blanket didn't appear to be sewn, but was somehow one long continuous fur. If not for the variations of color, she could have sworn the blanket came from one animal. She would have to ask how he managed such a feat. Youkai's various innovation and adaptations were from a living of limited materials; thread to sew wasn't easy to come by. Most of the other things besides wood and furs Kagome figured must have come from the village he traded with.

 

He had taken the time to explain to Kagome why he went to hunt now of all times, and explained that it was likely to rain later that day. Kagome figured from the slightly increasing amount of light that it was almost dawn. Youkai said that the rain would wash away his scent and prevent potential enemies from tracking him. That, coupled with the awning covering the cave entrance, as well as the still-burning fire that hid his scent and youki, made it quite difficult to find the man.

 

Kagome was amazed at the effort Youkai put into hiding himself from others. She had to wonder if his implied wounds would have that effect. Some youkai could take on the appearance of humans. Youkai must not have been able to do so; otherwise he would have surely done so and gone to live in this village. And since he must not have been a good fighter, living the youkai way of life `kill or be killed' wasn't a pleasant option.

 

“Can't live as a human, can't live as a youkai,” Kagome muttered. Her lips curled into a small smile at the sad irony. A burst of light from the entrance of the cave brought her arm up to cover her eyes before it fell limp again. Youkai had fixed it in a splint of a wooden stick and wrappings that had it in a more or less straight line to make sure the bones healed properly, but it also gave her little to no use of it. Her other hand wasn't much better, the arm functional but the wrist sprained and useless. Her splinted arm at least had a usable hand. Kagome blinked away the light and squinted as Youkai let the awning fall back. With the light decent again, she noticed three animals hanging from his back.

“A good hunt?” she asked wryly. Youkai shrugged the bears off his shoulders and nodded.

 

“Yes. I need to feed you as well now, so I'll need more meat. Plus, it may not rain for some time, so I should stockpile anyway,” he explained. He slung something else off his shoulder. “I found this near where I found you,” he said, setting Kagome's pack by her bed. “Is it yours?”

 

“Yes,” Kagome said. “Um, could you help me find something there?” she asked. Youkai nodded and started to stick his hand in the pack. “No, don't,” Kagome said suddenly, causing Youkai to withdraw his hand. Kagome carefully moved her splinted arm to her lap. “I'll do it.” Youkai nodded and held the pack up to her hand. Kagome felt around with her hand and felt Tetsusaiga under her fingertips. She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” She said, meaning it. Youkai nodded again and set the pack aside. He picked up the bear carcasses and took them to the fire. He cracked one of his claws and started to carefully cut the fur into slabs.

 

“You should be healed in a couple of weeks,” he told Kagome. “I have to go trading again, I'm running out of vegetables. I'll take you when I go and you can wait for your mate at the village.” Kagome tensed visibly as Youkai mentioned Kouga. She hadn't thought about him much.

 

“Fine,” she spat, looking away. Youkai looked up from his work and cocked his head at Kagome. The miko chose a part of the wall to fix with an evil glare as she tried to ignore him. It didn't work. “What?” Youkai shrugged.

 

“You don't seem happy to be reunited with your mate,” Youkai said. Kagome snorted.

 

“I am his mate, but not willingly,” Sshe growled. Youkai nodded.

 

“Ah, I see. I'm sorry,” he said, going back to slicing up the bears.

 

“What for, what did you do?” Kagome laughed bitterly. Youkai looked up at her again. “Now what?”

 

“That look…” Youkai murmured. “I see it on the faces of the widows in the village. It's a look of loss.” Kagome's eyes hardened the second the last word left his lips.

 

“I don't talk about it,” she said, looking away again.

 

“If you don't talk about it, it won't get better,” Youkai said.

 

“Maybe I don't want it to get better,” Kagome shot back.

 

“Why would you want that?” Youkai asked.

 

“Why are you asking this?” Kagome asked in response. Youkai looked up at Kagome.

 

“You are hurt, and not just physically,” he explained. “You are sad and have been mated against your will. You should talk about these things.”

 

“I don't need to talk to them,” Kagome glared. “The only people who need to know these things already know them, and other people like you don't need to know them.”

 

“I see,” Youkai said. “Then do you discuss this man with those people who know what happened?”

 

“No,” Kagome muttered. “Why are you doing this to me?”

 

“I cannot understand why you will not talk about this,” Youkai replied. “If you don't talk about it, it won't get better, and you won't get over it.”

 

“It's not supposed to get better!” Kagome shouted, stunning Youkai. She fell back against the wall of the cave and felt something she hadn't felt in over a year. Tears. “I'm not supposed to get over it,” she sobbed. “It's not supposed to stop hurting…” She broke down then and let it out. Inuyasha. Her injuries. Kouga. Her family. Kagome just didn't care anymore. Youkai took her hand and squeezed gently, wincing as Kagome clung to it for dear life.

 

“You see?” Youkai said quietly. “You still hurt. You shouldn't.” Kagome's response was a low moan.

 

“You don't understand…” Kagome murmured. Youkai sighed and sat beside her.

 

“I might if you explained it to me,” he suggested. “Why is it so hard to talk about?” Kagome stared at her feet and sniffed.

 

“Why do you want to know?” she asked, looking at him. Youkai looked away- she thought.

 

“I don't understand why you wouldn't want to get over past events,” Youkai said.

 

“It's in the past, we don't need to talk about it,” Kagome said.

 

“The past shapes the present and future. If you don't talk about your past, you have no future,” Youkai said. Kagome snorted.

 

“What would you know about the past?” she said bitterly. Youkai shrugged.

 

“Well for one thing, I don't remember mine.”